by Sarah Bailey
I spun around in my chair and rolled it back to my desk. This conversation was officially over. I picked up the strut and turned it over in my hands. I heard movement behind me before he ruffled my hair.
“You know where to find me when you’re ready.”
He squeezed my shoulder and left the room, closing the door behind him. If I was ever going to discuss that subject with anyone, it would be with him. What I did with Meredith would be between me and her. The thought of having to tell her my dad knew about us filled me with anxiety. I didn’t want to give her a reason to run or end things with me. But I knew I couldn’t keep secrets from her either. Not if we were going to work in the long run.
I wouldn’t tell her tonight, though. Perhaps tomorrow.
I pulled out my phone and fired off a text to her.
Cole: I wish I could hold you whilst you fall asleep x
I got an immediate response.
Meredith: I wish you could too x
Cole: You in bed?
Meredith: Yes… why?
Cole: What are you wearing?
I could imagine her expression and I bit my lip.
Meredith: None of your business. Mind out of the gutter.
Cole: I wasn’t asking you to send me a picture but if you wanted to make me happy…
Meredith: Not happening.
Cole: That’s okay. The memory of your lips is more than enough material for me.
I didn’t get an immediate response. I got up, ambling off to the bathroom to get ready for bed. By the time I got back and stripped down to my boxers, she’d texted me back. I slipped into bed and read it.
Meredith: Are you doing what I think you are right now?
Cole: No, but I can be if you wanted me to. Does the thought of it turn you on?
Meredith: Are we ever going to have a conversation you don’t turn sexual?
Cole: Yes… we had one earlier.
Meredith: Don’t be smart!
I grinned and switched off my bedside lamp, tucking myself under the covers properly.
Cole: If I was there, I’d hold you close and watch you fall asleep.
Meredith: I really do wish you were here.
Cole: Me too.
Meredith: And yes… the thought of you doing that does turn me on in case you were wondering, but don’t let it go to your head!
I called her rather than responding. She answered after a couple of rings.
“Cole…”
“I just want to wish you goodnight properly.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes. I already told you earlier, everything we do is your choice. I’m not going to push you.”
Well, perhaps I would a little, but only because I liked seeing her riled up over me.
“If I told you I wanted you to do that right now, would you?”
“Do what?”
I knew exactly what she was asking but I played dumb. Perhaps Meredith would say the words I wanted spilling out of her mouth.
“T… touch yourself.”
“You want me to wrap my hand around my cock and stroke one out to you on the phone so you can hear me?”
“I…”
“Say it, Meredith. Ask what you want.”
“Cole…”
“If you don’t, I’m going to say goodnight and hang up.”
She let out a little huff. I couldn’t prevent the smile forming on my face. The way she got embarrassed over this made her so fucking endearing.
“Goodnight.”
I smiled wider.
“Night, little queen, sweet dreams.”
“Call me tomorrow.”
“I will.”
“I miss you.”
My heart tightened at the vulnerability in her voice.
“Miss you too.”
She hung up. I dropped my phone on my chest and thought about her squirming in her bed right now. I could picture it vividly having had her wriggling beneath me earlier whilst I’d kissed her. My phone vibrated.
Meredith: You have to be patient with me. I’m nervous.
Cole: I will be, I promise.
Meredith: I want you to be my first in everything.
Her words made me feel on top of the fucking world.
Cole: You get my firsts too. Don’t forget that.
Meredith: I know. It makes me feel special. Night Cole xxx
Cole: Sleep tight xxx
I smiled as I plugged my phone in to charge and turned over. We’d get there, eventually. Meredith had to let me in completely so I could gain her trust. And then we’d experience the rest of our firsts together. Just like I’d always hoped for.
Chapter Seventeen
Two weeks of sneaking around with Cole had started to grate on me. Hiding the truth had been my idea because of his age and my broken promise to Jonah, but it became harder for me to stay away from him. Not to mention he’d started taking risks at school just to be near me.
The library was quiet for a Tuesday afternoon. I wandered along the shelves trying to find a reference book I needed when two hands banded around my waist and tugged me against a solid chest.
“Little queen,” came his voice, all breathy against my ear.
I wrenched away from him, very aware of our surroundings. As I turned to face him, I took in his scowl.
“What are you doing?” I hissed.
He tugged me against him with no compunction, stroking a thumb down my cheek.
“No one is around,” he murmured as he leant down. “I’ve missed you.”
I hadn’t seen him at all yesterday, but I hadn’t expected to either. And I didn’t have time to protest as he kissed me. Bringing my hands up, I shoved against his chest, but Cole didn’t let me go. In response, he deepened the kiss as his hand drifted down my back, pressing me closer. My thoughts got all tangled up as our tongues lashed against each other.
Why did I try to reject this again? Oh yeah, shit, we’re in the fucking library.
“Cole,” I managed to say, pushing harder against him with my hands.
He put a few precious inches between our mouths.
“Stop fighting me.”
“You’re not supposed to kiss me at school.”
“I can’t help myself.”
I extracted myself from his grasp, putting more space between us.
“We’ve talked about this. If someone sees us…”
He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.
“No one else is here. Would you quit being so paranoid?”
He wasn’t the one who would get shit for us dating. I would. Everyone would judge me and make out like I was robbing the cradle. Cole was barely sixteen.
Staring up at him, I saw the hurt in his eyes over my reaction to him kissing me. I hated that look. And I hated how guilty I felt for forcing him to keep us a secret.
Reaching out, I pulled his hand away from his chest and laced our fingers together.
“I’m sorry.”
His eyes softened in the way they only did for me. Cole was usually aloof to those around him, but with me, he was real. He laughed, made stupid comments and gave me his truths.
“I don’t like not being able to touch you when I want to.”
I stepped closer, running my hand up his chest.
“I know.”
The two of us had grown so much closer over the past couple of weeks. Whilst we’d not done anything sexual yet, I felt more and more ready to take that step with him. I trusted Cole to take care of me. Not to mention it would be his first time too so if it got awkward or went wrong, we could put it down to that.
Going up on my tiptoes, I pressed my mouth to his ear.
“I’ve been thinking…”
“About what?”
“When we’re alone, I want to touch you…” And so there were no misunderstandings, I ran my hand lower and tucked my fingers into the waistband of his trousers, running them over h
is bare skin. “… intimately.”
His harsh breath made me shiver.
“Meredith…”
“Before you ask, I’m sure. You’ve been patient. I want to do this.”
His hand dug into my hair, fingers stroking down the base of my skull.
“You’re killing me right now,” he hissed before tugging my head back and pressing his mouth to mine.
I didn’t object this time, kissing him back as my body melted into his. When he pulled back, we were both out of breath.
“I have to tell you something.”
“What?”
“You have to promise not to get upset with me.”
I stiffened. What had he done?
“Cole…”
“My dad knows about us.”
He promised he wouldn’t tell anyone.
“You told him!”
“I didn’t have to tell him, Meredith, he is the most observant person on the planet. He put two and two together, okay? I should’ve told you before, but I didn’t want you to be angry.”
I didn’t let him go, but I wasn’t happy either. His dad knowing didn’t bode well.
“So what? You’re telling me now I’ve said I want to go further?”
“No, that’s not why. I don’t like keeping secrets, especially not from you.”
I saw the conflict in his expression. This had been eating him up. Without thinking, I cupped his cheek.
“It’s okay. I believe you.”
I didn’t want to get into a fight. Arguing over it seemed futile.
“He hasn’t told anyone. We can trust him, I swear.”
“Okay. When can we see each other outside of school?”
His eyebrow raised.
“I thought you would’ve put up more of a fuss.”
I sighed.
“What would be the point? It’s not like we can do anything about him knowing now.”
Cole rested his forehead against mine.
“The weekend?”
It felt like a lifetime away to wait until then, but it was difficult for us to spend time with each other after school on weekdays. At the weekend, my mum and Grandma were usually out so I could have Cole at mine without them knowing. I didn’t want it getting back to Jonah under any circumstances.
“Okay. I need to get back to studying.”
He pressed another kiss to my lips and let me go, giving me a smirk.
“I look forward to it.”
He backed away, shoving his hands in his pockets. I rolled my eyes and turned to the shelves, watching him walk away out of the corner of my eye. He had more of a cocky swagger to his step. Given what I’d promised him, it hardly surprised me. That boy’s ego had to be the biggest one in the school.
For the rest of the afternoon, my thoughts were so consumed by what we would be doing this weekend, I barely paid attention in lesson. And even less so when I walked towards the school gates. Probably why someone had a chance to sneak up on me. An arm slung around my shoulder and I jumped, turning to them with a rebuttal.
“I told you not… oh… it’s you.”
I stared at Raphi who was grinning at me as he prodded my nose.
“Yeah, it’s me. Why? Were you expecting my brother?”
I let out a forced laugh.
What does he mean?
“No, why on earth would I be expecting him?”
Raphi’s eyebrow curled upwards and his smile didn’t falter.
“Well, for starters, you stare at him all the time whenever he’s around and… the two of you were all over each other in the library.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to him fully.
“You… you saw that?”
Damn it, Cole! You told me there was no one around!
“Uhuh, but don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else did.”
“Fuck,” I muttered.
He eyed me for a long moment.
“I don’t care if you’re dating Cole, I knew you had a crush on him… but you could’ve told me, you know.”
I blinked.
Raphi doesn’t care? And he knew I had a crush on his brother? I want to die right now. This is so embarrassing.
“I… oh… it doesn’t bother you?”
“No.” He pulled me towards the gates. “My brother might be trouble, but he’s not a complete tool.”
Raphi’s casual reaction to the news I was dating his brother took me off guard.
“My only question is why are you keeping it a secret?”
“Have you forgotten I’m two years older than him?”
“No, I just don’t think age is a big deal.”
I eyed him. Considering something had gone on between him and my brother, I supposed Raphi wouldn’t care about age gaps. And perhaps it’s also why he’d not got weird about me and Cole.
“You might not, but I don’t need people gossiping about me.”
We came to a standstill near where the line of cars sat waiting to pick up kids. Raphi didn’t release me, his arm still slung around my shoulder.
“You got any plans right now?”
“Um no.”
“Good. You’re coming over and we can tell the family you’re Cole’s girlfriend. I mean, you are actually dating each other, right?”
I choked on my own breath, shoving Raphi off me.
“Excuse me, what?”
“Well, you want me to keep it a secret at school, the least you can do is be honest with my family, then you can come over without them getting suspicious.”
I scowled. What the hell did Raphi think he was playing at?
“This sounds like blackmail.”
He waved a hand, shoving his glasses back up his nose.
“It is.”
“What the fuck, Raphi?”
I had to tell Cole about this. Like right now.
“That’s the deal, Mer.”
I tugged my phone out of my bag.
“And here I thought you were the nice one out of your siblings. Clearly, I’m wrong.”
He put a hand on his chest in mock outrage.
“I am nice.”
“Whatever.”
I fired off a text to Cole.
Meredith: Raphi saw us kissing in the library and is now insisting I come over so I can be properly introduced as your girlfriend to your family.
“You telling your mother you won’t be home until later?”
I rolled my eyes.
“I see I’m not getting out of this.”
I had no choice. Raphi wouldn’t tell anyone, but in all honesty, I didn’t like this sneaking around business. Besides, if his family knew then going over to his wouldn’t be an issue. We wouldn’t have to wait until the weekend.
“No, you’re not.”
I sent a text to my mum, knowing she didn’t care if I wasn’t coming home for dinner. Since Cole and I had started dating, I’d ignored her and Grandma’s comments. Instead of crying down the phone to Jonah about them, I texted Cole, who always made me feel better about myself. Who knew if my brother questioned why I hadn’t been in contact with him as much, but he was busy with uni. Perhaps it was a good thing.
Raphi’s parents’ car pulled up and he opened the door for me. I scooted across the seat as Raphi climbed in behind me.
“Oh, hey, Rory… where’s Dad?” Raphi said as I noted who was in the driver’s seat.
Rory’s eyes were on me through the rearview mirror. I remembered Cole told me his dad knew about us.
Well, this is just great.
“Busy with Xav.”
“And Mum?”
“With Quinn.”
Raphi scrunched up his face.
“Seriously? Gross.”
I looked between them, the implications of Raphi’s reaction dawning on me. His parents were spending time together.
“Oh, Meredith’s coming over… hope that’s okay.”
“Yes. Hello, Meredith.”
I shifted in my seat under his gaze.
“Hello, Rory.”
This is officially awkward. And why aren’t we setting off?
I realised why the next moment when the door next to Raphi was ripped open and Cole stuck his head in.
“Move,” he grunted.
Raphi glanced at him.
“Excuse me?”
“Get out and sit in the front.”
“I already have my seatbelt on.”
Cole glared at him, then he pulled away and slammed the door shut. A minute later, my door was opened and I had Cole’s hands on my face, turning me towards him.
“Are you okay?” he whispered as he leant his forehead against mine.
“Um, yes, I’m fine.”
What else could I say? It’s not like I was going to completely lose my shit over Cole’s family finding out about us. In the back of my mind, I’d known it would happen, eventually. Besides, his presence soothed me. Cole had a way of making everything okay when he was right there next to me.
“Will you move over so I can sit next to you… please?”
When he let me go, I scooted into the middle and he climbed in, shutting the door behind him. He took my hand after we’d put our belts on, running his thumb down mine.
Rory pulled away from the curb and Cole leant over me, giving his brother daggers.
“I do not appreciate you butting into my relationship and making decisions about when we tell everyone else.”
Raphi merely grinned at him.
“What? I’m trying to help you two out. Don’t you want to spend more time with Mer?”
“How is that any of your business?”
I put my hand on Cole’s chest and pushed him back, not wanting an argument to start in the car.
“You’re dating my friend.”
“So what? She’s my girlfriend.”
“Both of you shut up,” I interjected. “I would rather you not have a pissing contest over me.”
I glanced at Cole’s dad, finding him rolling his eyes at the scene in the back of the car.
“What? We’re not…” Raphi started then closed his mouth.
I looked at Cole finding the reason why Raphi had stopped talking. His brother looked downright murderous.
“Look, I realise I said I didn’t want anyone to find out, but I’m okay with this, Cole.” I glanced at Raphi. “And you, don’t think I’ve forgotten about your attempt at blackmail.”