Floodtide

by Heather Rose Jones

  Charmwork was interesting, but it wasn’t always comfortable. Sometimes, with no warning, my magic feeling would fill me up and make me want to hold someone tight and kiss her till I couldn’t breathe, just to work out the wanting. I worried that Celeste could tell. I tried to think about it like I did during church mysteries. Then it felt like…like the Holy Spirit had gotten into me and I was being carried up on angels’ wings. I told Celeste about that once. She said not everyone feels something during mysteries and a person doesn’t choose how they feel it. She asked if I felt anything from charms and I almost told her then. The longer I kept quiet about it, the harder it was to say anything.

  But that’s why I didn’t tell Nan to be about her business when she came up to us as we left the church that day. Instead of remembering how she’d gotten me dismissed, all I could think about was how I wanted to kiss someone and hold them close and be carried on those wings. And there she was, right there, like she was waiting for me. She must have been waiting because she wasn’t surprised at all. She looked at me hungry-like. I must have looked hungry back at her because her voice was all low and rough.

  “Can we go somewhere, Roz? I have something to tell you.” She looked over at Celeste, making it clear she should go away.

  That woke me up like cold water, and I said, “This is my friend Celeste. My very good friend.” I don’t know why I said it like that.

  Nan gave a sniff. “Oh. Your very good friend. Well, your very good friend could come with us if she wants.” She said it nasty-like.

  I let her pull me back around behind a row of stalls and Celeste followed after, looking something between angry and laughing. When we were where no one else could see us, Nan wrapped her arms around me and gave me a long deep kiss. I wasn’t feeling like kissing any more—at least not her—and she could feel that.

  “Roz,” she said more seriously. “I got a new place at midsummer. I’m working over on Molindrez now. Got a place as an upstairs maid. They’re looking to hire. Your Maisetra Sovitre could give you a character. No one needs to know about the Fillerts. We could be together again.”

  She made it sound like a step up, but I knew better. Molindrez wasn’t as fancy a neighborhood as Plaiz Nof and people didn’t usually hire at mid-summer. You waited until the big hiring fairs when people came back to the city for Saint Mauriz’s Day. And why would I want to trade in Tiporsel House for something less? I guess she thought wanting her would be enough reason. There was a time it would have been. I could still feel that yearning even though I knew better.

  Celeste watched me, all impatient. When Nan saw me look back at her, she said, “Or maybe you need to ask your new sweetheart about it.”

  She said it nasty again, like she thought I should feel ashamed of the idea of Celeste being my sweetheart. That made me so angry I reached to take Celeste’s hand and said, “Let’s go home.”

  Celeste pulled me away from the market stalls like she expected me to change my mind and took me down to the steps by Saint Nikule’s statue where no one would bother us if we sat for a while. She didn’t say anything at first. I liked that. None of her sharp comments, even though I could tell she didn’t like Nan. Celeste knew how to wait for the right time to talk. So we sat there with the calls of the market women behind us and the shouts and whistles off the river in front of us and me trying not to cry because for those few minutes I remembered what it had been like waking up in Nan’s arms.

  Finally after I’d been quiet for a while, Celeste said, “Kissing girls is always going to get you in trouble, isn’t it?”

  That wasn’t fair because I hadn’t actually gotten in trouble over kissing Liv, even though I thought I had. It didn’t seem worth arguing about, so I shrugged. Then, with a little hiccup, because I was still working on not crying, “It doesn’t matter. That’s all over.”

  Celeste fixed me with that figuring-out look she got when she was making changes in charms. “How come you never tried to kiss me?” she asked.

  I couldn’t think what to say. I felt dizzy, like one of those dances where you’re spinning around then you suddenly stop. “I…I didn’t know you wanted me to kiss you.”

  “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” Celeste said sharply. “That’s not what I asked.”

  I didn’t know the answer. I didn’t know what answer she wanted. I liked Celeste. I liked her more than anyone else I could think of. But I worried it was the magic feeling that made me want to kiss her and not wanting her. And I’d made a promise to Mefro Dominique. That was the first thing I could think of to say. “Your mother would kill me.”

  She cocked her head sideways a little, thinking about it. She might have been willing to take that answer. But it wasn’t enough for me.

  “Celeste.” I took her hand and held it between mine and pressed it to my heart. “Celeste, I would die for you.” I felt foolish, but the words that tumbled out of my mouth—the only ones I knew that said how I felt about her—came from Maisetra Iulien’s story. The one about knights and ladies and brave duelists. “You mean more to me than my life and my salvation. I would go to the ends of the earth to bring you your heart’s desire.”

  Celeste pushed against me and took her hand back, laughing. “But you don’t want to kiss me.”

  That was my chance to tell her, but I wasn’t ready. What if I kissed her and it ruined everything, like it almost had with Liv? I needed to think about it, so I echoed her words back. “Maybe I do and maybe I don’t. But your mother would kill me.” Then we both laughed.

  I wasn’t sure if Celeste liked my answer. She knew all about Nan, and she’d dried all my tears over Liv. She’d never said anything about it being sinful or treated me like I was dirty. Did she want me to kiss her? She never seemed like she was jealous. She didn’t seem jealous now, maybe just curious. I’d never heard her say anything about a sweetheart or talk about who she planned to marry, but she planned to be a business woman like her mother. Walking out with a boy can put an end to that real easy. Mefro Dominique wasn’t married, at least I didn’t think she was, though I knew Celeste’s father came around sometimes and then she’d shoo us out of the house for a while.

  None of that mattered right now, because it was true what I’d said. Mefro Dominique wouldn’t take kindly to me leading Celeste astray. I loved the work too much to spoil things at the dress shop. I loved Celeste too much to spoil things with her. She hadn’t said she wanted me to kiss her. But the other thing I’d said was true, too, even if it was Maisetra Iulien’s words I’d used. I’d die for her.

  Chapter Nineteen

  July and August 1825—Mysteries

  Tiporsel House was still all upside down when Maisetra Iulien’s father arrived. I’d almost forgotten about that. Futures seemed so far away. I know it doesn’t belong to me to say so, but he was a sour-looking man, all puffed up with his own importance. I didn’t like the way he talked to the maisetra, like she was a child. I could tell Maisetra Iulien loved him the same as I loved my father, but I could tell why she might have wanted a look at the wider world, without him standing over her.

  Dressing became a chore every morning and evening. It wasn’t that Maisetra Iulien had so many gowns to choose from, but she’d try them all on and toss them on the bed and try again until I was ready to send her down to breakfast in her chemise.

  “This one makes me look too young! He’ll think I’m a child who shouldn’t be allowed out of the house. That one makes me look too sophisticated. Look at the décolletage. It’s not my fault my bosom has grown this year.”

  “Then wear it with your fichu,” I suggested. “And you should put the ear-bobs away until evening. I know girls wear them for everyday in the city, but Mefro Dominique says it isn’t done in the country, and that’s what your father will expect.”

  I’d been asking Mefro Dominique a lot of questions about what was and wasn’t done since Maistir Fulpi had come. I could have asked Maitelen, but she was so worn down from looking after the baroness. Maisetra Iulien w
as in such a dither, I needed somebody’s word that weighed more than mine to keep her from wearing anything foolish.

  Maisetra Iulien looked up and said, “What would I do without you, Roz?”

  “I’m sure you’d do well enough,” I replied as I put the earrings back in her jewelry box. “Now let me do up your hair. You’ll feel better once this business is settled.”

  I’d learned more hairdressing and was proud of how I turned her out, but it was a very long week.

  I wasn’t there when they finally had the lawyers in to make all the arguments and sign the papers. I only knew it was finished when I came back from the dress shop and found Maisetra Iulien as full of bubbles as a glass of champagne.

  “I’m to stay! Oh, Roz, it’s all decided! I’m to stay here in Rotenek.”

  She’d had her doubts, but I wasn’t surprised how it all turned out. When Maisetra Sovitre takes it into her head to want something, she generally gets it in the end. And I knew the answer from the fuss down in the kitchen where they were fixing a special dinner. They wouldn’t have been celebrating Maisetra Iulien going home if that was how it’d gone.

  “Cousin Margerit promised me a special ball after the mysteries for Saint Mauriz are over. I’m to be out in society—truly out—more than going to classes and taking tea. And Roz, I’ll talk to Cousin Margerit about making you a real lady’s maid. Not now when she’s so worried about everything, but I know she’ll say yes.”

  I was happy she was staying, but I tried not to think about that part. I didn’t say anything to Maisetra Iulien as I pulled her very best evening dress over her head and started doing up the fastenings. What was there to say? Who wouldn’t jump at the chance to step from being a laundry maid to being lady’s maid to the daughter of the house in less than two years? There was a time I would have thought it heaven. Now all I could think was being pulled in two pieces.

  If I said yes, it would mean not seeing Liv or Celeste except when I got my half-day off. And no more dressmaking. If I said no, it would mean going back to doing mending and fine laundry. It would mean seeing someone else doing for Maisetra Iulien. That’s if the maisetra didn’t let me go for refusing.

  I wasn’t good enough yet to be a shop assistant, like Celeste could be, even if Mefro Dominique had the work to hire me full time. I wanted to keep learning, but I might lose it all no matter what answer I gave and no one here at Tiporsel House would understand. I don’t know that the folks back home in Sain-Pol would understand either. If I went home to visit, they’d gawk and stare at me the same whether I was a lady’s maid or a fancy dressmaker.

  I liked doing for Maisetra Iulien. I liked working out what she needed before she even knew it herself and turning her out all fine and pretty so she was ready to conquer the world and being the one she told secrets to. But I liked making dresses more: seeing how they would look in my head, then working out how to make the cloth do what I saw or how to turn what the customer wanted into what would make her look beautiful. The two things were the same, in a way, but dressmaking felt more like it was mine.

  Maisetra Iulien didn’t notice how quiet I was as I did up her hair in a little braided bun with some summer flowers pinned into it. She was full of her own joy. So I didn’t have to try to explain my tangled thoughts to her.

  * * *

  Summer came to its end like a beehive right before a swarm. You could feel the air change as all the rich folk started coming back, even though they weren’t buzzing through the streets and the Plaiz yet. A lot of the gossip and rumors about the guilds had quieted down out in the city and most folks thought it had been no more than talk. At Tiporsel House we knew better, but downstairs no one had a spare moment to think about it. Extra guests were coming and going. The kitchen never had a moment’s rest. We were all ready to settle back into regular life. We’d celebrate the feast of Saint Mauriz with the special mystery the maisetra had been working on, then the rich folks would go back to their parties and balls. In the south part of town, the students would come back to the university. The buzzing touched ordinary folks like Mefro Dominique only because the rich folks and the students needed people to do for them and those people needed other things. Like when you threw a stone in a duck pond and the circles worked out to the edges.

  * * *

  The family was glad when the feast of Saint Mauriz arrived in that way you get excited for a party you’re attending. But downstairs it was waiting for the party to be over so you can start all the cleaning and putting things away.

  Maisetra Talarico told us they picked Saint Mauriz’s day to break the curse because everything started with the Mystery of Saint Mauriz. He’s the patron of the city and all of Alpennia, so his feast isn’t ever an ordinary day. It marks the end of summer and the start of the season, and it’s a quarter day, though no one downstairs would have time to go meet with family or celebrate getting paid. We didn’t get a half-holiday like we would in ordinary years because of the extra mysteries.

  They say mysteries work better the more people there are to celebrate them, so Charsintek told us to go to the cathedral if our work allowed. Either for the Mystery of Saint Mauriz itself or the Royal Guild mystery that followed it—the one the maisetra had made. After that there’d be a special mystery for the city guilds, but that one was secret. I think even Maisetra Sovitre didn’t know anything about it, except it was supposed to break the curse. At the end of the day they’d all go to the opera, and that was supposed to be a mystery too.

  I wished I could see it. Maisetra Iulien had sung me bits of the songs she’d helped write for it. I’d never seen an opera, but I liked the plays the guilds put on at Carnival with their singing and dancing and I figured it would be like that, but grander.

  I traded off days so I could spend the whole of Saint Mauriz’s Day at Tiporsel House. Charsintek said none of the family would be doing much but resting the day after, so I could give that one to Mefro Dominique. I got a taste of what it would be like dressing a young maisetra in her coming out season. First a simple dress for breakfast, then sober church clothes for the Mystery of Saint Mauriz. Then something more like an afternoon visiting dress for the Royal Guild mystery. That was the one I chose to go to, not only because I’d have time to rush back to Tiporsel House afterward before it was time to dress for the evening, but because it was Maisetra Sovitre’s mystery.

  I loved seeing the princesses and the other palace folk in their fine clothes—at least, when I could crane my head around the people standing in front of me. I got little glimpses, that was all. I saw Mesner Aukustin when the procession went by, walking side by side with the older Mesner Atilliet that’s Princess Anna’s son. They both looked solemn and important. Some of the girls downstairs gossip about which of them is going to be prince next. Most of them like the older one better because he’s so handsome. That’s a silly reason to choose. I remembered that time in the Strangers’ Market when Celeste told Mesner Aukustin’s fortune and said he wouldn’t be prince. It was hard to think of him being a prince, because he was barely older than me, but I hoped they’d pick him.

  Mostly the mystery was people chanting and doing things I couldn’t see. They talked slow and important-like, the way the priests did for Mass and we’d give the responses like in regular church services. Sometimes you could understand what they said and sometimes it was in Latin. Sometimes the words were old-fashioned and you could barely understand them. I thought I could tell when the mystery was coming to an end because I felt warm and got my magic feeling real strong. Not the way Saint Orisule’s mystery used to make me feel, all loved and warm inside. This time it felt like marching in a procession when you’re all going somewhere together and being there all in a group doing the same thing makes you feel strong and alive. Then it was done and I was left with the aching, wanting feeling, so I was glad to get back to Tiporsel House and keep busy making sure Maisetra Iulien’s opera gown was pressed and perfect.

  It was the first time Maisetra Iulien was allowed to
go out to a real society affair. She had her first truly fancy gown and I’d had the making of it. Most of it. Mefro Dominique had kept a sharp eye on me, but I’d done the measurements and the pattern and the cutting while she watched over me. Mesnera de Cherdillac had made suggestions about the style. Young ladies were supposed to wear pale colors, but that wouldn’t have suited Maisetra Iulien as well as bright yellow, like a daffodil in spring. Mesnera de Cherdillac said she needed a color strong enough to stand up in the maisetra’s opera box. “Bright as an alchemist’s gems,” she said. She meant Mesnera Chazillen, the baroness’s cousin, and the magical jewels she made. I could see what Mesnera de Cherdillac meant when I snuck a look at what the other ladies would be wearing. The maisetra would be in a dark wine-purple and the baroness in the blue they always used for the Virgin’s robe in paintings. I knew Maisetra Talarico would be in crimson because Celeste had told me about making her dress, back before I’d come to the shop. I didn’t know what sort of jewel Maisetra Iulien was, but she’d shine with the rest of them.

  When I’d worked on that gown, I’d seen that every stitch was as perfect as I could make it. Maisetra Talarico said that every craft could be a mystery if you did your work with care and a prayer in your heart. Sewing never gave me my magic feeling, but every time I worked on Maisetra Iulien’s gown, I thought about her sitting there in the opera box with the rest of the family, listening to them perform the words that she’d help write, and I thought about how making her as elegant and fine as I could manage might help a little bit if she was nervous and worried. I thought about that again as I dressed her in it, making everything fit and fastened just right, ready with my needle and thread in case there was anything to mend or change. It filled my heart the same as when I told Celeste I’d die for her. I don’t know that I’d die for Maisetra Iulien, but I loved doing for her like this and I’d only had a little taste of it. The ache came back in my stomach knowing soon I’d have to choose.