by Sarah Bailey
“I’ll try not to.”
She raised her head off my chest and stared at me.
“I’m serious. You want this with me, you have to act like it. That means being responsible for your actions.”
No way in hell I wanted to mess anything up between Meredith and me.
“I said I’ll try, Meredith. Don’t ask me to promise you I won’t fuck up, okay? I’m not a saint. You know that.”
She looked at me for a long time before her expression softened and became vulnerable. Her hand reached up and she traced her fingertip along my bottom lip.
“Just make sure I can still see you,” she murmured. “That’s all I’m asking for.”
I kissed her fingertip, my hand winding into her hair and pulling her closer until our noses touched.
“Always, my little queen.”
Her cheeks flushed at my term of endearment. She was smaller than me and my queen. Perhaps it had something to do with my dad calling my mum, little star. It just felt right. My beautiful, fiery girl needed a crown nestled in her strawberry blonde hair.
“I won’t tell anyone how sweet you are to me.”
“Don’t want to cramp my style like my brother does.”
A smile graced her lips and she chuckled.
“Exactly.”
I pressed a kiss to the side of her mouth, stroking her scalp with my fingers. The urge to fist her hair in my hand and hold her down so I could ravage her pretty mouth drove through me but I resisted the impulse.
“Do you have any other surprise perfect dates up your sleeve?” she asked as she pulled back slightly.
“Perhaps. If you continue to be good for me, I’ll make sure to reward you.”
Her eyebrow curved up.
“And if I’m not?”
I slid my hand from the back of her head to the front, brushing my fingers along her cheekbone.
“Then I’ll have to…”
“Have to what, Cole? Punish me?”
I noticed the way her pupils dilated at the word punish.
“Is that what you want?”
“No.”
I gripped her chin.
“See, now, Meredith, I know you’re lying and you promised me you wouldn’t.”
Her lips parted, a low pant escaping them.
“I don’t want you to hurt me.”
I smiled.
“Who said anything about me hurting you?”
“Isn’t that how you’d punish me?”
“No.” I pressed my thumb against her lips, forcing it in her mouth. Her eyes widened at the gesture. “I’d make you beg and plead for what you want until you can’t take it any longer. That’s how I’d punish you.”
Her mouth closed around my thumb, her eyes turning into molten pools of desire. I dared her to go one step further with my own. It only took her a second to swirl her tongue around the tip. I could only imagine what her hot, wet mouth would feel like around my cock.
“I think you like the idea of that.”
She didn’t need to respond with words. Her eyes told me everything. I popped my thumb out of her mouth and ran it along her lip, leaving it glistening. Leaning forward, I captured her mouth in mine before she had a chance to speak.
This girl would be the fucking death of me at this rate. I ached to have her. And I would when she let me. When she was ready. Meredith would give me every part of her.
“You make it very hard to resist you,” she whispered against my mouth.
“Good.”
“So arrogant.”
I smiled.
“You wouldn’t have me any other way.”
Pulling away, she smirked.
“You’re probably right about that.”
Then she laid her head on my chest again, right over my heart thumping against my ribcage. Her hand rested next to her.
“Stay for dinner?”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure I want to spend as much time with you as possible when I don’t have to hide what we are.”
I wanted to tell her we didn’t have to hide anything, but somehow, I knew that line of conversation would be a mistake. Meredith was keeping something from me. And only a delicate hand would get her to open up about it. For now, I’d bide my time and let her keep us a secret. I couldn’t afford to lose her now I had her. That would make me fucking miserable.
“Okay. I just have to tell Mum I won’t be home.”
Meredith said nothing to that. She didn’t have to. And for the first time, after our conversation, I truly felt the divide in our ages.
Would I let it keep me from her?
No, but I had to remind myself of how hard this might end up being on both of us when people did eventually find out we were together.
I don’t care how difficult it all is. Meredith is meant to be mine. She belongs with me.
When you wanted something in life, you had to fight for it. I’d go to war to remain right here with her. Now I knew how she felt in my arms and her lips on mine, there’d be no going back. I’d claim every inch of Meredith. Branding myself on her skin. On her fucking heart. She’d never be free of me. Just as I hadn’t been free of her for five fucking long years.
The fucking thing is she’d already branded her name on my chest long before she even knew I existed. I belonged to her. For a long time, I’d hated it. Now, I was determined to have her completely. So she’d feel every moment of torment I had. So she’d sink so deep into the abyss with me, she’d never be able to pull herself out.
I shoved my wayward thoughts away. Concentrating on being here with her was more important than thinking about the years I’d waited for her to be mine.
Because now… she was.
And I’d make damn fucking sure it stayed that way.
Chapter Sixteen
The knock on my bedroom door followed by it opening had me turning my head towards it. My mum and dad walked in, taking in me sat at my desk fiddling with a suspension strut. I’d been taking it apart so I could put it back together. I learnt by doing when it came to cars.
The two of them sat on the edge of my bed. Sighing, I turned, dropping the parts on my desk and spun my chair around.
“Are you here to give me a lecture?”
Mum frowned and Dad’s eyes flicked to her then back to me.
“No,” she said. “We were wondering where you’ve been all day.”
I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Out.”
Not the answer she wanted judging by the flash of irritation in her blue eyes.
“Cole.”
“What?”
“This has to stop.”
“What does?”
Dad put a hand on her knee as if reassuring her.
“Your attitude. We’ve all noticed it and I’ve had enough.”
And they said they weren’t here to lecture me.
“Really, Mum? I won’t tell you where I’ve been and suddenly I have an attitude.”
Her brow furrowed further.
“This isn’t about today. You’ve been in a lot of trouble at school for the past year. You won’t talk to any of us about what’s going on nor why your behaviour has only got worse.”
I looked to my dad but his expression remained neutral.
“I wasn’t in trouble last week.”
“That isn’t the point.” She sighed. “Cole, I realise I may have allowed you too much freedom, but I am still your mother. I do not appreciate the way you’re acting towards everyone around you.”
I didn’t like the sadness in her eyes. It cut me deeper than I expected.
“You used to be close to your brothers and sister. Now you give everyone, including me, the cold shoulder. Did I do something wrong? Is that why you don’t come to me any longer?”
I looked away. The guilt ate at me. I knew I’d been acting out, but they should already know why. It was fucking obvious if they thought ab
out it.
“No,” I mumbled.
“Then what is it? Because I’d like my son back. The one I know is still in there.”
I could trace it back to the day after I turned fifteen. When all five of them sat me down and told me the truth about their past. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, but it did. And the fact Raphi, Duke and Aurora were all told before me. I hadn’t been deemed old enough. The baby. They all still treated me like that. And I hated it. I wasn’t a fucking child even if I was still deemed one in the eyes of the law.
Maybe it’s why I was so determined to prove myself to Meredith. To show her we could work even if I was only sixteen. I’d had to grow up fast in the past year. Learning your parents had come from a legacy of blood and corruption, well… that was royally fucked up.
“Is it so wrong for me to miss my baby boy?”
The way her voice shook on those words had me uncrossing my arms, leaning forward and taking her hand in mine.
“No, Mum.”
She tugged me closer, reaching out with her other hand to stroke my hair back from my face. Her eyes searched mine for a long minute.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
I couldn’t stop the truth spilling out.
“Everything.”
“Oh, Cole.”
I found myself wrapped up in her arms the next second.
“This is about what we told you last year,” my dad said, his voice quiet and measured.
I didn’t have to respond. He’d known even if she didn’t. I wondered for a moment why he hadn’t said anything. Then I remembered, this was my dad. He didn’t like to talk unless it was necessary and perhaps he’d been waiting for me to come to him. Pity this wasn’t something I felt like talking about with either of them. What did I even say? I don’t know who you are any longer since I found out you’ve killed people? Yeah, that would go down well. I mean, fundamentally it hadn’t changed how I saw them. They were still my parents. All five of them. They’d raised me to be the person I was today. I still loved them all deeply even if I hardly ever said it.
It had changed how I viewed them in other ways. Knowing my mother had been groomed to rule over a criminal empire was a little unsettling, to say the least.
“I’m sorry we had to put that on you,” Mum whispered.
I couldn’t exactly say it was okay. Whilst they’d raised us in a household full of love, there were still things lingering from the past. Ones I couldn’t ignore.
“I already get shit from people about the five of you. I constantly have to defend it.” I pulled away, staring at the two of them. “How do you think it makes me feel knowing what you all did? It makes it worse. So much fucking worse.”
As I took in their expressions, my heart hurt and all I wanted was the one person in my life who wasn’t part of this bullshit.
Meredith. My beautiful, sweet, fiery little queen.
I ached to have her back in my arms. Leaving her earlier had been physically painful. Sharing kisses with her half the afternoon and her making me dinner was the icing on the cake. She was so fucking warm and full of life. A far cry from the coldness she showed to other people. And learning more about her had only deepened my feelings towards her.
“We felt we owed you all the truth. I know it’s not what you want to hear, Cole, but it’s the only way we can protect you.”
“From what exactly? You said you left that life behind.”
“We did, but it doesn’t mean it left us behind.”
I looked away. I understood what she was telling me, but I didn’t have to like it.
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
Nothing would. It was something I had to learn to accept and I’d been having a hard time doing that.
“Will you tell me where you were today?”
I stared hard out the window overlooking the garden where the meadow of wildflowers grew beyond my dad’s conservatory.
“I hung out with a friend.”
“Cole…”
“I’m telling you the truth, Mum.”
I felt her hand on mine, squeezing it but I didn’t look at her. Meredith was technically my friend so I wasn’t lying, just missing out the part about her being my girlfriend.
“Does this friend have a name?”
“Does it matter? I didn’t get into any trouble if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I heard her sigh.
“Can you deal with this?”
I glanced back at them to find her turned to my dad with a desperate plea written all over her features. He merely gave her thigh a squeeze as he nodded.
“Thank you, Ror,” she whispered, kissing his cheek before she got up and left the room.
I hated upsetting my mum and yet I didn’t know if I was angry, upset or disappointed in them after what they’d revealed. Perhaps it was all three.
“Nothing you say will change how I feel about it,” I said before he could open his mouth.
“You don’t like knowing what we’ve done.”
“Now, where did you get that idea from?”
He didn’t even blink as he continued to stare at me.
“You’re lashing out at the world. I understand that and it’s okay, Cole, but I don’t like seeing Ash upset. Especially not over you.”
“And you think I do?”
“With the way you talk to her, it makes me wonder.”
I looked at my hands. My dad never scolded me, not in the way Quinn did. When his tone became laced with disappointment, I felt it deep in my bones. And I hated it.
“I do love her but she’s so overbearing. I’m not a baby.”
“Then don’t act like one.”
“I’m not,” I bit back even though I knew he wouldn’t have said it without cause.
My dad got up and gripped my shoulder, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of my head.
“I know who you were with today,” he said, his voice quiet. “Will you tell me why you’re keeping it a secret?”
I wanted to say no. I didn’t have to ask how he knew. Dad clearly saw the way I looked at Meredith. He knew I had feelings for her. I’d given up getting angry with him over his tendency to read me and everyone around him so well.
“She asked me to.”
“I can see why you like her. Don’t mess it up and don’t hurt her… and your mother would want me to tell you to make sure you’re using protection if she knew you had a girlfriend.”
“Dad!”
I do not need another lecture off my dad about sex! They already gave me that talk before my fucking birthday.
He pulled away and dropped his hand, smiling at me.
“Is she your girlfriend?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and glared. He raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, she is.”
No point lying because he would get it out of me one way or another.
“Then what I said stands.”
“Are you going to tell Mum?”
“No, but you should.”
Meredith would kill me. She might already if she found out my dad knew about us.
“I can’t. I promised.”
He sat back down on my bed and eyed me for a long moment.
“Is it because you’re sixteen?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Not you as well. I waited until I was old enough before pursuing her.”
He gave me a smile.
“I don’t care if you’re dating a girl who’s older than you, Cole. I care about your happiness.”
I looked away, rubbing my arm.
“Sorry… it’s just the only way she agreed to give me a chance was if I promised not to tell anyone. She doesn’t want anyone judging her or gossiping about it. I hate it though, Dad. I really fucking hate it.” Just thinking about it made my fist clench. “She’s mine and I’m hers. I don’t want to be a secret. It makes it feel like we’re doing someth
ing wrong.”
He said nothing for a long moment. When I looked back at him, his eyes shone with pride and I was about to question it when he spoke, “You’re so like your mother. I’m glad there’s more of her in you than me.”
I blinked, not expecting that statement to come out of his mouth.
“What?”
“Ash never wanted to keep our relationship a secret. She’s always been proud to be with the four of us and wanted the world to know who she belonged to. She’s stubborn, fierce and opinionated. You look like me, but everything else, that’s all Ash.”
I snorted.
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that if I was you,” I muttered under my breath.
“No?”
My face felt hot at the thought of the type of relationship I wanted with Meredith when she finally let go. The way I wanted to take control of everything.
“I’m so not having this discussion with you.”
My dad smirked, cottoning on immediately as usual.
“I see… you can talk to me about that if you want.”
I scrunched up my face. Who the hell wanted to think about their parent’s sex life let alone talk about it? Not me.
“Hell no, that’s gross.”
“I wasn’t going to discuss what I do with your mother.”
I put my hand over my face, wanting the ground to swallow me whole.
“Dad!”
“I’m only saying…”
“Please, stop. I cannot talk about that with you. I’d rather die or even talk to Xav about it.”
“Shall I get him for you?”
Now I knew he was winding me up.
“You’re twisted, you know that, right?”
I dropped my hand to find him shrugging.
“No, you’re right, you’re better off talking to E. He won’t take the piss out of you.”
I couldn’t deal with him any longer.
“You can leave now.”
“I’m not sure I’d recommend Quinn if that’s who you’re considering.”
“Dad!”