Larni did not have that angelic face. Hers was disfigured and for someone superficial as I was, I should not be wanting her. But here I was. Wanting her like she held my happiness. And I only knew her for more than a week.
The doorbell rang and Larni quickly rushed to the door. I hung up from the phone and followed her. A chuckle escaped my mouth when I found her receiving Maxine from her friend. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow before telling her friend to leave her daughter with her.
“You said I can’t leave but you did not say she can’t come,” she told me with a half-grin. After a week, she finally figured how to deviate from our contract.
I looked at the little girl and a sense of happiness filled me when Maxine smiled at me. She had her mother’s eyes and hair, but her beauty reminded me a lot of Maddie. I looked at Larni for a while. How could she have a child that resembled Maddie a lot? I wondered.
“Don’t worry. I’ll have my Dad pick her up tonight,” Larni said and brought Maxine to the porch to see the lake.
I grabbed her back before they could pass by me. She glared at me and I almost kissed her. This mother aura that shone through her made my heart flutter. I looked at Maxine and a strange emotion flowed through me. This would have been my life. The thought suddenly sprung in my head.
“Take her things and get in the car,” I told Larni.
“No. If she’s going home, I’m going with her,” Larni warned.
“If you want her here, she needs a crib,” I corrected her. “Get in the car. We’re buying her one.”
Larni wanted to object but I gagged her mouth with a kiss. Her lips replied despite being confused. We laughed when Maxine tried to break us up. I grabbed Maxine from Larni and took her out of the house. I stopped for a moment to see if the child would cry, but she did not. Instead. she touched my nose and smiled.
I looked at Larni and found her frozen while staring at us. The edges of her lips curved a smile, but her eyes were misty with tears. She wiped her eyes and grabbed Maxine from me. She walked to the backseat of the car and said, “You might as well think of buying a car seat for this.”
I looked at my BMW. No. I wanted to object. No one would put a baby car seat in their sports car. I picked my phone and dialed Henry’s number. “Get me an SUV by tonight. With a baby car seat.”
Henry was still asking for my reason, but I hung up on him. I opened the door for Larni and Maxine. Larni looked at me and asked, “You can’t be serious, are you?”
“You are going to stay here with or without her,” I told Larni. “Now get in the car before I change my mind.”
Larni looked at me for a while. She was being stubborn, but I could see the little smile forming on her lips. She wanted us to be together. The happiness in her eyes assured me of that. I remembered what Henry said. Larni might want to leave after Maxine’s surgery. These next two months may be the only time I would have with them.
I held her cheek and smiled at her. Two months? I can make her fall in love with me within those months. Love. How can I make her fall in love with me when I was not willing to love again?
Larni
I felt like crying as I watched Max check the cribs for Maxine. He was being too delicate to her - as if he was naturally protective of her as her father. If only I could tell him. I could, but he would be angrier now. He could easily take her away from me. He hated me as the Larni he knew from the past and he did not love the Larni I was now.
A part of me wanted to believe that somehow, he was in love with me. His eyes were full of love since we made love last night, but a part of me doubted if those looks were for me. I was not even sure if he sees me as the real Larni or the Larni from his past.
“This is it,” Max declared.
I looked at the crib and it was too expensive for a child. I tugged his shirt and shook my head to stop him from buying it. He glared at me and explained that Maxine needed a crib that would not give her lesions or bruises if she accidentally bumped on the rails. He was afraid that something worse would happen if my daughter would get a cut or a bruise.
“She needed to have the safest,” Max told me.
“Looks like Daddy knows best,” the seller said with a wide smile. “I’ll have this packed and delivered.”
“Daddy,” Max repeated softly.
I looked at him and my guilt tugged my heart with pain. He looked at me and to Maxine and flashed a soft smile. He looked around the shop. He opened his mouth to speak, but he stopped and turned away. I walked after him and asked, “What did you want to say?”
“Nothing,” he said. He looked at Maxine again and walked away. He stopped and looked at me with lonely eyes. He forced a smile and said, “I came here on the day I asked Maddie to come with me to New York.”
My heart went numb when I heard his confession. Henry told me about what Max thought happened to me, but he never talked about the Larni that was with him. Though I knew our story, he never told me about it. He kept it in him and covered it with anger.
“I told myself, once we are there, I would do everything for us to conceive a baby,” he continued while hugging a plushie in his arm. He looked at Maxine as he continued, “I wanted a daughter for our first child and imagined her to look like her mother.”
My heart became heavy and I could hardly breathe. I wanted to hug him and confess that everything he wanted came true. Maxine was probably conceived on that tiring but wonderful night in New York. But then he added, “It must have been for the best. I can’t have a child with a liar.”
“If Larni is alive and everything you wished came true, would you forgive her?” I asked with a heart desperate for a positive answer.
“I will never,” he answered swiftly.
I felt like the world crashed on me. I almost forgot about keeping my secret that I asked him, “What if, it is for the sake of your child?”
Max turned to me with his eyebrows curved against each other. I avoided his eyes and did not insist for an answer. He flashed a quick grin and said, “I don’t want to talk about that Larni. I don’t want you to be asking about her.”
“I know,” I said with a frown. I looked down and murmured, “Because I’m just the ugly Larni.”
“No. You are not ugly. It’s because you’re my Larni now. The Larni I…,”
Max stopped when I looked at him with a delighted face. I was excited to hear a confirmation that he had feelings for me. It took him only two days to fall in love with me before. He had been with me for a week now. Perhaps his fast and furious heart was still ready to love me.
But my heart fell when he finished his statement by saying, “I own.”
Owned. We were not bound by our hearts this time, but with a contract. One that could save our child. I kissed Maxine softly and accepted my fate. It was better than losing the only person who proved Max’s love to me.
#
“The crib…”
Max stopped upon seeing me breastfeeding Maxine. He looked at my exposed breast and raised an eyebrow. His boyish smile appeared and I could not keep myself from smiling. I did not mind him watching me feed our daughter. He had seen my breasts countless times. And truthfully, it kind of turned me on. Not because of sex, but because of how he looked like a father watching his daughter.
He sat on the chair near the bed and continued, “The crib is here. So, tonight you’ll sleep with me in the other room.”
“The other room?” I asked to be sure.
He did not want that room to be changed. That room was only for the Larni he loved. He pressed his lips tight for a while and said, “So we don’t wake her.”
I frowned playfully at him and gave him a sign to leave. He stood and walked to us. My mouth dropped in shock when he slid a hand on my other breasts and squeezed it. Maxine held his hand and pushed it away. He patted Maxine’s chubby cheeks and said, “Greedy little girl. Daddy will have his turn later.”
A laugh escaped my mouth, but it was followed by a stinging shock in my heart. This w
ould have been our life if the accident did not happen. Or if I was Larni Johnson from the beginning. But things would not have been the same if I never became Madison Morgan. Maddie was a part of me and a part of Max. We only needed a way to accept it. But how? How could I tell him that I was Maddie Morgan?
#
I walked out of the room after placing Maxine in her crib. Max was out on the porch looking at the sky. He used to do that too before. My heart thumped heavily against my chest as I looked at his broad shoulder. He always looked so hot even when I could only see a quarter of his face from the back.
I walked out on the porch and hugged him from the back. He stopped for a moment before trying to untangle my hands from his waist. I tightened my embrace and whispered, “Just a minute.”
He stopped removing my hands and let me hug him. “Is she asleep?” he asked while letting me lean my head on his back.
I answered by nodding. Silence filled the space between us for a while. He removed my hands from his waist and turned to me. I avoided his eyes as I was afraid that he would tell me that I was not his Larni again.
“I’m sorry for calling you ugly before,” Max told me. I ended up looking at him with wonder. He caressed my face and said, “And for saying that I own you.”
Silence filled us again. When I was about to speak, he kissed me deeply as if stopping me for what I wanted to say. He cupped my face and drew circles on my face with his thumb. My knees weakened when I felt his love again. This was how he was with me - when I was his Larni.
“Let me be your Larni,” I cried out of desperation.
I turned pale when I realized what I said. Max became confused, but his eyes sparked with happiness. He traced my face with the tip of his nose and my tears sprung down my cheeks. I loved every caress he did for it felt like I was his Larni again. He pushed his lips close to mine and I caught it and gave him a desperate kiss.
“I was just about to ask you that,” Max said when we stopped kissing. He smiled at me and added, “I wanted to ask you to stay even after Maxine’s procedure. I want you to be with me. Wherever this may lead to. Just stay with me.”
I almost jumped as every nerve of my body rejoiced. My tears sprung down heavily and I could only answer with many nods. He laughed and hugged me tight. His heart sounded like a dozen horses galloping, deafening my ears that pressed hard against his chest.
Wherever this may lead to. Perhaps, if he learned to love me as the new Larni. The Larni that I really was, he would still love me even if he knew the truth.
Max
Larni and I wriggled against each other when the baby monitor sounded. She grabbed the monitor to keep it from disturbing me. She crawled from the bed, but I pulled her back. I kissed her on the neck and she laughed before telling me, “Max, Maxine’s crying.”
“Just get some sleep,” I told her before pecking her lips. “I’ll take care of her.”
“She might want some milk,” Larni said.
“I know how to do it. Just get back to sleep,” I said and walked out of the room.
She watched me until I crossed the other room, which we turned into Maxine’s nursery.
I turned on the lights to the room and found Maxine crying in her crib. She stopped crying when she saw me and uttered, “Papa.”
“Papa is here,” I said with a smile before taking her out of the crib. She pushed her head to me and I rubbed her tiny nose with mine. “Let’s have some milk, but not with Mama’s breasts. Papa had it first so we need to give it a rest.”
“What are you telling her?” Larni asked while standing at the door. Her eyes were half-closed from sleepiness.
I carried Maxine out of the room while pushing Larni back to the other. “Go to sleep,” I ordered. She smiled and walked back to the room.
Maxine cried when I placed her on her chair. I carried her again and prepared her milk with one hand. I stopped for a moment and looked at the little girl in my arms. It had been a month since the three of us lived like a family. I tricked Maxine to call me Papa once and she never stopped calling me that. Papa. The word brings joy to me every time she says it.
It took me a while to stop thinking about Maddie every time I looked at Maxine. Yes. They looked so similar, but she was Larni’s daughter. A smile formed on my lips as I thought that having her as my daughter would be great, too. I could give her everything she needed and wanted in the world. It was the best way to repay Larni for everything. Maddie was gone and I thought I would never feel this loved again. But thanks to Larni, I was slowly moving on from my loss and looking forward to what I could gain.
There were still things I did not know about her. Why the accident happened to her and why Maxine’s father is not around.
“You must have been hungry, huh?” I asked when Maxine sucked on her bottle hard.
I smelled her head and kissed her. She stopped drinking her milk and laughed at me. Her eight teeth showed and her eyes squinted as she laughed.
“Do it again,” she said and Maxine laughed once more.
Yes. I won’t mind loving this little girl as my daughter. I frowned at her again and she laughed harder, showing more of her gums and teeth. Then, my whole body froze in fear when blood leaked from her nose. I grabbed a paper towel and wiped it, but it continued to leak.
I had read books about pediatric leukemia so I could protect her better and I knew that nose-bleeding was always serious to her condition. The dripping blood must have tickled Maxine’s nose and she wiped it. The blood spread on her chubby cheeks and I became terrified.
“Larni!” I called in panic. I did not wait for her and hurried out to the parking lot. I placed Maxine on her seat and rushed back inside. Larni was already out of the room. I grabbed her and said, “We have to go. She’s bleeding.”
Larni turned pale and almost fell on the floor when I grabbed her.
“I’m sorry, Larni, but we really have to go now,” I said and dragged her out of the house.
“Jesus, no,” Larni cried as she kept plugging Maxine’s nose with tissue.
Maxine cried and pulled the tissue. I looked at Larni through the rearview mirror and she had become paler than before. The two of them were almost of the same complexion.
“Christ, Max, what time is it?” Henry said as he answered his phone.
“Call the children’s hospital. I’m taking Maxine in,” I ordered. “Call every goddamn doctor to help her.”
I looked at Larni from the mirror and she started singing a song of prayer. No. This can’t be happening. I thought angrily. My life was becoming perfect with the two of them. I could not lose Maxine. Not because she was the reason I could be with Larni. But because I would love to become her father for a long time.
And for the first time after Maddie’s death, I prayed to Jesus that he would not take my child away from me. My child. I did not know, but that was who Maxine had become to me.
#
“How is she?” I asked before Larni could.
The doctor looked at me, wondering who I was. Larni’s father looked at me with sorry eyes and gave the doctor a nod. My heart calmed when he said that Maxine was fine. The doctor turned to Larni and said, “We’re lucky that you discovered it immediately, but we have to be careful”
The doctor said that Maxine could suffer from nose-bleeding again. The bleeding did not come with pain, so Maxine would not cry from it. It would be difficult to discover, especially when she was sleeping. Larni held my hand. She had not stopped trembling since we came to the hospital.
“Is there a way that we could go through her bone marrow transplant faster?” I asked the doctor. “I’m healthy. I can donate it.”
“You must be Mr. Buttons,” the doctor recognized me. He smiled at me and explained, “Maxine is lucky that she has you. But, we need to follow some procedures especially that you two are not related.”
“Is there a way we can find her father?” I asked Larni. “They could be a match. I’ll pay him if he wants.”
Lar
ni looked at me for a long time and suddenly burst into tears. I wanted to hug her, but she pulled away from me. She looked at her father, and Mr. Johnson gave her a nod. She caressed my face and kissed me with tears springing down her cheeks.
“You’re her father,” Larni said between sobs.
“Larni, I would love to be her father,” I told her gently. “But, Max…
“You’re her father, Maxwell,” Larni cut in.
I looked into her eyes and everything about Maddie flashed back to me. A vibrating energy wrapped my heart, building a mix of anger and joy. A feeling I could not understand but convince me to believe what she said. But, it could not be. Maddie - my Larni - was dead. All I had left from her was the ring that was hers.
“I’m Maddison Morgan,” Larni added.
“Look, Larni. I know you are desperate right now, but we can’t …”
“You’re her father. I did not die in the yacht, Max,” she cried in desperation.
I froze at her admission. She told me what happened on the day of her accident. How she was taken to Miami where the accident happened. And when I did not seem to believe it, she told me about the first days we spent together. How she hugged me accidentally, how she tried to get rid of me on our first date and ended up falling in love with me. She knew things that only Maddie knew about me. Jesus. She was my Larni but all I felt was confusion and anger.
“We can explain everything to you,” Mr. Johnson offered. “A simple paternity test can prove that we are telling the truth.”
I looked at Mr. Johnson and Larni. Part of me did not want to believe them.
My new romance was only starting. I want to love her more - more than I ever loved Maddie. I was no longer angry at Maddie because of her. It was only the second time I fell in love and if she was telling the truth that she was Maddie...
Promise of Souls Page 9