by Sarah Bailey
I got in the shower when I arrived home, not bothering to go in search of my family to say hello. This mess was making me crazy. I felt like I was losing my fucking mind with worry.
AJ was involved with dangerous people. If the Russian mafia got wind of it before Demetri could deal with him, I was in no doubt I would be caught in the crossfire. AJ had it out for me even though I’d done nothing to do him. I didn’t know why he was so insistent about me joining him. The guy was crazy as far as I was concerned. Clearly, he didn’t like not getting his own way. And that shit he sprouted about me being Grandpa’s golden grandchild? Well, I supposed he did dote on me, but he did that with all of us.
I didn’t understand AJ’s problem with me, but I had to do something to stop him dragging me down with him. Because if he fucked with Meredith, I would have no choice but to end him. No one messed with my girlfriend. Not on my fucking watch.
Everyone kept telling me I was more like my father than I knew. And in that moment, I finally understood why.
Once upon a time, Rory Carter had ended a man’s life for Ash Bykov. And perhaps one day, his son would end one for the love of his life too.
Chapter Forty
For once when I rang the doorbell it was Cole who answered the door. It was usually his parents. The moment his eyes landed on me, I was tugged into the house and his face was buried in my hair. His arms tightened around me until I struggled to breathe properly.
“Little queen,” he murmured.
I let him hold me for all of a minute until I shoved uselessly at his back.
“I can’t breathe.”
He loosened his hold but didn’t let me go. This wasn’t like him. Yes, Cole showered me with affection, but the way he held me felt… desperate. As if he was scared I’d disappear in an instant. I didn’t know what to make of it.
“Cole?”
“Shh, don’t say anything,” he whispered. “Just let me hold you.”
This had my stomach in knots. I could feel the tension in his body radiating off him. Instead of saying another word, I stroked his back, hoping I could soothe him in some way. Cole wasn’t very open about things which bothered him. To be honest, he rarely let anything in life faze him. So this? This made me feel like something bad had happened.
Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, he pulled away only to cup my face in both his hands. His hazel eyes were full of repressed emotion. I could see worry and agony there.
What happened to you, Cole?
“You’re everything to me, you know that, right?”
I nodded. Cole had said those exact words many times. Only this time I felt the weight of them settle over us.
“And you love me, right?”
“Yes, Cole, I love you. You know that.”
He leant down and kissed me. It was urgent and unyielding. I was completely swept away in those minutes his tongue was in my mouth, taking and taking as if he couldn’t get enough. The moment he pulled away, I could see the shutters starting to come down.
“I’m going to protect you,” he murmured, pressing his lips to my forehead. “Forever. I’ll keep you safe.”
I don’t know whether he was directing that at me or to himself.
Cole stepped back. His whole demeanour was off. And he’d closed himself down.
“Cole… what’s wrong?”
Seeing him like this worried me. I didn’t care if he looked unapproachable. I wanted to be there for him. To show him he could rely on me if he needed to talk about something. I wished so many times Cole would be more open with me about his concerns and feelings. Just as he didn’t push me, I didn’t push him. We weren’t like that with each other. But maybe I should be. Just this once, maybe I should press the subject.
“Nothing.”
“Don’t tell me it’s nothing when you manhandled me the moment you opened the door.”
“Can’t I have missed you?”
I shook my head.
“Of course, you can, but this doesn’t feel right.”
He took my hand, dragging me towards the dining room.
“Come, dinner is already on the table.”
“Hold on, let me take my coat off.”
He stopped in his tracks and let go of my hand. The fact he was avoiding the subject told me many things. Firstly, Cole wasn’t willing to share and that hurt. And secondly, it had to be something big for him to be this unnerved.
The moment I had my coat off and hung up, he grabbed my hand again and tugged me away. All his parents were seated at the dining table along with Duke.
“Ah, there you two are,” Ash said with a bright smile. “We were just about to start.”
Cole made me sit next to him and put a rather possessive palm on my knee. Plates had already been dished up and the chatter started up immediately. I kept glancing at Cole who didn’t look up from his plate.
“So, Meredith, how’s uni?” Eric asked.
He was sat next to me. Across from us were Rory, Xav and Duke. Ash and Quinn sat at either end. I wasn’t the only one who’d noticed Cole was in a mood. Ash was looking at him with a frown.
“Oh, it’s okay. I mean, it keeps me busy. Second year has been a lot tougher.”
“They go easy on you for your first year.”
I grinned.
“Oh yeah, my best friend, Rhys, keeps saying we got an easy ride before and now the real work is here. Who knows what it’ll be like next year.”
Eventually, I’d like Rhys to meet Cole’s family since they’d basically adopted me. I was around here for dinner a lot more than I went to see my mum and Grandma. To be honest, if I never had to go around theirs again, it wouldn’t bother me too much. Being away from their snide remarks had helped me immensely. Jonah agreed with me in that respect, although he was living at home with them at the moment since he’d moved back to London, something he hated. The two of us had talked about getting a place when I finished university, but now I was with Cole, I was hoping to move in with my boyfriend. It wasn’t something Cole and I had discussed yet. There was no rush so I hadn’t brought it up. I still had another year of uni to go.
“Yes, Raphi says he’s got no more time for parties.”
I chuckled.
“Oh yeah, right party animal your son is.”
Eric grinned. Raphi might have gone through a string of girls, but he wasn’t the life of the party. His idea of a good time was drinks at home whilst gaming, although he did like going out to bars on occasion too.
“Well, I’m sure his mother would disapprove if she found out he’d turned into a wild child like Duke.”
“He’s not a wild child, just a bit of a player,” I murmured, not wanting anyone else but Eric and maybe Cole to hear me.
I saw the twinkle in Eric’s green eyes. He knew what his son got up to. They all did. Duke made no secret of his lifestyle. Although, from what Cole had told me, Duke was seeing someone. One girl and no one else. And I had a sneaking suspicion I knew who it was after Raphi’s comment at the bar.
“He’ll settle down when he’s ready. Though, it might be sooner than we all think.”
I raised an eyebrow but Eric shrugged. He wasn’t going to say anything more. I glanced at Duke but he seemed to be in deep conversation with his dad. Rory was talking to Quinn and Ash was watching Cole. I wanted to ask him what was going on with him, but I wouldn’t in front of his family. He and I needed to talk about this in private.
By the time dinner was finished and we’d cleared up, Cole’s parents were talking about retiring to the games room for a movie night. I was following them when Cole grabbed my hand and started pulling me away down towards his bedroom.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I hissed.
“Taking you to bed.”
I ground to a halt, forcing him to stop.
“What is going on with you?”
His hazel eyes were dark when he turned on me.
“I told you, not
hing.”
“This, right here,” I waved at him, “is not nothing. I’m worried, Cole. You’re scaring me.”
His face fell and he looked contrite.
“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I just don’t really want to talk about it.”
I stepped towards him, reaching up to cup his face.
“It’s okay.”
He shook his head.
“No, it’s not. Nothing is okay right now.”
The way his voice shook on those words made my chest tighten.
“Are you sure you won’t tell me? I could help.”
“No, you can’t help me with this, little queen. I just want to go to bed… can we do that?”
I nodded and let him take me down to his bedroom. The moment we were in the room, he stripped us both down and pulled me over to the bed. I let him tuck me up under the covers and hold me against his chest. Whatever Cole needed tonight, I’d give it to him. I didn’t like the way he was acting. It concerned me. Made me almost sick with worry. My stomach twisted and turned and I fought to keep my dinner down.
What had happened today to make him like this?
And why wouldn’t he tell me what it was?
Chapter Forty One
Seeing Meredith really fucked me up after what happened with AJ earlier. I wanted to lock her in my room and never let her out so he couldn’t get to her. To keep her by my side at all times so no one could hurt her. Those were my irrational fears talking, but it didn’t stop me being afraid of what he might do. Being so fucking afraid of losing her.
I didn’t admit to being scared very often. The thought of being without her broke my fucking heart into tiny pieces. I couldn’t stand it. The world felt like it had started to cave in on me. I’d done nothing to warrant AJ coming after me. Nothing.
“Cole,” Meredith whispered, her breath fluttering against my chest where I had her pressed to it. “Please tell me how to help you.”
I didn’t know how to answer her. The fact she sounded so upset tore into my soul. I knew I wasn’t being myself. How could I be? Someone had threatened my girl. All of my thoughts were consumed with it. Of what AJ might do to her in retaliation. Of how he might hurt her.
No one was going to hurt Meredith under my watch.
No one.
I would rather die than see her in pain. The agony in her eyes when I’d broken up with her two years ago still haunted me. We weren’t going through that again. She needed to know I would lay down my life for her. That I would keep her out of harm’s way. I would love her until the fucking end. Where she ended, I began. There was no in between. She was my heart and fucking soul. The reason that organ beat in my chest. I couldn’t breathe if she wasn’t a part of my world.
Instead of giving her words of how she could help me like she’d asked for, I shifted and caught her chin with my hand. Those green eyes stared up at me with such undying love, I couldn’t fucking take it. I leant closer and captured her mouth with mine, kissing her softly at first. Feeling her against me ignited the pulsing desire I had for her. It drove through me. Demanding and unrelenting. I needed her. All of her. Always.
My hands went to her hair, tugging her closer so I could kiss her more thoroughly. She didn’t utter any objections, letting me take what I desired. What I needed. What I fucking craved.
“Meredith,” I whispered against her lips. “My little queen.”
I flipped us over, pressing her down into the bed and covered her body with my own. I needed to be in her. To know she was still fucking well mine. I couldn’t take this pain. This worry. This fucking agonising fear which kept me captive. The thought of losing her again was almost paralysing.
“You’re mine.” I kissed her, tongues clashing together in a war of who wanted who more. “You’re all fucking well mine. No one is going to take you from me.”
I didn’t care if I wasn’t making sense or that what I was saying might worry her further. She couldn’t be torn away from me. She just fucking well couldn’t.
My fingers went to her knickers, tugging them down her legs as they were the only stitch of clothing I’d left on her before I’d pulled her under the covers with me. My boxers came next, leaving us skin on skin. She felt so fucking good. Her skin was so soft under my fingertips and against my body.
Fuck. I love you so much, Meredith Veronica Pope. You are my everything.
“Meredith,” I breathed, towering over her. “I don’t want anything between us.”
She stared up at me, her green eyes wide. I knew she’d gone on birth control in the intervening years, but we’d still used condoms anyway just in case. I needed this one night with her. My mind was too full. Meredith would take it away for me. I could get lost in her. She’d be my balm. My beginning. My end.
“Okay,” she whispered. “I want to feel you too.”
I spread her legs and fit myself between them. Kissing my way down her neck, I reached her breasts. My tongue ran around her nipple, making her gasp. Her hands threaded in my hair, encouraging me to continue. I wanted her soaking for me. Begging for me.
“Cole,” she moaned, the word vibrating through her body.
“Tell me how you feel, little queen,” I whispered against her skin.
“I love you.”
The words sunk into me. Warming every inch of my body and soul.
“Again.”
“I love you, Cole Carter.”
If there were five words I’d never tire of hearing from her, those were it.
I couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted to be wrapped up in Meredith.
Capturing her mouth again, I reached between us so I could fit myself to her. The moment I slid inside her tight, wet pussy, feeling her bare for the first time, I choked out a moan in her mouth. She felt fucking amazing. So perfect. Nothing would ever tarnish this girl in my eyes. She would always be everything I needed in this world no matter what happened next. No matter what shit tried to ruin us.
I pulled back and thrust deeper, groaning at the feel of her. The absolute ecstasy I felt at being with her like this.
“Cole,” she cried out, turning her face from mine. “Cole, fuck.”
“Does that feel good, little queen?”
“Yes, god, yes, please… more.”
I gave her what she was asking for. I gave her all of me, adoring the way her green eyes glazed over with pleasure. Knowing she was in this with me. Her beauty almost stopped me in my tracks. Her pink hair spilling all over my pillows in soft waves. Her perfect body pressed against mine. I needed to brand every inch of her into my memory so I’d never forget this moment. So I’d never forget her this way.
I caught her chin with my fingers, forcing her to look up at me whilst I continued to make love to her, my pace slow and measured.
“Meredith.”
“Yes?” she whispered, her expression growing cautious.
“I need you not to speak, okay? I need you to listen.”
She nodded, although she still looked worried about what I was going to say. She shouldn’t be. Tonight was about letting go. Telling her the truth. The whole fucking truth. No more holding back. No more keeping things to myself. I had to let go.
“You are my everything. I can’t live in a world where you and I aren’t in existence next to each other. You belong to me, Meredith. Only me. You’ll always belong to me just as I belong to you.”
I took a breath, increasing my pace. Emotion clogged my throat, but I had to press on. Had to get this out.
“I was eleven years old when I first saw you… this beautiful strawberry blonde haired girl with green eyes. I couldn’t fucking look away. And I knew then I wanted you despite not knowing a thing about you. I knew you were it for me. No one else could ever come close.”
I could see tears welling in her eyes and I hoped they were happy ones.
“You are the one, little queen. My one… I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I’m never going
to stop loving you until I take my last fucking breath.”
I released her chin and took her hands, pressing them down on the bed, pinning her to it. I thrust harder, wanting to show her my words were true. To prove to them to her.
“We’re going to have forever. I’m going to marry you. Have children with you. Give you all the things you deserve in life. I’ll give you a home for the two of us and our future family. I’ll make sure you never want for anything.”
Tears slid down her cheeks. I wanted to kiss them away.
“You’re enough for me. Just you and only you. I love you, Meredith Pope. Never forget that.”
She let out a little choking sound as if she was trying to speak but couldn’t. Leaning down, I kissed her wet cheeks, wanting to reassure her it was okay. I was right here. I pressed my forehead to hers, staring into those tear-filled eyes and hoping I hadn’t gone too far in my brief impromptu speech.
“You want to marry me?” she whispered.
“Yes, in the future when we’re both ready for that step.”
“Oh, Cole.” Her hands pressed against mine and I released them. Her fingers curled into my hair, holding me to her. “I want those things with you too. I love you so much”
We kissed again, pouring out all our feelings into each other. We drove each other higher, reaching that peak together. Coming apart with her like this felt incredible. It washed away all the shit I was going through, leaving me with just her. The girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And as she lay curled up against me later that night, drifting off to sleep, I made a silent promise to myself that I’d do anything to make sure that happened.
“I love you, little queen,” I whispered into her hair. “I’ll give you the whole world and more, you’ll see. One day, we’ll have everything together and no one will threaten us or tear us apart again.”
Chapter Forty Two