Heart of Love

by Shanna Hatfield

  As soon as the plane lifted off, a sense of dread settled over him he couldn’t shake. He normally enjoyed attending the conference, learning new techniques and advanced applications, networking with other extension agents, gleaning all manner of useful information.

  His heart wasn’t in it this year, though.

  After making it through the last meeting, he’d just returned to his hotel room when his cell phone rang. Quickly keying into his room, he tossed his briefcase and coat on the bed and answered, not bothering to see who called.

  “This is Jake.”

  “Jake, it’s Sue.”

  “Sue, how did it go today? What did the doctor say?” He yanked off his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt. “Did you just get out of the appointment? I thought I’d hear from you sooner.”

  “We… we just...” Sue’s voice quivered.

  Fear wound icy fingers around Jake’s throat until he struggled to breathe.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” He finally asked, leaning against the wall for support.

  “Anna… Anna has a brain tumor.” Sue spoke through her tears. “The doctor wants to get a second opinion. He made an appointment tomorrow afternoon at the university hospital in Portland. He’s thinks it may be cancer.”

  Jake couldn’t speak, not when his legs gave out beneath him and he slid to the floor.

  “Jake?” Sue asked, frantic. “Jake! Are you still there?”

  He cleared his throat. “I’m here. I’ll be home first thing in the morning. Thanks for letting me know and tell Anna I love her.” Jake disconnected the call, sitting in stunned silence before he dropped his head to his knees and wept.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Desperate to return to Anna, Jake took a cab to the airport as soon as he gathered his belongings and checked out of the hotel. Although he hoped to catch an immediate flight, he couldn’t get a seat on a plane headed to Portland until the wee hours of the morning.

  As soon as he disembarked the plane in Portland, Jake hit the ground running, raced to his pickup, then drove straight to the Zimmerman’s.

  Barely knocking on the door, he stepped into the warm kitchen and his mother’s arms.

  “Oh, honey,” Maggie said, as she hugged him. Ken had called Maggie and Tom early that morning and let them know the news. Maggie rushed right over. She and Sue had been consoling each other when Jake arrived.

  “How is she?” he asked, clearing his throat to swallow the lump lodged there. He hadn’t cried since he was eight years old and fallen out of a tree, but he’d shed enough tears the previous evening to last him the rest of his life.

  “Resting. She’s been asking for you,” Sue said, giving his back a motherly pat. “Go sit with her a while and then we’ll talk.”

  Quickly removing his coat and hanging it by the kitchen door, Jake hurried to Anna’s bedroom. He found her exactly as he’d left her — asleep, pale, and terribly ill. He sank onto the chair by her bed and stared at her for the longest time, willing her to be well, to be his vibrant, spunky little mouse.

  As if she sensed his presence, she stirred and opened her eyes, offering him a weak smile. “I missed you.”

  He dropped to his knees next to the bed, leaned over, and kissed her lips while holding tightly to her hand. “I’m so sorry I left. I should never have gone. I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Anna said in her practical manner. “What could you have done if you’d been here? It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

  “I should have been here, though,” Jake argued. “I needed to be here with you. Here for you.”

  “I’m glad you’re here now.” She offered him a lopsided grin and squeezed his hand. “I think I like you.”

  “I like you, too.” Jake released a choppy laugh, full of emotion. “Anna, I...”

  “Jake, don’t.” Anna voice held more strength than he would have thought her capable of possessing in her weakened state. “I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. Nothing is definite. It’s only an opinion. This afternoon will be time enough to decide what needs to happen. For now, I just want you to hold me.”

  “But, Anna,” Jake buried his face in the blankets next to her, trying to regain his composure. How could she be so practical at a time like this? How could she not want to talk about what loomed before them?

  When her fingers stroked through his hair, it nearly left him undone. He took a deep breath, then another. He finally lifted his head and looked into the violet eyes he knew so well and loved.

  “Please,” Anna whispered on a smile.

  “Anna…” Jake rasped around the lump that returned to his throat. He kicked off his boots, scooted onto the bed, and gently cradled her in his arms.

  “I feel better already,” she said, drifting back to sleep in his embrace, her head nestled against his chest.

  Jake didn’t move, holding Anna while she slept. His let his chin settled on top of her head and his eyes drifted shut. An hour later, Sue and Maggie found them both sleeping. Jake tenderly held Anna in his arms while his head rested on top of hers.

  Maggie stayed throughout the morning, keeping Sue company while they shared thoughts, fears, and love from their hearts. Ken couldn’t sit around the house and went into work for a while, as had Lisa. Sam tried to stay busy in the shop, but wandered into the house regularly to check on everyone.

  Jake appeared in the kitchen just before noon with Anna leaning heavily on his arm. She decided she wanted a change of scenery, so she sat at the table, nibbling toast while the rest of them ate.

  After lunch, she took a shower, dressed, did her hair and applied some mascara, then sat in the overstuffed chair in her room, exhausted. She wasn’t sure how she would make the hour-long trip to the city and home again. With a heavy sigh, she leaned her head back and prayed, as she’d done a hundred times in the last two days, begging God to let her be well.

  Now that her life seemed so full and wonderful, she wasn’t ready to accept anything that could alter her happiness. She clung to the hope that the doctor was wrong. Before she made any decisions, she would wait for the verdict from today’s appointment.

  As much as she loved Jake, she wouldn’t bind him to their engagement if she was going to become an invalid. She certainly wouldn’t allow him to watch her die if it turned out to be cancer or inoperable. She suddenly had a new understanding of how Sam must have felt when he awakened from the car accident to find his life so suddenly and uncontrollably altered.

  Instead of dwelling on the pain in her head, the dizziness plaguing her, or the appointment ahead, Anna chose to think of Jake, the Cottage, and their wedding. She had the perfect picture of the ceremony in her head with a blue sky overhead, fruit trees in full blossom, and the rose arbor twined with flowers.

  She closed her eyes and envisioned herself wearing a beautiful gown, standing next to a debonair Jake, as they recited their vows then sealed the promise with a kiss.

  Jake’s spicy aftershave filled her nose. She basked in the warmth of his presence, tasted his lips on hers, giving her the softest of kisses. It took her a moment to realize she wasn’t dreaming. Jake leaned over her chair, kissing her awake.

  “It’s time to go, Sugar.” Jake smiled as she opened her eyes. “Do you want me to carry you out?”

  “No, I’ll walk.” Anna accepted Jake’s hands as he helped her to her feet. She picked up her purse and walked out the bedroom door into the hall, grateful for the steady support of his arm around her waist. As she thought how she must look, weaving down the hallway, she laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” Jake asked as they made it to the kitchen.

  “I’m picturing how I look as I walk. Probably like a drunk at closing time.”

  “Not quite,” Jake said with a chuckle. “Not even close.”

  Ken arrived home and decided to take Sue’s larger car so the four of them could ride into the city together.

  Maggie offered to stay behi
nd and cook dinner, but Sue encouraged her to go home and rest, promising one of them would call after they heard what the doctor had to say.

  The drive to the hospital was quiet with everyone lost in their own thoughts. Anna couldn’t take the somber atmosphere. It was too depressing and made her feel like they were on their way to a funeral. Someone needed to chase away the melancholy and she knew just what to say to make it happen.

  “Hey, Dad, remember the time Sam thought if he pedaled his bike fast enough around the inside of the granary he’d be able to ride it to the top?”

  Ken chuckled at the memory. “Sam spent the better part of an afternoon trying to prove his theory and the adventure ended when his bike toppled on top of him, splitting open his lip.”

  “Don’t forget the time he climbed up the rope on the backyard swing,” Sue added. “I told him he might fall and break something. Sure enough, he broke his arm and spent half the summer in a cast. Goodness sakes, but he was miserable.”

  “What about you, Anna?” Jake asked, caught up in the family stories. “Did you ever get hurt doing something wild and crazy?”

  “Of course not.” Anna glared at him, indignant.

  “Now, Sugar, you had almost as many spills as Tuff,” her dad said. “Remember the time you and your brother collided bikes? The kids both had motorbikes then. It was handy to have them zip around the farm and get things done. Sugar was riding hers around one corner of the barn and Tuff came around from the other side. She saw him first and swerved, but the bike came out from under her. Her brother ran right over the top of her. How many cracked ribs did you have, Sugar?”

  “Two, Daddy. Thanks for sharing that story,” Anna said, dryly. Not that she had a glamorous image to start with, but the family tales didn’t help her feel any less like a tomboy.

  “Remember the time you left the tractor with a full tank of spray sitting out by the house while you ran in to make a quick phone call, Ken?” Sue said. “Anna was about five at the time and thought it was a water hose. She was out there spraying it all over herself, the dog, everywhere. I just knew Ken had poisoned my baby. I think I nearly scrubbed her skin off, trying to make sure the spray was all gone.”

  “Then there was the time Sugar was out checking the gopher traps,” Ken said, looking over his shoulder at Jake. “You should know she’s about the best trapper I’ve ever run across and that is saying something. Don’t tell Tuff I said that, though. Anyway, she was setting some new traps and was just ready to set a trap down a hole when out came Mr. Gopher at full speed. Anna ended up with her hand caught in the trap, dancing around, trying to keep the gopher from getting back in the hole while she got herself out of the mess.”

  Jake laughed, picturing Anna and her gopher trapping antics. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Nope. Dead on truth, that is.” Ken said, warming up to the storytelling.

  “Oh, look, isn’t that the exit for the hospital?” Anna asked pointing ahead. The conversation served the purpose of lightening the mood, but she didn’t appreciate it being at her expense. When her dad looked back at her and grinned, she rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.

  Laughter filled the car as Ken pulled into the parking lot. After locating Dr. O’Brien’s office, the four of them quietly sat in the waiting room. They didn’t have long to wait until they were taken into a conference room. Seated around the table, a man of medium height with ruddy cheeks, and an engaging smile joined them. He shook everyone’s hand, introducing himself as Dr. O’Brien, then placed a folder on the table in front of him as he took a seat.

  “After studying Anna’s test results, I think what we are looking at is an acoustic neuroma,” Dr. O’Brien explained. “I could give you a bunch of medical mumbo jumbo you won’t understand, so here it is, in plain English. Anna has a brain tumor. I’m ninety-nine percent sure it is not cancer.”

  The four people sitting across the table from Dr. O’Brien let out a collective sigh of relief.

  “This type of tumor is most always benign. It will not spread to other parts of her body or invade tissue surrounding it. However, it will damage nerves as it grows. There are cells that form a protective covering around nerve fibers and sometimes a little cluster starts to grow out of those cells. This particular nerve connects the ear to the brain. It is located behind the ear right under the brain. The tumor is growing on her right side. From the information I have here, Anna has no hearing in that ear as it is. That’s a good thing, because after the surgery, she would have most likely lost hearing in that ear, anyway. These types of tumors aren’t common, but I have performed several successful surgeries. While Anna’s tumor has been slow growing, it decided to take on a growth spurt, causing her physical maladies. Without the symptoms, Anna may have lived her entire life and not known the tumor was there. Some typical symptoms are dizziness, balance problems, vomiting and nausea, headaches, sleepiness. From this report, it seems Anna has had quite a time recently.”

  Dr. O’Brien stopped and took a sip from the cup of coffee he held. “Anna is young for this type of tumor. We usually don’t see any symptoms until the patient hits their thirties. I’m inclined to think she may have had this since birth. The good news is that we can get her into surgery Monday and remove the tumor.”

  The doctor removed some drawings from the folder and scooted them across the table. Using his pen, he pointed to a picture of a patient’s head.

  “Right here, behind her ear, we’ll shave off this little section of hair, make an incision, remove a tiny portion of her skull and take out the tumor. This type of procedure is the least invasive and keeps us from having to move or protract the brain. We don’t want to do either of those things if possible. We would put Anna under with a general anesthesia, remove the tumor and then harvest a piece of fat from her abdomen to replace the bone that’s removed. This also helps prevent the possibility of spinal fluid leakage. A pressure bandage is then applied and Anna would spend the first night in ICU. From there, she would spend three to five days following a postoperative course. She’ll likely experience trouble with dizziness and balance for a few weeks and then it will start to fade away. She won’t be able to drive for a month to six weeks and any sudden movements of her head may cause a dizzy spell for several months, but after that, she should be as good as new.”

  The doctor looked at the hopeful faces across the table from him. It was gratifying when he could calm a patient’s worse fears into something manageable.

  “That sounds simple enough,” Ken said. “Although, I’m sensing a ‘but’ in there.”

  The doctor nodded his head. “I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you there are a few things that could go wrong. Not will go wrong, mind you, but there are risks. They are minimal and, as I said, I’ve performed several successful surgeries without any incident.”

  “And those risks would be?” Jake impatiently jiggled his foot.

  “If the tumor continues to grow at a rapid rate, Anna might suffer permanent facial nerve damage. There is less than one percent chance we may find cancer on the tumor. There is also a very slim and remote possibility something could happen during the operation and she would lose vital spinal fluid, or the brain could suffer irreversible damage.”

  “So what is the worst-case scenario?” Anna finally spoke. “What is the very worst thing that could happen?”

  “Things don’t go well and you spend the rest of your life in a vegetative state. Your seventh cranial nerve sustains damage and your face will never look the same. The scalpel slips and you die.” Dr. O’Brien stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

  Anna at least knew what to expect.

  “You must understand, Anna, that the worst-case scenario is just that. Worst case. I am extremely confident we can successfully complete this surgery and see you return to a normal life within a few months.”

  “Would Anna have any limitations after the surgery, once she has recuperated?” Jake asked, curious to know if Anna’s lifestyle would alter dramat
ically.

  “Her only limitation would be her own strength. She’s going to tire easily. When that happens, she’ll have to learn to recognize it and rest. That is pretty much it. Many patients try to return to their normal activities too soon or ignore the fatigue. My advice is to give yourself plenty of time to get your strength back and stay attuned to what your body tells you. If it says take a nap, do it. What do you say, Anna? Shall I book you a suite in our fine establishment for Monday morning and get this problem taken care of?” The doctor offered an encouraging smile.

  “Let’s do it,” Anna said, relieved yet frightened.

  On the drive home, Jake read some of the literature the doctor gave them to prepare for the surgery and recuperation time ahead.

  “Okay, Anna, it says here to be prepared for not being able to drive yourself. You should be able to resume driving in four to six weeks. That’s not so bad,” Jake said, glancing at her. “It also says if you wear glasses, to remove the arm so it will fit over your bandage during the first few days of recovery. That’s simple enough. I can take care of that.”

  “Could you take care of it with an old pair of my glasses, please,” Anna asked. “I waited so long to get my new glasses, I don’t want to accidentally lose the arm piece or anything like that. I can live a few days with hideous glasses, but not another two months.”

  If Anna’s parents hadn’t been in the car, Jake would have mentioned to Anna that the two months she waited for those particular glasses were worth every minute and then some because he had no idea a pair of spectacles could be so sexy.

  “Check, old glasses,” Jake said with a chuckle. “It says to stock up on chewing gum and chew frequently before and after the surgery to ‘engage the appropriate nerves and muscles. This will aid a rapid recovery.’ Add gum to the shopping list.”

  “What else does it say?” Sue asked from the front seat.

  Jake continued reading. “‘You may experience personal limitations and must learn to recognize them. Give yourself permission to say no to demands of others and get plenty of rest.’ That’s it.”