Loving You Through Our Differences

by Tucora Monique

  “How are you?” she questioned once we pulled apart only enough to make eye contact. I turned my fitted, vintage cap backward so I wouldn’t hit her in the face with the brim. She let go of my neck, but my arms were still wrapped around her waist.

  “Better now. I’m happy you showed up. I’m not sure why, but I felt something wasn’t working in our favor.”

  “Nothing could’ve stopped me from showing up.” I could sense the hint of a quiver in her voice, but let it go for the time being.

  “Are you going to let me take you home tonight? I don’t feel right letting you Uber or some other creepy shit.” I wanted to get that squared away before we got the evening started.

  “That’s fine. It’s not like you don’t know where I live anyway.”

  She smiled and licked her glossed lips. “Besides, you always act like I won’t let you drop me off because I’m afraid of something. I am hardly afraid, handsome. Hell, I probably want to fuck you more than the other way around. Maybe you should be the one concerned.”

  I could feel people staring at us, and I knew she saw my eyes drift a few times, so I commented on it, “We have an audience.”

  I didn’t know if they were staring because of Billie’s bare thighs or because the two of us were here together, but either way, I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.

  “You worried about what people say when they see us together, Leiland? Don’t you think that’s something you should’ve considered before asking me to drop my hoes and take you serious? I mean, it is obvious as fuck that I’m black right? We’ve been doing this dating thing for a minute now, so what’s with the new concern?” The people who were initially looking at us with skepticism were now smirking. She was feeding the ignorance.

  Removing my hands from her hips, I put them on her face.

  “Stop,” I said, clenching my teeth. I knew there was something else bothering her, but if she didn’t open her mouth, how was I to know? She had to help me understand the problem before I could know how to solve it.

  I ran my thumb down the side of her face. “Give me the chance to speak when you ask me something. You’re rambling on and on. That isn’t going to make the situation better. Shit, you’re having a conversation with yourself. This is the second time I’ve told you this, and I don’t like repeating myself. I don’t have any children. You’re a big girl. Do better because I won’t go backward with you.”

  She snatched away, but I pulled her back by her elbow.

  “Listen,” I groaned, using more bass in my voice than I ever had to when speaking to Billie, but she pissed me off.

  “I don’t know if what you said is ignorant or stupid, but either way, I don’t want to hear any bullshit like that from you again. You’re gorgeous as hell, and that’s all they should think when they look at you. Anything else is irrelevant.” I waited for a second, looking at her harder. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was getting teary-eyed. As if Billie heard my thoughts, she slipped her shades from her pocket and onto her face without saying a word.

  “I know there’s something else bothering you. I could tell when you got out of the taxi. I don’t want to fight you, love. I want to fight for you. Do you hear what I’m saying?”

  “Yep,” she said flatly then walked down the stairs and through the entrance leaving me standing alone.

  I shook my head before going inside. As I went down the stairs, I heard someone say, “He don’t know what to do with all that.”

  I turned to the small group of teenagers deciding to entertain their rudeness.

  “I tamed that shit. Don’t get it twisted, bruh!” I yelled, smiling before turning my hat back around and going to check on my lady.

  Billie

  As soon as I stepped in the skating rink, the vibrations ran through my shoes and hit my body. I knew I was out of line for spazzing on Leiland, especially with people watching us, but I was speaking before thinking.

  Looking over my shoulder, I didn’t see Leiland behind me. I definitely wasn’t leaving without getting on the floor and going around the rink a few times. Wrong or not, I came to skate. If Leiland wanted to go, then I’d respect it, but I wasn’t going home.

  On second thought, I messaged Jupiter and told her to come skate with me. Once she replied she was coming, I took a relaxed breath. Putting my phone away, I walked over to the ticket line. The place was full for a Thursday night, and judging from the music it was either oldies night or maybe couples.

  Shaking my head, I thought better of going inside the arena, but just as I was about to leave, I saw Leiland snaking his way through the line to get to me.

  As soon as his teeth softly swept against my exposed shoulder, my breath was stolen.

  “You would really go on without me because of a disagreement?” he asked in my ear. His breath smelled like the peppermints Pappy always had on hand that I normally disliked but now wanted to bathe in.

  I faced him. Peeping over his shoulder, I could see people in line watching us.

  “No. I wouldn’t do that. I was just caught in my feelings, and the dramatic thing to do was to come inside. If I’d had my car, you really would’ve seen over the top,” I told him, looking up. I was trying to make light of my garbage attitude. He didn’t say a word.

  “I’m a hothead, huh?”

  Leiland nodded.

  An expression I couldn’t read was hovering over his face.

  Stroking the subtle hair around his lips and admiring the white streaks mixed into his rusty mane, I smiled shyly.

  “I can do better,” I said with a pitiful look on my face.

  “You don’t have a choice, Billie.”

  I smiled. Stepping forward, I took the space he’d just vacated. “There’s always a choice, Leiland.”

  Noticing his hands had been in his pockets since walking over, I felt awkward. Like we were never supposed to be this close without touching. Even if only the hairs on our skin clashed.

  “We won’t work if we can’t communicate, Billie. I mean, even in the bedroom, we gotta be able to talk without you going off. It’s not necessary. I can hear you without all the extra shit.”

  “You’re right. And please stop calling me Billie. Makes me feel like I’m in trouble,” I admitted.

  “Next!” the cashier yelled for us to move forward.

  After getting our tickets, we entered the other set of doors and walked through a metal detector then to get our skates.

  Handing our tickets to the girl behind the counter, I told her I needed a size six since the skates came in men’s sizes. When Leiland asked for a size fourteen, I choked on my own spit.

  “Damn! I’ma start calling you Mr. Johnson instead of Greyson.” Without missing the face-fucking the chick of the counter was giving my dude, I cleared my throat and prepared to check her ass. Picking up on my body stiffening, Leiland pulled me towards him and spoke in my ear.

  “Don’t allow her disrespect to ruin our night, Sparx. You can’t let people have so much control over your mood. Let’s go put our shoes and your bag in a locker, then I want to see what you can do in those skates.” He concluded with a smooth grin.

  I decided to let my attitude dissolve and enjoy my time with Leiland. I knew my temper being short was due to the conversation I had with Pappy earlier in the day, and let’s face it, it’s easier to be upset then sad.

  After renting our skates, we took a seat on a nearby bench and unlaced my shoes.

  “Let me,” Leiland insisted.

  “You were right,” I blurted, halfway hoping he hadn’t heard me over the music but, he looked up.

  “Earlier, when you said something was bothering me. You were right.”

  “I usually am.” He joked arrogantly.

  “I found out my grandmother died.”

  He stopped tying the laces and sat on the bench next to me. Kissing the center of my palm he spoke.

  “I’m really sorry to hear that, Billie Grace. That would have to be your dad’s mother, right?
” he asked for confirmation. I was giddy that he had remembered my family dynamic enough to know on my mom’s side, all I had was my Pappy, cousins, and sister.

  I swung a leg around the bench and faced the gorgeous man that had me becoming undone.

  My hand found his cheek. “I appreciate your concern. But I don’t want this to change our night. My mood swings were enough. Just wanted to confirm what you’d said. It wasn’t you or the people outside, it was me. So yeah.”

  I tried to grab the skate that lingered on the floor. Anything that would kill the weird silence between us.

  Taking it from my hands, he looked at me. “Are you going to be nice for the rest of our date?” he asked, not shying away from eye contact. He usually didn’t.

  “For you, yes,” I said, looking up at him as he stood over me. I loved the New York baseball jersey and dark jeans he had on. For the third time, Leiland was fly from head to toe.

  With ease, we slid into the flow of the crowd hand in hand. I felt like a preteen on my first date. I was giggling but didn’t really have a specified reason why, other than just being in his space.

  “What’s so funny, Sparx? You ain’t never seen a white boy with rhythm,” he said and let my hands go to glide solo. His feet moved like he a Chi-town stepper. I was impressed.

  I dug in my pocket and pulled out the singles I had to tip the cabbie. “OK. I’m ready now,” I teased him biting my bottom lip.

  “I don’t think you got enough, Sparx. What’s that, five dollars?”

  “Six. I know I could get a least a lap dance for this.”

  I thought it was fresh that he was so easy on three wheels. He did all these fly moves with his feet, and his ankles were loose.

  “I’m going to assume this isn’t your first or second time doing this.” I sassed with my hands on my hips.

  “Nope. I grew up only twenty minutes from here, and on Thursdays, it was dang near free to get in, so we took advantage.”

  Skating backward, he got in my face and pulled me close. Janet Jackson’s “Anytime, Anyplace” came on, and all the couples seem to gravitate to the floor like moths to flames. Altering our stance, Leiland swiftly turned me around, so I was the one going backward.

  “You better not let me fall, Leiland,” I told him, feeling myself wobbling. Using his forearms as leverage, I looked down for a second and admired the murals he had drawn onto his skin. I did an about-face and now had my ass to him. I grabbed his hands and draped them around my belly. It was beautiful how our feet were in sync. The smile on my face inevitable.

  My fingers danced lightly in the hairs that ran along the back of his neck.

  “Dancing on the floor, feeling the slow groove. My mind is starting to burn, with forbidden thoughts,” I sang the lyrics like I wrote them. Feeling Leiland’s cool exhale on my neck had my mind on nasty shit.

  Using Leiland’s body as a push start, I placed my hands on his thighs and was preparing to push myself forward, but I got weak. My left hand landed on something that felt like a Time Warner remote control. Leiland jumped back at my roaming hands. Shaking his head, he smiled at my behavior.

  “Would you believe me if I told you I didn’t do that on purpose?” I asked with him now facing me.

  “Not at all.” He laughed, gripping the rim of his fitted hat. Wasn’t nothing like a man in a fitted with a fresh cut. I don’t care what race he is.

  “You’re a big girl. You knew what you were doing.”

  I naively shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just dancing. I know you’ve never dated a black woman before, but you gotta know we exude sexy. From our big innocent eyes, long lashes, and all the corners our curves hit.”

  I ran my hands down my ribs slowly. “To the way our skin sparkles like we have diamond chips embedded.” He blushed at me repeating the words he’d said to me.

  “It’s in our DNA, baby.”

  “I agree with everything you said, but you still can’t convince me you weren’t pressing your ass on my dick like that on purpose. That part isn’t because you’re a naturally sexy woman. Nah, that is because you’re a freak.” We both smiled at his theory, definitely accurate.

  Leiland slowed his pace and starting skating beside me.

  “I do have a question though.”

  “What’s up?”

  “The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. Myth or fact?”

  I erupted into a fit of giggles before answering.

  “I don’t go around just sampling blackberries but think of it like a fruit. The darker ones are usually sweeter, juicer.” I puckered my lips out, and he kissed me.

  “I should be in for a treat then,” he added then lifted my palm to his lips.

  I looked at him and knew I was all in. I knew I wouldn’t give up on him if he didn’t walk away from me. I could count the amount of dates we’d been on with one hand, and I’d just started to get in the habit of “checking in”, but I knew every time we were close, Leiland was serious about us, and I wanted him just as bad.

  “Peaches and Cream” came on and, the crowd got hyped. Popping ass and hips like they weren’t on skates. We went around the floor a few more songs before going to grab something to drink. I waited in line while Leiland excused himself. I bopped slowly, making sure not to do too much, afraid I may fall on my ass again.

  “Girl, I’ve been calling you since we got here,” Jupiter barked, causing me to jump. I almost forgot I asked her to come to my rescue.

  “Damn, I totally forgot, Ju. When we got here, Leiland and I had a little disagreement, and I didn’t want to leave, but then thought it would be lame to stay by myself,” I explained before handing the cashier money for my drink and fries.

  “Well, we’ve been looking for you a nice little minute. I was two seconds from jumping on the mic and hollering your name.” She frowned.

  “I appreciate you coming to meet me. I know my text was vague.”

  “It wasn’t hard to figure out something wasn’t right. Latif got a message from Leiland like ten minutes earlier that y’all were going out.”

  I looked around. “Where is Tif?” I asked before checking around for an empty table.

  “He went to grab our skates while I came to look for you. He should be coming back this way though. We agreed to meet over here in ten minutes. Where’d Leiland go? Do not tell me he really left you up here. You know I’m rooting for him.” She narrowed her eyes, daring me to give the wrong answer.

  “Leiland went to the locker for something, so he should be back soon too.”

  Jupiter calmed herself before digging into the basket of hot fries. “So what happened?”

  “Let’s just say I was tripping off something simple. I already know I was on ten about this mess with my dad, but I’m not ready to share all that with Leiland. I can’t tell him about the talk with Pappy without sharing everything. Things with us have been good, and I don’t want to scare him off. We’ve made it three months, and I haven’t seen Tyler, Brandon, or Braulio. You know that screams volumes. I care about Leiland, and I don’t want my baggage to weigh him down.”

  “Look at you! Only been a couple of months, and you’re glowing like you’re in love. And let me say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

  I slapped the back of her hand before she could take another handful of fries.

  “Don’t eat them all before Leiland comes back. He needs to eat before taking his medicine. I know he didn’t say that’s what he’s going to get from the locker, but I can put two and two together. And to answer your question, the difference is I’m getting to know Leiland, and I still like him. We haven’t had sex yet, and I don’t find his texts annoying or clingy. I actually look forward to them, Ju. I really get in my feelings if I feel like he isn’t missing me how I’m missing him. Out here singing ‘Lei, Lei, do you love me? Are you riding?’” I told her, nipping on the end of a fry. “Leiland’s conversation has been enough so far, but I just want to make sure wha
t I’m feeling is honest.”

  She stopped laughing and looked at me skeptically. “What are you feeling?”

  “Like I want to have a litter of his little mixed babies,” I said, looking directly at the man whose patience had me morphing into someone even I was unfamiliar with.

  Jupiter noticed my gaze and followed my eyes landing on Leiland.

  “I must admit, he’s pretty fly for a white guy.”

  We fell into our usual fit of snickers as she mocked the 1998 rap lyrics.

  “What’s so funny?” Latif asked, sliding into the booth beside Jupiter. Without a second thought, he leaned into her, and they kissed.

  Leiland’s hand engulfing mine underneath the table stopped the insult I had for Jupiter. We sat close, causing the material from his jersey to excite my skin. It’s cliché as hell, but gosh there was just something different about him. Maybe that’s just it; he was different from anything I had experienced.

  Dominance that didn’t make me feel like I was being overpowered, there was honest compassion and respect for my growth. He was showing me everything I didn’t know I wanted. I had seen all that in Leiland in only months, and sitting here staring a hole into the side of his face while he joked with Latif had me sure I had made the right choice to give this a chance.

  “Did you take your medicine?” I whispered. I didn’t want anyone else in our conversation. I didn’t want to seem pushy and just like my parents were a touchy subject for me, his health situation was the same. I did, however, make sure he was good when we were together and apart.

  Feeling uneasy under his stare, I smiled to break the ice. “Was I not supposed to ask you that?”

  “I told you before you can ask me anything. I’ve just never had a woman who wasn’t related to me be so concerned about my health. Whether you believe it or not, you’re showing me different, too, Billie.” He looked down at me and adjusted his hand pressed against mind while licking his lips. He was easing into dangerous territory with the LL shit.