Diary of a Teenage Murderer

by Emlyn Hall

bombshell when Sasha whispered, “It’s OK, I’m on the pill.”

  The rest, dear diary, is once again between me, Sasha, a flight of stairs, a neighbour’s cat and a rather unfortunate teddy bear. The only thing I will say is that I have noticed that sex definitely has a smell, a strange smell. Does all sex smell the same? Or is it different for different couples? I will have to google it (obviously not on Dad’s work computer). We were quite brief in our ‘lovemaking’ (well, we are both new to this activity) and just managed to get back to school for afternoon registration.

  If I was unproductive in school in the morning, then the afternoon more than made up for it! I don’t remember ever working so hard, both my French and English teachers commented on this fact. Lunchtime sex sessions should therefore be made compulsory in all secondary schools.

  On a slightly sour note on what was an otherwise perfect day, I found out through one of Sasha’s friends that Todd has had a massive crush on her for ages and has caught wind of the fact that we are together and is not happy. This is bound to lead to some grief; the guy really is an incredible fuckwit.

  By the way, the cat was not involved… just present.

  Wednesday, February 22nd

  Things have really kicked off today. Martin is in hospital with two broken ribs and a fractured jaw.

  You guessed it, dear diary; Todd was indeed behind this one. Martin had not done a lot wrong in all honesty, he is no fighter and always tends to avoid trouble generally. In fact I can’t think of a time that he has ever had an argument with anyone, let alone a fight.

  I think that Todd clearly has some mental health issues at the moment. Rumour has it that he is taking all sorts of drugs and that he may even be dabbling with heroin now, it may sound unlikely for a 16-year-old to have reached this level, but he really does have a very distant look in his eyes. They say that some soldiers develop a thousand yard stare after being involved in combat, Todd has certainly not been to war recently, but he definitely does have a thousand yard stare. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) I was not actually there when the incident occurred, but I did manage to get the full story from a group of girls in my year.

  Martin was apparently walking down the Science corridor on his way to English and Todd kicked his trailing leg behind the other one, and he stumbled forward dropping the books and files he was carrying. Martin turned around and said:

  “You fucking prick!”

  This was quite unlike a typical Martin reply, I would have expected a more sarcastic response, but this was all the invitation that Todd needed and exactly the response he wanted. Todd lunged at Martin and swung a massive haymaker at him. The punch made contact, big contact. He had managed to knock Martin out cold with one blow to the jaw. If that wasn’t enough, Todd then set about kicking and stamping on Martin, as he lay unconscious in the corridor. Todd’s friend Ryan put in a final sickening boot to the head before the pair of them ran off. Martin suffered a concussion, two broken ribs and a small fracture to the side of his jaw. His body was literally covered in bruises and was taken to hospital where he is probably going to remain for a day or two for observation.

  The police were at the school in a shot. They arrested Todd and bundled him into the back of their car. They took statements from a number of witnesses before driving off with a smiling and fully defiant Todd waving from the back of the police car with hands rightly in cuffs. I really hope that police brutality is alive and well in West Sussex, if anyone needs a kicking it is this guy.

  Rumour around the school is that Todd is going to be permanently excluded for this day’s work, about time if you ask me! I still have no idea why he has an issue with the two of us; he probably doesn’t even know himself though. I have been waiting for some kind of confrontation with Todd because of the Sasha situation, and I hope this has not been the reason for Martin being beaten up.

  I went to see Martin at hospital with my parents after school today and he was in surprisingly good spirits, despite not being able to speak very well he still said:

  “As long as it gets him expelled, it was worth the beating!”

  Martin said that he is due out of hospital on Saturday. Apparently the doctors were reluctant to let him go home until the swelling on his head had started to reduce in size. The police had visited Martin earlier in the day and taken a statement about the incident. Martin has decided to press charges against Todd. Nice, I hope they lock him up and throw away the key, or better still: beat him mercilessly about the face and chest with a broken bottle, cut his cock off, lock him up and then throw away the key.

  Thursday, February 23rd

  Today was another mad one, it really does seem as if they all are at the moment.

  School was quite hectic today. I think that every single member of the school community has now asked me how Martin is getting on. This includes: students, teachers, teaching assistants, dinner ladies and premises staff. I was half expecting the dead frozen mice in the Science labs to awake from their wintery graves and bloody well ask me too. The hassle was so intense that I nearly decided to make a sign and put it around my neck saying ‘Martin is in a bit of pain, but will be out of hospital on Saturday and he is doing well! Now fuck off!’ Well, maybe not the ‘fuck off!’ bit, but it really was getting a bit much.

  I saw Todd on his way in to the Head’s office and waved at him, smiled sweetly and mouthed out “Bye bye”. Probably not the wisest thing I have ever done. Todd tried to run at me but was caught by the arm by the Deputy Head so decided to shout at me instead:

  “You’re a fucking dead man. When I see you around or your slag of a missus I will fuck you and her up!”

  “I will look forward to it.” Was all I could offer as a reply, but I did blow him a very sweet kiss.

  “Get to your lesson!!” shouted the Deputy Head.

  Todd was indeed permanently expelled today (no surprise there) and his sidekick Ryan has been externally excluded for five days for violent conduct.

  Martin was delighted with the news! Sasha and I visited him at hospital after school and took him some grapes (Sasha’s idea, not mine). He was feeling a lot better, but his ribs were very tender and he had to stay still all the time, only being able to fall asleep on his side with his right arm over his head to take the pressure off his ribs. We all sat on his bed and watched EastEnders and some of the Champions League game between Liverpool and Roma, I am not a huge football fan (if pushed I suppose I would have to say I am a Brighton fan – support your local team and all that) but I have a particular hatred for Liverpool (Todd is a Liverpool fan and often wears a Liverpool shirt. I especially hate them now after Sasha revealed that her parents are all Everton fans too).

  Martin was not particularly pleased when Roma scored the first goal (Martin always supports the British clubs in these competitions) and Sasha and I, jumping up and down in celebration, jolting poor Martin all over the shop in the process couldn’t have helped. The swellings on Martin’s head have gone down a lot and all being well he should be going home tomorrow morning after the doctor checks him over.

  Friday, February 24th

  I got jumped in the playground today. Even though Todd has been expelled, he still unfortunately seems to have a big influence on all of the major idiots of the school.

  I was walking across the playground to the Maths block and was suddenly jumped by four of Todd’s henchmen. I got away pretty much unscathed, but it did shake me up a bit. I felt someone jump on my back then someone kicked me in the back of the legs pretty hard, at which point I went down. All four of them gathered around and started kicking me while I was on the floor until the Head of Maths shouted out of the window at them, at which point they legged it in various directions.

  I have no idea who they were, although I am pretty sure they were year nine students, but it’s a big school and it’s unlikely that I will learn the identity of all of them. However, one of them had ginger hair and a green Nike hoodie – I think he is probably the only
one I would recognize again, I will certainly be keeping my eyes peeled for that little ginger glass of toss!

  As they stopped kicking the piss out of me and ran, one of them shouted, “That’s from Todd, you fucking prick, he is gonna fuck you up!” Charming use of the English language, I thought.

  As for my injuries, none really, I have actually gotten off pretty lightly, all things considered. A grazed hand and a bleeding elbow (with matching ripped shirt – which will probably result in worse injuries from my mother when I get home).

  Sasha and I are off to Brighton tomorrow for a bit of shopping and some chips by the sea, nice. Oh, and a new shirt. Sasha and I talked about the whole ‘jumping’ situation on the way home. She has made me promise to her that I won’t go and do something silly. Not too sure that it is one that I will be able to keep if I find myself face to face with that chavy ginger anus.

  They have decided to keep Martin in for one further night as his ribs have really been playing up and they have decided to do another X-ray to make sure there is nothing ‘floating’ about. Sounds grim. I do hope that is not something that Sasha and I caused during our dramatic goal celebration.

  Saturday, February 25th

  Martin came home this morning and Sasha and I decided to pop around and see