A large part of me was simply scared. I’d put him through hell. Left him time and time again. How many times could someone stomp on another’s heart before they lost all feeling? I knew, because it was what happened between me and Jack.
I didn’t believe I was right for him. I wasn’t, because I met him at a time in my life when I wasn’t ready to be myself. When I still felt small inside my skin. Maybe everything that happened was messy, but I turned into a better person because of it.
Because of Jack, I was forced to really look at myself. To decide who I wanted to be. What I wanted out of life. What I expected from a partner. Because of Jack, I found Cole.
Because of Jack, I found myself.
One morning, I was rummaging through one of my boxes, thinking about Cole, wondering what he was doing, when there, at the bottom of the box next to some of the mood boards I’d created, was the thimble he’d had given me.
His forever kiss.
Without thinking, I grabbed my phone and dialed the number to his office, wearing the thimble on the other finger.
Bianca picked up after the second ring. “He isn’t here,” she said when I asked for him. “He’s taking some personal time out of town.”
I hung up, staring out the window. And then it hit me.
I knew where he was.
I jumped up, tucked the thimble into my pocket, and then rushed out of the house.
“Where are you going?” my mother asked as I passed by her watering the flowers.
“To find my heart,” I said, getting into the driver’s seat of my old car.
I pulled in front of the farmhouse hours later. The sun was lazily sinking into the earth, a firework of colors spreading out across the horizon. At first, I thought I’d been mistaken. There wasn’t a light on in the house. But then I realized the Jeep was gone.
Getting out, I made my way to the barn. The only thing inside was the plow.
Maybe he was by the lake. Maybe he wasn’t there at all.
I sat on the rocking chair on the porch, staring into the horizon. My heart was a bundle of nerves. If he returned, what would I say? What could I say? I didn’t want to lose him, but what if he had moved on?
It didn’t matter. Cole was mine. I felt it in my marrow.
I wasn’t going to let him slip away again.
I headed to the car, and grabbed a pen and a notebook, determined to win him back.
By the time the sun had faded away and the stars were peeking through the clouds, I heard the faint sound of an engine in the distance. I perked up, waiting, hoping.
Seconds later, he pulled around the side of the garage and got out of the Jeep.
I stood, heart banging wildly against my chest.
“You’re here,” I said, frozen in place. I smelled the rain in the air. The drops that were about to fall, and my stomach sank to its knees.
He didn’t say anything. Just came up the steps. Stopping. Staring.
“I… uh… I’m divorced now,” I said. “You were right.”
Still, no words.
“I came to tell you how sorry I was for not listening. For giving up. I wrote this for you.” The paper rattled in my hands as they shook. As I tried to make sense of the words I’d written hours before. But standing before him, every ounce of confidence I’d found in myself, in his arms, came back to me
With a deep breath, I set them free.
“You’ve always given me a reason to stay. I counted them. Held them close to my heart, but never wavering despite what you meant to me. Ten pleas I realize I took for granted. I shouldn’t have. You’ll never know how sorry I am for that. Sorry for walking away from you. Now I’m standing here in front of you, offering you the shattered pieces of my heart for you to decide whether you still want me to stay.”
His eyes were closed off, like a blackened keyhole with no chance of entry. I’d lost him. I felt it, when the drowning of my heart became louder than the dull song of the night.
“I have no right to expect anything from you,” I said, voice paper thin. My confidence wobbling on its feet. I couldn’t give up. Not yet. “I’ll go,” I said as I took a few steps toward him, determined to fight until the end. “But not before I give you my reasons you should let me stay.”
I tucked the paper into my pocket, not needing to see it to speak what was rooted in my heart.
“Let me stay because when you laugh, I feel it in every fiber of my body. Because I see you, the real you. Because you never gave up… even when I resisted. Because of this,” I said, grabbing his hand and placing it on the center of my chest. “It beats for you, madly, wildly.” I stepped closer. “Because I know you feel it… this energy that’s swallowed us whole. And because of this,” I said, touching his face. “The way we don’t feel alive, not truly, until we’re touching each other again. Because I need you, too… more than I wanted to admit.” I dropped my hand. “Because I can’t breathe when we’re apart,” I admitted, though his eyes were still hard. Still cold. “Because we make sense in a world where most things don’t.” I paused, inhaled, and then gave him the last reason. “And because I love you. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.”
We stood there, my chest shaking with emotion, his eyes as dark as the night.
I waited, longer than I should have as my heart beats slowed, smudged with regret. Finally, I nodded, walked past him down the steps even though my feet wanted to resist, and opened my car door.
He’d heard me out. Had clearly made his decision. I had to respect that.
But then I was spun around, his hands cupping my face, his lips crashing against mine so hard our teeth collided. I melted into him, into this moment, as the tears I’d been holding back fell.
“You think I’m going to let you go again?” he said as he rested his forehead against mine. “You’re mental.”
Our laughter was shaky.
“I thought… I thought I’d lost you.”
He tilted his head, so his eyes could meet mine. “Never.”
It was a promise. A confession. All that I needed to hear.
“But I… I come with another,” I said, giggling when fear crossed his face. “His name is Chance. He’s my cat.”
Relief blew from his mouth. He took my hand in his, the weight of the night slowly lifting, and then carried me inside, up to his room, into his bed, where we made love until the stars grew tired and the sun woke from its slumber. And when those first rays climbed through our window, when the soft sounds of sleep were escaping his lips, I smiled.
I smiled because I’d found my forever. I’d found myself.
I’d found him.
Chapter 32
One year later
Cole
“Open your eyes,” I said from behind her. Her rosy scent swirled around me. Her soft hair brushing against the side of my face from her antsy wiggling.
I’d spent weeks trying to make it happen for her. Now that the moment had finally arrived, I wanted to pause it. Savor every inch of her excitement.
She gasped, her hands cupping her face in shock. “This… this is the building… How did you?”
I was grinning so wildly it almost hurt. “You think I don’t know you? I’ve watched your eyes glaze over every time we’ve passed this place.”
She spun around, her face twinkling with a delightful mixture of emotions. “Cole, I…”
I felt like a proud peacock. “The realtor is ready with the paperwork should you decide you want it. I wanted to be sure before we made any decisions.”
“We,” she said, stepping into my arms.
I kissed the top of her head. “Us.”
“Together.”
“Forever.”
It was a thing we did from time to time. Reminding each other how far we’d come. How deeply we fought to keep each other. There were no more rules. No more waiting. She was mine and I was hers, and neither one of us took any of our seconds together for granted.
“Do you think… do you think it’s a good idea?”
she asked thinly, hesitantly, her head tilted back to see me.
She’d spent months working on her ideas for her business. Countless hours poured into a dream I wanted nothing more than to see all the way through. I saw so much of my younger self in those hours. The chaos and hope that came with a fresh idea. With a dream so big I’d felt almost too small to see it through. But Dennis had believed in me.
And now I was doing the same for her.
“I think it’s the best idea,” I said, giving her my honest opinion. “You’re going to be a hit.”
Her eyes lit up. She kissed me, then started jumping up and down, squealing. Laughing.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed the realtor, telling her to meet us so we could sign. A little later, we were standing inside the empty building, popping a bottle of champagne. Corinne couldn’t sit still. She inspected every inch of square footage, sliding her hands over the walls, her voice high-pitched as she marked every spot for what its future would be.
It only took a few months to get the place up and running. Wonderland’s Touch, a perfect brand for a perfect girl. Inside, there were hundreds of pieces she’d ordered to fit her theme. Colors. Whimsical shapes. Lots of greenery and lights and sparkle. Her imagination was endless. Her work ethic unbridled.
And at night when we’d come together at the dinner table inside our penthouse, I’d take her hand in mine and tell her how proud I was of her. How happy she made me. She’d tell me how lucky she was, and how much she had missed me. She turned my minimalist style upside down, filling the rooms with life and color. I offered to find a new place with her, but she refused. My place was where we’d found each other. Where everything began.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked as we climbed into bed that night. The city lights sparkled through the windows of our room, the walls painted in a rich shade of rose red.
“The farm,” I admitted, pulling her against me beneath the blanket. We’d turned off the lights, the city all the illumination needed. The lights dazzled off the shape of her face. Her cheeks and nose. I couldn’t resist. I kissed her.
Because of her, I’d found the strength to sell the farm. It was hard… but letting it sit empty wasn’t what my parents would have wanted. The lands deserved to be discovered again. The floorboards yearned for the days when little feet would patter against them. Farm life had never been my dream.
A small family of five bought it from me for an extremely low price. I didn’t want to profit from a place that felt priceless, so I took the earnings and donated them to a homeless foundation within the city.
Corinne ran a lazy finger over my chest. “They’re happy there,” she said, meaning the family.
“I know.” I checked in on them from time to time. They were building a name for themselves, selling apples and honey. It was what my parents would have wanted. What the farm needed.
“So where are we going tomorrow?” she asked. I’d asked her to take time off from the shop because we needed to go somewhere. But I didn’t tell her where, because I didn’t want her to suspect anything.
“To meet Dennis for lunch,” I said neutrally. “Sally said we’ve stayed away too long.”
“I love her,” she said, her eyes growing lazy.
“She’s pretty awesome.”
“I love you,” she added, nuzzling her nose against mine.
I shut my eyes. Held her close. “I love you more.”
Chapter 33
Corinne
We were dropped off in front of the restaurant Cole had rented out that night so long ago.
After taking it in, I raised a brow in question.
“What?” he asked innocently.
It was obvious he was up to something.
“Come on. He’s waiting,” he said, ushering me inside the restaurant.
The moment the doors opened, I gasped.
Cole liked to surprise me. This time, he really got me.
Macy was closest to the door. “Surprise,” she said, pulling me into a hug. Past her, I saw my parents. Dennis and Sally. My friends I’d made from school. A few of Cole’s closest friends.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as my dad pulled me into a hug.
“Visiting you,” Dad said with pride. “Can’t I see my baby girl?”
“Well, yes, but—”
“Cole wanted to celebrate,” Mom said as she took my hands in hers. Happiness sat well in her shoulders, lifting her up. Shaving off some of those hard years.
“Celebrate what?” I asked, feeling like my head was spinning.
Mom moved from in front of me. That was when I saw him, down on one knee, a small box in his hand.
“I was going to wait until after dinner,” he said, chuckling nervously. “But you know me.”
My eyes stung with happiness. My hands began to shake.
“I’ve given you the reasons to stay with me. Now let me give you the reasons to marry me,” he said as he reached for my hand. The room was silent, breaths held in anticipation.
“Marry me because you are my soul mate. Because every morning, I thank God that you came back. Because I’m so damn proud of you and proud to be with you. Because you make the sun rise and the moon smile. And because you deserve to be loved and cherished, every second, every minute, every day. And with this ring, I will continue to make that happen.”
I dropped to my knees, cupping his face in my hands, kissing him fiercely. “Yes,” I said against his lips, nodding, laughing, crying. “Forever and ever and ever.”
He pulled me into a hug as everyone started cheering around us. I heard a bottle popping in the distance, excited chatter picking up as the celebration began. He slid the ring on my finger, and I nearly fainted at the sight of it. It was a gorgeous bright red diamond with intricate floral detailing.
“I helped in the design,” he said proudly.
“Cole, this—”
“Is everything you deserve,” he said, kissing my forehead as we stood. “You’re just as rare and even more priceless than that diamond.”
“Let me see!” Macy said from behind me, yanking me in her direction. Wiggling my hand in her face, I grinned at her expression. “Holy shit!” She winked at Cole. “Are you sure you don’t have a brother?”
He chuckled.
“Damn, girl.”
I was still in shock.
“It’s beautiful,” Sally said as Dennis shook hands with Cole. “You are so beautiful together.”
Dinner was brought out shortly after, and everyone laughed as they told stories about each of us until our cheeks were red and our bellies were full. Champagne was passed around the table. Dates were thrown out for when we should have our big day. Colors were debated on. It was overwhelmingly perfect. A moment I never dreamed I’d ever be living in again.
Every once in a while, we’d lock eyes and smile at each other as our closest family members and friends continued to chatter. Each of those moments solidified my belief that we were exactly where we were meant to be. But most of all, they made me feel as if I were the luckiest woman in the world.
That our world, our journey, had only just begun.
Chapter 34
Cole
She was timeless in her wedding gown. It stole my breath away, watching her glide down the aisle toward me, a beautiful bouquet of red roses in her hands. We decided to marry on the farm by the lake underneath the oak tree. The family that had bought the place was more than happy to host. It felt surreal, marrying the woman of my dreams in the same place where I used to dream.
The form-fitted dress draped in red lace from the waist down suited her. Her beautiful chocolate hair was in spirals framing her perfect face. The closer she got, the blurrier she became.
Dennis gripped my shoulder from behind. “You did it, son. Damn good.”
When her father passed her off, I lifted her veil and kissed her. Deep and long. Good and hard.
The preacher cleared his throat, and everyone laughed.
I’d known it wasn’t time yet, but I couldn’t wait.
She was giggling as we stepped in front of the preacher, both of us shaking, beaming like giddy children. It took all of ten minutes to make her mine. It happened so fast, the exchanging of our vows. The promises to love each other forever. I didn’t care about the words. We’d already said them a thousand times to each other. I just wanted to kiss her again. I willed the minutes to hurry up. And when he got to the part where he told me to kiss the bride, she was bent backward, my lips on hers, before the preacher could even finish what he was saying.
Everyone clapped as I held her up and took her hand in mine. As we walked down the aisle together, Mr. and Mrs. Blackwater. My new forever.
The reception was held in the barn that had been cleared out, then filled with millions of starry lights. Drapes of white fabric hung from the ceiling. Chandeliers that held candles hung over every table, with lots of greenery and flowers wound within. There were hundreds of people there to celebrate. To witness the miracle of the infamous bachelor turned husband.
The room was filled with music and laughter. Every inch of the space felt like Corinne. Her decorating had only blossomed since she’d opened her business. The brand she was creating for herself, her style, was beginning to take off in the design community.
And when it came time to share our dance, Elvis sang as I swept her around the dance floor, our love making us light and carefree.
Later that night, we were sitting in front of the fire, pillaging through the many gifts that had been given to us. She was going through the envelopes, making notes for all the thank-you cards we’d need to send out.
“Another toaster,” I said, chuckling as I sat it in the pile of things we’d soon be donating. Though most of what we were given I already owned, I liked the feeling of receiving something as simple as a toaster. It was what I imagined every newlywed would feel.
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