by Lux, Vivian
I gaped at him and then laughed because sure enough, Niall and Reese were making out again. "Has it been like this the whole tour?" I needed to know .
"This is actually pretty tame," Hudson sighed, glancing at them and then looking away. "For them. But add in the other two..." he gestured over to where Celia was planted on Ewan's lap, and then lifted his head towards Jules doing something to make August shriek with indignation. "And... Yeah," Hudson finished .
"So glad I made the trip," I deadpanned, flipping to the next song on my playlist. "Anyone care that I'm changing this?" I called out. "Anyone? No? Good then ."
Hudson laughed and stood up. "Want to get out of here ?"
I froze and licked my lips. He cocked his head, and the expression in his blue eyes made my heart start hammering in my throat. The thought of spending time alone with him after... after... it was almost unbearable, but when he looked at me like that it was all I wanted .
I still wanted him. Even when the reasons I shouldn't have him were piling up at my feet. My hand went to my belly automatically .
Of course Hudson saw, and my heart sank when I saw that happy glint in his eye. "Sounds good then," he said, then raised his voice louder so everyone could hear. "Hey! Stop sucking face for a minute and listen up. Tallula and I are heading out ."
Niall's head turned so fast I wondered if he'd broken his neck in the process. "You're doing what now ?"
"You are all in happy couple land," Hudson said, planting his feet. "And it's frankly annoying as fuck, isn't that right, Tally ?"
I glanced up at him, wary. He was wearing a loose white button down shirt. Two days in the Italian sun had burnished his skin like he'd been polished .
He was still too much, of that I was certain, but in the way that museums are too much, and sometimes send you reeling because of the beauty inside .
He was overwhelming in every sense of the word. Including what he said next .
"I think we should get the hell out of here so they can all just fuck and get it out of their systems. What do you say?" He glanced at the watch I'd sent him, now occupying a place of honor on his wrist. "You guys have two hours, okay? We're heading to a cafe ."
"Two hours is not long enough, mate," Jules hooted, to an eyeroll and giggle from August .
"Whaddya say Tally?" He was calling me Tally. Not Tallula, not Lulu. Nothing private .
Maybe it was safe. And frankly, watching my brother paw his new wife was getting old. "Fine," I said, standing up, careful not to wince. "I feel like I'm at a grade school dance and everyone is snogging in the corner except me ."
"You never went to grade school dances," Niall said .
"That you know of!" I laughed, sweeping past the pool
Hudson held out his hand, gesturing for me to pass. "After you ."
"Such a gentleman ."
It was an elaborate act for everyone's benefit. He didn't touch me so much as run his hand in the air past my body, but it was enough to send a shiver up my spine. Being alone with him was a gamble, but it was also something I needed to do .
Because I needed to tell him .
The cafe he'd found hugged tightly to the steep curve of the cobblestone street. The sun was high in the sky, almost too hot, the same way it had been the day we picked flowers for the wedding .
I wondered if he thought about that as much as I did .
We ordered, him in gestures and nods, me in my school-girl Italian. Then he leaned back and sighed. "Thanks for being my cover. I really did need to get away from all that cutesy shit ."
I laughed a little. "You don't do cutesy shit ?"
"Different when I'm the one doing it .
I laughed again and sat back, letting the waiter set down my espresso. Hudson watched me with wide eyes as I lifted it to my lips. "What?" I asked, lowering it .
"I'm not trying to be a dick ."
"Now there's a set of words that never lead anywhere good ."
"I know. But I thought caffeine wasn't good for the baby ?"
There it was. Ice chips formed in my veins, and my hand started shaking so bad I had to set the cup down. Hudson watched me with growing alarm as I set my hands on the table, spreading my fingers. "Hudson ."
"Yes?"
I took a deep breath. The ache in my belly, as if it sensed its moment, sent out a pang that made my fingers curl for a moment before it let go. "I lost it ."
His mouth opened in a question he never asked, because the reality of what I was saying caught him first. He leaned back and looked away from me, the muscle at his jaw ticking and jumping. I held my breath as his fingers went to his mouth and he blinked a few times, because if Hudson - unflappable Hudson - started crying then I feared I'd start too and then never stop .
But he took a shaky breath and recovered himself, though his eyes still shone bright when he finally leaned in and reached for my hand .
"I'm so sorry," he said finally .
I felt the tear track down my face and wondered when I had started crying. I didn't even feel it. The tear just slipped past unbidden. "I don't even want it," I choked. "But now that it's gone ..."
"I know." His voice was low, husky. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. I would have been there." He looked up from where he was stroking his thumb across my wrist. "I can still be there," he said. The pressure of his thumb sent sparks up my wrist. "What do you need?" he asked, low, like he was already reading my thoughts .
I shook my head. "I always know," I choked. "It's always so clear to me what I want, what I need. But now it's all muddy ."
"Is it?" he asked. Gently. But more firmly than any man had ever talked to me before. I looked up at him .
He stood up. And before I could say anything, he was over me and his hands were on either side of my face so that the whole world was made up only of the blue of his eyes. "I have not stopped thinking about you for one single goddamned moment of this tour. Every night I play in a haze because I can't put my heart into the music the way I need to ."
"Why not?" I squeaked .
He took a breath. "Because I left it with you ."
Chapter Thirty
Hudson
T his time, I wasn't laying her out in the grass .
My room at the villa was on the far end, chosen to get away from the couples. She looked up at me with a grin as I opened it with my key .
Then led her inside .
"Have you really not been able to sing?" Tallula asked, looking at me with eyes so wide and innocently hopeful that I wanted to promise her anything to keep her looking at me this way .
"I sing," I told her, truthfully. "And people don't know the difference. But I do. When your heart is broken, you sing...differently ."
She bit her lip, looking stunned. "I broke your heart ?"
"I broke my own," I corrected, reaching out to touch her face. "By leaving you. But I'm not going to do that again "
I sat on the bed and she settled into my lap. I could feel her warmth, every part of her that touched me seemed to set me on fire. I held her, carefully, gently, and we both sort of eased into a warm, gentle silence .
It occurred to me that this was the very first time I'd been able to just hold Tallula close, and the newness, and wonder of it had my heart racing even as we were both so still. Like she was still testing, like she was still wary. I knew. We had only had stolen moments up until now .
I didn't want that any more .
"Tallula," I ventured, pressing my lips into her neck. She let her head fall to the side, exposing he
r neck to me. "Sweetheart ?"
"Hmm?" she sort of hummed .
"We said last time was the last time. Do you still mean that ?"
"Keep kissing my neck like that and you might change my mind ."
I laughed but that wasn't what I was asking. I needed her to understand. "I don't care anymore," I told her, letting my lips trail up to her ear. "If your brother walked in right now, I wouldn't try to hide ."
She turned and looked at me. "He'd kill you ."
"He could try," I shrugged. "I doubt he'd succeed ."
"Yeah, well maybe he wouldn't kill you in so many words. But he'd hate you." She shook her head. "Niall hates secrets ."
I nodded. "I know ."
"And we're sneaking around on him ."
"And I'm saying we don't have to ."
She groaned and leaned back on my arm as my fingers worked their way down the front of her shirt. "You're making it hard to think ."
I grinned. "That's sort of my plan ."
"And if he kicks you out of the band ?"
"Then I'm out of the band. Solo career here I come. I'll buy a shack in the South of England and write the songs that I think of when I kiss you ."
At that she let her lips part, kissing me so softly and sweetly that it felt like she was agreeing to the plan. I moved my hand again, brushing the tightly bunched bead of her nipple. With a couple of tugs, I had her breast free and heavy in my hand, and sucked greedily at that pale pink bud .
Her head fell back again, silky hair brushing my arm, sending out electric shocks that seemed to flow straight to my dick. With a groan, I moved over her, settling her back onto the couch to nip and curl my tongue around that tantalizing bud. She fell back on the bed, eyes half-lidded, watching me, and I wished like hell I knew how to paint because the picture she was making right now was more beautiful that anything hung in a museum .
Greedy for more, I began to move my lips down .
Then stopped .
"What's wrong?" she asked, lifting her head. I loved the way she opened for me, that trust I wasn't sure I deserved but wanted to honor above all things .
"Nothing's wrong." I slid my hands under her. "I just really excited to fuck you in a proper bed ."
She laughed and whooped as I scooped her up in my arms. "I'm too heavy ."
"I'll be the judge of that." I jumped in place, weighing her in my arms. "No, you're just right ."
She let her head fall against my shoulder again in that trusting, open way she had. I didn't have to guess at what Tallula was feeling, ever. It was written on her face, written in her voice. She wasn't a riddle I needed to try and understand. I already knew her. Even when I'd barely been alone with her .
Now we were alone .
She leaned back on the bed as I settled her higher, watching me carefully as I peeled off my T-shirt and when her eyes widened and her tongue flicked out to wet her lips, I laughed. "You'd be a terrible poker player," I told her .
"You're probably great at it ."
"How'd you know ?"
"Because you're like the Sphinx. I have no idea what you are ."
I blinked and stepped back for a moment. "You really think that ?"
She nodded. "I do. Nothing upsets you. It's like you're made of some kind of impermeable material. Nothing gets in ."
"You've gotten in," I reminded her .
"Have I ?"
"You don't believe me? I can show you what I mean ."
"You were even calm about the baby ."
"That didn't exactly feel like calm to me. I was freaking the fuck out ."
"I didn't know that though ."
"I didn't think you'd want that. I figured you'd want me strong ."
She ran her fingers up my arm. "I like you strong. But I also like you open for me ."
I nodded and leaned in to kiss her. "I can try ."
"Get mad about something," she begged. "Get upset. Get excited. Show me how you feel ."
"I'll show you everything," I whispered, letting my lips glide down her stomach. She sighed and arched her hips to me .
Chapter Thirty-One
Tallula
I felt the way his muscles trembled above me, barely contained. I told him to show me more, and in a way how hard it was for him to hold back showed me everything I needed to know. I felt his eyes on my skin, the way he watched me almost worshipfully from between my thighs. I felt each achingly slow lap of his tongue as he started to move down there, slowly teasing and tasting, waking me back up again .
I felt my heart, squeezing tight in my chest, like he was holding in his hand .
"Mine," I thought I heard him say .
I looked up. "What?" I half asked, half-gasped as his tongue lazily circled my clit .
He looked up. "You're mine," he said .
With a start and an indrawn breath, I realized he was right .
"Say it?" he asked. It was not so much a plea as an order .
"Are you mine?" I asked, hesitating. Because I knew myself now. I couldn't do casual. I'd never given myself before, because I knew that once I did, I was gone forever. I had to know .
He pushed up on his elbows. I squirmed a little under his blue gaze, but he just looked at me. It was so strange to just be watched like this, with no judgment, no words. Just a simple gaze that spoke right to my soul .
"I'm yours," he finally said .
"I'm yours," I replied immediately .
His lips crashed into mine. I tasted myself on his tongue, and far from being embarrassed, I felt exhilarated that I'd marked him as mine even as his tongue claimed me as his. He kissed me, devouring my mouth in a wet, melting kiss and I knew he was showing me just like I'd asked him to. This kiss was a promise .
I arched up to him, letting him slide his hands under my shoulders. He lifted us both up, settling me on his lap. "I'm going to watch you," he said as he slid his long finger between my soft folds. "Go ahead," he said, nodding as I arched into the heel of his hand. "I'm going to hold you right here and feel you while you make yourself come. Do it." I was rocking into his hand now, more urgently, a kind of strange, loving lap dance, and as I did, his finger dipped closer and closer to my entrance, dragging sparks along my skin every time he did .
I exhaled a ragged gasp. "Put it inside me," I begged .
He hummed his approval and I groaned as the thickness slid inside of me. He let out an animal sound, kissing my neck and we rocked in place, undulating, as I impaled myself on his fingers and ground my clit into the heel of his hand .
He pressed his palm into the small of my back, and with each rocking thrust he pressed against me, intensifying each feeling. I could feel my jaw going slack, and I squeezed my eyes tight, seeing the sparks behind my eyelids. "Watch me," he said, another half order-half plea. "I need to see your eyes. I can feel you starting to come, oh shit, you're so tight on my finger. You're trying to crush my finger with that hot little pussy of yours, aren't you Tallula? You're so greedy. I love how much you want it. Get it. Come for me. Come all over my hand and let me kiss you while you do ."
It was like my body was waiting for his permission. I felt it, that slow heaviness, spreading and spreading and then suddenly seizing me in its grip, my whole body clenched and I heard Hudson hiss "yessss," as I bucked, faster and faster, chasing that spreading warmth blooming out of my core until suddenly it caught, like a match to a pilot light. "Oh!" I cried, because I wasn't expecting it to be so ferocious. I wasn't expecting it to be even better than the
first time he'd made me come, and I wasn't expecting to lose all control. I cried out and Hudson didn't shush me, he encouraged me, gazing up in rapt awe as I fell apart above him .
"Fuck," he hissed again as I slumped forward. I felt him pull his sopping fingers from inside of me. When he touched it to his lip, then licked it, I felt a shiver of anticipation. "Taste," he told me, spreading my slickness on my lips. "Now kiss me ."
I kissed him with everything I had. All the waiting, and the anxiety and the fear and the hope and the sadness I'd felt since he'd left were wrapped up in that kiss. It was like finding the last piece of a puzzle and sliding it into place and suddenly the whole picture was clear. I knew there was a point in my life where I didn't know him, didn't need him, but now I couldn't imagine going on without him .
He kissed me. He loves kissing me, I realized with some kind of dazed coherence. I loved how he murmured against my mouth, half-heard sounds and mumbled oaths that filled my ears with humming music. A blooming heat returned to my core, aching need for him .
He pressed his hand behind my neck and slowly lowered me down to the bed. I watched as he hitched his jeans down, shrugging them over his hips .
"So that's what you look like naked," I said with a grin .
He looked down and chuckled. "I hope you approve ."
His shoulders were broad but his waist and hips were narrow. He had a deep navel with a line of glinting golden hairs leading to a long, heavy cock that curved slightly up. It looked dark and silky there, standing proudly, pointing at me like it was seeking me out. I leaned forward, licking my lips a little .
"I haven't..." I gestured, licking my lips again. "Done that, before ."
"You've never sucked a cock before."' Somehow the way he said it sounded gentle, not obscene. His eyelids fluttered fast and he took a deep breath. "You don't have to ..."
"I want to," I blurted, sliding forward on the bed. "I never wanted to before but..." There was something delicious about the idea of putting my mouth on Hudson that way. He'd made me feel so good with his mouth and fingers, I wondered if I could do the same for him .