Little White Lies

by Paul Watkins

  Karen’s leaning against the doorjamb, arms folded, her legs crossed at the ankles, “Do you think he knows what’s going on?” she asks.

  “Not a clue,” I reply. The door swings shut behind me and I look at my watch. “We have twenty-eight minutes.”

  “Plenty of time,” she says with a grin, kicking hershoes across the room.

  ***

  It’s a short walk to the subway and a quick ride to Yorkville. Here many trendy little shops reside as well as a few larger stores. We decide to have lunch at one of the quaint little eateries that seem to be everywhere, and then wander along the streets window-shopping. Eventually we make our way into an area where sex shops abound. There isn’t exactly a line drawn across the sidewalk, the pavement isn’t painted red or anything like that, but the change in the neighborhood is sudden and dramatic. As Karen realizes where we are, she grabs my arm and turns me around in an elaborate swinging motion, sort of like one would maneuver an eighteen-wheeler on a four-lane highway.

  “This is the last thing you need help with,” she says with authority. “I’m afraid if we go into one of these stores I’m going to see your nude body on a poster orsomething. For the rest of this trip I want you to take a nice cold shower the minute we get to our room.”

  I do my best to ignore her little outburst while A.J. and Sheri laugh.

  “What’s the matter, Karen,” A.J. asks, “did you think Phil keeps himself in good shape just for the hell of it? I guess I’m surprised he brought only one woman on this trip. Of course, he could have another one stashed in Ottawa in case you crap out on him.”

  When A.J. warms to his subject, as he is obviously about to do, it’s hard to shut him down and I’m not even going to try. He wraps his arm around me and with a look of adoration continues, “I must admit, my man, you are fast becoming my idol. Tell me, is ‘fucked out’ covered under our hospitalization insurance?”

  “It’s a rider,” I reply.

  “All right,” Sheri interjects, “that’s enough out ofyou two.

  ***

  As the trip wears on, we fall into a predictable routine. We shop until A.J. and I drop. Then the two of us look for a suitable tavern where we hole up until the girls get ready to retire from the field of bargain hunting. Sitting in a tavern is great, comfortable chairs, a warm room, a good drink and peace and quiet, and no more standing around and waiting. ‘Try this on. It looks wonderful, but this is even better. This color is perfect for you. Here, try this on… ‘ and on… and on. No question… taverns are much better.

  “Well, Phil,” A.J. begins, “are you in love, or are you in lust? Before you answer I should tell you that my wife thinks you are, madly in love, that is.” He rolls his eyes for emphasis.

  “No, I can safely say I am not in love. Of course I’m in lust. Hell, who wouldn’t be? Karen’s a knockout. Look, she’s very nice and I like her a lot, but talking about love at this stage of the game is crazy.”

  “Sheri thinks you might be hearing wedding bells before too long,” A.J. persists.

  This is startling news and irresponsible to boot.

  “Jesus, A.J., talk to her. She might start talking to Karen about that nonsense.”

  “What do you have against marriage?”

  It’s obvious from his unsuccessful efforts to hide his mirth that this whole affair is quite amusing to my employer. I ignore his antics and continue the conversation as though I were talking to a normal, responsible adult.

  “Nothing. Marriage is okay. I was married for a long time and it was a wonderful experience. But I think I was lucky and I don’t want to push my luck any farther right now. I’m not even slightly interested in marriage. Haven’t thought about it and don’t plan to.”

  “Suppose Karen calls the question. What if she says you guys get married or else it’s over?”

  “Then it would be over,” I reply. “It wouldn’t make her a bad person or anything like that. We would just have a different idea of what we want out of life. I can’t imagine a girl hanging around long enough for me toget comfortable with the idea of actually getting married.”

  A.J. leans forward and puts his elbows on the table. “What do you mean, get comfortable? Are you talking about time?”

  “Right. Time is certainly a part of it. I think too many people rush into marriage without really getting to know the other person. At my age and stage in life I don’t need that kind of problem. As far as Karen is concerned, I think this is a fling. And the truth of the matter is… I’m too old for her anyway… or she’s too young for me… however you want to put it. We get along fine now, but there’s a lot more to a marriage than having a few drinks and going to bed.”

  A.J. nods. “You mentioned the age thing to Sheri before and she thinks you’re over-reacting. I guess I do, too. You guys aren’t that far apart in years. It’ll work out… just take it one day at a time.”

  “It won’t be a problem if you keep your wife under control.”

  A.J. laughs. “Why don’t you ask me to do something easy, like run a sub-four minute mile, bring peace to the Middle-East, or solve the mystery of the Holy Grail? You know how she is when it comes to romance… she has to meddle.” He waves his hand dismissing the subject. “Ah to hell with it. Let her screw it up for you. She’ll do you a favor. That way you won’t be the bad guy and you’ll be one up on Sheri for messing with your love life. It would serve her right.”

  I can’t help but smile. “Sounds like a plan.”

  CHAPTER 16

  We manage to arrive back at the estate around mid-day. Everything seems quiet and serene, but no sooner do we set foot in the foyer than the kids come boiling down the stairs to see their parents, so much for quiet and serenity. Unlike most children their ages, they don’t expect any presents. A.J. and Sheri decided a long time ago to forgo any gifts for the children when returning home from trips. A.J. traveled too often and it would send the wrong message they thought. Karen and I decide to take the kids for a walk after lunch, before she leaves for the city. Cooped up in the house for a few days, they look like they can use some exercise and they waste no time charging on ahead. Kids are far less likely to present problems if their energy is directed and that’s particularly true with these two.

  It’s only mid-afternoon, but it’s already growing dark as the late November sun quickly descends in the western sky. The trees are bare, their skeletal outlines standing in sharp profile against the slow moving clouds. The wind is gentle, but there’s a timely, seasonal edge to it, telegraphing its intentions… it’s going to get cold soon. We don’t walk far before Karen breaks the easy silence with a question.

  “What are your plans for the holidays?” she asks.

  “I haven’t thought about the holidays,” I reply. “I suppose I’ll stay here. I really don’t have anything to do… how about you?”

  “Let me ask you something else before I answer your question,” she counters. “What’s going to happen to us? Where do we stand?”

  I suppose it’s a fair question, but I’m no more prepared to discuss it with her now than I was with A.J. in Canada. Nothing has changed. I guess I have to tell her that much at least.

  “I’m not sure I have a good answer for you,” I begin. “However, first please understand that I want very much for our relationship to continue and have a chance to develop. I want to spend time with you and give us an opportunity to get to know one another. At the same time, I would like things to happen naturally… that is, I don’t want to put pressure on us to do something or not do something by a certain date or within a certain timeframe. I like everything about you… absolutely everything. I just don’t want to rush into anything.”

  I don’t know if there’s a better time or place for this, or if it’s going to be difficult and uncomfortable no matter where or when we discuss it. I guess I somehow think of these
things as occurring over time without any particular plan or agenda. Maybe our situation is natural, but it just doesn’t feel right. It feels forced, like ‘Relationship’ is a line item on a ‘to-do’ list. From the look on Karen’s face it’s obvious this isn’t going well at all. Anger flashes in her eyes, then evaporates almost as fast as it appears. She looks down and away and now seems to be lost in thought. There’s a lot going on in that pretty head of hers.

  “How about my question? Do you have plans for the weekend? Would you like to get together?” I persist against my better judgment.

  “I’m afraid I do,” she says looking at the ground between us and then away towards where the children are playing. “It’s nothing serious… he’s an old friend.”

  Her body language is suffocating. I doubt that she wants to be here at all, let alone continue this discussion. However, like death, even though perfectly natural, ‘old friends’ can be a surprise when they’re not expected. But perhaps it’s just what I need to put our relationship back in the proper perspective. Everything has been speeding along with little direction from either one of us. And, worst of all, I may have presumed too much. That itch I’ve been scratching, the one about a girl like this having some kind of relationship, has just become a rash.

  “Well good,” I respond without much conviction, “it’s probably for the best. I’m a bit behind after our little trip so I should work anyway.”

  I call the kids and they come running. As usual, Shana lowers her head when she gets to within about ten feet and simply charges in expecting to be scooped up. I can do no more than oblige. What a little bundle of energy she is. I get tired just watching these little guys charge around like frisky little colts.

  Arriving back at the house after a long silent walk, we slowly climb the steps and enter the foyer. I turn to Karen and see a look of disappointment or dejection on her face. I’m not sure which or if, in this case, there’s a difference. I do know I have to get out of here beforethings get worse. I have a sense of what might be coming and it’s something I think is out of line at this point in our relationship. Perhaps some time and distance would be the best prescription. This isn’t the time for a showdown… of any kind. I know no matter what is said, it’s going to come out wrong. I don’t know why, but my instincts tell me to just end it and be done with it. I don’t understand Karen and I’m not sure I ever will. It’s so tough to get comfortable, or if I do, to stay that way for any length of time. This whole damn trip idea was a major mistake.

  “Thanks for a great time in Canada,” I say, kissing her on the forehead. She doesn’t look up. “I hope to see you again soon… have a good weekend and all that.”

  She stands silently for a moment and then turns away, so much for fond farewells.

  I grab the kids and head up the stairs to return them to Mary for the time being. They need to get out of their coats and ready for dinner. Then, like the coward I am, I head for the back stairs and my office.

  The papers on my desk are not inviting and it’s difficult to focus on the work at hand. Realistically, I suppose, I won’t be seeing Karen again, at least on a personal level. The one person I know really well in this equation is me and I know I’m not up to competing for the attentions of an attractive young woman… even one as desirable as Karen. Obviously she’s involved to some degree, at least, with someone else. That’s okay… heck, it’s even to be expected. Someone as prettily packaged as Karen would be bound to have romantic ties. She has a lot to offer and I’m sure there are scores of takers, or at least would-be takers. It’s a little bothersome, but better a little pain now than a lot later on. I’m not really into this stuff anyway. Better to exit gracefully and get on with my life.

  As they say in golf: ah shit!

  ***

  I had a good night’s sleep, but it didn’t do anything to improve my frame of mind. The best cure for what ails me is work and lots of it. I have to put yesterday out of my head and just forget about it. Tough to do, but that’s what’s going to happen.

  A.J. and I have been talking in the library for about thirty minutes to clear up a few loose ends before I leave for Atlanta. I am searching for management candidates for the new restaurants in the U.S. and possibly one or two in Europe, if we decide to take that step. We wander out of the library into the foyer when Sheri calls to us from the stairs.

  “What’s up, guys?”

  She’s all decked out in cold weather running gear.

  “Nothing much,” A.J. replies. “Going for a run?”

  “Yep. Want to go with me?”

  “Can you give me a minute to change?”

  “Sure, no rush. Do you want to join us, Phil?”

  “No thanks, Sheri. I’m on my way to Atlanta. I’ll probably be gone when you return, so I’ll see you in afew days. Is there anything you would like before I go?”

  Sheri pauses before speaking. She leans to the side as A.J. passes her on the stairway, taking the steps two at a time.

  “Can you spare a moment?” She asks. “I would like to talk to you for a second.”

  She quickly descends the stairs, takes my arm and steers me back into the library.

  “I know this is none of my business,” she begins in a half-whisper, “but I think you should know that Karen’s very upset about what happened yesterday before she left.”

  Since I’m not entirely certain just what she’s talking about, I remain quiet waiting for an explanation.

  “Karen thinks you may have inferred from what she said that she’s involved with someone else… which is not the case. She thinks you’re upset with her.”

  Now I feel my anger building. The last thing I need is some adolescent crap going on with my so-called love life. The idea she would bring Sheri into this is bullshit… plain and simple. It’s an excellent reason why I shouldn’t date someone who is involved with my employers. I don’t even want to talk about it, but I don’t want to be angry with Sheri either… and I certainly don’t want to give the appearance of being angry. The situation doesn’t deserve this much attention, but it’s the kind of thing Sheri feeds on. I take a deep breath before I speak, just as my mother taught me to do… so I wouldn’t get pissed off.

  “Look, Sheri,” I begin, “I know you’re trying to help, but there’s really no need. I believe I understand what Karen’s concern is, but it doesn’t make any difference one way or the other. We’ll continue to be friends. As I’ve said in the past, she’s a great person and nothing has happened to change my opinion in that regard. I like her a lot.”

  I smile as sincerely as I know how.

  “Anything else before I go?”

  Sheri stares at me intently for several seconds before speaking.

  “Would you please tell me what all that means? I could interpret what you just said to mean there is no problem between you two and therefore no cause for concern. Or, I could interpret your words to mean it’s over… you’re dumping her. Which is it?”

  It’s amazing to me how Sheri can dig into things she admits are none of her business. I think she feels if she admits it up front, then it’s okay. But none of this makes her a bad guy so I might as well try to end it as neatly as possible and get the hell out of here.

  “Since I never really had any commitment or relationship with Karen, I would be in no position to dump her, as you so quaintly put it. What you seem to be unaware of is the fact that she is a bright young woman with a life of her own. A life, incidentally, that existed before I came along and will continue in my absence. I think you could more accurately say that her life will go on in much the same manner as it did before we met and that mine will do the same.”

  “I knew it!” she exclaims with a whack on my arm. “You’re dumping her. I knew what your reaction would be when she told me what she said to you. She didn’t mean it that way. Please call her!”

&
nbsp; Enough is enough. Fortunately, A.J. chooses this moment to appear in the doorway in his neon running gear. He looks as though he has just stepped out of a light socket. I take advantage of his entrance as I lean forward and kiss Sheri on the cheek.

  “Good-bye, all.”

  I tap A.J. on the arm as I pass him on the way to my room to get my gear. I’m outahere!

  CHAPTER 17

  The holidays are coming upon us with the relentless cadence of the inevitable. I have established priorities targeting all the things I want to accomplish before year-end with next year’s budget topping the list. Last year’s effort turned out to be little more than a thirty day rolling estimate, but it was more than we had before. Now, at least, we have rough numbers for our quarterly needs in various departments. Things like entertainment will always move around, but even there we know more than we did before… like how much it will cost for specific events. The more we know about the predictable expenditures, the more manageable the process will become.

  Even the biggest bear we have been wrestling, security, has finally been brought under control. A staff of eight men has been assembled and they are all well trained. There are six to cover the estate, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week; plus two more who will travel with A.J. when he goes on tour or leaves town for any reason. Four are full-time, and four are contract workers with schedules adjusted according to activities and the number of family present. All have been cross-trained so anyone can take on any assignment at any time. I am considered to be a part of the night staff when I am at the estate.

  There are no young toughs and no overweight, retired policemen in this group. In my opinion, we are a lot more prepared than we will ever need to be, but I think that’s better than playing catch-up. Also, Steve Marshall has come along in his training and is now ready to take his turn in the regular staff rotation. The staff is kept busy with a part of every day devoted to a rigorous training schedule. We run a variety of exercises that includes everything from accidents and injuries to fire drills. Most of this takes place when the family is away, or is relegated to a section of the house where the family won’t be bothered, usually the gym. The basic idea is to keep these guys busy at all times preparing for the unexpected. In my view, preparation is what security is all about. The focus is always on the safety of the family.