Nicole rubbed her head. Now it seemed that Will couldn’t wait to get rid of her. “No thanks. I’ve got it.”
They walked back to the car and Will drove her home. He walked her to the door, and neither one of them spoke until they were standing on the porch.
“Goodbye, Will.”
“Bye, Nic.”
Nicole looked up into Will’s eyes, searching for some small sign that he didn’t want her to leave. Her heart fell when nothing reflected in his eyes called to her to stay. “You were there for me every step of the way growing up. I knew when I needed you all I had to do was call your name or tap on your window and you would make whatever fright or sadness I felt go away. You taught me so much about life and about myself. I will always cherish those memories.”
“I will always love you, Nic.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Goodbye, Will.”
She turned and went inside and closed the door. It would be so easy for her to forgive Will. But the questions would always be there in the back of her mind. Why wasn’t she good enough for him? Why had he chosen Reca over her? Even though she understood what he did, his actions didn’t make sense with the man she knew. And why did she feel like he was relieved when she’d walked away and closed the door?
Nicole tossed and turned all night and finally gave up trying to sleep around five. She made a cup of tea and sat out on the veranda to watch the sun rise over the lake. Her thoughts ran over all the goodbyes she and Will had gone through. Some longer than others. The last time Will had been home on leave, he’d been able to stay for two weeks. The night before he was to ship out, he’d surprised her with a hotel room where they’d made love and talked throughout the entire night about their plans for the future. She’d felt so thoroughly loved by Will that night. Then the next morning he’d driven her home.
“I guess this is good-bye then. I’ll see you at the wedding.” Will smiled, kissed her one last time and then wiped the tears away from her cheeks.
A car horn beeped and Will turned towards the sound. “That’s my ride to the airport.”
She smiled, wanting to be strong for Will when her heart was breaking. He’d leave and they’d be apart once again. But at least an end was in sight. “Good-bye, Will. Stay safe.”
Will kissed the tip of her nose and turned to leave. He tossed his bag into the cab and looked back. Their eyes met and held, soaking each other in. Will smiled and put his hand over his heart. “I will always love you, Nicole Mary-Margaret Montgomery.”
Nicole kissed her fingers and held them up in goodbye. “Always is a very long time, William.”
“Forever is what we’ll have.”
Nicole had been so sad that last time, but also excited that in less than a year she’d be Will’s wife. Then everything had gone horribly wrong.
Hours later she sat in the same spot, remembering their times together and grieving for what they’d both lost.
“Nicole?”
Nicole hurriedly wiped the tears from her cheeks. Her body tensed; she didn’t need Will’s mom to drop by now. “Mrs. Harrison.” Nicole couldn’t keep the bitterness from her voice.
“You can come down off that high horse right now, Missy. I know what Will did hurt you and what we did was just as cruel. I can live without your forgiveness but the man that I know you still love, can’t. He needs you now more than ever. Nicole, don’t you think you’re carrying this a little too far?”
Nicole felt as if she’d just been slapped by the woman she used to consider a friend. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Don’t you think you’ve made Will pay for his mistake long enough?”
Nicole shook her head. Will pay…? “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Of course you do. Will hurt you and now you’re hurting him. How long are you going to make him pay? How long will you keep the two of you apart? Until you feel like he’s suffered as much as you did when it seemed like he’d chosen another woman over you? What answer are you looking for, Nicole?”
Nicole jumped from her chair and started for the door. “I think you should go.”
Mrs. Harrison called out to her retreating form. “Tell me, Nicole, what do you want from Will? He’s explained, he’s apologized, he’s bent over backwards to get you to forgive him. What exactly do you want?”
She hit her chest with her finger. “I wanted him to have chosen me.”
“He did.”
Nicole shook her head as tears fell. She looked up at Will’s mom, begging for answers. “Then why did he leave me?”
Mrs. Harrison smiled and took a step closer. “Oh honey, don’t you know?”
Nicole sobbed. “No, I don’t. I have no idea how the Will I knew could do something so cruel.”
Mrs. Harrison took her hand and steered her towards one of the rocking chairs and then sat beside her in another.
“Nicole, it’s simple really. What’s the first thing you remember feeling for Will?”
There were so many things she’d always loved about Will. “He always made me feel safe and loved.”
“That’s right. He protects the people he loves. He always has and he always will. When you were young he knew you needed protecting so he just up and adopted you. Can you imagine what would happen if someone he loved were hurt or even killed?”
“He would…”
“And then to realize he not only wasn’t there for Juan when his friend needed him most, but Juan shouldn’t have even been on the detail that day. In Will’s mind he should have been there.”
Nicole knew Will would have been crushed. “I know he feels responsible for Juan’s death.”
“Yes, Nicole, he does. So now I ask you, why did Will desert you the way he did? Why did he give up the most precious thing in his life?”
That was the issue. Nicole couldn’t understand why Will had given her up the way he did. “I…I don’t know.”
“The mind is a strange thing sometimes, honey. Will put his own twist on the reason he did what he did. We knew something more was going on and we tried to get Will to see a therapist but he wouldn’t. I’ve been attending a support group. I needed to know how I could help my son and our family. It was tearing us all apart. Honey, I believe Will has been suffering with PTSD.”
“What?” Nicole didn’t know much, but she knew it had something to do with guilt and depression. Will didn’t seem depressed.
“At first, Will refused to even talk about you. We all pushed, trying to make him see reason, that you deserved at least an explanation. The fights came so often we all finally stopped even mentioning your name, just to keep the peace. He avoided anything that reminded him of you and he always looked exhausted. Reca said he slept only a few hours a night. Will carried on with his life, working way too much, locking his feelings down deep. Inside he was emotionally numb. It shocked us when Will bought your grandparents’ house after Johnny was born. That was the first sign that maybe things were turning around. He said it was so we could help out with the baby. But we all wondered if that was the real reason. We hoped he’d finally been able to push past the guilt and depression and make things right with you.”
Nicole hung her head. That would explain so many things. Why hadn’t she been able to figure that out? For once, Will had needed her and she hadn’t been there for him. Will’s reason for leaving the way he did were now crystal clear, and once again, Will had ultimately put her first. Had she only known? “What have I done?”
Looking out over the lake, the water seemed a little bluer and the birds’ songs sounded a bit cheerier. And now, Nicole felt a hope like she’d not felt for five long years.
“I love him.”
“I know you do, honey. So, do you want me to make your reservations?”
“Reservations?”
“Will’s escaped to New York, dear.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Nicole gave the cab driver the address Will’s mom had given
her. She spent hours on the flight, thinking and preparing what to say to Will but nothing came to her.
Was she crazy for coming to New York? Maybe she should have waited for Will to return. Would he have returned? She looked at the paper in her hand. She had given the driver Will’s office address, but maybe she should have gone to his penthouse.
She paid the driver and looked up at the glass and chrome high-rise in front of her. She’d never been to New York and frankly the tall buildings and people rushing past her were intimidating. A car horn blared and made her jump. Before she lost her nerve, she pushed open the door and was instantly greeted by a beautiful young blonde behind a modern wood and metal desk.
“May I help you?”
Nicole had to dig for some of Sugar’s strength. “Yes. I’m here to see William Harrison.”
Donna, according to her nametag, looked down at her computer screen. “Do you have an appointment?”
Nicole’s smile began to fall. She hadn’t thought of not being able to get to Will. She stood up a little straighter and looked Donna in the eye. She was going to see Will. “No, I don’t but I’m sure he will see me.”
Donna looked over Nicole’s head and then her eyes flashed back with an almost reverent reaction. “Is your name Nicole?”
“Yes, but how did you know?”
Donna pointed behind Nicole. “Everybody knows your name. Look?”
Nicole turned around and gasped. Her face stared back at her from the opposite wall.
“It’s our logo. Your face is the background, and it’s branded on everything Harrison Global. It’s an honor to meet you, ma’am. If you will walk right this way, I’ll buzz you up.”
In a daze, Nicole walked with Donna and stepped into the elevator and waited while the woman pushed a series of buttons on the panel. In only a few short minutes, the doors opened, and another beautiful woman escorted her to two massive doors.
Before Nicole could talk herself out of it, she pushed the doors opened and walked into Will’s world. Will, however, was not by himself.
Nicole stopped just inside the door. Men and women in suits sat around the conference-room table. They all had stacks of papers in front of them, and they were all staring opened mouth at her.
Will stood at the head of the table, looking tired and stressed. “Nicole?”
“Hi, Will, um sorry, I didn’t know you were in the middle of a meeting. I’ll just wait outside until you’re finished.” She turned to escape, but Will stopped her.
“Wait.”
She turned back around and with only one look, Will dismissed the room full of people.
He waited until the room cleared and the door closed before he spoke. “Nic, what are you doing here?”
Nicole took in the room. Floor-to-ceiling glass windows looked out over tall buildings. A huge, dark, stained wooden table sat in the middle of the room surrounded by puffy brown leather chairs. The largest television she’d ever seen filled one entire wall. Obviously Will wasn’t kidding when he said he was doing well. This was an office of success. Her eyes landed on the man at the head of the table, looking at her with panic and disbelief. “I’ve never really seen you in a suit. You look very…corporate.”
“You flew all the way to New York to see me in a suit?”
Nicole chuckled. “No, that was just my attempt to stall until I can figure out what to say.”
Will smiled. “Why don’t you just say what you flew all the way here to say.”
“I…I…” Her eyes darted to the bar across the back of the room. “I need a drink of water.”
Will sighed, walked to the side bar, opened the refrigerator, retrieved a bottle of water, twisted the cap off and handed it to her. His eyes never left her face as she drank from the bottle. He made no move to touch her. That disappointed her and just would not do.
Nicole took a step closer and Will retreated behind one of the upholstered meeting-room chairs. She sat the water bottle on the table. “Thank you.”
“Nic, you’re killing me.”
From the way Will straddled the chair in front of him, she knew he was worried about the reason she’d come. “Your mom came over after you left.”
Will’s eyes narrowed. “I’m sorry if she upset you.”
“I’m not.”
Will pursed his lips and one eyebrow rose. “You’re not?”
Nicole shook her head. “No. She helped me to realize something I should have figured out a long time ago.” The corner of Nicole’s lip moved ever so slightly upwards. Will looked as if he were being forced to eat broccoli. He hated that particular vegetable.
“And what was that?”
Nicole knew she was in for the fight of her life. “Your mom helped me to realize you didn’t desert me Will. You gave me up.”
Will frowned. “I’m not following you.”
“Juan lost a lifetime with Reca and his baby. You felt responsible. You didn’t feel you deserved to be happy either, so you sacrificed the one thing you loved the most.”
Will shook his head and backed up a step. Just like before when they were walking at the lake when she pushed, he panicked.
“I don’t understand. What are you saying?”
“Will, the day you left the ship if you’d have come to see me, to explain, you wouldn’t have been able to leave me and marry her. You knew you wouldn’t have been strong enough to do what you felt was your duty and marry Reca. And if you weren’t strong enough to marry Reca, you wouldn’t have been the man you wanted to be…for me.” Tears began to fill her eyes at the thought of the pain and anguish he must have gone through.
Nicole didn’t wait for her words to sink in, she continued to push. “You know something else, Will? I think you’re afraid I will forgive you because I think you can’t handle having me back in your life.”
Will’s eyes darkened in denial. “That’s not true. I’ve been trying to get you back for a long time.”
“But weren’t you also thinking and feeling that you could never get me back? Juan wouldn’t want you to trade your life for his. He, more than anyone, would tell you that life is too short to waste.”
“Nic, you’re not making sense. Do you think I would go to such elaborate plans and build a house in Alaska if I didn’t want you back?”
“Yes, you wanted me back. You just think you did such a good job of deserting me that you don’t deserve me. Well, guess what, Will? Let’s do it. Let’s go to Vegas right now and get married.”
“What? Now?” Will began to fidget and took another step towards the door.
Nicole blocked his way and reached up to cup his cheek in her palm, turning his eyes to hers. “I fell in love with the little boy that stuck his head through the hedge and made my life fun and exciting. I fell in love with the man that made love to me so tenderly for the very first time. I fell in love with the man that went off to war and promised he would return to me. I’ve loved you in so many ways through the years, even the years I tried to forget about you. You were always there for me, Will. Let me be there for you once.”
Nicole knew the moment Will began to shutdown. It was there in his eyes. Denial. Pain. Hurt. Guilt. She also knew the moment he began to back up and move towards the door that she was right. He didn’t feel he deserved happiness. What Nicole didn’t know as she watched the man she’d loved since she was eight years old walk away from her once again was if he would ever be able to forgive himself so they could have their forever.
Alone in Will’s impressive conference room, she looked out the window onto the New York sidewalks below, hoping for a glimpse of him as he left the building. Her trip to New York would be a very short one. She’d go back to Sweet Ridge and pray he’d be able to fight his way back to her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Will needed to be outside where he could get some air into his oxygen-deprived lungs. Those were the last rational thoughts he’d before he left the building and allowed himself to f
all into a numbing funk.
Block after block he walked, refusing to think about what Nic had said. After an hour he found himself in front of his home. Instead of going in and riding his private elevator to the top floor, he went down into the basement, got into his car, and once on the road, headed south.
Focusing on his driving prevented all other thoughts from seeping in. He drove until he had to stop for gas. What Nic had said couldn’t be true. Did he sabotage his own happiness? Because if he had, that would mean he had selfishly hurt Nic for years. He couldn’t let his mind go there.
He got back in the car and drove until he pulled into a motel parking lot. The room was simple, but clean, and he didn’t really care. All he wanted was a place to think, away from distractions.
He could remember that day so clearly. He could see Juan walk into the ready room with that cocky grin on his face.
“Hey, man. They just called your name. Go call your girl.”
“I can’t. It’s my turn to patrol the parameter. Nic will understand.”
“I’ll do it. You go make that call. Go on before you lose your turn. My girl is only thirty minutes away, yours is halfway across the world.”
“You sure?”
“Go, man, then you’ll owe me one.”
“Thanks, Juan. I’ll pay you back.”
Those were the last words he would ever speak to Juan. He’d asked permission to tell Reca of her fiancé’s death. He remembered the drive to Reca’s house and the horrible living conditions he found. He couldn’t leave her without hope, living like that and carrying Juan’s baby. Juan was going to marry her and move her and eventually her parents to the States. Now what would she have? Then Reca told him about the baby’s heart defect the doctors had discovered and he knew he had to do something.
The answer was simple. He would marry Reca and follow through with Juan’s plans. Never once did he think about Nic. From the moment he found out Juan had been shot by a sniper, not once did he even think Nic’s name. He didn’t think of her because he couldn’t.
Why? He loved Nic with every ounce of his being. Yet he had erased her from his life the moment Juan died. Why would he do that, how could he do that?
You Promised Me Forever (The Dirty Ankle Series Book 1) Page 19