Love Drunk

by Marita A. Hansen

  I turned to his manager. “So, you did pay him for sex?”

  “It’s not what you think,” Mr. Park replied, his Texan accent at odds with his looks. He was a small Korean man with very pretty features. I couldn’t tell his age, because he looked as young as me, but sounded a lot older, the man a confusing combination.

  “You either paid Dante or you didn’t,” I said.

  “It’s none of your business what Dante and I chose to do. You can hardly judge.”

  “Dante wasn’t upset about people knowing what he did with me, but he was with you. That’s rather telling.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and lifted his chin haughtily, although his upset made his chin quiver. “What are you implying?”

  “How much did you offer him? And how desperate was he for that cash? Because Dante wouldn’t even consider going with you if he wasn’t desperate. He isn’t gay and has a hang up over being called a whore.”

  Mr. Park bit his lip, his expression without a doubt guilty. “I was desperate, he was desperate, that’s all you need to know.”

  “You were desperate?”

  “For him. I love Dante.”

  “So, you tried to buy his love?”

  He didn’t reply.

  “Is that also why you offered him the music contract?”

  He shook his head. “No, he deserved to be signed. He’s got an incredible voice.”

  “That’s definitely true,” I replied, remembering how great Dante was when he’d auditioned for the school musical. “But you still shouldn’t have taken advantage of his misfortune.”

  “And you didn’t take advantage of him?”

  “Not intentionally, and he chased me, not the other way around.”

  “He was still underage.”

  “And I paid for it dearly.”

  “Either way, what we did was hardly scarring.”

  “With the way he acted just now, that doesn’t appear to be so.”

  “It is! He can’t even remember the night.”

  “Why can’t he remember?”

  “He drank a lot of whiskey to give him courage.”

  “Dante doesn’t drink for courage; he drinks to forget.”

  Mr. Park’s jaw clenched. “Then he succeeded, because when he woke up he remembered nothing.” Hurt crossed his face. “So, I tried to give him a reminder of how great it was, but instead he closed his eyes like it was a chore to be intimate with me.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I performed oral sex on him.”

  “You’re disgusting,” I spat.

  “Two men together aren’t disgusting!”

  “No, forcing him to do something he didn’t want to do is disgusting.”

  “It was a mutual transaction!”

  “One that Dante is obviously ashamed of,” I growled. “How does that make you feel, friend?”

  He winced. “Horrible, but he’s over it, well, he was until his brother brought it up.” He raised a hand to massage his temple. “Though, I have no idea how Ash found out. Neither of us would tell a soul…” He swore. “No, I did tell someone.” His expression turned stormy. “Kara. I said something to her in anger once.”

  I grunted, that woman truly despicable.

  He stiffened. “I don’t appreciate the way you’re judging me,” he sniped, obviously misunderstanding my response, though he was right, I had judged him, and it wasn’t favourably.

  He continued, “You have no right to criticise me, you’re the hired help.”

  “I’m more than the help and you know it, that’s why Dante wanted to hire me in particular.”

  “Either way, I’m the one paying your salary, and if you want that to continue, keep your opinions to yourself.” He spun on his heel and disappeared into the lounge, leaving me standing alone in the entrance.

  I grunted again, this time because of him, the man just as bad as Dante’s ex. They’d both resorted to horrible tactics to get him, doing anything, regardless of whether it hurt Dante or not. Which was why I wouldn’t make the same mistake. I was here to help Dante, not to help myself to him.

  I headed up the stairs, intending on doing just that. Helping him. I turned his door handle, finding it locked. I entered my room and opened the adjoining door, finding him lying on his bed. He quickly turned over, facing away from me.

  “Fuck off,” he muttered.

  I walked around the bed and sat down next to him. “Don’t feel ashamed on my account, I’ve done a lot worse.”

  He covered his face with an arm. “Yeah, fucking me. Everyone fucks me over, well, not Jade, he takes it up the arse like a girl.”

  Wanting to comfort him, I placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

  “My feelings?” He shrugged my hand off. “People don’t give a shit ’bout ’em, they only care ’bout how I look.”

  “That’s not true. I care about you so much, Dante. And honestly, don’t feel guilty over having sex with Mr. Park, he’s the one who should feel ashamed.”

  Dante lowered his arm and sat up. Despite my reassuring words, he still looked visibly upset, his expression wrenching at my heart. I just wanted to wrap him up in my arms, protecting him from everyone.

  He dropped his gaze, picking at a thread in his duvet. “I can’t remember fucking him,” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “I sometimes hallucinate when I overdrink, so I thought I wuz fucking my ex, but the next morning…” He turned and pressed his face into his pillow, swearing into it.

  “It’s all right,” I said, running a hand over his head, wanting to comfort him, to do anything to make him feel better.

  “No, it’s not,” he said, his voice muffled by the pillow. “None of it’s all right.” He turned his head to look at me, his expression turning angry. “It is my fault. I fucked up, gambled all my money away. Cos of it, the repo men came for my car. I talked ’em into givin’ me more time, but I needed ten grand. There wuz no way I could raise that in a few days. So I whored myself for it. I’ve criticised my dad for whoring himself out, yet I went and did it too, even worse, with a dude. I don’t like men! Have never liked ’em. I did it purely for the money. I’m just as bad as my dad, no, I’m worse, cos I’m a fuckin’ hypocrite. At least he owns what he does.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself, you were obviously desperate,” I replied, knowing what it was like to be so desperate that I did things I normally wouldn’t have.

  “I’ve done a shitload of things due to bein’ desperate,” he said, “but have never whored myself out without bein’ forced to.”

  I went to ask what that meant, wondering whether it was to do with his dead boss or Ngaire Rakete, but he continued talking, not giving me a chance.

  “But I guess bein’ a whore is in my family’s blood,” he said. “My grandmother wuz a whore, my dad’s one, and now I’m added to the list.”

  “One time.”

  “Twice, if you count both the morning and night.”

  “To one person, who took advantage of your situation. Again, don’t feel ashamed, I don’t think any less of you for what you did. I can hardly judge even if I did.”

  He sat up. “Why are you so understanding? I whored myself. I’ve also had sex in front of a crowd, though that wuz a forced situation, but still, people see me as nuthin’ but sex. Why would you love someone like that?”

  “You’re more than sex, Dante. You always have been way more than what people think of you. You’re an incredibly talented singer, a great poet, what you wrote in school brilliant, and you also care so much for kids. That’s one thing I didn’t know about you. The way you went mad at your brother was an eye-opener. It showed how nurturing and caring you are. That’s a really attractive quality. You’re a really good man, Dante.”

  He stared at me, looking stunned by what I’d said.

  I smiled at him. “I really do mean that. You have so many different layers, Dante. It’s not your fault that people only see the surface.”<
br />
  “But you see more?” he asked, his expression hopeful.

  I nodded. “I’ve always seen all of you. Have always admired how loyal you are; how funny you are. It’s not just about your looks, it’s about you.”

  Without warning, he launched himself at me, grabbing my face, kissing me. I didn’t react at first, stunned by what he was doing, then all the emotions I’d been holding back, my desires and needs, wants and fantasies, and most of all, my love for him took over. I grabbed his face and returned the kiss, wanting it more than air.

  He pushed me onto my back, biting my lower lip, forcing me to open my mouth. His tongue slipped in, tangling with mine. I groaned, my whole body lighting up, begging for his. Then I was feeling more than the hard lines of his muscular body, his erection pushing against me. Not breaking the kiss, he reached down, slipping his hand between us, yanking my skirt up. He tore at my knickers to get them off. I didn’t care if he ripped the lace, if anything, it reminded me of that day in my office, which only heightened my arousal.

  Still kissing him, I let go of his face and snaked my hand between us, going for his fly. I unzipped it and pushed my hand inside his pants, finding that he’d gone commando. I groaned as I gripped onto his hard cock. He pulled my hand out of his pants and broke the kiss, lifting me further up the bed, basically throwing me against the mattress. He whipped his shirt off and shoved his pants down, then climbed on top of me, pushing my legs apart, his pecs flexing as he did it.

  Then I felt it, his cock prodding at my opening, so hard, so big, much bigger than the last time I was with him. I cried out as he pushed inside of me. His dark, soulful eyes remained locked onto mine, Dante wanting and needing this as much as I did. He pushed further in, groaning as he did it. I wrapped my legs around his waist and clutched onto his bare back, clawing at the waka tattoo on his right shoulder blade, the image of a Maori canoe. He was completely naked, unlike me. My skirt was around my waist, while my blouse was—

  He ripped it open and shoved up my bra, latching onto one of my breasts with his mouth. I cried out again and grabbed onto his hair, threading my fingers through those gorgeous black waves of his. I didn’t want to ever let go of them, his hair one of my weaknesses.

  He started thrusting his hips, rocking in and out of me, as he suckled on my breast. Then he pushed my breasts together, feasting on them, making me go insane. I couldn’t believe this what happening, everything about it overwhelming, so much so that I felt like I was hallucinating, delirious with lust and love. I’d imagined him taking me so many times, in so many ways, yet this was beyond anything I could have dreamt up, the man so much rougher than the boy I’d once known.

  He bit one of my nipples, making me scream, then licked it as I panted out my pain, suckling on it until I felt like I was hyperventilating. Then he let go of my breasts and placed his forehead against mine, folding my legs over, opening me up wider. He started ramming into me, slamming his cock so hard I saw stars, the pleasure racing through my body beyond anything I could describe, the sheer fact that it was him doing it unreal. He began fucking me like there was no tomorrow, and I didn’t care if there was one. All I cared about was this moment, with Dante taking me, filling me, making me cry out until I screamed the house down.

  That was when I felt it, an intense pleasure building up, pushing through me, sending me through the roof. I screamed out his name. He yelled out mine in return, the both of us locked together, coming within seconds of each other.

  Moments later, he rolled over, pulling me on top of him, panting, spent, his cock slipping out of me. Then it hit me, his cum was…

  I gasped, realising we hadn’t used protection. I went to pull away, but he tightened his grip on me.

  “No you fuckin’ don’t,” he growled. “Don’t fuck and run.”

  “We didn’t use a condom!”

  “Get a morning-after pill, but for now you’re staying right here.”

  He lifted his head up, kissing me on the forehead, then rolled me onto my back and planted his lips against mine. The tension melted away from my body as his tongue parted my lips once more, his kiss everything that I wanted, needed, and had missed so badly during the cruel, soul destroying years without him.

  I didn’t know how long we kissed for, but I never wanted it to end. Tears welled up in my eyes, the moment overwhelming. I loved him so much, wanted to keep him wrapped in my arms forever. I had harped on in my mind that I wouldn’t have sex with him until I knew he loved me back, but all along I knew it was a lie. I was a fool to think that I could ever resist him, the man my Achilles’s heel.

  He broke the kiss, his expression turning from happy to surprised. “Why are you crying?” he asked, wiping away some of my tears.

  “I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long,” I said, sniffling.

  “Oh… Did it match up to your dreams?”

  “It was beyond anything I could have dreamt.”

  He smiled softly. “It wuz great for me too. It felt like you were making love to me.”

  I bit my lip, knowing I had been, but for him… It was nothing but sex.

  He frowned at me. “Why the upset face?”

  “For you it was just sex.”

  He brushed my hair off my forehead. “I wanted it as much as you did.”

  No, you could never want it as much as me.

  He smiled again, his eyes lighting up. “I can see why my younger self loved you. I might not right now, but I sure as shit want to see if I could.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  He kissed my nose. “I don’t wanna fuck around with women anymore, I’ve had it. Done with it. What I want is just one woman. I thought I had it with Kara, but she wuzn’t right for me, the woman too vicious. I thought I could get it with Beth, but she proved to be bad for me too, but you… You love me, stuck up for me downstairs, didn’t find me disgusting when you found out I’d whored myself to save my old car. Then you gave me the best sex I’ve had in ages. I also find you incredibly attractive, completely my type. You’re also a sweetheart, yet don’t take shit from me. Maybe it won’t work between us, since I hardly know you, but fuck me, I wouldn’t mind seein’ if it could lead to sumpthin’. And right now, I need someone good in my life. I’m sick of gettin’ with chicks who screw me over. I just want one that doesn’t. One that makes me feel good instead of used. I wanna be loved so fuckin’ bad.”

  I blinked at him, startled by his confession.

  He grimaced, embarrassment tempering his features. “Too much?”

  I shook my head, feeling more tears well up. “I won’t screw you over.”

  A smile replaced his grimace. “You don’t look the type. You remind me of L in many ways, just with balls. I can see you standing up to anyone who tries to fuck me over. I just hope I’m right.”

  “You are, Dante. You really are.”

  21

  Dante

  I continued to smile at Clara, feeling drunk, but not on booze, on the thrill of a new chick. Though, Clara was hardly a new chick in my life. My dreams were telling me she was someone I was incredibly close to, while my brain was telling me she was someone I’d only just met. Either way, I liked being with her. She made me feel good and I wanted to see if it could continue.

  I slid off the bed and grabbed my jeans, jumping into them. “I’ll go grab some grub and bring it up for you.”

  She sat up, looking so fucking hot I wanted to fuck her into the bed again. Although she’d pulled her mauve-coloured bra back on, her blouse was wide open, while her skirt was still circling her waist, her pussy on full display. My eyes wandered to it, the chick no longer shaving down there, her hair a light, mousy brown.

  “I’m meant to be your helper, not the other way around,” she said, drawing my eyes back up to her face.

  I shook my head. “You really don’t wanna go downstairs if Jade’s still hanging around. He may like you, but us fucking on your first day of work…” I clicked my tongue. “He won’t like that, espe
cially since I wuz s’posed to be recording today.”

  She grimaced. “Guess so.”

  “It’s more than a guess, I know so.” I blew her a kiss, then took off out of the room, heading down the stairs. I rounded the corner and strode towards the kitchen, shoving the door open. As expected, Jade was still at home, his expression as bitter as the black coffee he was sipping on.

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “The first day? And on company time?”

  I shrugged, not really caring. “What can I say, chicks love me.” I pulled open the fridge, eyeing up its contents. I grabbed a packet of ham, some cheese, and a tomato, dumping my stash on the bench. I grabbed a loaf from the bread bin and started making some sandwiches, tensing as Jade moved behind me.

  I turned around to face him. “What did we say ’bout personal space?” I said, tapping his nose with the flat of the knife.

  He wiped his nose and took a step back. “Fine, I’m sorry. I’m also sorry about what Ash said. I let it slip about what we did to Kara. She must’ve been the one who told Ash.”

  “I already know she knew, she blew me up for it. Regardless, she didn’t have a right to tell Ash, so that’s on her, not you.”

  “I still feel bad about it, even worse after your reaction earlier. I really didn’t mean to upset you. I was so desperate for you back then; I didn’t think what it would do to you.” He placed a hand on my arm. “I’m truly sorry, so very, very sorry for taking advantage of you.”

  I gave him a small smile, appreciating what he’d said, Jade one of the good guys. “Don’t worry, I’ve dealt with it.”

  “It didn’t look like it with your reaction to Ash.”

  “I just didn’t want him to know. He judges people, and in this case I deserve to be judged. I harp on ’bout my old man bein’ a whore, yet I go and whore myself out too. This is on me, not you. You didn’t force me. I wanted that money, thought I needed it. Guess there’s always a price for a man’s soul.”

  He grimaced. “And I paid for it with more than cash. Clara ripped into me, blaming me for using you.”

  “Yeah, we just had a talk. She told me she thinks no less of me over it, but unfortunately, she does blame you.”