Redeemed

by Becca Jameson

  What if she went to see him tomorrow? Josh had said he would be in town for the day. Maybe she could talk to him and ask him to stop calling. That would help rid her system of him.

  She groaned, knowing she was lying to herself. Her knees threatened to buckle and she turned around, leaned her back against the wall under the window, and slid down to the floor.

  She tucked her knees up against her chest and hugged them, her chin on her kneecaps.

  Ashley closed her eyes, but all she could picture was Evan and the look in his gaze as he’d stared at her, grazing her face with one finger that Sunday morning months ago.

  It was all she had of him, that one moment in time. And it wasn’t enough. She wanted more.

  It wasn’t fair. She would hurt him; but he was persistent. It was his own fault he hadn’t heeded her warning that she was no good for him and left her completely alone. No, he had to go and call her house every single day and ruin everything.

  Tears formed in the corners of her eyes and Ashley didn’t bother to wipe them away. She rarely cried. Hadn’t in months. Pent up frustration spilled out and dripped on her jean-clad knees. She wanted what everyone else did—a mate. Someone who would love her unconditionally for the rest of her days. Someone who would hold her in the night and not freak out when she woke up screaming, as she inevitably would.

  She wanted Evan and to continue to deny that was ludicrous. Surely her infatuation with him was just that, lust. Seriously, you’ve only spent a few hours with the man. You don’t know him.

  Perhaps the best thing to do would be to see him again and prove to herself he wasn’t the superhuman/supershifter creature she imagined him to be after months of blowing up his image in her mind until he was larger than life.

  Yes, she’d been filled with lust for him every time she’d been in his presence, but it couldn’t be real. Of course, Josh said it was. He’d told her when he met Samantha they’d known in an instant. She shivered to think about her brother in that light. He’d implied they’d barely made it out of Samantha’s office and back to his place before…

  Ugh.

  And then Nathan had come along. Samantha had spent the entire next day with Nathan in an enclosed car. She said she’d managed to keep her hands to herself the entire drive to Alabama where they were headed to help Josh rescue Ashley.

  Samantha had told her it was rough. Unimaginable. And that’s how Ashley felt about Evan now. But was it real?

  Only one way to find out.

  •●•

  “What are you doing here?” Evan stood at the front door, holding it open only enough to allow Josh to squeeze inside and hopefully leave the snow outside.

  “Came to talk to you… Ashley asked me to.”

  Evan snapped his head up as he shut the door and turned to face Josh. “What?”

  “Yeah.” Josh smiled. “She asked me to invite you over…if you want. No pressure. She wants to see you. She said, and I quote, ‘tell him he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to.’”

  Evan smiled. Then he narrowed his gaze. “You aren’t just shitting me to arrange for us to be in the same room, are you?”

  Josh shook his head. “Now why would I do that? You’d both stop speaking to me.”

  “So she actually called you and asked you to talk to me?” Why don’t I believe you?

  “Yes. I mean, first I went by my parents’ house this morning to see her. I told her you were coming home. Guess I planted the idea. She called me about an hour ago.” Josh grabbed Evan’s coat from the rack next to the front door. He hadn’t taken his own off or stepped farther inside. He held it up. “What are you waiting for?”

  Evan grabbed the coat. He stuffed his arms into the holes in record speed. “If I find out you’re bullshitting me, I’ll have your ass, man.”

  “I know.” Josh opened the front door for the second time and stepped outside. “See you later.”

  Evan jogged to his car. It was cold. No sense hanging around with the snow falling on his head. Yeah, that’s why you’re running.

  He made it to Ashley’s house in record time, in spite of the snow that continued to fall. He was lucky he’d been able to land this afternoon. Planes were still on time only because the temperature wasn’t low enough to cause serious icing.

  It was dark when he arrived at Ashley’s and he glanced at his watch as he approached the front door. Seven. He took a deep breath and lifted his fist to knock, but the door swung open before he could make contact.

  “Evan.” Paul Rice stood at the door ushering him in. “Josh said you might stop by.”

  Evan rubbed his hands together as he shut the door behind him. “Josh said?”

  “Yes. He called a bit ago.”

  “Where is Ashley?” If Josh had duped him…

  “She’s downstairs. We turned the basement into a sort of studio. I assume she’s painting.” Paul motioned with a sweep of his hand for Evan to head across the room.

  Laura stepped out of the kitchen as Evan reached the other side of the living room. “Evan. So good to see you. Go on downstairs.” She opened the basement door and ushered him forward.

  It felt like a giant conspiracy to fix him up. Except parents and brothers didn’t usually work so hard to get their daughter and sister to unite with a mate.

  God, she had better know I’m coming down, he thought as he made his way gingerly down the stairs.

  When he reached the floor, he finally saw her. She stood behind an easel, her face lifted. A paintbrush dangled from several fingers. Red paint dripped off the end, and then she dropped the brush, and it fell to the floor.

  She didn’t seem to notice. Her gaze was locked on his and she smiled, her eyes twinkling.

  “Hi,” he murmured, suddenly feeling like a teenager on his first date. He stuck his hands in his jeans pockets as he wandered toward her.

  “Hi,” she mimicked. “I guess Josh called you?”

  Oh, thank God. He didn’t have to kill anyone tonight. “Yes. He stopped by my house in fact. Said you wanted to see me.”

  She blushed, a deep shade of red that reached down her cheeks and her neck and across the exposed part of her chest that he could see in the V of her shirt. How far south did the blush reach?

  She opened and closed her mouth a few times and then licked her lips. “I hope you didn’t feel obligated. I mean—”

  “Ashley,” he cut her off, “nothing that concerns you will ever be an obligation. Never. No matter how much time you need, I’ll still be here.” He chuckled. “That’s what teenagers call being whipped. Now I get it.”

  She smiled. “I wanted you to move on with your life. I’m not…good.” She swallowed and he watched in fascination as her throat worked. “My mother said you call every day.”

  “I didn’t want her to tell you that. I never wanted you to feel pressured. I still don’t.” He continued to inch toward her. “And you are too good. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Nothing that has happened to you changes who you are inside.” He’d arrived in front of her, and he set his hand on her chest, between her breasts. It was a bold move on his part. “In here.” Her heart beat against his palm and he worked hard to keep from shaking.

  “I… I thought if I saw you I could prove it was just infatuation.”

  “And?”

  “It’s not, is it?”

  He shook his head. “It doesn’t work that way. You know it deep inside. I do too.”

  “It won’t lessen. I wanted it to go away. Even when you aren’t in town, it’s still there. Torturing me. Pleading with me from the inside out until I can’t think or sleep or sit still.”

  He felt as his grin spread across his face. Thank you, God. He yanked his hand from her chest as though he’d burned it. He glanced at his palm to make sure it wasn’t on fire. Irrational but real. And then he stroked a finger down her face and across her bottom lip. So full and pink and wet from her licking it.

  Her tongue reached out to do so again, catching the tip of his fi
nger.

  He stifled a moan. “I’m sorry. Sorry for all you’ve been through and sorry this happened between us at the most inopportune time in your life. But please don’t ask me to leave again. I need to be near you, in any capacity you can handle. One day at a time, one hour, one minute, one second. I’ll do anything it takes to earn your trust and make you feel whole.”

  He released her lip and cheek and let his hand drop. He couldn’t stand to continue touching her skin. It was difficult to think with the heat of her body melting his finger tip.

  “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it isn’t as inopportune as it seems. Maybe,” she lowered her voice until she barely muttered the last part, “Fate knows the right moment and I’ve been a fool to ignore Her.”

  “Perhaps.” This was going so much better than he’d expected. “Did you ask me to come over so you could tell me all this?”

  She shook her head. “No. I didn’t have any idea what I was going to say to you. I actually thought if you came by I could prove to myself it wasn’t real and we could move on.”

  He chuckled. “It’s more real than ever, I believe.”

  “Yeah.” She stepped back. “But I’m still going to need time. I’m hardly able to give my mother a hug yet. Or my father. Hell, even Josh can’t touch me without making my skin crawl.”

  She paused and he watched as she caught her breath before she continued. “I’m going to fuck things up. I’m a mess.”

  He stepped closer, not allowing her the space she thought she wanted. “Never. There is no right or wrong. There is only what we make of it. I will earn your trust, Ashley. I promise. One second at a time.”

  Flashes of color caught Evan’s eye in his peripheral vision and he turned to see the canvas on her easel. He gasped. “Oh my.” The words slipped out unbidden.

  Ashley turned toward the easel. “Yeah. I’m not sure what this is. I guess I had a weird day.” She giggled. The sound made him stiffen. His cock jumped to attention at the tinkling noise coming from her sweet lips.

  “That’s one way to put it.” He tried to ignore his dick and concentrate on her painting. Lots of colors bombarded him. He wouldn’t say it was bad precisely. In fact, it made him feel. Not good though. It brought out a sense of confusion, the colors screaming at him in a cacophony of craziness. “Is this how you feel?”

  “It’s exactly how I feel.” She didn’t stammer.

  He turned toward her once again. “Let me take some of that away.”

  She bit her lip and nodded. “I’d like that.”

  Evan reached for her arm and slid his hand down until he met her fingers. He grasped them lightly and gave a gentle tug, nodding behind him. “Let’s sit.” He stepped toward the couch.

  “I’m all messy.”

  “You’re perfect.”

  She pulled her hand free anyway and removed the paint-splattered apron she wore. After she dropped it on the stool behind her, she set her palm back in his, a sort of peace offering. The first advance she’d made on her own.

  If he could hold her hand for the rest of his life, he’d be a happy man.

  Ashley sat on one end of the couch, releasing his hand again. He hated the loss. She curled her legs under her in the corner and leaned against the arm to face him.

  Evan sat as close to her as he dared. She smelled so good. Even the fumes from the paint didn’t cloud her own scent. He’d remember it always, anywhere, anytime. “How are your classes going?”

  “Good. Boring so far, but it’s a start. I’m taking basic gen-ed classes to get my feet wet. It’s going to take me a while to get my degree at this rate. I was hoping to build up to a full schedule.”

  “You have some college classes already, right?”

  “Yes. I had thirty hours before…” Her voice trailed off and she ducked her head.

  Evan sucked in a breath and held it. He berated himself inside for bringing it up.

  “It’s okay, you know,” she muttered. “It’s going to happen. There’s no way to avoid four years of a person’s life and pretend it didn’t happen.”

  She was right, but that didn’t make it okay on any level.

  Evan reached for her hand again, instinctively. He needed to touch her. He grasped her palm and rubbed his thumb over the back. He flipped her hand over and grinned at the variety of colors sprinkled on her fingers. “Have you been painting a lot?”

  “Yes. And most of them are a bit more defined than that one from today.” She giggled again. God, he loved that sound.

  “I want to see them sometime. You have such an artistic eye.” He could get lost in her work. In fact he had a few of her pieces from before she’d been taken at his house. She didn’t know it. Her mother had scrounged them up for him one day, and Josh brought them over. He hoped she could get back the mojo that existed before Damon the monster stepped in and ruined everything.

  “Thanks. Most of them are scattered around my parents’ house. I’ll give you a tour someday.”

  “I’d like that.” He squeezed her fingers, enough to emphasize his words.

  “You suck the oxygen out of a room, you know,” she blurted.

  He chuckled. “That’s not possible.”

  “Why?” She tipped her head to one side, scrutinizing him.

  “Because there was no oxygen in the entire basement when I arrived.”

  “I’m a hot mess.”

  “Everyone is. You just have a few extra skeletons. But you aren’t the only person with an ugly past who has gone on to live their life to the fullest. You deserve to be happy. I want to make that possible.” He took a deep breath. “I’ll do anything for you…including letting you go if you can’t deal with having me around. But I’ll never be far away. If you know nothing else about me, know that I’m committed to you for life. I won’t take another mate. It’s not meant to be that way.”

  “It happens sometimes. Josh told me. I’ve heard from others too.”

  “It does. That’s true. But I don’t know of anyone who flat out rejected their claiming on the grounds that they plain didn’t feel worthy. Sometimes one party has deeper issues than we do. Drugs. Alcohol. Abuse.” He paused, but then he went on. It was all true. “There are lots of reasons someone might decline a mate. What we have won’t do it, at least not for me.”

  She sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and he had to strain not to tug it out and keep her from making teeth marks or worse.

  “You sent me away. I understood perfectly. I’m not mad or resentful of your predicament. But over time I realized I’m also not ever leaving you. Not emotionally. I won’t begrudge you your own feelings, but I also won’t walk away. At least not entirely. You can demand I go. You can insist I not see you. And I will respect that. But I won’t take another mate, Ashley. You’re it for me.” He lifted her palm to his cheek and smoothed her silky skin against his.

  “That’s a lot of pressure,” she mumbled.

  “It’s how it is. I don’t mean to sound harsh. I want you to know that no matter how long you need or what monsters you fight I will be here for you. I won’t leave you. Ever. I can’t.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes. I wouldn’t have asked you to come tonight if I didn’t feel at least some of what you’re describing.” She pulled her hand from his face and crossed her arms. “You can’t crowd me.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m very leery about being touched.”

  “I know.”

  “I get claustrophobic when people are in my space.” A tear ran down her face and she swiped it away with her forearm quickly without untangling her arms from under her breasts.

  “It’s okay.”

  “I hate that you’re so kind.”

  He smiled. His heart swelled. He wanted to hold her. She couldn’t do it. She was backing off, tucking herself away from him. He could understand that, and as much as it hurt, he had to remind himself it wasn’t personal.

  Her pheromones leaked from
her skin. She wanted him as badly as her body could process the information.

  “I will never intentionally hurt you…emotionally, I mean. I wouldn’t dream of hurting you physically.” He ached to hold her. God this was going to be hard.

  “I can’t have kids.” She seemed to think she should lay all her cards on the table. Was she trying to entice him to run? Scare him off?

  “I wouldn’t care. But what makes you think that?”

  She bit her lip again. “The fact that I don’t have any.”

  Well, there’s that. He hated to contemplate her having sex with that bastard. Wait. “Who says that’s your fault?”

  She looked away, embarrassment keeping her gaze above his head.

  “He could have been wrong. Did you ever think it might have been him?”

  “No.” She was honest.

  “Perhaps it was a threat to his masculinity that you didn’t get pregnant and he made it up. Did you ever see a doctor?”

  “Ha. Are you kidding? Not for four years.”

  “Well then. I rest my case.”

  “He said he did and that his quote—swimmers—were fine.”

  “I bet he did.” Evan didn’t want to discuss him anymore. He was a jackass and didn’t deserve this much attention.

  “Anyway, it doesn’t matter since I can’t imagine ever having sex again.” She jumped up from the couch and walked away toward the window. “This is a bad idea.”

  Evan took a deep breath and stood. He had a long road to haul, but he would succeed. “Slow down. No one’s asking you to have sex. Stop worrying about the future. Let’s live in the present for a while, okay?” He stepped up behind her and could see both their reflections in the wide picture window, so clearly it acted as a mirror. “Let me repeat. I will not pressure you. You will be safe with me. Always.”

  She crossed her arms again, a defense against the world. He set his hands tentatively on her shoulders and then let them settle when she didn’t flinch. In fact, she calmed. She may not realize it yet, but whenever he touched her, her heart rate slowed.

  “The pace I need is unreasonably foolish and you—”

  He stopped her with a finger to her lips. “I’ll decide what’s foolish, and nothing about you fits the bill.” God, he loved her. Loved? Yes, loved. He had no doubt. It just was.