“So that’s why you left?
Nodding, I answered her. “I couldn’t stay and be a part of the club after that. I didn’t trust them with anything that belonged to me once that happened, so there was no point of sticking around.” I could feel myself getting pissed and enraged all over again.
“Look at me. I didn’t ask you to share this to put you back in that headspace. Lucy was a grown ass woman, and though she was relying on you, she should not have depended on you to be her limbs and conscience. You were there to add balance, not make her whole. And when it comes to the MC, you don’t need to be the only loyal one in a room full of snakes anyway. From the way your skin is turning the color of an apple, I can see it was hard to relive this so, I appreciate you for trusting me with your truths.”
Smothering my chest with hers, Sparx removed the leather coverage she was raving over no more than ten minutes ago.
“Ugh.” She screeched, tossing it to the floor. “Now I see why you had that shit in the back of the closet. We should burn it. We can do it in the tub if you’re down.”
Laughing, I loved her enthusiasm to have my back, but that situation was one I had lived through and gotten over.
“No thanks, Left Eye,” I said as my hands found her ass. Her taking off the jacket with nothing on top wasn’t missed in the realm of being vulnerable.
“Someone’s awake.” She purred, referring to the hardness my dick had put between us. I was happy she got up before things got nasty.
“I’m going to give you a break tonight because you’re being all vulnerable and shit. I won’t take advantage of you like a monster, but next time you poke me with that thing, it’s on! Now let’s watch a move and smooth while you rub on my booty.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Leiland
Looking around the office, I was pleased that there weren’t many people waiting besides myself. Having to miss work was already a headache, so if I had to sit for hours, I would’ve been pissed. If I could’ve put it off another week, I would have, but I hadn’t been feeling like myself lately and couldn’t chance having a seizure. The last was a year ago, and though it wasn’t a grand mal, lately I had been having déjà vu of the scenario all over again. I thought about asking Billie to come with me, but I didn’t want her to worry, and knowing Billie, she would have a fit. When the worry had me pulling away from her, I knew it was time to come and see the doc. I also didn’t want her to miss work to come sit with me. I knew how important it was for her to lock down the down payment for her cereal bar. Missing money wasn’t going to help build her foundation. I wanted to be in the position to help her with securing her dream, and my health had to be on point for me to do so.
After working before and after work for hours on my portfolio, Google rejected it. The reason why they said no wasn’t a priority to me. I presented something that was my style and my vibe, so if they weren’t feeling it, then it wasn’t meant to be. A few days after, I received an email of interest from one of Walt Disney Studios graphics teams, Petals. The irony was not lost on me considering my lady’s obsession with flowers.
I’d set up a YouTube page, thanks to Billie, and uploaded a few of my graphic videos. A scout somehow stumbled on my work, and the next thing I know, I’m getting an email from the team asking for my portfolio. The team was considering me for a content producer gig. If everything worked in my favor, I would be able to ensure Billie’s dream came true as well.
Glancing at the Ebony magazine and Sport Illustrated along with an array of other spread out in the middle of the table, the woman on the cover of Ebony caught my attention. The model was reenacting Billie Holiday’s iconic album cover. She was cuffing a steel and black microphone with a smile so big you could see all her white teeth.
Billie.
As if our thoughts synced, my phone vibrated, and I saw I’d received a text from Sparx.
Sparx: Good morning, Mr. Greyson. Question: What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?
We’d been seeing each other exclusively for four months now, and there was no going back. It had nothing to do with sex either, because honestly, we still hadn’t taken it there. I was a twenty-eight-year-old man who hadn’t had sex with the woman he was falling in love with because she’s unfamiliar with intertwining the two. She was depending on me to teach her how to balance love and sex. Billie was looking to me to guide her feelings into their foundation like puzzle pieces. I couldn’t ruin that by making love to her before she knew what the benefit was other than an orgasm. Bad enough I’d allowed her to pull my dick out in the movie theatre about two weeks ago and give me the best head I’d ever had in my life. She was for damn sure not afraid of being sloppy. I, of course, had to reciprocate. Eleven in the morning, and Billie was sitting on my face with her pussy in my mouth in one of the reclining seats at the Cinemax Theatre.
Me: Good morning, beautiful. Umm, idk cognac.
Sparx: First off, you didn’t even try. And no! It’s watttaa!
Sparx: Get it? Watttaa. Like Water? I know you’re slow, but damn.
It was ten in the morning, and she was already talking shit.
Sparx: Thank you for my peonies, they are gorgeous. You better quit with these flowers before you have an extra bill.
“Leiland Greyson?”
I slid my phone into my pocket as I followed the short, gray-haired nurse back to the area for her to take my vitals. I removed my black Raiders hat and handed it to her before stepping on the scale.
“234. You’ve lost a little weight.”
“That wasn’t on purpose,” I told her, adjusting the arms on my shirt. “I’ve been working more and eating less. Initially, I thought that’s why I had been feeling tired, but the last time I self-diagnosed, I ended up in the hospital with a bill from here to Mississippi.” I stepped down off the metal platform.
“Well, that’s not a good sign of anything, and your blood pressure is high.” She did a double check of my chart. “You were here for a physical less than six months ago. What has changed in the last few months that may have affected your health?”
Of course, my mind went to Billie. No, she wasn’t bad for my health, but she was the change in my life, though a good change nonetheless. Her sense of humor outweighed her stubbornness. That potty mouth was bullshit compared to her kindness and intellect.
Giving the familiar nurse a reassuring smile, I patted her hand.
“I’m fine. Well, that’s what I’m here to figure out, but I’m hoping you’ll confirm.” I laughed to lighten the mood.
With her hand on her hips, she scolded me. “I don’t see a damn thing funny. You have to take care of yourself. If the doctor needs to increase your medication, then make sure to tell him that. I swear you men are bullheaded. You wait until you’re on your last limb to come see about yourselves.”
I smiled as she rambled on. I knew her words were stern only because she was worried about me. I had been coming to this office for close to fifteen years, and she’d been working here double that. But there was no way I was going to request more medicine. Having to pay for more money out of pocket would only add to the problem. I was running through my savings faster than I cared to keep mentioning, and my job wasn’t bending with giving me a steady forty hours, so the insurance company would stop charging me so damn much. And I’m not talking about the overtime, that isn’t consistent enough to depend on. That’s actually another reason me and Sparx hadn’t seen each other as much lately. We had both been working more than usual. According to Jupiter, I should expect even more distance from Sparx because we are nearing the anniversary of her mother’s death.
The last thing I wanted was for her to pull away from me. It took us four months to get to a steady place. To reach a certain level of trust, and I couldn’t let her drop out of sight because she was hurting. As much as I admired the relationship she and Jupiter shared, I was the one who needed to be her backbone. I was her lifeguard, and whether she liked it or not, roles were about to shift.
Billie
The last seven days brought unfamiliar feelings.
I wasn’t used to longing for someone or feeling emptiness when we had too much distance between us. I usually valued space, and now it was cold; Leiland was the warmth.
Today, we were on day seven. By the fifth, I was shaking like a fiend void of his company. Walking around like a druggie, and we hadn’t even fucked yet. That made it harder to just let him be and resort back to my usual program. Leiland had me feeling this good from simply paying me some attention. I could only imagine what penetration would feel like.
It had been a complete week since I’d had the chance to kiss on him or feel his hands grip my booty. It’s been too long since the last time his strawberry-colored lips clashed with my palms or shoulders. Maybe I was just being clingy, but I missed Leiland.
I just needed to be in the same physical location with Leiland.
Like an individual detoxing off caffeine, my temper was short, and my emotions weren’t stable. I hadn’t felt this type of loss since going to jail and having to figure out how to cope without Jupiter being so close.
I contemplated following his lead and pulling myself away. It wouldn’t have been farfetched. Stubbornness was a part of my makeup, but I didn’t want to make a permanent decision based on passive feelings and look like a jerk in the end.
For once, I didn’t want to be impulsive.
I wanted to be in love.
From where I stood, I could see him out on the field in perfect position to bat as he waited for the simulator to pitch the ball. His large frame was slightly lowered due to his bent knees. Gliding onto the front bleacher, I rested my elbows on my knees with hands balled under my chin. I missed being able to see him up close. He hadn’t even been on my street as much usual.
Surveying his appearance again, I was puzzled by his coolness and him allowing dirt to flood his kicks. Leiland’s appreciation for shoes and hats was something that couldn’t be missed in the months we’d spent together. I’d been to his place a few times, and his closet put mine to disgrace. His voice went up a few notches when I tried on his old school Penny Hardaways, so this dirty feet shit was out of character. It may have been something small to other people, but it was enough confirmation that something wasn’t right in his world.
With one hand placed on top of the other, he gripped the bat tight and brought his forearms and elbows out at his sides.
WHAM!
Hips twisted, and one foot positioned behind the other, he leaned back proudly as the ball flew out into the field. Without hesitation, I cheered him on.
“You better do your shit, Mr. Greyson!”
I knew he recognized my voice before he turned around, because once he had, there was that smile. Jumping from my seat, I ran out onto the field and right to Leiland’s arms. Wrapping my legs around his waist was just as easy as his hands smothering my body. With me latched on, he walked us out of direct aim of the simulator then looked at me seriously.
I asked, “Tell me what I did?”
“I’ve missed you, Sparx.” Using his right hand, Leiland fingered the beauty mark directly under my bottom lip before leaning in for a kiss.
“You do? I can’t tell.” Removing his helmet for him, I monitored him intently.
“I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
“Weeks, Sparx?”
“I don’t feel missed. I know you told me you’ve been working and finishing up your proposal. I understand that, hell I’m hustlin’ myself, too, but whatever time is left, you’re supposed to split between me and sleep,” I said pouting. Fucking with my heart wasn’t going to work, and if he thought putting me on ice was going to pacify me, he had me messed up.
I watched as he rubbed the back of his neck in a circular motion, as if trying to massage the tension out of his muscles.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’ve had a lot going on and didn’t want to have you stressing over my shit.”
My eyebrows clashed into each other. “What shit?”
He didn’t answer. Instead just looked out into the distance. Finding a seat beside him on the grass, I scooted closer and took his chin in my hands.
“What’s going on Leiland? I thought we were giving us a fair shot?”
Scowling, he almost yelled out, “We are.”
“Then, what’s up? Because not talking while building together doesn’t work, and you’re the one who said that shit. You actually say a lot of that doesn’t flow with the way you’ve been acting lately. And what are we doing here? You know I’m a felon. I can’t be caught trespassing at a school,” I replied with a hint of humor but partially serious.
“Tell me how your day was before we dive into the deep end.”
“Damn, it’s that bad?”
“How was your day, Sparx?”
Out of nowhere, my damn eyes started getting misty; something wasn’t right.
“Leaving me already?”
He didn’t answer with words, just shook his head no. Neither of us said anything, just glared at one another.
“Why are you crying, Sparx?” he asked in a growl like he was aggravated.
“I don’t really know, Leiland.”
“You’re hurting for me, and you don’t even know what the problem is.”
“The fact that there is a damn problem is enough. You’re being a hypocrite right now with all this secretive shit.”
“I never said I wouldn’t tell you what’s going on. I asked you to tell me about your day. Stop being so defensive.” He reprimanded. It may not have actually been a scolding, but every time he spoke all manly and stern it made me feel like I was a split second away from getting my ass spanked, but regardless of what he said, Leiland was full of it.
“My day was fine. I talked to Teal, and she said there’s two investors who may be interested in Crunch. We have a meeting scheduled next week,” I responded flatly.
“Why are you saying it like this isn’t a huge deal? This is what you’ve been waiting for.” Leiland looked as confused as I felt.
“It is a big deal, and I’m happy, but I’d be happier if you’d tell me what the hell is going on with you.” Since I’d met this man, he never had a problem saying what he felt or voicing his vices, and now he sat next to me, silently hesitating.
“I went to the doctor today.”
“OK.”
“I haven’t been taken my medicine as often as I should, and it’s affecting other parts of my body.”
“Why aren’t you taking your medicine?” I asked as soft as I could manage. I wanted to curse him out for being so careless and irresponsible, but knowing Leiland, there was a reason.
“Honestly, Billie, I can’t afford it. They cut my hours at work, which is why I’ve been taking the bullshit shifts of OT they try to pacify us with, but that isn’t worth shit because if you aren’t clocking forty hours a week on the books, you don’t get the premium pay. The insurance company will only pay 40 percent of my medical costs because technically, I’m not a full-time employee.” He paused and closed his eyes. “I’ve dealt with epilepsy since my senior year of high school, but this is the first time I couldn’t afford to deal with it. I’ve been able to stash a lot of money away over the years between that job and my dealings with The Shepherds. Living at home with my mom helped more than anything, but I can’t go broke over this.”
Relinquishing my seat on the grass, I slid my legs on opposite sides of him and got in his lap. I pulled Leiland’s head down to my chest and exhaled when he relaxed.
“I understand where you’re coming from, but I never want you to pull away because of a problem that I may be able to help with. I have quite a bit saved and—” Leiland’s head shot up immediately, but I aggressively pulled him back down.
“No, listen to me. I know you don’t want to, but your health is more important than a business that can be opened at any time.”
He twisted out of my grasp and jumped to his feet.
“No!
Hell no! And I mean it. I don’t want you using any of your money for my bills. Have you lost your damn mind, Billie?”
Hopping up, I shouted back, “Have you! Not taking your fucking medicine as if that’s a logical option! It’s prescribed for a fucking reason. You can easily have a seizure and hit your head on the concrete or worse. Are you trying to hurt me? Are you trying to leave me!”
“No, Sparx.”
His tone was soft now. I knew it was because I had gotten emotional again.
“Look, I didn’t tell you this, so you would offer me your money. I just needed you to know what’s going on. Not only have I been working like crazy, I’ve been tired as hell. My medicine usually gives me a little boost of energy or I crash. I knew if I took you to the play the other night, I would’ve been asleep by the time the curtains opened. I can’t afford to have a seizure at work, or they’ll take away my license and put me in an office. It’s just a lot.”
“I really don’t know how I feel knowing you weren’t comfortable telling me this. I mean, do you think I’m that insensitive? We could’ve stayed in the house and watched movies, and all that other shit couples do. You pushed me away Leiland, being prideful. But okay, whatever. Now, why are we here?” I pointed around the baseball field.
Eleven years earlier…
Leiland
It is the biggest game of my high school career, and I know I can’t fuck it up. I’ve been attending Leuzinger High for four years, but El Camino opened their field to us for the Championship game. Having three different college scouts in the bleachers waiting to see what I was going to do today causes my blood to pump harder than normal through my heart, and though I already had my mind set on playing for UCLA, I would still put on one hell of good game for those in attendance. Today is the deciding factor on if we’d be going to the championship, and considering I’ve been the team captain for the last two years, this was what I have been riding my team for. After all the long hours of practice and bruised limbs, we could damn near taste the trophy.
Loving You Through Our Differences Page 14