“Xzan.” She pointed to herself.
“Jaskarra!” he put his brown hand across his massive chest proudly. His voice was deep, resonate, almost a baritone.
Her smile was dazzling. She had eyes like the purple flowers that blossomed along the hill in the spring. Her hair was dark like his own but not straight like his people. She was fair and small as a child. As brave as a warrior. Gray Wolf with vengeance in his heart for his wife’s death was startled by his desire to protect instead of kill this woman. She was white. The white must die before they took over the land completely.
Sensing his inner turmoil not sure of what generated it she place a tiny hand over his heart.
“Please!”
Pleading with eyes like dark luminous pools reflecting emotions so deep it was hard to look into them. He nodded slightly let out a whoop that would have unseated her if he hadn’t been holding her securely. To her vast relief the Indians dispersed as quickly as they had appeared. She touched his cheek as she had so often in her dreams feeling the familiarity. Her fingers trembled with the knowledge.
“Thank you.”
He swiftly lowered her to the ground understanding if not the words the feelings she conveyed. He rode away without a second glance just as she swooned in relief and the realization of what had just transpired. Sean ran like the wind to reach her scooping her inanimate form up in his arms and raced her back to the safety of camp. When she regained consciousness thirty-two pairs of eyes were watching her expectantly. She giggled nervously then burst out bawling like a baby. Sean uncaring of how it must appear continued holding her in protective arms patting her consolingly.
Unable to explain to them about her dreams which seems insane even to her the grateful travelers accepted her illogical explanation about trusting her woman’s intuition. They assigned men to take turns keeping watch in case the Indians decided to change their minds. Xzan was torn between relief and confusion. She had acted on impulse. Pure animal instinct. What if she had been wrong? What if he hadn’t recognized her? She would have been committing suicide. No one would ever have known why.
The truth was mind boggling. Jaskarra as he called himself, wasn’t just a dream. She wondered if they could communicate consciously now that they each knew the other was real. Or would they forever haunt each other only in dreams? Sean clucked over her like an old mother hen tucking her safely into her bedroll. Sooty lashes fanned delicate cheeks as she concentrated trying to reach out to him with her mind. She couldn’t feel him. She fell asleep in a dreamless world. He had shut her out.
*****
Amazingly enough despite most people’s inclination to be superstitious or fear the unknown, no one shunned her. Xzan was treated with the same courteous respect as before even hailed as a kind of heroine. There were tearful good-byes as the settlers reached their destination a week later and split up to travel on alone to prospective pieces of land where they would make their homes. The Fenierre’s declined her gracious offer to let the family stay at her house. They were going to be at Robert’s widowed sister’s home on the outskirts of town while they made arrangements to build their own in the spring.
“I’m going to feel lost without you sending me a cup of hot coffee first thing every morning to help me wake up.” She teased.
Shauna looked puzzled. A slow blush spread form Sean’s neck to his forehead until he was bright beet red. Xzan giggled wickedly unable to resist. Shauna opened her arms, leaning down to hug her tiny friend.
“We’ll see you as soon as we’re settled in.”
Xzan caressed the soft womanly cheek pressed sentimentally against her own. She was nervous about finally seeing her own home. She waved goodbye feeling a little lost as they dropped her off in front of the bank. Mr. Brown had handled all her transactions. The sale of the house, as well as its upkeep until her arrival. They were a week overdue. She hoped he hadn’t given up on her. The thought of walking into a freezing home didn’t appeal to her at all.
The banker was a gentleman in every sense of the word. If he noticed Mrs. Colby’s ragged appearance in the wrinkled black dress or the way her hair was matted from lack of a decent shampoo in the past few months he was kind enough not to hold it against her. He treated her solicitously as if she were the finest lady to ever grace his humble office. Mr. Brown was short and slightly pudgy. His twinkling blue eyes peered out from under bushy white eyebrows. A rounded head boasted a thick wavy mane, slightly longer than was fashionable in England that he kept slicked back severely. He affected her as being a very jolly man, unlike the staid bankers she had dealings with back home. She took to him immediately relaxing as he offered her a chair.
“So you made it a long last.” He beamed seating himself directly in front of her. “I will never forget my trip out west. I thought I’d been through hell to walk into heaven. All I came to was a rickety old soddy. But after being on the trail for so long it felt like a mansion.”
Xzan agreed with his pronouncement of her arduous journey.
“I’m just dying to see the house. At this point I’d take a box with four wall to keep the chill out, with a big wooden tub in center full of hot water.”
Mr. Brown chuckled. “No need to go to that extreme. You have acquired a fine piece of property Mrs. Colby. It’s ready and waiting for your arrival. All I need are a few signatures on legal documents and I’ll give you the keys to go home.”
Half an hour later, she walked up to the front gate of her new residence gasping in wonder. It was more perfect than she had dared dream was possible. Built by a man who adored his wife, to last a lifetime. They couldn’t handle the wilderness after a decade, returning East, but the love and care showed in his craftsmanship. It boasted a white picket fence and a wrap around porch with a swing and trellis where honeysuckle vines would bloom in the spring. A bay window and sturdy wooden door with a small stained glass window. She could imagine children playing happily by their mother’s side as she weeded the garden.
Unlocking the door with a skeleton key Xzan’s hands trembled with anticipation. Her effusive eyes shimmered with wonder as she entered in the front hall. To the left was a parlor which opened up into a small kitchen. To the right was the library-den a room she would use to prepare lessons for the children she would teach. Behind the stairwell in the hallway a small guest room and beside it a water closet. Upstairs another hallway. To the left was the master bedroom. To the right a smaller room. It was a mansion out in the middle of nowhere. Cared for lovingly through the years. Her trunks which would arrive tomorrow had been sitting in storage awaiting her accession. Sean had promised to bring her personal items from the wagon to her in the morning.
Tonight she had been considerately provided with a larger woman’s gown, which had been laid out on the foot of her bed. Clean sheets and an exquisite quilt in a double wedding ring design had been folded back invitingly. She silently blessed the thoughtful soul who had cared enough to make her arrival so welcoming. After sleeping on a ship that never stopped moving, then on the cold hard ground all these months this was a miracle to her. One she would never forget.
Running lightly down the stairs two at a time she began heating water on the kitchen stove which like all the other fires warming the house had been recently stoked. There were so many details to observe she couldn’t take it all in at once. The ornately carved mantle over the fireplace in the parlor. Lacy curtains on all the windows. A window seat in front of the bay window in the library. Rows of floor to ceiling bookshelves. A huge redwood desk, with tons of drawers polished to a glossy finish. Bursting with joy she felt her age for the first time in years! Young. Carefree. Thrilled simply to be alive. In another few minutes she would have a bath drawn and wash away the last vestiges of the trail, slip in to gown and crawl atop a feather bed. She knew she would sleep like the dead tonight.
******
“Don’t be afraid, it’s only me…”
“You…s..s..spoke my language,” she stammered, unnerved by his un
expected presence in the doorway.
“I’ve known the white tongue for many moons. You must learn all you can about your enemy.”
“Am I your enemy?” she smiled.
He sat beside her, fierce looking, foreign in his surroundings. He had removed his headpiece but his hair was still adorned with feathers. He wore some kind of leather looking shoes that laced up to his knees like boots, with no visible heel. The same blanket covering he’d worn in all her dreams except he also had leggings made of deer hide. The necklace around his throat was more like a collar. Made with odd-looking beads animal teeth and feathers. Later she would find out it was to protect the jugular vein when in battle, like a sort of armor. She wasn’t frightened. It was after all only a dream. She continued brushing her hair wondering if she had fallen asleep with the brush in her hand. Her silky mane had grown almost to her knees the past few years. Thick, curly at the ends, soft, it felt luxuriously heavy down her back. He watched in fascination as she braided it down her right side.
“Doesn’t it bother you to have a savage in your bedroom?”
“Your only a dream why should it bother me? You’ve been in my dreams since I was three years old. We have watched each other grow up. You’re my friend. Not my enemy.”
He threw back his head roaring in laughter.
“You think your asleep little woman? Would you feel this if you were dreaming?”
Swiftly he yanked her braid. Xzan yelped in protest, rubbed her scalp, turned pale in comprehension, pulling the sheets up to her chin.
“How did you get in my house?” she demanded.
“You locked the door, but you never checked the windows. I did.”
She licked her lips nervously.
“Why are you here?’
“For the same reason you kept calling me many nights. I want to understand too.”
She blushed crimson. So he had heard her thoughts. The revelation fascinated and scared her simultaneously
“How did you find me?”
“I followed you. I never let you out of my sight since that night.”
The thought of him watching her all this time was her undoing. “Now what? Are you going to kill me after all?”
He laughed again.
“Perhaps. But not until I understand why I didn’t before.”
“Good luck! I’m as confused as you are. I always thought you were just a dream. A place I escaped to. Someone I created in my mind to fill the loneliness.”
“Where is your man?” he changed the subject abruptly.
Her eyes widened fearfully.
“He’s dead. I want no man.”
Jaskarra arched a dark eyebrow in surprise.
“Why do you hate men?”
She paled visibly.
“If you want the answer to that you’ll have read my mind.”
He frowned. She was brave. Honest. As proud as an Indian woman. He decided not to press her further on the subject for now. That wasn’t why he was here.
“I will stay here, until I understand. If you tell anyone I am here, I will kill them.”
The joy and freedom she had felt in her new home dissolved. A look of grief swept across her delicate features and he was instantly contrite. But for his own safety he must not show any weakness.
“I will sleep downstairs. I will not harm you for now. Go to sleep little woman.”
He was gone. As silently as a cat. Swift, surefooted. Amazingly she did sleep. Peacefully despite the butterflies flitting in her stomach.
*****
She awoke feeling disoriented. Happiness washed over her as she took in her surroundings, only to be squelched as she remembered her uninvited guest. Dressing hurriedly in a rose colored gown, the first time she hadn’t worn black in over six months, she was appreciative of the warmth emitting from the fireplace. It had been recently stoked a gesture that puzzled and touched her by it’s consideration. It also left her feeling even more vulnerable knowing that he had been in her bedroom while she was sleeping.
She walked softly down the stairwell, no easy feat, considering every step groaned loudly. How he climbed those stairs last night without being heard was yet another mystery to be solved. There was no sign of him when she got downstairs. Maybe he’d changed he mind. She knew in her heart he hadn’t. He would be back. She had to go get supplies before she could even have her first cup of coffee. Fetching her reticule and cloak, she stepped out into the frosty morning air. Sean was just coming in the gate, carefully balancing a steaming hot mug. She laughed gaily.
“I’d love a cup of coffee more than you will ever know. But I have to get to the shops before we are completely snowed in.”
Large flakes were coming down fast. She was right it would be nearly impossible to go anywhere, even down the street by mid afternoon. He grinned tossing the contents of the cup over his shoulder nonchalantly.
“I’ll come with you. You’ll need help lugging your packages home. By the way Mama said she and Papa would bring your things later today. It’s a little farther than we realized from our house to yours.”
Xzan hesitated. She would need help. But she didn’t want to endanger Sean’s life if Jaskarra reappeared in her absence. Nor did she want the boy to help then have to push him out the door rudely and hurt his feelings.
“I…uh…” she stammered, desperately trying to think of a plausible excuse. “I appreciate the offer Sean but as soon as I get back I have a lot of unpacking to do and I need to be alone to concentrate.”
His face fell. He grimaced.
“I get the message. But I still intend to go with you.”
She acquiesced happy for his assistance. He put out his arm. She took it gratefully. It was strong, solid, kept her fingers warm. The snowfall was becoming a blizzard. It was harder to see, little alone walk.
Her nose stung, was running from the intense cold before they reached the mercantile. Inside she ordered her supplies post haste barely taking time to get a good look at the store or the people milling around the potbellied stove for warmth while their orders were being filled. She splurged to the delight of the shopkeeper on several items, knowing she might not only be snowed in but she would in all probability have more than one mouth to feed. Sean teased her about her purchases playfully. “You have enough food to feed an army and material to make a wardrobe for an entire family.”
She dimpled secretively.
“Maybe that’s what I have in mind…Christmas is… just around the corner.”
Politely as promised Sean deposited the parcels in her hallway taking his leave without having to be coerced. She searched the house anxiously to see if Jaskarra had returned. It was empty. Taking off her wet cloak, boots and bonnet she was just about to start unwrapping her supplies when there was a knock on the front door. It was Mr. Brown’s assistant Mr. Fogley. Not much taller than Xzan, slight of build, rather a dandy for someone in the rugged western terrain, he instructed two brawnier men to carry in her trunks. There were six in all. She offered the men a freshly made cup of coffee, which they declined, anxious to return to their own homes before the weather worsened. Re-locking the door she rushed to the trunks bursting with excitement.
Everything in them was new. From exquisite china cups in a rosebud pattern to books and supplies she knew her students would need. It grew dark long before her energy or enthusiasm waned. Ravenous she devoured a cold meal of rolls, cheese and dried jerky, washing it down with some apple cider she had purchased that morning. Sated with full tummy-itis she began heating water for a bath lugging the heavy pails up the stairs wanting to luxuriate as she had last night in a hot tub. It would take several soaks before she would really feel clean again after the grime and hardships of the trail drive. She longed to use the rose scented soap she found in the trunks along with the small bottle of perfume she used sparingly. It was her favorite scent. Expensive. Nothing but crushed rose petals and water distilled in a dainty glass vile. She felt extremely feminine and pretty when she wore it.
/> Aside from the trail dirt and then having to wear black all these months and before that having been distorted by pregnancy she had felt so grotesque. She finally had her slender figure back. Felt healed physically. She wanted to put on her most beautiful gown and fix her hair up like the lady she was raised to be. The water was sensually sinful. She moaned in ecstasy as she eased into the copper tub. Blew out the candle beside her relaxing in the flickering glow of the fireplace.
“If you moaned that way for a man he would never be tempted to leave your side.”
Xzan jumped so fast her small head slammed into the tub. Tears stung her eyes as she searched frantically for her drying sheet. It had slithered from her grasp into the floor. Embarrassed she sank deeper in the water away from his dark scrutiny.
“Get out of my room!” she shouted indignantly.
“You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before. Neither of us are virgins.” He laughed softly.
“You aren’t my man. You have no right to see me this way!” she protested heatedly.
“Then why do you dream of me?” he asked bluntly.
“I…I…I don’t know.” She stammered frustratedly. “I do know that if you don’t leave this room immediately the whole town is going to hear me scream my head off.”
“Really?” he cocked his head enquiringly. “Have you forgotten I will kill anyone who discovers my presence here?”
Trembling she had no answer for that, turning white as a sheet as he approached the tub.
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