The Closer You Get
Page 32
“You didn’t mind me taking Dad’s car, did you? One of our neighbors said they were interested in buying it.”
“Of course not,” I said. I’d been relieved it had gone. Every night before I left home I’d see his car come up the drive and my heart would sink. I’d learned to be supersensitive and to be able to know what mood he was in as soon as he got out of the car. I was glad I’d never have to see it again. “How long will you be away for?” he asked.
“I’ve no idea.”
“But you’ll be in touch?”
Now I wasn’t acting. I could be my true self. “Of course I will,” I said. “I love you, Josh.”
CHAPTER 79
Ruby
The guys that the women’s refuge had hired to pack and move everything arrived early the next morning and by midday the house was empty. I sat outside on the low patio wall and wrote a good-bye card for Oliver while they carried boxes and furniture out to the vans. I couldn’t bear to see the dismantling of my home. I didn’t want those memories. When they called to tell me they’d finished, I went to see them off, put the card through Oliver’s door, then went back into the house.
It was empty now; even the curtains had gone. Nothing of ours remained. I took one last walk around the house. Everything looked light and bright, bearing no marks of our life together. I thought of the day we’d come to view the house and the hopes and dreams I’d had for our future. It was our first home together; we’d bought it after we’d been together a year, and we married just before we moved in. Tom had held my hand as we walked around and we’d talked about which room would be ours, which would be Josh’s. Those early days were lovely and even now I don’t know whether that was his true self or whether the man he became was the man he’d always been, deep down.
I called a taxi, then opened the door to the shed and saw my handbag and suitcase standing there just as I’d left them early that morning so that the removal guys wouldn’t take them by mistake. The sun shone in, flooding the little room with light, and instantly I was taken back to the day I’d left Tom. So much had happened in those few months; I wasn’t that woman anymore. I didn’t know who I was, that was the trouble, and when I found out, I wasn’t sure how much of myself I could reveal to anyone I met.
I put my bags by the front door and locked the shed and the front door and put the keys into an envelope. All I had with me now were some clothes and my passport and purse. A box of papers was at my parents’ house. Nothing else mattered.
There was a beep of a car horn. The taxi had arrived. My car was gone, sold to my local garage, but when I looked up and saw the black taxi, parked at the side of the road in the spot I’d always had to park in, it reminded me so much of those years living with Tom that I leaped up, ready to get as far away as possible. The taxi driver came to pick up my suitcase.
“Going on holiday?” he asked.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know where I was going or how long I’d be there. “Yes,” I said in the end. “I’m going away for a while.”
* * *
• • •
Before we headed to the airport I asked the driver to stop at the estate agent’s so that I could hand over the keys to my house. They were handling the sale for me. He had to double-park and warned me to be quick, so I ran into the little office. Outside the sun was bright and when I entered the dim, cool reception area it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. In that moment I heard a familiar voice say, “How soon can the For Sale board go up? I really want a quick sale.” I stopped in my tracks.
Sitting at a desk, chatting to one of the estate agents, was a woman I recognized. A woman I’d betrayed and who’d rescued me when I needed it most. Her face looked strained and pale. Her hands rested on her belly; it still looked flat but I knew that would change soon. My face burned with embarrassment. She lifted her chin and gave me a cool nod, then turned away.
I tried to smile, but I couldn’t, and handed over the envelope to the woman behind the other desk. I hurried from the office to the taxi as though Emma might chase after me.
“Okay, love?” asked the driver. “Manchester airport now?”
I nodded. “Yes. Thanks.”
“What time’s your flight?”
“Oh, I’ve got a few hours.”
I pretended I was sleeping on the journey to the airport so that the driver didn’t talk to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d overheard. Emma was selling their house. Were she and Harry having a fresh start, too?
We drew up at the airport ninety minutes later. I climbed out and paid the driver and took my bags into the terminal.
I was just looking at the flights leaving that afternoon, trying to decide where to go to, when my phone rang in my bag. I couldn’t think of one person I wanted to speak to right then. By the time I found it, deep in my shoulder bag, it was silent again.
On the screen was a number I recognized. It was a number I’d said over and again to myself on the day I left home. Why was Harry calling me? And then there was a beep. I had a voice mail message.
As soon as I heard his voice I felt my knees shake and found a seat nearby.
Ruby, it’s me. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I made the biggest mistake when I let you go. Please, please will you forgive me? Can we meet up today? I have so much to tell you. I just want to be with you. His voice softened and automatically my body responded. When I saw you in the café that day, I knew I couldn’t let you go. I must have been crazy to lose you. I love you, Ruby. Call me. Please.
I listened to the message again and again, remembering his voice as he talked to me in the dark in our bed in Paris about his plans for our life together. All the promises we made. For a moment I felt as I always had, that Harry was a prize that was just out of reach, and felt a jolt of disappointment that I couldn’t be with him.
But then I remembered the humiliation of being fired and how I hadn’t even considered he’d had anything to do with it. I’d trusted him. Yet he had. I knew that now. I think I’d known it before Sarah told me. It had been his decision; he wanted to get me out of his life. Then when he realized I hadn’t received his e-mail, he’d lied to me and pretended he knew nothing about it, to save his own skin. I couldn’t trust him now.
And I thought of Emma’s face in the estate agent’s office, brave and proud and so sad, and the way she was devastated when I told her how long my affair with her husband had lasted. She’d stood by me. I could never forget that. I would never betray her again.
I started to tap out a message to explain, to tell Harry that he’d hurt me too much. It could never happen. But as my finger hovered over the Send button, I knew I had to stop thinking of him as my friend. He really wasn’t. I remembered how I’d waited for him to turn up at the hotel that night. He’d written one e-mail and hadn’t even waited for a reply. He hadn’t given me another thought.
I knew the torture of waiting, of not knowing what was happening, what my future held, and so I deleted his voice mail message and blocked his number and switched off my phone. Then I turned back to the departures board to decide where I should go.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Huge thanks go to my terrific editor, Danielle Perez, for her insight and editorial advice, and to my wonderful agent, Kate Burke, for all her encouragement and support. You have both made such a difference to my work, and it’s always a pleasure working with you.
For each of my books the writer Fiona Collins has been my first reader and I can’t thank her enough for her friendship and her critical eye. She’s just the person any writer needs, both when times are tough and when everything’s going well. She makes working from home so much fun.
Thanks to Caz Finlay for being such a great friend. She is at the start of her publication journey and I know she’s going to make a huge success of it.
Thanks to Richard Hill for all his support and for discussing plots night a
fter night.
Thank you, too, to Kourtney O’Dwyer, who was at Bouchercon in Toronto, and was kind enough to bid to have her name in my novel.
Finally, thank you so much to Rosie and Louis for all your love and encouragement. You mean so much to me.
READERS GUIDE
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. On the night Ruby left home, Harry wrote to tell her not to leave and explained why. If Ruby had read the e-mail in time, do you think she would have stayed with Tom?
2. When Jane confronted Harry about his affair, he told her he would dump Ruby immediately. Should Jane have told Emma what was going on, or do you agree with her that it would have been better for Emma if she remained in ignorance? Would you answer differently if Emma hadn’t been pregnant?
3. Emma and Tom slept together after discovering that their spouses were having an affair. Would you still consider this infidelity on their part? Or was this revenge, or something else?
4. What do you think Tom’s intentions were toward Emma and her baby? Did he sincerely believe he was the father and simply want to be involved, or did he just want to control Emma? How much did his divorce, which led to him living apart from his son, affect the way he behaved with Emma?
5. If Emma hadn’t realized Harry was having an affair and hadn’t gotten pregnant, do you think Ruby and Harry would have had a happy life together, given how their relationship started?
6. What should parents do if they realize their adult children are involved with a controlling partner?
7. Do you think Tom’s controlling behavior will have any effect on Josh’s adult relationships in the future?
8. Do you think Sarah was telling the truth when she said that Harry threw away the letter from Ruby? Might Sarah have had other reasons for the way she responded to Ruby?
9. Do you think Tom thought he was happily married? If not, why do you think he didn’t leave Ruby?
10. If Ruby and Tom had had a child a few years earlier, do you think they would have been happy together or do you think Tom would have always ended up trying to control her?
11. Do you think Emma would have still protected Ruby if she’d seen her actually push Tom?
12. Who do you think has the best chance of a happy relationship with a new partner now: Ruby, Emma, or Harry? Why?
Photo by Jennie Miles Photography, 2016
Mary Torjussen is the acclaimed author of Gone Without a Trace and The Girl I Used to Be. She has an MA in Creative Writing from Liverpool John Moores University and worked for several years as a teacher.
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