by Sarah Bailey
“We going?”
I nodded, following him out and downstairs.
What am I going to do with you, Cole Carter?
I had no idea. My heart still belonged to him, but my mind kept me from doing something stupid… like telling him that. He had a lot of shit to make up for and prove to me before I did. And I hoped I could learn how to forgive him because I didn’t think I could survive going through another ending with this boy. It would ruin me completely.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Meredith let me hold her hand as we walked up her street with her friend tagging along behind us. I don’t know what she told him, but he kept giving me the eye as if he wasn’t sure whether he should be okay with her bringing me or not. If Rhys was important to her, I’d have to make sure I proved to him I was good for her. That I wouldn’t ever hurt Meredith again.
“Can I ask you something?” she piped up a moment later.
“You can ask me anything.”
“Is that motorbike outside my house yours?”
I grinned. I’d seen her eying it as we left to walk up to the pub.
“Uhuh.”
She glanced up at me, her green eyes full of amusement.
“And Ash is okay with you having that?”
I snorted and shook my head.
“My dads bought it for me for my eighteenth birthday. She doesn’t like it at all.”
Dad told me they had an uphill battle getting her to agree to it, but he, Eric, Quinn and Xav had ganged up on her over it. It was the only thing I’d asked for since I’d got my licence a while ago. I’d had a smaller one before when I was learning, but I’d wanted a Ducati for as long as I could remember.
“Will you take me out on it?”
I raised an eyebrow.
“You want to straddle my bike, do you? Feel all that power between your thighs.”
She shoved my arm with her free hand.
“Shut up.”
I bit my lip before smiling.
“Yes, Meredith, I’ll take you out on it.”
Honestly, I would love it. Having her cling to me whilst I rode, her slight frame wrapped around mine.
“I look forward to it.”
I hadn’t been sure she would let me do anything with her when I came here to speak to her today. Even whilst I’d been determined to make her see I was sorry, she’d been adamant when I last saw her about never wanting to see me again. I hadn’t given up on her when we’d been younger, not really, and I wouldn’t now. She was mine even if she wasn’t ready for us to get back together yet. I’d meant it when I told her I could live with that. As long as she let me spend time with her. Show her I was serious and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise us again.
The three of us walked into the White Hart five minutes later. Meredith looked around before a girl with bright orange hair put her hand up and waved at us. Rhys huffed next to us and Meredith rolled her eyes.
“Here we go,” she muttered as we approached the table the orange-haired girl sat at with another guy.
“Who are they?” I asked, leaning closer to her.
“Our other housemates. If Jazz is here, it’s going to get messy.”
“She doesn’t take no for an answer when it comes to doing shots,” Rhys said, shaking his head.
The three of us reached the table. The guy Jazz was with had long hair tied back in a ponytail and bright blue eyes.
“All right, guys?” Jazz said, raising a glass to us.
“Yes. We didn’t know you’d be here,” Meredith replied.
“Oh well, you know we can’t miss an open mic night.” Jazz looked at me, raising her eyebrow. “And this is?”
“My… friend, Cole. Cole, this is Jazz and Martin.”
Jazz jumped up and came around the table before throwing herself at me.
“Nice to meet you.”
I patted her back, but I didn’t particularly want to be hugging a random woman I’d never met before. When she pulled away, I eyed Meredith who only rolled her eyes as if to say this was normal. I rubbed the back of my neck when Jazz sat back down.
“Drinks?” I asked.
“I know what they want, I’ll come help,” Meredith replied before tugging me away from the table.
We approached the bar and waited for the other customers to be served.
“You know, it’s weird to think you can buy alcohol now,” she murmured, leaning against me.
“It’s only been a few weeks. My dads took me and Duke out on my birthday, made me buy all the drinks. Mum wasn’t happy at the condition they brought me home in.”
Meredith chuckled.
“Oh, I can well imagine. What did she do about it?”
“They were all in the doghouse, moping around the house feeling sorry for themselves whilst there’s me and Duke with hangovers and Mum taking care of our every need. She was all ‘my babies need their mother’, I swear my dads gave us so many evils. Mum rules the roost no matter what they say. You should’ve seen their faces after she had a go at them.”
I glanced over, finding Meredith grinning and shaking her head. When we’d been together, my parents had treated my girl like one of the family after Mum had got over the age difference business. The only person I’d confided in about the real reason for our breakup was Dad. He understood why and didn’t have a go at me over it. Then again, he respected my decisions. I’d had a whole load of grief off Mum, but I took it, knowing I deserved it.
Meredith and I ordered drinks for everyone and took them back to the table. The two of us got settled on the last two free seats next to each other. I rested my arm over the back of her chair, which she made no objections to, but her friend certainly gave me a look. There was no way in hell I would let anyone force me to back off from Meredith. As far as I was concerned, she was still mine.
I leant over to her when everyone else was distracted.
“I don’t think your friend is happy about me being here.”
She looked up at me, her green eyes wide.
“Rhys?”
I nodded.
“I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet.”
“What did you tell him about me?”
She looked away, her hand curling around her glass.
“The truth.”
I suppressed a sigh.
“You know I’m not proud of what I did to you.”
Her hand dropped from the glass onto my thigh, giving it a squeeze.
“I know you’re not and that you’re sorry. I’ll talk to him, I promise. Just not tonight. Let’s relax and enjoy ourselves.”
I stroked my fingers down her hand, reassuring her I planned on behaving myself. We were here to drink and listen to some music, not to further discuss what went wrong between us. It’s a topic we could exhaust ourselves on.
Meredith smiled at me, picking up her glass with her other hand and taking a sip. I wanted to get on the good side of her friends. And I sincerely hoped I wouldn’t get any grief off her brother again.
The rest of the evening followed with copious amounts of alcohol, some mediocre singing along with a few good ones thrown in. True to what Rhys had said, Jazz didn’t take no for an answer when it came to shots. I refrained from drinking too much since I wanted to remain clear-headed for the most part, but by the time midnight came around, Meredith was a giggling mess. And she was all over me.
“I missed you,” she told me, wrapping herself around me as I tried to stand up from the chair.
“I know, little queen, but it’s time to get you home, yeah?”
Rhys rolled his eyes and pried Meredith off me. He wasn’t quite as drunk as she was. The two of us got her up and out of the pub with Jazz and Martin trailing along behind us. They seemed to be holding each other up.
Meredith leant heavily against me as we walked up the street, but I didn’t mind too much.
“I don’t want you to go anywhere, Cole. Stay with me.�
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I wrapped an arm around her.
“You sure about that?”
I wasn’t exactly in a fit state to drive myself home. My plan was to bug Duke to come to pick me up and I’d get my motorbike tomorrow.
“I want you.”
She reached up and ran her fingers down my chest, her eyebrow quirking up in a rather suggestive way.
“You’re drunk.”
“So?”
I shook my head. I wouldn’t take advantage of her when she was wasted. No, I’d put her to bed.
“You need to sleep it off.”
She argued with me the whole way back to her place, but I wouldn’t budge on the subject. No way would I do anything to jeopardise my relationship with her or her friend’s opinion of me.
Rhys unlocked the front door. Meredith practically fell into the house, making me wary of her ability to get upstairs. Instead of asking, I picked her up and carried her. She giggled, staring up at me with a bright smile.
“You’re so strong.”
“Comes with hauling car parts and tyres around.”
“I bet you get all dirty from it… grease stains everywhere… that’s so hot.”
I eyed her as I took her up the second flight of stairs with Rhys trailing along behind us.
“If you say so.”
“Everything you do is hot.”
Meredith clearly had no filter when she’d been drinking. I looked behind me.
“Is she always like this?” I asked Rhys.
“Pretty much, I can’t shut her up when she’s had a few too many,” he replied, shrugging as we reached the second-floor landing. “I’ll let you take care of her. Guess this is goodnight.”
He squeezed Meredith’s shoulder, gave me a nod and walked into his own room, shutting the door behind him. I carried her into her room and set her down on the bed. She grabbed my hand and pulled me onto it. Planting my hands down so I wouldn’t crush her, I stared down at the girl who I’d been enraptured by since I was eleven.
“Stay with me.”
“Meredith…”
“Please, Cole. Don’t leave me again.”
How could I say no to that? Saying no to her now felt wrong.
I pulled away and sat up.
“Okay, but we’re just sleeping. Let me help you get comfortable.”
She didn’t object when I helped her out of her clothes. When she tried to pull me to her, I resisted. A sober Meredith would regret us sleeping together tonight. So even whilst she pouted over it, I helped her into a long t-shirt and tucked her up under the covers.
I left her to get some water, finding the house quiet now everyone had retired to their rooms. When I returned, she had fallen asleep. I stared down at her. The way her pale pink hair had come loose from her braids and the bun. She looked peaceful.
I set the glass on her bedside table, stripped down and turned out the lights before crawling in next to her. Reaching up, I stroked her face, but she didn’t stir.
“I’ve missed you so much, Meredith,” I whispered. “Being here with you tonight made me so fucking happy. I hope you can learn to forgive me… I love you.”
I kissed her forehead before getting settled and closing my eyes. Admitting it out loud even if she was asleep made my heart tighten. This girl was my whole damn world. And I’d spend the rest of my life proving it to her if I had to.
Chapter Thirty
My head hurt and my mouth felt like cotton wool when I surfaced from a deep sleep. Opening my eyes felt like a whole load of effort. What on earth did I do last night? If I was this hungover, then no doubt Jazz was involved. Rhys and I hated going out with her since she was always trying to ply us with more alcohol no matter our objections.
A loud sound echoed around my skull. It took a second for me to register what it was. Someone was knocking on my door. I groaned and opened my eyes, turning my head towards it in time to note Rhys walking in with two mugs in his hands. He came over and set one down on my side of the bed before walking around the other side and setting the other down. I blinked, wondering why he’d made two.
Rhys came around to my side again when he noticed I was awake.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” he murmured.
“Why do I feel like I got hit by a lorry?”
“Jazz and Jägermeister.”
“Oh god. Why did you let me do that?”
Rhys snorted and rolled his eyes.
“I wasn’t at the bar with you.”
I rubbed my face, wishing I hadn’t allowed Jazz to bulldoze over me last night.
“I’m making some breakfast, you think your ex will want some?”
“Huh?” I turned my head, noticing I wasn’t alone. “Oh shit.”
Cole was fast asleep next to me, his dirty blonde hair mussed and his face completely at peace. So that was why Rhys had made two teas.
“You were pretty insistent about not wanting him to leave,” Rhys said, making me turn my attention back to him.
“I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Rhys shook his head.
“You were drunk.”
“That shouldn’t be an excuse.”
“Should I make him something or not?”
I slapped a hand over my face, wishing I wasn’t alive because my head was pounding so hard.
“Please do. I’ll wake him up and we’ll be down soon.”
I couldn’t remember what happened last night. I had no idea if Cole and I had done anything with each other. It’s not as if I thought he would take advantage of me in a drunken state.
“I left painkillers in your drawer last time so you know, you might want to take some.”
I heard Rhys shuffle out of my room. Dropping my hand, I looked at Cole again. What on earth was I going to do with this boy? I reached over and prodded his arm.
“Cole.”
He murmured in his sleep but otherwise didn’t open his eyes. I prodded him harder, which made him bat my hand away.
“Cole.”
“What?” he muttered.
“What happened last night?”
He opened his eyes, a grin spreading across his features.
“Nothing.”
“Why don’t I believe that?”
He raised an eyebrow before reaching out and stroking my cheek.
“You told me not to leave you so I didn’t.”
Cole wouldn’t bullshit me about that kind of thing. Even if I couldn’t remember everything about last night, I believed him.
“And you didn’t do anything to me?”
“No, not even when you tried to kiss me numerous times.”
I wanted to curl up in a ball and die from mortification, but Cole looked nonplussed as if me wanting him wasn’t a big deal. I supposed in his mind, it wasn’t. He wanted us to get back together.
“I feel like shit.”
He smiled wider and pulled his hand away.
“Need me to take care of you?”
I almost rolled my eyes before shifting away and pulling myself up into sitting position. My head hurt worse with the movement.
“No, Rhys brought us tea and is making breakfast.”
I opened my bedside drawer and pulled out the painkillers Rhys had stashed in there for me. Popping two out, I knocked them back with my tea. I sat back against the headboard and watched Cole sit up, rubbing his face before he grabbed his own mug.
“Does he take care of you a lot then?”
“Yeah, we take care of each other no matter what.”
Rhys was the one person in my life who hadn’t let me down. I couldn’t even say that about my brother after all the shit between me, him and Cole. He might be an incredibly private person, but Rhys cared deeply. It’d taken time for him to learn to trust me to be there for him in return. Somehow I knew he had old wounds festering away inside him, but I would never press him on the subject. He would tell me in his own time, even if it took years. I�
��d be there when he was ready.
“So it’s not always you getting wasted?”
I shook my head, taking another sip of my tea.
“He didn’t drink at all when I first met him. He grew up with a lot of shit in his life, his dad being an alcoholic didn’t help matters. I certainly never forced him, but he kind of came to it on his own. Like he knew he wouldn’t ever get in the same state as his father, you know.”
His dad had also been abusive towards him and his mum. Rhys had opened up to me about it one night about six months into our friendship. Not long after that, he introduced me to his mum. I think she was happy he’d found a friend at university and she’d welcomed me into their family with open arms.
“It sounds like he means a lot to you.”
“He does.”
Cole reached out and laced our fingers together, rubbing his thumb along the back of my hand.
“I’m glad you have someone looking out for you.”
He may have got a little jealous over Rhys yesterday until I set him straight, but Cole would never begrudge me having a friend. He’d never tried to run my life when we were younger, only ever encouraging me to go after what I wanted out of life.
“I want to forgive you,” I whispered. “I want us to go back to the way we were, but I don’t know if that’s possible.”
“I’m not asking to go back to the way we were, Meredith. We’re not the same as we were two years ago, at least, I’m not. I did a lot of growing up and now I want to move forward. I hope you want to do that with me.”
I had no idea how Cole always knew the right things to say to me. My eyes met his beautiful hazel ones. All I could see was his earnestness and affection for me. Even as my head still hurt, I couldn’t stop myself from placing my mug on the bedside table before taking his from his hands and popping it down too. I moved towards him, straddling his thighs as I cupped his face with one hand and ran my fingers through the hair at the back of his head with the other. Cole stared up at me without moving or attempting to touch me back.
“My feelings for you have never disappeared or lessened. You were my first for everything.”
I traced a line across his jaw with my fingers, my eyes fixed on their path. On the way his lips parted and how I couldn’t look away from him. This beautiful boy who’d captured my heart two years ago and had kept it ever since. His lips curved upwards and his eyes grew softer. Even though my mind was still plagued with doubts and insecurities and Cole still had a ton of shit to make up to me, I wanted and needed him.