by Sarah Bailey
“Honestly? Everywhere but here. I’ve been around the world, probably twice over now, but I couldn’t come home. It wasn’t safe. Hell, it’s not fucking safe now, but I don’t care. I’m dealing with it.”
The words were on the tip of my tongue about how AJ had framed me. How I’d had to move around from place to place so the Russian mafia didn’t find me. How I’d had to do things I wasn’t proud of just to survive. I didn’t know how to tell her any of it or whether she’d even believe me. She did know about my family’s past so it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch. She just didn’t realise how fucked up everything had become over the years.
“I don’t understand. You never explained anything. Why isn’t it safe?”
I sighed and let go of her.
“I told you once you weren’t in any danger from my parents’ past.”
Meredith visibly swallowed at my words.
“I thought that was the case at the time, but it turns out the past has a funny way of catching up with you. Only it wasn’t my parents’ past, but my grandfather’s. Trust me, Meredith, I want to explain it all to you, but I don’t want to put you in any more danger. Just know I’m going to make sure this all goes away.”
“Is… is that why you got beaten up?”
I nodded and she put her hand to her mouth as if holding back all of her questions. All of her words. Then she got off the bed and walked away.
“I should kick you out, you know,” she said when her back was to me. “I should but won’t.” She let out a hollow laugh. “I promised myself the day you left I wouldn’t be waiting for you if you ever came back. Funny that it’s been impossible to forget you. To stop myself from wishing you’d come home. To stop hoping when you promised me forever, you actually meant it. It’s so fucking funny that it’s not funny at all.” She dropped her face down into her hands again. “Deep down, I have been waiting, hoping and wishing for you because my heart never stopped believing everything you told me. I should be angry. I should be so fucking angry… but I’m not. I’m just not and that’s fucked up.”
My heart lurched and my fingers itched to touch her. To soothe her. I wanted to tell her I’d meant everything. I was always going to come back for her. I’d hoped she’d not found anyone else. I’d fucking well wished she’d wait even though it was unfair of me to ask it of her. That’s why I’d never said it in the letter I’d written to her. Never asked anything of her but to remember I’d love her forever.
“I’m going to take a shower. You should take the painkillers and eat.” She dropped her hands, walked towards the wardrobes and tugged out her clothes. “We’ll talk properly when I get out.”
She didn’t let me respond, walking out of the room and not daring to look at me.
I didn’t know how to feel about what she’d admitted. The Meredith I’d known five years ago would have raged at me. She would have got emotional and thrown all of my broken promises back in my face. But the Meredith in the here and now had changed. She’d laid all her feelings out on the table without accusations or irritation lacing her voice. It was more like resignation.
Had she really changed that much?
Did she just not know how to deal with me being here?
I stared down at my bandaged hands, closing them into fists. The movement hurt but it reminded me I had so much to fight for. I didn’t care how much Meredith had changed. I would get to know her all over again if she let me. It didn’t make a difference to the way I felt about her. She would always be the one no matter the time or distance. Her kissing me had confirmed it.
My heart still beat for her.
My soul ached for her.
And no matter what, this time I wasn’t leaving or giving up.
This time I would destroy all those who stood in our way. I would make sure things didn’t fuck up or go wrong. Because if Meredith still felt things for me, then I had hope.
Two months ago, I’d decided enough was enough when I’d got word from Demetri that he knew where to find the evidence I needed to prove I was innocent. To show AJ was the one who set me up. I would not stop until that worthless fucker was in the grave. Then and only then would I ask Meredith the only burning question I had. The one I’d wanted to ask her years ago before everything went to shit.
I haven’t come back to make you empty promises, Meredith.
I’ve come back to make vows to you.
I’ve come back to make you my wife.
Chapter Forty Seven
I stood under the spray wondering how on earth I was going to sit and have a conversation with Cole without wanting to hold him close and kiss him again. It was stupid of me to have done that in the first place. The problem was my heart belonged to him. Hell, my whole damn soul belonged to the man in my bed. Seeing him again had only made me realise I still wanted him. I needed him because he was my air. I could finally breathe again after all these years of feeling as though I was drowning.
It was ridiculous. I shouldn’t want him. I shouldn’t need him. I shouldn’t damn well forgive him for leaving me five years ago without any real explanation. And yet… and fucking yet… it’s as if my heart and soul didn’t care about those things. They didn’t care about any of it. All they cared about was Cole being here. Cole being home. Because Cole was my home.
I slammed my hand against the tiles, frustrated with my conflicted feelings towards him. Cole and I had never been simple. We’d always been on this twisted path where our lives met and diverged repeatedly. But I didn’t want us to diverge again. Why couldn’t we be on the same track?
It would be a lie to say I didn’t want to be with him. I didn’t do lies or try to kid myself into believing anything but the truth. Yes, I wanted an explanation from him. One which didn’t leave anything out. I deserved that much. It’s just I didn’t think it would change my feelings towards him. It wouldn’t change how much I loved him.
Sometimes people change for the better and sometimes for the worst. I believed I was the former. I’d grown up. I’d learnt forgiveness and how to move on from the bad things in life. It was Rhys who taught me that lesson. Seeing him and Aaron come back together despite the hardships and betrayals. If Rhys could forgive the man who’d broken his heart, I sure as hell could forgive the one who’d broken mine. As long as he told me the truth. I needed that much from Cole if he wanted to be back in my life.
He’d said him leaving had something to do with his family. Considering their past, it didn’t surprise me. It wouldn’t matter to me because I loved his family. Even though five years had gone by, I’d kept in touch with them. I knew Aurora was getting married, but I didn’t think Cole would come home for it. It didn’t cross my mind when it should have. None of them had mentioned him when Ash told me about the wedding. Perhaps it was for the best. They knew talking about Cole was painful for me so we never did.
Some people might consider it crazy that I kept in touch with my ex-boyfriend’s family. Cole and I breaking up hadn’t changed how I felt about them. How they’d become more like my real family than my actual family had ever been, except for Jonah. When the two of us had got a place together, we stopped speaking to Mum and Grandma. It stung a little when neither of them seemed too bothered by us severing contact, but ultimately, Jonah and I didn’t need them when we had each other.
I got out of the shower after washing my hair, dried myself and got dressed. It’s not like I could stay in there all day avoiding Cole. My thoughts would only whirl around and around in my head. That wasn’t particularly healthy nor would it get me anywhere.
I padded out into the open plan living area finding Cole had got dressed and was sat on the sofa fiddling with his phone. He put it down the moment he heard me. My hair was still damp, but I wasn’t in the mood to sit and dry it. Instead of going over to him, I walked over to the kitchen and flipped the kettle on. If I was going to do this with him, I needed tea and breakfast.
A few minutes later, I was loaded up with two
mugs and a plate of toast which I carried over to the sofa, setting them down on the coffee table. I sat down on the other end from him, not trusting myself to do something stupid. In the morning light, Cole’s face looked worse, but he hadn’t mentioned it hurting earlier.
“How are you feeling?” I asked as I picked up my plate and held it against my chest.
“Okay. I told you last night, it looks worse than it feels.”
“So, I know you said you don’t want to put me in danger, but I think I deserve an explanation.”
He nodded slowly before letting out a sigh and reaching for the mug of tea I’d made him. He stared down into it, his expression darkening.
“I left because the Russian mafia is after me for something I didn’t do and I had no other choice but to run in order to stay alive.”
The Russian mafia? Holy shit. What the fuck?
“That’s the short explanation anyway. I promise I’m going to tell you everything, but I want you to know leaving had nothing to do with you. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with you or I didn’t mean anything I said. I meant those things and I still do.”
My heart hammered wildly against my chest. Cole’s admission he still wanted everything with me had me gripping the plate tighter.
“We haven’t had it easy. I know that. I’m not going to ask you for more chances or forgiveness. You deserve more than that, so much more. You deserve someone who can give you everything, but I can’t do that yet. Not until I clear my name. All I’m asking for is, when I’ve done that, you hear me out. That’s it. Then it’s your decision what happens after that. It will always be your decision what path we take. Whether we stay on the same one or we go our separate ways. Can you do that for me? Hear me out when I’ve handled everything?”
It took me a minute to process what he’d said. To fully understand the implications. He couldn’t offer me everything yet. Not whilst his life was in danger. I don’t know why it made me surer than ever of what I wanted. Perhaps because it made me realise, I wasn’t the only one who’d grown up. Cole was only willing to offer himself to me when he felt worthy. That wasn’t the Cole I’d known all those years ago. The one who took whatever he wanted because he wanted it. He’d pursued me and he didn’t care about who or what got in his way. This time felt different. We weren’t the same people, but we still shared the same feelings. The same connection. The one drawing us together. Putting us on a path to each other again and again.
I put my plate down on the coffee table, then I took the mug out of his hands, placing that down too. Carefully, I pushed him back against the cushions and crawled into his lap. My hands went to his shoulders and I stared down into those beautiful hazel eyes I’d always loved so much.
“I can do that, even though I already know what my answer will be. You’ve changed and so have I, but time hasn’t altered this.” My hand slid from his shoulder to his heart. “You still feel that, don’t you? You feel what I feel.”
The soft rise and fall of his chest echoed the thump of his heart against my fingertips. It echoed my heart beating for him and only him.
“I know you do. You might not be asking anything of me right now, but I’m going to ask something of you.”
Cole’s hands wrapped around my hips as if he knew what I was going to say. As if he understood what I wanted.
“Show me how you feel. Remind me of the way we were. Give me something to hold on to.”
I knew he was injured and I shouldn’t ask him for anything, but it all seemed so fucking useless to pretend. To act like he wasn’t all I wanted. All I needed.
“Please.”
His hand left my hip to cup the back of my neck. Cole tugged me forward and captured my mouth with his. It wasn’t gentle, which had me worrying about his split lip, but he was so demanding. Just as I remembered him to be. He devoured my mouth, pushing me down on his rapidly hardening length. The moan escaping my mouth was involuntary.
Rationality be damned. I needed to feel him. To have him against me. Inside me. I wanted Cole to consume me.
He broke the kiss, leaving us both panting. His eyes were dark with arousal, making me shiver at the intensity of his expression.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I said since I couldn’t forget he was injured.
A smirk appeared on his face.
“Oh, little queen, I’m not about to let a few bruises get in the way of giving you what you asked for.”
I swallowed as his hands went to the shorts I was wearing, peeling them down and making it very clear what his intentions were. I shifted off him so I could get rid of them and my underwear. Cole’s eyes were on me, staring at my most intimate parts intently. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before so I wasn’t embarrassed. I let him look. He’d always made me feel beautiful. And his expression told me he liked what he saw. He fucking well loved it.
He reached out, grabbing my leg and tugging me back in his lap. Then his fingers ran up my inner thigh before meeting my pussy. He kissed me again, groaning when he felt me and how wet I’d grown for him already.
Should I be doing this with him?
Probably not.
I no longer wanted to question anything. I just wanted to feel.
As he found my clit and stroked me, my hips bucked, grinding against his fingers.
“Cole,” I moaned in his mouth.
No one had known my body in the way he did. No one had given me the pleasure he did. Cole had discovered every erogenous zone I had and mastered it. He got off on giving me pleasure. On ordering me around and making me do exactly as he pleased.
“Take my cock out,” he practically growled against my mouth whilst continuing to drive me higher.
I fumbled between us, almost desperate to free him. Wrapping my fist around his cock when I’d unzipped his jeans and tugged at his boxers, I stroked a hand down his length.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “I need inside you.”
I didn’t hesitate, shifting higher and pressing myself down on him. It didn’t occur to me to even think about protection when I was on birth control. His resulting moan only made me want more. Need more.
“Oh god,” I cried out sinking lower, impaling myself inch by inch.
Cole felt so damn good. It felt like coming home. He and I fit so perfectly together. I’d been missing this high since he left. Missing out on him. No one would ever match up to Cole in my eyes.
I guess what they say about first loves is true. You give them a piece of yourself which you can never get back. It remains with them forever. They’re the one you can’t forget. The one you hope to have forever with because nothing ever consumes you in the way they do. Nothing ever fits quite right.
Cole Carter had all my firsts. I had all of his. That cemented us together. It bound us to each other. Acting as if we were anything other than soulmates would be futile.
I rested my forehead against his when he was fully seated inside me. My hand curled around his jaw, careful not to hold on too tight.
“I’ve never been able to forget you and I’ve never been able to let you go. Do whatever it is you need to do so you can come back to me.”
“I will. Mark my words, little queen, I’m going to claim you as my fucking own when this is all over.”
His hands clasped my hips, starting to move me up and down on his length. We stared at each other, our eyes saying more than we ever could with words.
You’re my forever. I’ll never let you go again. I love you.
I knew it was crazy to let this man back in my life after less than twenty-four hours of him being here. There was no logic. Love wasn’t rational. It just was. You either follow your head or your heart. I decided on the latter. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought. I didn’t care if Rhys or my brother disapproved. Their feelings about my relationships had never factored into my decisions. Cole had taught me how to be secure in my own actions all those years ago. He’d shown me how to be fearless
and always go after what you wanted.
I wanted him. And he wanted me.
The rest would fall into place in time.
Cole’s hands left my hips, one wrapping around my back and the other my shoulder. He pulled me closer, our chests moving together as he thrust upwards. I gripped the back of the sofa with my free hand, turning my face from his and kissing down his jaw to his ear instead. My teeth grazed over it, only prompting him to thrust harder.
“Meredith,” he groaned. “Fuck… fuck, I’ve missed you.”
He said my name with such a desperate plea as if all these years without me had weighed on him. I knew the feeling because they’d cut me too.
“Harder,” I whispered. “Fuck me harder.”
His grip on me tightened, thrusts growing more erratic. My hand left his jaw and slid between us, fingers finding my sweet spot. My teeth dug into his ear, knowing exactly how to drive Cole insane. His guttural moan only made me want to feel him explode. I’d missed this man. The way he knew how to play me just right.
“Come for me,” he grunted. “Fucking well come for me.”
Something about him saying it set me off. Him giving me permission.
“Fuck, Cole,” I moaned, shaking in his embrace as he continued to fuck me without mercy or restraint.
He shuddered when he let go, both of us high off each other. Both lost to the sensations and feelings. The bliss washing over us. The unending pleasure. It was everything I needed, desired and craved. Him. Just him and I.
My forehead dropped to his shoulder after he stilled, my breathing erratic as our hearts pounded against our chests. I didn’t care to think about the consequences of doing this with him. Didn’t really give a shit about anything other than holding him close and never letting Cole go again.
That’s when I heard the key in the lock. My head snapped up in time to see my brother walking through the front door. It was lucky the back of the sofa was facing the door or he’d have seen way more than he ever needed to. As if he wasn’t going to see enough already. It’s not like I had any time to cover myself or Cole for that matter.