Ribblestrop Forever!

by Andy Mulligan

  The children swung round.

  ‘I wrote that last bit this morning, Caspar. Especially for you.’

  It was Lady Vyner in person. She was more ghastly then ever, for she was smiling. Her mouth looked like a purple gash in a face that had been squeezed in a vice. It was tilted sideways above the sepia yellow of her nightdress. She was rubbing inky hands in glee and a high-pitched laugh – not unlike the whine of a bandsaw – echoed down the corridor. A small man stood behind her.

  ‘Your school’s finished!’ she cried. ‘I’ve even taken the pencils! What’s left, I wonder? Just a bunch of shabby teachers, cluttering up my home with their luckless pupils. You didn’t expect a full-on takeover, did you, headmaster? Oh, this will be money well spent! Come on, Lacson. Read the eviction order!’

  ‘Lady Vyner,’ said the headmaster. ‘I must protest—’

  ‘You can protest outside!’ snarled the old lady. ‘You can hire yourself a lawyer and do all the protesting you want. But I’ll tell you something for free: you don’t stand a chance. Do you know how much this man costs an hour?’

  She had reached behind her to clutch the tie of her companion. She dragged him forward and pushed him sharply in the back.

  ‘This is Donald Lacson himself, straight from the law court. He may look like a constipated clerk, but believe me he’ll scalp you and skin you, won’t you, Mr Lacson?’

  Mr Lacson gaped. He found himself standing between the Ribblestrop party and the demonic form of Lady Vyner, whose smile now hovered over his shoulder, her drool dripping onto his jacket.

  ‘Read it,’ she spluttered. ‘I want to hear it again. I want to watch their dreams ending, Mr Lacson, I want to hear the weeping of orphans.’

  ‘By the powers invested in me . . .’ mumbled Mr Lacson.

  ‘Louder, man!’

  ‘ . . . under sub-section thirty-two of the fourth statute . . .’

  ‘Oh, you’re half asleep! Cut to the last bit!’ She jabbed a finger at his paper, then snatched it from him. ‘Leeches,’ she cried, ‘you are to leave forthwith. You are to exit the building, which shall be closed against you.’ It was as if she was in church, ejecting devils. ‘Out, vile ones! Re-entering the said building will render you liable to immediate arrest and prosecution! Which is why we’ve got cameras!’ she laughed. ‘Listen to this bit, this is the best. All expenses for this eviction shall be paid by you. The fees of Lacson and Lacson shall be paid by you. The services of specialist security guards and their expenses, shall be paid by you. By you! Ha! Are you understanding this, headmaster? Or do you need to sit down and have the children explain it to you? The school’s at an end; finished and dead, and I’m starting the Ribblestrop Nursing Home. First customer arriving this evening.’

  There was an awful silence.

  ‘I just wonder if that’s actually legal,’ said Ruskin. ‘I think we ought to have a good look at those papers.’

  A large envelope came whistling through the air and split at the headmaster’s feet. Documents splayed out of it.

  ‘Mr Lacson,’ said Doonan. ‘I think we need a bit of give and take here and—’

  He was silenced by a volley of ferocious barking. An enormous dog burst from a side passage, a security guard straining to hold onto its chain as it dragged him behind it. When the dog saw the children, it went into a frenzy of howls and foam flew from its jowls.

  Sanjay, who’d been in charge of the big cats in the circus, stepped forward, but Asilah held him back. The dog barked at him savagely.

  Lady Vyner laughed again. ‘I’ve got three of these monsters,’ she cried. ‘I press this button and the dog squad’s here in seconds.’ She held up an electronic device, which was flashing red between her fingers. Another dog appeared, this one silent but mad. It saw Sanjay and a yellow, rabid look came into its eyes. It started to snarl.

  ‘Are they ready to leave, m’lady?’ said the first handler, hauling the beast backwards. ‘I’m not sure I can hold ’er! They ’aven’t eaten for days!’

  ‘I think so,’ said the old woman. ‘You don’t want your throats torn out, do you?’

  Mr Lacson stepped forward with a piece of paper raised high above his head. The dogs came either side of him, baring teeth and gums. Lady Vyner stood back with her fists clenched, her face a rictus of ecstasy. One guard hauled the main doors open and the children looked at one another, bewildered. The dogs barked yet more furiously.

  ‘Come on,’ said the headmaster.

  ‘We can’t give in!’ said Millie. ‘I am not leaving!’

  ‘Yes we can!’ he shouted, taking her arm. ‘We will not win this particular battle.’

  ‘But this isn’t fair!’ said Sam. ‘We’ve only just arrived.’

  ‘I can deal with the dogs,’ said Sanjay. ‘They’re pussycats, all of them – give me five minutes.’

  ‘No!’ said the headmaster. ‘No. A pitched battle won’t help us and I will not take unnecessary risks. As I said before, the last thing we want is another police visit.’

  ‘Where do we go, sir?’ said Sanchez.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said the headmaster. ‘But—’

  ‘I do,’ said Captain Routon, grimly. ‘And I think you’re absolutely right, sir. Follow me!’ he cried. He raised an arm and signalled. The dogs set up another hysterical volley, their claws skittering on the flagstone floor. Lady Vyner was yelling abuse, but she was inaudible, and Captain Routon led the children past her without a glance.

  ‘Keep together!’ he shouted. ‘Onto the lawn, please! Follow me!’

  In a moment the entire school had left the building and was blinking, homeless and stunned, in the bright sunshine of the courtyard. Two of the youngest orphans were crying and Ruskin had his arm round Oli who was white-faced. The doors slammed behind them and they heard the clanking of chains.

  ‘Thank goodness for that,’ said Captain Routon, after a moment.

  ‘What do you mean?’ said Sam. His voice was shaking. ‘Where do we go? We haven’t got a school any more.’

  ‘Round the back!’ shouted Anjoli. ‘Get in the back door!’

  ‘No,’ said Captain Routon. ‘We stay here. We stay together.’ He smiled suddenly and rubbed his hands together. ‘It’s the summer term, isn’t it? Who needs classrooms in weather like this? I think we need to find Doctor Ellie . . .’

  Chapter Fourteen

  The teachers conferred.

  ‘Where do you think Doctor Ellie is?’ whispered Ruskin.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Millie. ‘Are you thinking we can live in the library van?’

  ‘No. I’m just thinking how shocked she’s going to be.’

  Captain Routon stepped up onto the fountain to address them. He was still smiling – in fact, there was an unusual smugness about his smile, as if something had excited him.

  ‘We’d been looking for a project this term,’ he said, ‘and I rather think we’ve found one. We’ll live off the land.’

  ‘How?’ said Asilah.

  ‘Why not go underground?’ said Kenji. ‘There’s space in all the tunnels and—’

  ‘My cave home’s available,’ said Tomaz. ‘We could have classes there.’

  ‘There’s the chapel,’ said Doonan.

  Captain Routon was shaking his head. ‘We can do better,’ he said. ‘Follow me, my dears – and never say die.’

  Captain Routon turned away from the school buildings and crossed the courtyard. He was soon walking fast over the lawn and the children duly followed.

  ‘He must have a plan,’ said Imagio. ‘Do you think he knows of a barn, or a—’

  ‘Don’t bank on anything,’ said Millie, bitterly. ‘I remember the first time Captain Routon led these guys on a nature ramble. They ended up under a train.’

  ‘He knows what he’s doing!’ said Sanchez.

  ‘We’re going to be in an army tent,’ said Miles. ‘Could be fun.’

  ‘You can’t have a school without classrooms,’ said Sam. ‘He knows that . . .’ />
  Millie sighed. ‘It’s so typical, though, isn’t it? We only just get here and now suddenly we’re worse off than when we started. We should have stayed in the building.’

  ‘And the police would have come,’ said Israel.

  ‘I guess we didn’t pay the rent again,’ said Asilah.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I think it all went on the circus.’

  ‘And Flavio,’ said Sanjay, remembering the owner.

  ‘You know he’s starting an animal retirement centre? I think the headmaster gave him money for that.’

  Eric laughed. ‘We need Kenji to make us a million again.’

  ‘Hey, Caspar!’ said Millie, irritably. ‘Why didn’t you stop all this? She’s your gran and you knew what she was planning!’

  ‘I was a prisoner,’ said Caspar. ‘I was locked up, right through the holidays!’

  ‘Look, maybe we ought to wait and see where we’re going,’ said Sanchez. ‘There’s no point getting angry and judgemental.’

  ‘My God, it’s the head boy speaking,’ said Millie.

  ‘I want to stay positive!’ said Sanchez.

  Millie laughed. ‘We haven’t even had breakfast! I’m sick of it and, I tell you, if there isn’t a good alternative waiting for us, then I’m going back to London.’

  They were moving into the woods.

  Captain Routon consulted a piece of paper and found a footpath that went steeply downhill. Soon, they came to a stream and then rose up again, climbing into thick undergrowth. Five minutes later, they were in a part of the school grounds they’d never seen before. The trees were tangled in creeper and bramble, and soared upwards, blotting out the sunlight. Captain Routon checked his paper again and led them to a small waterfall. Everyone paddled happily up the stream for ten minutes, before branching off into an unexpected clearing. A bad-tempered braying noise greeted them, and the children were astonished to find the school donkeys tethered to a stake in the ground. Further off, behind some low bushes, they could see the camel.

  ‘What’s going on?’ said Miles. ‘Is someone expecting us?’

  ‘That’s not possible,’ said Tomaz.

  ‘Where are we, then?’

  ‘Quite a secret bit of the wood, this,’ said Captain Routon. ‘She’s chosen well.’

  ‘Who has?’ said Millie.

  The headmaster was red-faced from the exertion and had been at the back of the group. Kenji and Nikko had been helping him. ‘Is this the spot, Routon?’ he said. ‘It’s certainly private enough.’

  ‘So we’re camping?’ said Eric.

  ‘The circus tent!’ said Israel, with a tremor of excitement. ‘We could make space for that, pitch it by those trees.’

  ‘This, I imagine, is where the tribe lived,’ said Captain Routon. ‘This is one of the oldest bits of the forest.’

  ‘What tribe?’ said Vijay. ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘The lost tribe of Ribblemoor. Doctor Ellie was telling you all about them – weren’t you listening?’

  ‘Come on, Routon!’ said Professor Worthington. She was smiling, broadly. ‘They don’t want guessing games, they just want to know where they’re sleeping tonight. Now spill the beans properly.’

  Captain Routon was smiling too. He was about to reply, when there was a shout from the trees.

  ‘Féarrad, kengets! Fearrad na fáilte!’

  The children turned, but the speaker was invisible. After a moment, though, they saw a head poking up from a hole in the soil. A pair of elderly blue eyes flashed with excitement and a hand rose up in salute.

  It was Doctor Ellie and she was beaming.

  ‘That means “Welcome to the brave”,’ she cried. ‘I was trying out my proto-Celtic. I’m not sure I should be using it really, as they probably spoke one of the Indus languages. It’s all guesswork, history!’

  She pulled herself up out of the hole and dusted herself down. She was wearing a long dress made of sacking, belted in the middle. There was a canvas cloak over her shoulders. ‘You found me, then! What do you think of the camp?’

  ‘It’s a good spot, Doctor,’ said Captain Routon.

  ‘I did an archeological dig here some years ago – found all kinds of things. The water table’s higher here and there’s access into some of the tin deposits. It’s never been properly excavated – we only had a weekend to potter about. There was something in the air, though, and it’s stronger than ever now. I would bet the tribe passed through this very clearing, settled for some time, possibly. Who can say? Anything they built would have been wood, and wood disappears.’

  ‘What was that hole you were in?’ said Israel.

  ‘Oh, that’s just a little clay pit. It might be useful for the bread oven. If we’re going to cook here, then we’ll need two more fire-pits at least. Do you want to make a start on them, or think about shelter?’

  ‘Are we eating here?’ said Ruskin.

  ‘Are you suggesting we stay here?’ said Millie.

  ‘Well, yes. I thought you’d had it explained,’ said Doctor Ellie. ‘Are they not up to speed?’

  Captain Routon was still smiling. ‘Why don’t you tell them?’ he said.

  ‘Certainly,’ said Doctor Ellie. ‘It’s only a thought, but it seemed a pretty good one last night, because you were all so interested. Routon and I stayed on in the van, you see, and we were looking at a few pictures and maps . . . and we thought a good outdoor history project would be just right for the summer.’

  ‘We’ve been wanting to do a bit of outward-bound for some time,’ said Captain Routon.

  ‘So I said, why not link the two?’ Doctor Ellie grinned happily. ‘Why not reconstruct the tribal village and live in it? We’d end up re-discovering some of the skills they must have had and we can document things as we go. We’ve got fresh water over there, so we’ll be re-constructing on an authentic prehistoric site. What do you think?’

  ‘That’s brilliant,’ whispered Miles.

  ‘Actually stay here?’ said Asilah. ‘Like the tribe did? Is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘Build stuff?’ said Israel. ‘What, mud huts and things?’

  ‘Oh, they didn’t live in mud huts,’ said Doctor Ellie. ‘They were much more sophisticated than that.’

  The headmaster was nodding. ‘You see, children?’ he said. ‘A disaster suddenly turns into the most unique opportunity. We rise to the challenge.’

  ‘How, though?’ said Imagio. ‘How did they live?’

  ‘Well, they were farmers, of course,’ said Doctor Ellie. ‘They had to be. They would have had a stockade for the animals, so that’s why I grabbed the donkeys. They would have had some kind of meeting hall, probably here where we’re sitting – a big fire for the cold nights and a cooking fire as well. Workshops, of course, a kitchen, a butchery . . . They were undoubtedly experts in metalwork, we can tell that from the jewellery in the museum – which we must take you to, as soon as possible, you must meet Vicky. There would have been a forge and—’

  ‘Where did they sleep?’ said Anjoli. ‘I mean, where will we sleep?’

  ‘Here,’ said Kenji. ‘In huts!’

  Every child was now staring at Doctor Ellie. Their eyes had been flicking between her and the headmaster, but now, in the growing excitement, they gazed at the old lady with a new fascination.

  ‘Where would you want to sleep?’ she said, slowly. ‘Think carefully.’

  ‘Together,’ said Podma.

  ‘Together, of course. That goes without saying. But this tribe faced the unknown. They faced predators, of course, and . . . well, my understanding of the stones they left is still incomplete, but judging from the symbols, I’m not sure they favoured huts and earth. I’m not sure they felt safe on the ground.’

  ‘In caves then!’ cried Ruskin. ‘You said there were tin mines, so maybe they—’

  ‘You’re not safe in a cave,’ said Asilah. ‘Not unless it’s one like Tomaz’s, where you hide the entrance.’

  ‘Dark as well
,’ said Sanjay. ‘Gloomy.’

  ‘Trees,’ said Vijay, suddenly. ‘Maybe they just climbed trees, and made little . . . you know, hammocks – like in our village.’

  ‘Come here,’ said Doctor Ellie.

  ‘Pardon, miss?’

  Doctor Ellie was standing. She beckoned to Vijay, smiling – and when he was close, she turned him gently so he was looking back at his friends. ‘You know, you’re a very bright boy,’ she said. ‘You have intuition. You’re sensitive to the ways of a people who passed through here more than two thousand years ago. So look around you and tell me which trees you’d choose to live in.’

  Vijay was embarrassed, but excited. His eyes scanned the edges of the clearing and rose up the trunks of several ancient oaks. It was dark under the leaves, and he was aware of how huge they were and how their limbs knotted and stretched. He said, ‘I’d choose the biggest. I’d choose where the branches were flat, like that one there. But I . . .’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I wouldn’t just put a hammock up. I mean, that’s just when you want a snooze.’

  ‘So what would you do?’

  ‘I’d build a tree house.’

  There was a gasp and the phrase was immediately echoed in hushed whispers.

  Doctor Ellie said, ‘Tree houses, eh? They were people who certainly loved the air. They understood water and most of all they loved moonlight and sunlight. Why would you take the risk of being surrounded on the ground? There were wildcats and wolves. I believe you’re right, Vijay. I believe they had the most intricate system of tree dwellings, interlinked by bridges and swings. We’d have to design carefully, of course – and getting the structural timbers won’t be easy. Are you up to a job like that? Is it too ambitious for you?’

  The children stared at her, in a silence so profound it seemed unbreakable. Nobody wanted to speak, in case such an extraordinary fantasy were snatched away. For what if they were all dreaming together and they suddenly woke up in their dreary dormitories, incarcerated in the grey walls of an old school building? Ribblestrop Towers suddenly seemed like a prison . . .

  The headmaster spoke softly and carefully. ‘What we will do,’ he said, ‘is spend tonight in the circus tent. We can start construction tomorrow.’ He looked at Captain Routon. ‘First of all, though, I propose a vote of thanks to both Captain Routon and Doctor Ellie. They have saved the day again. I vote that this term is given over to what I believe is called, “Living History”. We will throw away these modern clothes and go back in time. We will learn a new way of life. Do I have your agreement, children? Raise your hands if I do.’