by Allie Kay
"Hush. I was fifteen. It was a hell of a lot less pervy than what you have in mind right now."
"Oh, you're a mind reader now? Are you imagining my lips on yours? My hands all tangled in your hair, my body hovering over yours..." His voice dropped and he added, "My tongue teasing, begging entrance to your mouth...?"
"Okay, maybe it was just as pervy."
He started laughing. "I knew it." He tapped my nose with his index finger. "We gotta get you ready for work. You wanna stay here tomorrow too? I'll give you a key. I'm going to be out at Mom and Dad's helping Dad get the tree and all the lights up. My poor bed will be lonely all day unless you come keep it company."
"A key?" I sat up and stared. "You'd actually give me a key to your place?"
He brushed a thumb over my lower lip. "I trust you with my heart. Giving you a key to my apartment is a lot less risky."
34
Zane
When I rubbed a thumb over her lips, Claire's mouth parted slightly. I leaned in and she pulled back. Damn it. Too soon.
"I should get dressed now." She stood, tugging the hem of the shirt lower to cover more of her thighs.
"Right." Slowly, I rose from the bed and walked out of the room. I waited until the door had clicked closed before I adjusted my painfully hard cock. Claire was going to kill me without even realizing it.
While she got dressed, I responded to her email.
To: Claire
Subject: Zane
You sure you want to continue this with me? Maybe I should step back and let you see what's there. You have been spending a lot of time with him. -Z-
She came out of the bedroom in her scrubs, pulling her hair into a ponytail. "I'm ready whenever you are."
"Let me get that key for you." I walked into the kitchen to dig it out of the junk drawer.
She followed behind me, frowning at her phone.
"Problems?"
"I told Z about you. I mean, about staying with you." Leaning back against the counter, she glanced up at me. "Pretty sure he's going to dump me over it."
"Well, I can't say I'd be upset about that."
Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "I can't imagine you would be. But, honestly, do you think your sister would be okay with us dating? Personally, I like my head attached. And Talia and you all are the closest thing to a real family that I have. My mom hardly counts. Too much to risk."
"So, you are basically writing me off and using my sister as an excuse."
"That's not—"
"Here's that key. I'll try to be gone by the time you get off. I'll get Mom to pick up her presents so the spare room will be okay for you to use."
"Zane—"
I shrugged off the hand she laid on my arm. "Get your stuff." Grabbing my keys, I opened the door. "I'll be in the truck. Lock up when you come down, please."
Stomping down the stairs burned off a little of the anger, but the hurt at her words lingered. The fact Claire assumed we'd never work, that by dating me she'd lose her best friend, burned deep in me. The future I saw so clearly, she kicked aside like it was nothing.
Pressing my face against the steering wheel, I inhaled deeply. Of course, she climbed in the cab at that moment and I ended up with lungs full of her sweet scent. As soon as she had her seatbelt on, I jerked the truck into gear and pulled out of the lot.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too."
With one soft hand, she reached tentatively toward me.
"Don't."
The hand slowly pulled back. And when I glanced over, she stared out the window, looking more lost than I'd ever seen.
Mother fucker. I was a complete and total asshat.
I pulled over into the lot at her building.
"Claire..." I reached over and held a hand out before she could get out of the truck. "I'm sorry. My feelings were hurt and I was behaving like a jackass. Not that it's any excuse, but knowing that you are pushing me away, rejecting any future we may have, well, it fucking hurts. I've made it clear how I feel about you. I just wish you felt the same."
She gaped at me. I could see the pity—the rejection—in her eyes.
"I know. You don't have to even say it. The offer to stay with me still stands. Or to swap apartments. Whatever you need to be safe."
"Thank you. I never meant to hurt you."
"I know."
"Bye." She climbed out of the cab and got into her little car.
I threw the truck in reverse and drove away. By the time I reached my apartment, I'd moved from anger and hurt to guilt. I didn't have the right to be mad at her. The whole secret admirer thing was my idea. I'd done too well with getting her to fall in love with Z.
When the email notification dinged, I ignored it. My mindset wasn't right for responding to her at that exact moment. Best to let it go a while.
After a couple hours vegging out in front of an Adam Sandler movie and a few beers, my mood had improved enough to see what Claire had to say.
To: Z
Subject: Re: Zane
Of course I still want to continue with you. I'll admit, Zane's not quite the pest I thought he was. But if you want to break this off, just say so.
I'd been looking forward to seeing you again...
I miss our little back and forths. Miss getting to know you more.
What are you doing tonight? Or the rest of the weekend? I'm stuck at Garden Falls General, waiting on 5 am. Tomorrow I'll sleep all day (and email you a few times, I hope). Before repeating another boring ass night on the surgical floor. Then I hope to get a nap before driving out to Garden Falls State Park to meet you. What about you?
Claire
To: Claire
Subject: Weekend
Okay.
If you are sure...
I'm sitting on my couch feeling sorry for myself. While I hope I am wrong, this feeling of dread has settled into my stomach about this weekend, and I can't shake it. Something isn't going to go as I hoped.
For now, I am watching a stupid Adam Sandler movie, trying to cheer myself up. I'm going to sit on my ass and watch crappy movies alone tonight. Tomorrow, I gotta help my mom with some stuff. But Sunday will be all for you, my angel.
If all goes well, this time next week maybe you'll be snuggled up on the couch next to me. I'll even watch a chick flick with you... -Z-
A grumbling rose from my stomach. Glancing down at my watch, I cursed. Nine thirty? No freaking wonder I was starved. Wandering into the kitchen, I opened the fridge. Not much in there. I heated up a can of soup and ate that quickly.
I sent Claire a text, as myself, before getting in the shower.
Zane: Forgive me for being a dick earlier. Use the key in the morning, please. Love you.
I got out of the shower to her reply.
Claire: I will. Get some sleep.
I flopped down on the bed and buried my face in the pillow she'd used. The faintest scent of Claire clung to the fabric. I set an alarm for five thirty so I could be sure to be out of there before Claire got there. Sleep took longer than I'd hoped in coming, but my mind kept swirling around Claire.
Talia's reaction was her biggest objection to us being together. Talia. Not me, not that she wasn't attracted to me, or that she couldn't see us together. She was just worried about losing her best friend. There was no way I could clue her in to the fact that Talia was actually okay with it without revealing myself. But then a spark of hope began to build. She was softening up to me, whether she realized it or not.
The alarm went off and I turned it off. God, I felt like ass. I'd sleep just a bit longer, then I'd get up and leave when she got there. Yawning, I stretched and rolled back over.
Movement shaking the bed made me open one eye. Claire slipped beneath the comforter next to me. "Hey..." she whispered.
"Morning..." I wrapped an arm around her and snuggled into her.
"Is this okay? Are we okay?"
"You smell good."
"You're half asleep." She giggled. "And you di
dn't answer me."
"Mmm... yeah, okay." I closed my eye back and tightened my grip on her. "Love you."
35
Claire
Guilt washed over me when I climbed in bed with Zane, but he didn't seem to mind. His arms were warm and his embrace promised safety. When he whispered "Love you" my heart fluttered and I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying it back.
I did not love Zane Richmond.
Wouldn't.
Right?
But I didn't have to love him to feel safe in his arms. And this was temporary. Once I had a day off, I'd make some other arrangements.
When I woke, hours later, the other side of the bed sat cold and empty. I rose up and listened. The silent apartment greeted my ears. Zane wasn't home.
Reaching for my phone to check the time, I found a little note. Taped to the screen of my cell phone was a tiny missive.
Hey sweet girl,
I'm at Mom and Dad's. Just a phone call away if you need me. Otherwise, I'll stay out of your way. I meant to be gone before you got home, but I didn't quite make it.
Have a good night at work.
Love,
Zane
The lined blue paper tickled my memory with its familiarity. But where exactly had I seen it before? I carefully folded the tape edge to the back of the page and tucked the little paper into my purse. I'd add it to my love note collection when I could safely get back to my apartment.
Wait... Z had used a similar paper. How common was it? Hell, they probably sold it at the gas station if Zane had it. I shook my head at my foolishness. How many times was I going to let some silly thing make me think Z was really Zane? Honestly, I was beginning to think I wanted Z to be Zane. But that was stupid.
I allowed myself a few moments to fantasize about a future with Zane. A future where everything was perfect and I didn't end up losing my best friend and I got the guy. Falling asleep in his arms each night... buying a house together... although, knowing Zane, he'd want to either build a house or completely renovate one.
I had a text from Talia asking me to call her later and an email from Z.
To: Claire
Subject: Weekend
Hey sexy angel,
Are you sleeping in that tshirt again? I'd bet it falls just low enough to cover all the important stuff, yet leaving those gorgeous thighs free to be ogled.
I woke up this morning thinking of you. Of your softness pressed against me. My cock slipping between those thighs. My arms around your waist and the perfectness of that.
Not even sex (although yes, yes, yes, I want that), but being with you. Holding you.
Soon, yeah?
Last clue:
Cascading
Falling
Tumbling
Down over the rocks
To the lush basin below
Down the path
To the bottom we'll go.
Got it?
I'll see you tomorrow, my love, at noon. -Z-
Damn. I hoped Zane didn't come home soon. I was too heated to see him. Fanning myself with my hands, I hopped into the shower to cool off.
After that, I called my best friend, fully expecting to get chewed out over my current sleeping arrangements. I had no doubts Zane had told Talia. They were super close, after all.
"Hey, Claire," Talia answered.
"Hey. You wanted to talk to me." Wasn't going to invite a lecture...
"Zane told me about your neighbor. And that you were staying there. Is that the best idea? You know how he feels about you."
A big, quivery sigh slipped past my lips. "I know. But I can't go back to my apartment. Not after—"
"Fuck no, you can't go back there," Talia interrupted. "You can't give that asshat another chance to hurt you. I'll have to cut his balls off if he hurts you again."
I couldn't hold back and laughed out loud. "Your husband is rubbing off on you."
"And? It's the truth... I'm serious. You can't go back."
"I know. I'm off tomorrow and Monday. I'll figure something out on then. You and Sean are newlyweds, and I don’t want to be a third wheel. I can’t stay at Anna’s. Not with everything she’s going through, I just wouldn’t want to intrude." My problems were practically non-existent when compared to Anna’s. She had to watch her poor sweet husband decay before her eyes as he sat on life support, a legal injunction blocking her from pulling the plug. I barely saw her lately as it was. Asking to stay with her was more of a load than I was willing to put on her already burdened shoulders.
"We have plenty of couches. You know you love the one in the library..." Talia offered.
"I'm on nights right now and with all those big windows I'd never sleep. But I love you, and I love that you'd even let me stay with you."
"Of course I would. You're my bitch."
"Really?"
"Ha... okay, so I can't pull that off, can I?" Talia laughed at herself.
"Nope. Not even a little bit."
"I love you anyways. And you can always stay here, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I gotta go to work. Love you too, bitch."
I hung up the phone with a smile. Then I remembered I hadn't responded to either of my men.
Either of my men?
Oh God... I'd become my mother.
Was this situation fair to either Z or Zane? Zane had been there for me, no questions asked. And he trusted me. But I had such amazing passion with Z...
Tomorrow, I would meet Z in person and be able to decide then and there which guy was best for me. Which I had a future with.
But that also meant that one of them would be left alone, and potentially heartbroken.
My mother would be proud.
36
Zane
When Claire came in on Sunday morning, I pretended to still be asleep. She hadn't told me she didn't want me there. And it was my bed after all...
She'd responded to Z's email with a 'Got it. Busy night.' And she'd ignored my note entirely. So I wasn't vacating my bed.
Not that she seemed to mind. Nope. She slipped into the bed next to me. Hell, she even lifted my arm and moved closer. So fuck if I was moving.
Well, moving closer maybe... And just maybe my thumb moved over her nipple.
When she stilled my hand, I let it go. But she didn't shift away from my hardening length against her ass. And she didn't remove my hand from her breast, just stopped my movement over her nipple.
I could live with that. For now.
She snuggled in and her breathing even out as she dozed off. But now I was wide awake and hard.
I tried to think unsexy thoughts, but I was just entirely too aware that only a few thin layers of fabric separated us. I lay there for a while, thoughts in turmoil.
Today would potentially put an end to this. When she found out I was Z, it would either be amazing, or blow up in my face. Claire had softened to me a lot recently, but would it be enough to get her past my identity?
Still... I was surprised she'd climbed in bed with me when she had a "date" today with Z. It seemed out of character for her. Maybe she knew I was Z, subconsciously perhaps.
Finally, I couldn't stand laying there anymore. I brushed her hair back, kissed her cheek, and whispered, "I love you." After a quick shower, I made up a picnic lunch and headed on out to Garden Falls State Park to get everything ready for our meeting.
I spread the blanket on the ground and settled in to wait for her. After a short while, I decided to move to a better spot. When I found the perfect view of the falls, I started to pace. Nervous butterflies fluttered about in my stomach.
A few minutes before noon, Claire came in my direction. The warm fall sun lit her face. Her blonde hair and pale skin stood out in the midst of the colorful autumn leaves.
I leaned against one of the boulders and tried to act casual.
"Zane? What are you doing here?" She stomped up to me. "Get out of here. You are going to ruin everything!"
"Claire—" I opened my mouth to tell her
the truth about Z. About myself...
"No. I don't want to hear it. Get the hell out of here." She shoved against me. "Please, Zane. I need you to do what I ask for once in your life."
"But—"
"No buts. Go away, you selfish bastard. If you care about me at all, you will take your ass up that path right now."
“I don’t want to wreck your Sunday.” I shook my head, but picked up my blanket and cooler. I smiled sadly at her before I stepped on the path back to my truck.
Once again, I couldn't tell her. I tossed the blanket in the cab and lowered the tailgate. With my head in my hands, I stared down at the gravel beneath my feet. My gut had been right. Today wasn't going as planned.
She still wasn't ready to accept me. Maybe she never would be.
To: Claire
Subject: I'm sorry
Angel, I don't think today is going to work out. I'm not sure you are yet ready for the reality of me. -Z-
I grabbed a sandwich from the cooler and unwrapped it. After a few bites, I came to a conclusion. No more feeling sorry for myself. It was a beautiful day and I was damn well going to enjoy the rest of it. Even if it hadn't gone as I'd hoped with Claire.
37
Claire
Wandering back up the path, my thoughts were focused on Z. Why had he canceled at the last minute? Today was supposed to be the day with Z. Where we finally came face to face, with no masks, no secrets. And yet he hadn't shown. Was he losing interest? I got back to the parking lot and hit the unlock button on my car when I looked up and saw Zane.
Sitting on his tailgate, munching on a sandwich, he looked like he hadn't a care in the world. He glanced up and our gazes locked. He waved me over.
I tried to ignore the flutter in my stomach when he smiled. Zane Richmond should not give me butterflies. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my traitorous heart. I walked up to his truck and sat down next to him. "My date canceled."