All My Love, Detrick

by Roberta Kagan

  However, Leah’s happiest moments were spent with Dorothy. Sometimes they giggled over secrets as they lay beneath the weeping willow tree dreaming about the future. Often the girls amused themselves - Leah on piano and Dorothy crooning a bluesy love song - her raspy alto voice a strange contrast to her youthful presence.

  They attended the same school and recently had both discovered an interest in the opposite sex. Whispering softly so that Leah’s mother could not overhear, Leah and Dorothy conspired about Lewis, clearly the most sought after boy at school.

  “I saw Lewis Shapiro today. Would you believe he is in my class? He glanced over at me and I thought I might faint.” Leah spoke so quietly that Dorothy almost had to read her lips.

  Laughing softly, Dorothy looked over at her friend. Leah, modest in her mode of dress and shy with gentle eyes the color of maple syrup, could have been the prototype for a lovely and delicate china doll. While Dorothy, with her early-developing, womanly body and head full of lose auburn ringlet curls evoked feelings in boys and men alike that gave her a power her young mind could not yet grasp.

  “Leah, he is so good looking and rich. I hear his family owns a house with a ballroom upstairs. His mother wears a white mink coat. Can you imagine?”

  “No. I can’t. A ballroom right in the house! And he is handsome, too.”

  “Any Jewish girl would be proud to be seen with him and her parents… Oy, what nachus; how everyone would envy them. He sure is quite a catch.” Dorothy laughed louder than she’d expected to.

  Leah winked at her friend and smiled as she stirred the spaetzels; a blend of flour, eggs, onions and butter that would first be boiled, and then fried. The succulent aroma of chicken roasting and challa baking sent an enticing invitation throughout the modest house.

  “You’ll stay for dinner?”

  “I’ll have to go home and tell my parents, but then yes, I can come right back.”

  During the early part of Leah’s life, her family had enjoyed a comfortable life. Bicycles, the main mode of transportation for a long time until recently when automobiles began to enjoy popularity, had served the Abdenstern’s well. Over the past few years, the families finances had been diminishing, but Jacob still managed to provide for a decent life for his family.

  Just as Dorothy was getting up to leave, the door opened and both girls turned to see Karl enter. Even with his clothing disheveled and his eye bruised, he more than passed for a handsome man. Tall and muscular, he had thick, wavy chestnut hair and penetrating eyes.

  “Oh Karl, you were fighting again.” Leah shook her head in disappointment. “My brother…he’s going to defeat Hitler all by himself. Of course that’s if he doesn’t get killed first.” She glared at Karl who looked back at her; his eyes black with conviction.

  “Leah, if we don’t fight back, they will think they can do as they please with us…and they will. Not just the Nazis - all goyim, non-Jews are Nazis in the making. They just don’t know it yet. Just wait and see. We should get the hell out of Germany before they do something drastic.”

  “What will they do Karl? They cannot do more than they already have. They boycott our businesses, treat us like dirt… If we just go along and ignore them, they will get bored with all of this and find something else to put their attentions on.”

  “I don’t think so, little sister.” He grabbed a piece of homentachen from a china plate in the center of the table. At seventeen, Karl appeared more of a man than a boy.

  “Hello, Dorothy, I’m sorry. I got so busy arguing with my sister here that I forgot to say hello.”

  “Hi, Karl.” A slight blush crawled from her forehead down to her neck and she turned away so that he would not see it.

  “Go and clean up for dinner, please. Papa will be home in a little while and you look a fright.”

  “Yes, Leah.” He bowed in mock servitude. “Excuse me, Dorothy, my sister commands!”

  After he’d left the room Dorothy whispered to Leah. “He is so handsome. Does he have a girl?”

  “Are you kidding? Karl? A girlfriend? He is too busy trying to build a Jewish state and waging his own personal war on the Nazi Party.”

  The following afternoon Leah and Dorothy sat under a sturdy old oak tree eating their lunch. Fall’s arrival seduced the tree to begin shedding her leaves, rewarding the ground with a multitude of rich colors. Their full skirts spread across the leaf-covered grass as the girls shared a bunch of grapes. Lewis Shapiro stood just a few feet away talking with a group of boys, all of them wearing yalmakues.

  “He’s looking over here. I see him glancing your way every few minutes.”

  “You really think so, Dorothy? Maybe he’s looking at you.”

  “I don’t think so. You should see his face.”

  Leah looked down at the camel-colored wool of her skirt, too shy to glance at Lewis. Her stomach fluttered nervously. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You don’t have to do a thing, Leah. He is on his way over here right now.”

  Leah’s nerves tingled, making her stomach churn, and she thought she might vomit. She tried to think of something to say, but words eluded her.

  “Hello, you’re Leah Abdenstern. Am I correct?”

  His hair cradled his head in an ocean of blue black waves. “I’m Lewis Shapiro.”

  “We know. Yes, her name is Leah Abdenstern and I’m Dorothy Silver.”

  “It’s nice to meet you both.”

  “Likewise.”

  Leah still had not spoken. She’d opened her mouth but no sound emerged.

  “And you…Leah? Are you happy to meet me?”

  Forcing a whisper, Leah smiled wryly. “I’m sorry, forgive me, I was thinking about an assignment for class,” she answered sheepishly. “Yes, of course I am.”

  The school bell rang indicating the end of the break period.

  “May I walk you? I believe we share the same class.”

  “Yes, why not?” Leah felt as if every word she said sounded more foolish than the last.

  Lewis swept up her books and after they both bid farewell to Dorothy they strolled silently back to the building.

  Chapter 5

  Winter rushed in with a flurry of white snow. Its frigid fingers forged their way into the school and many times Leah and Dorothy wore their coats in the building during class. Lewis had moved his desk from across the room to right bedside Leah. Flattered, Leah watched as Lewis had offered the boy who sat there previously a few coins to change seats with him.

  One afternoon, as school let out, Lewis asked Leah if he could walk her home, and she agreed. From then on it became a ritual.

  “I think my parents are giving me an auto for Hanukah, which will make it easier for us to get around when it’s cold like this.”

  “Yes I suppose, but after sitting all day in class I love to get outside and walk. I enjoy the fresh air.”

  “Well, then if you prefer, we will continue to walk and freeze.” He smiled at her.

  A week before winter break, Lewis scrounged up the nerve to ask Leah to have dinner with him.

  This would be their first official date.

  Chapter 6

  On a chilly morning following a night of snowfall, Leah sat wrapped in a blanket.

  Dorothy arrived unexpectedly, and sat on the bed in Leah’s room where the girls had spent so much of their youth. Tears ran wildly down her cheeks and she dried them with a handkerchief.

  “What are you talking about, you are moving away?” Leah felt her face grow hot and tears stung the back of her eyes.

  “My father wants to go to live with his brother in Chicago, Illinois, in America. He says the Nazis are getting too bold and the anti-Semitism is getting too dangerous for us to stay here.”

  “Oh, Dorothy, I will miss you so much. What will you do there? You must learn English. Will you finish school?” Leah took Dorothy’s hands into her own, concerned not only for herself, but for her friend’s welfare.

  “Yes, I plan to. My cousin,
Hette is only a few years older, and she works downtown in a store called Marshall Field selling hats. She promised that when I finish school she will help me find a job there.”

  “I am so sad to see you go. Nothing will ever be the same.”

  “Oh, Leah, me too; I always thought we would grow old living down the street from each other, our children playing outside together, just like we did when we were little. I imagined them jumping rope as we sat drinking tea and sharing recipes. This Hitler is a monster! He has changed everything in our world in so many ways.”

  Leah ran her finger along the embroidery on her bedspread. “When are you leaving?”

  “Next week, on Monday; we’re taking a ship.”

  An uncomfortable silence hung like a thick fog. Several minutes passed before Leah could speak.

  “You will write?”

  “Of course I will. And you?”

  “You know I will.”

  Chapter 7

  Detrick stood beside the work bench, a hammer held firmly in his hand, as he studied the broken handlebar on a customer’s bicycle. Jacob had taught him to repair most problems and he’d become astute at diagnosing what needed to be done. As he worked diligently, Jacob entered the shop with a platter.

  “I brought some mondel bread. My daughter baked it this morning.” Jacob set the platter on the table and sat down “So, Detrick, how was your Christmas holiday?”

  “Very nice, we took the train to see my grandparents. They are getting old, and it was good to spend time with them. My father didn’t go, of course.”

  “Ach, well, don’t be too hard on him. He is going through a lot.”

  “My grandfather gave me his pocket watch. It’s been in the family for generations.” Detrick showed the watch to Jacob. “It’s real gold.”

  “It’s beautiful, son. Wear it in the best of health.”

  “Thank you. I treasure it because my grandfather chose me of all of his grandchildren to give it to.”

  “That does make it special.”

  “Yes, very.” Detrick’s blond hair fell over his eye as he worked. Jacob secretly watched him, and thought what a good-looking young man he had grown to be. Easy in his body, his long, lean muscles stretched over his tall, well-proportioned frame, with broad shoulders and slim hips.

  Detrick stopped for a moment and reached beneath his bench. “I have a gift for you, for Hanukah.” He placed a small wrapped box in front of Jacob. A tear came to the older man’s eye as he opened it to find a leather key chain with an A for Abdenstern made of sterling silver, in the center.

  “Oh, Detrick, it’s beautiful. Thank you. I have a gift for you too.” Jacob walked behind the register and pulled out a brightly wrapped box, “Merry Christmas.”

  Tears of affection threatened to fall from Detrick’s eyes as he opened the box.

  “It’s a sweater, it should keep you warm.”

  “I love it, Jacob. Thank you so much…for everything.”

  “Listen Detrick. I have a favor to ask of you.” Jacob began to put his plan into action. He would help the boy and his family, he just had to be sure that Detrick never suspected he didn’t really need him. “As I’ve told you, after sundown on Friday night, we Jews do not do anything. It is our religion, our day of rest. We cannot turn a light on or off, nothing. So, I wondered if perhaps you would come and do this for me. I will pay you well. A day’s pay just to come and turn the light off on Friday night and another day’s pay to turn it back on Saturday morning. What do you say?”

  “That seems a great deal of money for just a half-hour's work. You don’t have to pay me to turn your lights on Jacob; I will gladly do it without payment. Why do I get the impression that you are trying to help me again? Jacob, I don’t know what I would do without you. You have been a friend and a father to me. I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you for coming to all of my track meets. If you hadn’t been there, no one would have been there for me.”

  “Yes, you’ve thanked me…a hundred times. So, you’ll do it?”

  “Jacob…”

  “You’ll do it. That is the way you can thank me.”

  Detrick nodded and smiled shaking his head.

  “And I insist on paying you. I don’t want to hear any more about it.”

  Chapter 8

  With Dorothy gone, Leah thought she might die of loneliness. She’d begun to see Lewis regularly. Once he’d planned a lovely evening, including a dinner at a fancy restaurant and a visit to the opera. Another time they’d shared a soda after school, and he’d taken her for a ride in the new automobile he’d received from his parents for Hanukah. But something about him left her unfulfilled. He always treated her respectfully, but with an unspoken air of superiority and entitlement. She did not feel she could confide in him, and their time together never felt relaxed and comfortable. The warmth of familiarity was missing. Her middle-class home looked like maid's quarters to him; he never verbalized his feelings, but even with his attempts to hide it, the disdain showed plainly on his face. Still, without Dorothy, Lewis passed for companionship.

  “Would you like to meet my family? Perhaps you could come for Sabbath dinner this Friday night?” she asked, deciding it would be good for him to meet the rest of the Abdensterns and for them to get to know him.

  Lewis glanced over at Leah. He found her exceedingly attractive, and in a strange way she made him feel more alive than the other girls he’d dated. She didn’t fawn over him. Somehow he felt he must constantly work to win her affection, and the challenge appealed to him. An only child, Lewis knew that his parents would demand he marry within his own social class. They had pressed that point for as long as he could remember. Neither his father nor mother would approve of Leah, that much he knew for sure, but his desires made it impossible for him to walk away from this girl who exuded class and refinement. When he looked at her slender body with the grace of a doe, a passion within him stirred and his hunger could not be denied.

  “That would be very nice. What time is dinner?”

  “At sundown - about six o’clock.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Chapter 9

  “What a rally, Detrick! You should have seen them. Goering was there, and Himmler. When Hitler walked up to the podium the crowd roared. What electricity! You could not help but be caught up in it. In fact, I joined the party.”

  “Konrad, the Nazi Party is all about hatred. I can’t believe that’s who you are.”

  For years Konrad had secretly loved and hated Detrick. Konrad’s admiration and yearning for his friend had sometimes taken the form of the serpent of jealousy. Why, he wondered, had he not been born like Detrick - strong, self assured and unafraid? Instead, Konrad was a small boy, almost feminine in his build. Sickly, and with bad eyesight, he wore thick glasses that made him look like a fish in a bowl. The girls in school only talked to him in hopes of enticing Detrick. Konrad watched in disgust as they smiled and smoothed their hair, waiting for a glance from Detrick, or the grace of his dimpled smile. With a reputation of strength, which he never flaunted, but had been witnessed often by his classmates in defense of the weak, Detrick had earned himself a sort of hero’s status. This admiration had never been his intent, and it embarrassed him. Detrick only behaved as he did because he could not tolerate cruelty; it violated something deep within him. And for as powerful a fighter as he could be, Konrad had seen his gentle side too. Detrick loved animals and when the boys found a bird with a broken wing Detrick had set it gently and cared for the creature until it could be set free. Konrad felt hatred and revulsion for weakness, and seeing that quality in others only made him more conscious of it in himself. Instead of understanding the plight of those who shared his handicaps, he would seek to destroy them. For if they ceased to exist then perhaps he could kill those qualities within himself, and miraculously become someone else. Instead, through his attempts at bullying, he grew more pathetic, causing those who would torture him to take notice and revel in his plight.

 
; Konrad’s feelings towards Detrick confused and frightened him. Once he’d had a dream that left him consumed with alarm. He dreamt that he and Detrick lay together in what he considered to be sin. As they coupled, for the first time in his entire life, Konrad felt loved. When he awoke he found himself soiled with semen. Immediately, he rose from the bed and vomited. Then he scrubbed his penis with harsh brown laundry soap until it grew raw and sore.

  The following night, he stole money from his father’s pocket and took off to visit the side of town known for prostitution. It was there that Konrad had his first sexual encounter. It was with a woman. A much older and well-worn female, she’d repulsed him as soon as he’d finished, and he ran from the room leaving the contents of his pocket on her bed in payment. Outside the tenement building, he heaved until his stomach ached. Then, with tears in his eyes, he returned home.

  Quickly he undressed and scrubbed his skin until it bled, unable to purge himself of an invisible crust of filth that held fast to his body. Once he’d thoroughly exhausted himself, he sat on the edge of the bathtub with his face buried in hands, and cried.

  But the following week he found himself, once again, in the district of the ladies of the night. He continued this behavior for several months, until his father realized money was missing from his pocket. At first the old man had assumed he’d spent the cash in a drunken stupor, but as he made an effort to be more aware, he realized he had not. Immediately, Konrad’s father assumed his son had stolen from him. With anger too fierce for explanation, he beat Konrad with a belt buckle. After that, Konrad never went back to visit the whores. He also never forgot the beating.