Larni kept looking down to avoid my eyes. The pain in my chest became heavy. Did she ever love me? I wondered. The confusion made me dizzy. I did not want the truth. But the truth could save Maxine - my daughter. It can make Maddie return to me. I can have my Larni back. But knowing the truth would break me for I will hate her.
I walked away from them while shaking my head. Larni ran after me and I glared at her. I grabbed her hand and pulled her face closer to mine. Her misty eyes sparked with truth. I had been denying it since we met, but she had always looked at me like Maddie. Damn it.
A lot of things that showed me that she was my Larni. Her eyes that seemed to have hidden guilt. The way she would cry in her sleep. The way she would call me Maxwell when we make love. I did not know how I overlooked them as coincidence.
“Maxwell, please,” Larni begged as she let go of her tears.
“Is she my daughter?” I asked her.
“Yes,” she replied and her short word stabbed my heart.
“You always knew where to find me,” I uttered while holding myself from yelling at her. “You always knew she needed me.”
“I was afraid you would take her away from me,” Larni answered between sobs.
I gritted my teeth and, like a crazy man, laughed in anger. Did I not love her enough that she would think I would take away something she loves from her? How could she think of me as a cruel person? Fine. I was not the best person. I always make people pay for doing something against me, my company and the people I love. Larni had become one of them.
“I don’t know how I feel about you right now, but if Maxine is really my daughter…”
“She is. Believe me,” Larni begged.
“Then, I’m taking her,” I declared. Larni turned pale. She wanted to object. Her father stepped forward to object, too, but I stopped them by saying, “You are going to give her to me or we are both gonna lose her.”
“Maxwell…”
“Don’t call me that. Only the people who really loved me call me that,” I snapped. I pushed her away from me and added, “You were never one of them. You’re nothing but a selfish wretched woman.”
#
Larni
My eyes widened when I saw the inside of the lake house. The bottles of alcohol scattered on the floor. A large puddle of spilled alcohol spread on the floor. I looked at Max and feared that he was drunk. He flashed an angry grin and pulled me into the house. I gulped when I saw some records about me on the coffee table.
“You can’t do this to Maxine, Max,” I said in fear. “You should not be taking any alcohol…”
I shrieked when he grabbed and pushed me on the couch. He caught my mouth with his and kissed me like a rogue. All his anger rushed through his tongue. He fenced mine as if wanting to cut it. There was no trace of alcohol in his mouth, but a nice taste of orange juice.
“Convenient isn't it?” he asked. He pulled away from me and said, “You made a fool out of me and you still get your way.”
“I know what I did is unforgivable,”
“Yes. You should go to hell,” he snapped. He grabbed a bottle of vodka and threw it at the wall. “Did Henry tell you what I want?”
“Maxine needs me. You can’t take her,” I pleaded.
His assistant came to the hospital this morning. Max demanded for the sole custody of Maxine. He refused to give his bone marrow or undergo any procedure unless Maxine was all his. He was right. I was selfish for not telling him about Maxine despite knowing that she needed him. I hated myself, too, for thinking that I can get everything back without telling the truth. Now, he wanted to punish me by taking everything that made me survive all these years.
“I can and I will,” Max replied.
“Please, I will do everything you want. Just don’t take her away,” I offered.
Max turned to me and I froze from the heat of his glare. He walked closer to me and grabbed me by the waist. He pushed me closer to him and grabbed my breasts. I pressed my lips tight as he squeezed one of them hard. He laughed and pushed me back to the couch.
“You have nothing to offer me. Even if you swear to be my slut for the rest of your life, I will not take you,” Max told me. His eyes beamed with hatred. I could not even see a trace of love in them anymore.
He grabbed the documents about Maddi Morgan and the documents about me and threw it on my face.
“You are not worth it, Larni. Maddie. Or whoever the hell you are,” Max yelled. He kicked the papers that dropped on the floor and said, “You're like those papers. Full of holes and nothing but trash.”
“You can call me anything you want, but please…”
“Maxine is my daughter!” he yelled. He pushed his angry face close to mine. His eyes moved from my eyes and to my lips. His angry snort blew a fiery air on my face when he added, “As I told you, it is either she would be mine alone or we are both going to lose her.”
“She’s a child. She needs a mother,” I pleaded once more.
“Oh, she’s gonna have a mother,” Max added quickly. I looked at him in shock. He twitched his mouth and raised an eyebrow as he explained, “Even if I have to buy her one.”
I was about to disagree with him when his assistant, Henry, walked into the house. He was surprised to see the mess inside, too. Max looked at him and back to me. “Sign the papers now or the deal is off.”
Max gave Henry a sign and the latter handed me the documents. It was the same documents I refused to sign in the hospital. I looked at Max and thought of begging for his mercy again, but his eyes showed me none. Maxine needed the transplant as soon as possible. The doctor said that if it were true that Max was her father, the matching procedure can be cut down and Maxine can have her transplant within the month. My daughter could live healthily but without a mother.
“Can I at least see her before the operation?” I begged one last time.
“You can’t. Maxine will grow up not knowing you,” Max said. His voice was raspy with rage.
“Maxwell…”
“Don’t Maxwell me, Larni. If you had your way, she would have grown up not knowing me,” he responded. I wanted to tell him that it was not true, but, as if he read my mind, he countered. “Besides. How would she know you? As Maddie or as Larni?”
“Max, let me talk to her,” Henry offered.
Max did not listen to Henry. He grabbed the paper from my hands and crumpled it. Henry and I became confused. I shrieked in panic when he pulled me to the room.
“Max, what are you doing?” Henry called but Max shut the door on him.
Max pushed me to the bed and forced open my blouse. I could not scream because of fear. He climbed on top of me and leaned closer. I closed my eyes and waited for him to take me. If this was what he wanted, so I can have my daughter, I will let him. Max did not go through what he planned. He stepped down and threw the sheet over me.
“The deal just changed,” Max told me. His words puzzled me. He held the back of my hair and leveled my face with him. “You will be my slut. Just like our old deal. You will spread your legs, bend down or suck my cock whenever I want you to. Do it ten times and I’ll let you have Maxine for a day.”
“I’m not your slut,” I cried.
Max laughed like a mad man. Tears covered his eyes, but he wiped them immediately. “It’s a take it or leave it deal, Larni. I’ll save my daughter, but you have to pay for it.”
I did not have the right to be angry, but I was. He was being selfish to punish me from my own selfishness. I remained on the bed and looked at him, hoping that he would change his mind. But the anger in his eyes never faded.
“You agreed to that deal before to save her,” Max reminded me. “Or you only agreed to that deal for yourself? Because you wanted to manipulate me again?”
“I did it for Maxine,” I corrected him.
“Then be my slut all your life for Maxine!” he snapped. He pushed me back to the bed, but stopped. “You want to fight for custody, instead? We can do that. But, I will have he
r still,” Max told me.
Dad consulted a lawyer about the custody battle. The lawyer said that Max had a better chance of getting custody. He was rich and could save Maxine. Even if I have the better right as a mother, he could provide better welfare to a sick child. The best I can have would be visitation rights alone, but he swore to still deprive me of it.
“You can’t be this cruel, Max,” I cried.
“You made me this cruel, Larni,” he countered. “If you don’t want the agreement, leave.”
But I could not leave my daughter just as I could not leave him again.
Max
I rolled away from Larni and she turned away from me. She rose from the bed and picked her clothes without looking at me. I wanted to smile at my victory, but I hated the feeling. She chose my punishment just to have a day with Maxine. I had her many times, but tonight was the lousiest I ever felt.
There was no love, no soul, and no desire, just two bodies punishing each other. Larni made love to me like a robot. I could not tell if she enjoyed anything, she should have passed out by now. But she gave me her body to fulfil the punishment I wanted. And it only made me angrier. I was supposed to punish her, but I was the one feeling the hell.
I watched her as she slid back on her clothes and walked out of the room. I grabbed my pants and followed her out. Henry looked at me when I stepped out of the room. I did not know that he still waited for us in the bar. I looked at Larni and she was red with shame.
“We just had three,” I told her. “Come back tomorrow if you want to see Maxine soon.”
Larni pressed her lips together and walked out of the lake house. I walked to Henry and poured myself some ice water. He shook his head and drank his shot of whiskey.
“Don’t give me the line, ‘how can you be so cruel?’. I don’t need it,” I warned him.
Henry clanked his glass on mine and said, “How can you be so cruel?”
“She deserved it,” I replied, but my heart ached.
“You should give her some slack,” Henry told me. He pushed back the records about Maddie and Larni and told me, “You were the one who barged into her life.”
Barged into her life? Larni was living quietly to protect herself and her father. She did everything to remain as Maddie Morgan to stay safe, but I chose to buy her at the auction and pulled her into my life. She did not have to tell me her real name, but she chose to let me call her Larni instead of her fake name. The accident that happened to her was because of me. If I did not come into her life or insisted to take her with me, she would have remained safe.
“But to take away my daughter from me?” I countered. “It’s inexcusable.”
Henry took another glass of whiskey. I wanted to take a shot, too, but I stopped myself. He must have felt pity on me and poured the bottle down the sink. Henry searched for something in his phone and showed it to me. It was a picture of a pregnant woman with her face covered with bandages. Larni.
“She fought for that child even when she was lifeless,” Henry reminded me. “You should give her credit for that.”
Guilt ripped my heart when I remembered all her suffering. I hated her when I thought she fooled me before. I was angry at her again for not telling me the truth. But behind her poor decision, she did me the greatest favor. She fought to bring my child into this world.
“Let’s be honest, Max. If she had come to you and told you that Maxine was yours, would you have accepted it right away?” Henry challenged me.
I pushed the phone to Henry. He knew me too well and he was right. I hated Larni for thinking that she tricked me and I might not have accepted her when she came to me at those times. Henry stood from his seat and patted me like a friend. He smiled and said, “You’re lucky you get to fall in love with the same woman all over again. But you would be a fool if you would lose her again.”
“But she needed to pay for all her lies,” I said as a desperate act of justifying the wrong things I just did to Larni.
“You’re older now, Max. You can make her pay or you could just continue to love her,” he said while getting ready to leave the house. “You have to decide it for yourself but a happy home is never a wrong decision.”
Henry walked to the door and I remained in the bar. A happy home? I looked around the house. We lived here like a family for more than a month. Everything moved fast around me and Larni. We fell in love faster than most people do. We had Maxine even if we only spent about one month together. Fate seemed to want us to be together in every moment we have - as if we were racing against time.
The fear that always made me panic spread all over me. Race against time. No. I was not going to lose Larni this time. I was not going to lose the family I just had. I will do whatever it takes.
#
I stopped my car a few meters away from Larni’s small flower shop. She walked out with a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers. Her smile radiated the color of the flowers and made the edges of my lips curved in a small smile. She handed the flower to an old man and talked to him for a while.
She laughed a little and looked around the area. Her laugh deduced to a smile when she saw my car. She stopped smiling and returned to talking to the old man.
I tried to see Maddie in her face - the one that I fell in love with before, but my memories of Maddie had become blurred. Everything about me seemed to remember only the true Larni that had been by my side for these past months. Even my heart had stopped beating at the memory of Maddie but grew wild at the thought of this true Larni. I could deny it all I want, but I love her. Henry was wrong. I did not fall in love with the same woman. I fell in love with the real Larni this time. No judgments. No secrets. Just because my heart says so.
“I need you to do something for me,” I said after calling Henry.
“Look what? Another scheme to get her on your bed,” Henry replied in a sarcastic tone.
“No. How to get her …”
My voice trailed when a speeding blue car passed by me. A white truck was speeding after it. Sirens from police cars became so loud that I had to hang up. I looked at Larni and she helped the old man get inside her shop to avoid being hit by the cars. The old man had just got in when the white truck drove in reverse diagonally.
I stepped out of my car and yelled, “Larni!”
Larni tried to evade the reversing truck, but the stupid driver drove too fast. The back of the truck hit Larni, but the truck driver continued to back up, so he could take a U-turn. I ran to the shop while cursing the driver, but he did not stop and continued to speed up to avoid the police cars.
“Fuck you!” I yelled at the truck as I ran to Larni.
My knees dropped on the floor when I found Larni under a flower shelf covered by her flowers. No.
“Larni, no. Honey, stay with me,” I cried while crawling near her. She turned to me with blood running down her head. She tried to smile as she kept looking at me.
My vision blurred as tears covered my eyes. I can’t lose you, Larni! I cried while pulling her in my arms. The people around us panicked and tried to call 911. I kept telling Larni to stay looking at me, but her eyes began to close.
“I’ll forget everything. I’ll give you everything, Larni,” I cried while waking her up. “Just stay with me. Stay with me.”
Larni
Something cold wrapped me as everything became brighter around me. The sky was blue and like my name, heavenly flowers of yellow, red and white dropped from the sky. I could hear the loud voice of people around me and the red flashing lights near me. The coldness began to fade and an excruciating pain travelled in every nerve of my body. The last time I had this pain was when the fire from the yacht swallowed my face.
“Larni!” Max’s voice echoed in my ear despite the chaos that was happening around me.
Let me see him, I prayed to the bright sky while something seemed to pull me to the dark abyss at the back of my head. It was the same prayer I repeated before the fire pushed me into darkness for almost a year. But he was
near. He watched from afar with his loving gray eyes. Let me see him before you take me, I pleaded desperately before the heavens could take my soul.
My weakening heart recovered for a moment when Max appeared before me with his misty eyes and cherub curled chocolate-brown hair. He looked like an angel - just like the first time I saw him. I wanted to raise my hand to touch him, but I could not move anything in my body.
Max was crying, telling me to stay with him. I wanted to wipe his tears and promised him that I would stay. He did not have to forget everything or give me anything. He can hate me forever, just as long as I could stay by her side and Maxine. Can I just have this happiness? Souls that were promised for each other will always find each other. I prayed to the heavens to let me believe in it again.
But the light that sparked behind Max began to dim. The smell of the flowers began to fade. His voice could not pass through my ear. My eyes began to close as my whole body submitted to a darkness that once took me.
“Larni, please,” Max’s cries were the last thing I heard as everything went black. “I love you. Only you. Come back to me,” he cried and I held on to his words like how I held on to my life.
#
A whispering voice tickled my ear. I was awake but everything was dark. Panic overwhelmed me, but a familiar voice calmed me down. A voice that had always made me feel safe since I was a child. Dad. The passage he read sounded like a beautiful song, urging me to get out of the darkness that I had kept me for too long.
A spark of light entered my mind as I opened my eyes. A beeping sound made me jerk from the bed.
“Larni?” My dad called. He reached for the alarm button and pressed it. “Stay with me, darling. Okay?”
I kept my eyes looking at my Dad even if they felt heavy. I was afraid to close them as I might stay in the dark again. Max and Maxine. I still have to see them.
The doctors and nurses rushed to my bed to check me. A doctor flashed a light on my eyes and I avoided it. The nurses placed some apparatuses on me. I looked around the room and all I saw were faces of strangers.
Promise of Souls Page 10