“I’m just so thankful that you’re speaking to me and I don’t want to say the wrong thing and screw it up.” He reached to touch her cheek but then his hand fell away.
Nicole had never seen Will so insecure. “Will, I don’t know what you want. If you want me to forgive you and then things go back to the way they were…I’m not sure that will ever happen.”
“I’m just hoping for the forgiveness part for now.”
“I think I understand what you did. And why you did it. But I don’t think I will ever understand how you could do something that hurt me so badly. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die because I didn’t think I could live without you.”
“I wanted to be in that hole with you. I lost my best friend, my love, and the woman I was supposed to marry all at the same time. My heart broke apart a little more every day, every month, every year that went by. Looking back, I know I handled it horribly, but in my mind I had no choice. You were stronger than you thought. Just look at what you’ve accomplished in the last five years. You moved to Alaska for crying out loud. That’s not an easy place to live. Nic…”
Nicole’s heart stopped at the guilty look entering Will’s eyes. So many revelations had been uncovered. Could she take any more?
“Nic, there’s something I should tell you. The grant for the library came from me.”
“What?” Nicole didn’t understand.
“I couldn’t leave you totally alone. I had a private investigator locate you soon after you left Sweet Ridge, and then once a year he’d check up on you. I knew you needed your books so I made it happen. I awarded the town a grant under the provision a degreed librarian was hired. I knew you were the only one in the area qualified.”
Feeling very unsettled, Nicole began to walk back towards the house. All those years, he’d known where she was and what she was doing, and she’d known absolutely nothing of his whereabouts. She hadn’t even known if he was safe.
“Nic, do you think you will ever be able to forgive me?”
She didn’t reply right away; she wanted to give Will a truthful answer. He at least deserved that. When she looked inside her heart, she found Will. He’d never really been anywhere else. But could she give up any resentment she felt for what he had done. “I don’t know. I know that’s not the answer you want, but it’s all I’ve got at the moment.”
“Could we start over? We can take things as slowly as you want. I won’t push you for an answer. It’s enough that you’re here.”
Nicole heard her grandfather as surely as if he were standing beside her, telling her to forgive and to get on with it. She smiled. How could she do anything else? “I can’t promise anything, but maybe we can start slow and get to know each other again.”
“That’s all I ask, honey.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Will walked to the front door of his house with a fist full of daisies. His girl had accepted his invitation to dinner and he was more nervous than he’d ever been in his life. This was what he’d been praying and planning for since the day he’d walked off the ship and out of Nic’s life so harshly. For the first time he thought there may be hope for them. But from here on out, it would be up to Nic whether she wanted him back in her life and in what capacity. He only hoped that if her decision was to go back to Alaska without him, he would be strong enough to accept it.
After all, he had no one else but himself to blame; the situation has been caused by his own actions.
Will walked off the ship with his mind made up. Since Juan’s death he knew what he had to do. There was no way around it. Juan needed him to step up and take responsibility. His steps faltered as Nic’s face swam before his eyes. He couldn’t and wouldn’t think about Nic. He had to push her to the far reaches of his brain to get through what he knew he must.
For now, he could only focus on picking Reca up. From the airport, he called his parents and asked them to meet him at the hotel. There he would break their hearts—his own was already shredded—and dent their hopes for his future.
“What do you mean you’re not marrying Nic?”
“I told you, Mom. I am marrying Reca.”
“Did you stop loving Nicole? Do you love Reca now?”
“No, of course not. I’ve only met her once.”
Will watched in open-mouthed astonishment when his calm mannered dad threw his hands up and got in his face and blasted him. “William, have lost your mind? Nicole is worrying herself sick! You didn’t show up or even have the decency to call.”
“Mom, Dad, please. I told you. It’s my responsibility to take care of Reca. It’s what I have to do for Juan.”
Will toughened his heart at the sight of his mom’s tears. He had to make things right. Didn’t they understand? It was his only choice.
“Will, there has to be another way. Nicole will be crushed.”
“That’s why you can’t tell her.”
Will’s mom grabbed her chest, her voice went up a few octaves. “Not tell her! You can’t be serious.”
Will’s dad shook his head and laid a hand on Will’s shoulder. “Not telling her will only upset her more, Son. If you are going through with this, then be man enough to at least call Nicole and explain.”
Will bowed his head and cleared his mind of all emotions before he answered. “I can’t, Dad. I just can’t. It will be easier on Nicole to be angry at me than heartbroken I’ve married someone else.”
“No, Son. We’ll sell the business and you can use the money to help Reca and the baby. Don’t do this to Nicole.”
Will felt his father’s words as if they were slicing through him with every word he said. Air moved through his lungs yet they began to burn. He looked towards his mom and she swam in and out of focus. Her lips moved, but he couldn’t hear her. Air…he needed air.
“Will…Will…Will.”
“Will?”
Will jerked back to the present and shook his head to clear the memories of that devastating day. He’d relived it over and over again in his nightmares. He began to sweat and his hands started to shake. No. This was his last chance and he wasn’t going to screw it up. He hadn’t had a panic attack in years, and he refused to allow himself to go there again.
Nicole stood in the doorway and a calming peace settled over him. She was simply stunning. In a plain blue dress with a white sweater thrown over her shoulders, she looked perfect. She’d left her hair down, just the way he liked it. His arms ached to hold her and his lips wanted more than anything to kiss hers once again and taste the strawberry gloss she always wore to drive him crazy for a taste. Even the smell of strawberries could make him hard for hours.
“You’re beautiful, Nic.” And I don’t deserve you.
“Are you alright, Will? You looked upset when I opened the door. Are you having second thoughts about tonight?”
“No, of course not. Shall we go?” He stepped back to allow her to pass and closed his eyes as coconut wafted by on the breeze. An image of standing in her shower and washing her hair passed before his eyes and his body began to react, a reaction that had been dormant and fulfilled only in his dreams for five years. It had been so hard not to accept what Nic had offered on the plane. But that wasn’t the way he wanted their coming back together to be. He wanted her trust and he wanted her back in his life forever.
“Wow, that’s a lot different from your beat-up jeep. I really liked that jeep. What is it? It looks very sleek and sporty.”
It took a moment before he realized she’d stopped, and what she was referring to? He chuckled. How could he explain the flashy car was a gift from royalty? “It a Lotus Esprite.”
Nicole ran her hand down the side of the sleek black sports car. “Fancy. I may not know cars, but I know this one is expensive. Exactly what do you do?”
Will helped her into the passenger seat and buckled himself in before answering. He couldn’t tell her everything about his business for her own safety, but he’d tell her as much a
s he could. “When I got out of the service, I needed a way to make money fast. So I joined a buddy’s private investigative services. One of my first jobs was for a very influential family. After a year, I decided to go into business for myself and opened my own security firm. When that same family needed protection I was the one Kin…Mr. SuMarta called to safeguard his wife. He was pleased with my services and tipped a million dollars over my going rate. By that time, my business was already doing well, but the extra money helped me open offices on both coasts quicker than I could have.”
Will took his eyes off the road and glanced over at Nic; she was too quiet. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” she answered, as she watched the town go by.
“Nic, you can ask me anything. Nothing is off the table, and I will always answer you honestly.”
Nicole turned in her seat to face Will. “If you had all that money, why did you need to stay married?”
“You’re right. We didn’t need to stay married any longer. The day I signed the papers on my fifth office, Johnny was fighting to survive his first surgery. As quickly as I could, I bought your old house and remodeled it so we could move closer to my parents. Johnny needed round-the-clock care. They helped us out. Six months later another surgery was needed, and we all pulled together, taking care of him and praying he would live to have a normal happy life.”
“I’m sorry, Will. I know you loved him.”
“I did love him, Nic. He wasn’t my son, but I couldn’t have loved him anymore. He was a piece of Juan, and he was a fighter, just like his dad. But he never really recovered from the second surgery. We lost him nine months later.” Juan never met his son because of me.
Will had learned well over the years how to close that part of his heart down. He felt Nicole’s hand in his and glanced over. He wasn’t surprised at the tears he saw in her eyes. She’d always had such a tender heart. “After Johnny died, I guess we all needed time to grieve and recuperate. After Reca lost her son, I couldn’t bring up the subject of divorce until I felt she was ready. She actually surprised me by telling me to get my butt in gear and file so I could come to you. She was tired of seeing me mope around. Plus, the people in my office were threatening to quit if I didn’t find my sunny disposition again.”
Nicole grinned. “You never had any feelings for each other?”
“Not romantic ones. We both loved Juan and only wanted to protect his child.” He needed her to know, no one could every take her place. “There is only one woman I will ever love.”
Nicole sat quietly for the rest of the drive. He knew she needed time to process the things he’d told her. It wasn’t an easy story to tell but one she needed to hear.
He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant he’d chosen for their date and wondered how she would react. He waited and then smiled when he got exactly the reaction he thought he would.
“McDonald’s? Will, are you serious? You brought me to Micky D’s for our date?”
He chuckled. “Just wait, hear me out. I put a lot of thought into this. This is a small town. Can you name one restaurant we’ve not eaten at?”
He watched her closely as she ran through them in her mind and then he knew the moment realization hit.
“McDonald’s. We never came here.”
“That’s right. I believe they’ve only been here for about four years. We’re starting over, Nic. I didn’t want to take you anywhere that memories would be lurking.”
He saw her smile first and then heard her laugh, and that was the most beautiful sound in the world.
“Okay, Will. But I’m getting an ice cream cone too.”
The thought of Nic’s perfect pink tongue licking an ice cream cone was enough to send him into overdrive.
“Whatever you want, honey.” He opened her door and helped her from the car. They ordered and found a booth in the back.
“So you live here and in New York?”
“Yeah. I travel a lot too. I’ve been cutting back lately, and I’m less hands-on now. I mostly run things from the main office in New York. I’m rarely out in the field anymore.”
“That really surprises me. You always were good at building things. I always thought you would have done something in the construction business.”
Will unwrapped his straw and smiled. “Yeah, the treehouse was my first attempt, and I think I did a pretty good job. I mean, it served its purpose for a lot of years. Who knows? I may do that someday.”
Nic didn’t answer.
He looked up from his drink and could have kicked himself. Stupid! He had to mention the treehouse. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up.” Will felt his heart break again when a single tear fell from the corner of her eye. “Honey, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Will. I just wasn’t prepared for it.”
Will reached for her hand and rubbed his thumb over the pulse points of her wrist. He wanted her to talk about what happened. She needed to clear the air before she could start the healing process to forgive. “Matthew told me what you planned in the tree house. The night I was supposed to come home. I wish I could have been there.”
“I wanted it to be special for you. Tilda and I cooked for days, making your favorite things and getting everything ready. Matthew helped me fix up the treehouse. A few of the boards had rotted, and the ladder was missing a few rungs. We even ran a drop cord from your parents’ house and strung fairy lights in the trees.”
He could relive the moment just from the look on her face. “It sounds magical, Nic. I wish with all my heart that I could have been there.” But I didn’t deserve to be.
***
Nicole pushed the rest of her burger away. It seemed like anywhere he took her there would be memories. Would she always hurt? Would she always feel like Will’s second choice? Rationally she knew she shouldn’t feel that way, but Will married Reca first. No matter what he said, would she always feel like the runner up? That wouldn’t be a healthy relationship.
“Will, I don’t know if I can do this,” she said calmly, her eyes fixed on her food.
“Do what, honey?”
“This, us…I mean there is no ‘us’ anymore. Maybe that’s the way it should stay.”
“You don’t really believe that. We were always meant to be together.”
Nicole finally met his gaze. “Then why weren’t we? That’s the part I don’t understand. You knew me better than anyone. Yes, I would have been hurt, but do you really think I wouldn’t have understood your noble act for a friend? We could have worked it out.” Did Will really not know her at all? He had to have known she would have understood. Maybe even supported his decision. Instead he made the decision without her, as if she were an afterthought.
Will stared at the partially eaten burger in his hands and then slowly returned it to the tray. “Are you finished eating? Let’s get out of here and go someplace to talk.”
“Maybe we should.” Nicole has the strangest feeling that whatever happened on their walk would be a turning point for them. She either would forgive him and put the past behind her or she’d go back to Alaska and move on without him.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Will reached for her hand and it was the most natural thing in the world to fit her hand into his as they walked along the lake. “You asked me back at the restaurant why I didn’t come for you or call you. The honest truth is…I don’t know. I knew how upset you would be and yet, I couldn’t make myself come to you and explain or even pick up the phone and call. At the time, I couldn’t allow myself to think of you at all.”
That sounded like avoidance. Something Nicole never thought Will could be capable of doing. “I’m trying to understand. But that isn’t an explanation.”
“I know, and you deserve an explanation. I wish I could give you one. At the time, Juan hadn’t been gone for very long. My mind wasn’t in a good place. All I could focus on…all I could let myself focus on was taking care of Reca and their ba
by.”
“I know Reca needed you, Will, but I did too, and I had no way of knowing where you were or how you were. For the longest time I thought you had fallen overboard. Nobody would tell me anything. What you did was just cruel.”
Will turned her hand loose and walked to the edge of the water.
Nicole felt the atmosphere around them change, almost as if Will were pushing her away.
“I was wrong to cause you such hurt.”
“Yes, you were. It was wrong for me to find out on Facebook that you were married and had a baby on the way. To see the man I love with his arm around a very pregnant woman and both of you wearing wedding rings. Do you know how that looked to someone dying from a broken heart? If only I had known. But you didn’t even give me a chance.”
Will’s head dropped. “Nic, I’m so sorry.”
“You made the decision for me without giving me a chance. There was absolutely no reason for you to hurt me the way you did. For five years I thought you chose her over me because you loved her more or that I didn’t measure up in some way.”
Nicole stared at Will’s back. Why wouldn’t he turn around and look at her? She wanted him to argue, to show some emotion. She needed to know he still wanted her enough to fight for her. Instead he sounded like he’d given up. “I didn’t have a choice, Will. You at least will have closure.”
“I understand. I’ve hurt you enough.”
Nicole didn’t understand. Why wouldn’t Will fight for her? Nicole looked out over the calm lake water, hurt and confused. Will said he wanted her back, but did he really? The more she pushed for answers, the further he pulled away. “I want to go back now. I’m tired.”
“When will you leave for Alaska?”
Nicole fisted her hands by her side. He was giving her up. He was giving up on them. Why had he tried so hard to get her back if he didn’t really want her? “I’ll call tomorrow and see about making reservations.”
“I can have my pilot fly you.”
You Promised Me Forever (The Dirty Ankle Series Book 1) Page 18