All My Love, Detrick

by Roberta Kagan

  “I am not a Nazi. But I am not Jewish, either.”

  “Come now, Detrick, it is Detrick? All of you are Nazis. You all hate the Jews deep down in your hearts. And if you had the chance, you’d wipe us off the face of the earth. Of course, with my father’s money and influence, I needn’t be concerned with the likes of you, nor would anyone whom I chose to marry, or their families for that matter. The Shapiro name is held in the highest esteem by Jews and Gentiles alike. After all, even the Nazis need good doctors.” He lifted his wine glass, smirking as he sipped.

  Detrick’s eyes narrowed and his voice dropped to a low and menacing pitch. “You don’t know me. You know nothing about me. You assume that all Gentiles are Nazis the same way they assume all Jews are thieves. So, does that not put you in the same category as the thugs you speak of?” Detrick tilted his head. “Now, because I am here as a guest in Jacob’s home, I will not insult you and tell you what I really think of you, but only out of respect for my friend Jacob.”

  Lewis smirked. “Well said. Clever aren’t you?’

  Karl studied them both. He didn’t trust Detrick, being a goy…one of “them," but Lewis’ pretentious attitude disgusted him. And he had to admit that Detrick had guts. Had Detrick been a Jew, Karl thought, they might have been friends.

  The following morning when Detrick returned to the Abdenstern home to rekindle the lights, he looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Leah. Although she hid in her room, she listened as Jacob insisted that Detrick have something to eat before going on his way.

  For some reason that made no earthly sense to her and she longed to see the blond-haired boy again. To revel in the hot desire that burned through her from the light in his eyes. The power she held over him intoxicated her. But she knew encouraging any attentions from Detrick would only mean trouble. He being a Gentile and she a Jew would leave them both open to vicious gossip, followed by dangerous disapproval from the Nazi government. The less they saw each other the better, she decided. So, she tried to focus her attentions on Lewis, obviously a better choice. Wasn’t he?

  But when she heard the front door slam - an indication that Detrick had gone, she moved the curtain beside her bed just a fraction of an inch. Her heart beat faster as she watched the black bicycle and the golden hair as they disappeared down the road.

  Chapter 14

  Late one night in the early summer of 1934, Hitler, accompanied by his two closest friends, Goering and Himmler, carried out a treasonous plan. They murdered all of the opposing leadership within their political party. This sinister event would go down in history as the Night of the Long Knives.

  At the beginning of August of the same year, VonHindenburg, the President of Germany died.

  Hitler became the Fuehrer.

  By the end of August, Adolph Hitler had received a 90-percent vote of approval from the German people.

  When Leah returned from school, she saw an envelope with familiar handwriting laying on the table nearest the door. The strangely-colored postage stamps read, “United States of America” As she tore the seal and opened the letter, she retired to the privacy of her own room. Holding the paper in her hand, the loss she’d felt at Dorothy’s leaving crept over her once again, and she felt suddenly very sad and lonely. Her hand caressed the pink lace bedspread as she sat down, and her mind drifted back to when she and Dorothy had been children sitting in the very same place. Dorothy’s auburn curls had floated about her head as she chatted excitedly. And Leah remembered how they had discussed their dreams for the future and how far those hopes had been from the reality they now faced. Their world had been altered forever. She unfolded the letter and read.

  Dear Leah,

  I miss you so much. It was a terrible boat ride. (The seas tossed us around violently and I vomited until I thought my insides would come up.) Early one morning I awoke as we sailed into the New York harbor. When out of the fog, the Statue of Liberty came into view as our ship made her way towards land; I thought my lungs would burst in awe from the majestic sight. It seemed as if everyone around me felt the same. I looked at the others and all of their faces appeared so hopeful. This is the land of dreams, I guess. Although, to be quite honest with you, my dear friend, my prayers are to return home to Germany, to you, and everything I know so well. Sometimes, late at night when everyone is asleep, my heart aches with the yearning to be at your side, to laugh and talk as we once took for granted we would do forever.

  From New York we took a train to Chicago, where my uncle and his family live.

  My father’s brother, my aunt, and my cousin have been as accommodating as anyone could ask for. But the four small rooms that they share are even more cramped now that we are here. I miss our home and my mother’s flower garden and our lovely furniture. I guess you could say that, here in America, we are amongst the poorer class.

  There is a strange smell that I have been told is the smell of blood coming from the stock yards. It lingers in the air all the time, but when the weather is hot it is most nauseating. At first the odor upset my stomach and I could not eat. But I am starting to get used to it and, unless the wind blows up from the south, right in our direction, I don’t smell it at all. My family does not purchase our beef from the stockyards. It is not kosher. We have a kosher butcher right here on the west side where we shop. It is only a few blocks from the apartment.

  My uncle works selling fruit and vegetables at the market so we get all of the semi-spoiled goods for free, but hard as he tried, my uncle could not find a position for my father to work with him. Fortunately, his friend, who owns a store that sells winter coats on Maxwell Street, had an opening, and my father took the job. He will keep the books for the owner, as well as selling. It is odd to hear how my papa has learned to negotiate with customers. This is so out of character for him. The pay is not so good - nothing like he earned at home, but at least he is working. One afternoon, my mother and I took the L train to Maxwell Street to visit my father. The train goes up on a track above the city and it feels as if it will fall straight down upon the apartment buildings. Then it dives into a tunnel under the sidewalk which is dark and lit by artificial lighting. The L roars loudly through the underground and shakes wildly as it does. What an experience Leah! I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming.

  Since we cannot read English, my mother and I had to count the stops to be sure we got off at the right one. Finally, we walked several blocks as my father had told us to and we were there. What a place! People on the street are continually approaching boldly as they are selling fake diamonds and phony watches. A man grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into an alley to sell me something. My mother started screaming and he took off running. It is not a safe place for a woman alone and I don’t think we will go back again any time soon. Papa and his brother leave very early in the morning and return late at night. The days are long and the work is hard.

  My relatives, like my parents, have only one child, my cousin, Hette. She is nineteen and very pretty. Can you believe she wears red lipstick and silk stockings? One day when she left for work, I tried her lipstick! It made me feel so glamorous, like an American movie star! Then I sang to myself in the bathroom mirror, wearing the lipstick, and I wished you were here. I know how much it would have made you laugh.

  Last week I started high school. The language is difficult for me to grasp and reading and writing it is even worse. It is so different from German or Yiddish. So, I am stumbling through my classes, not doing so well right now.

  My cousin promises to help me with my English, but she works so much I cannot imagine when she will find the time.

  I miss singing with you at the piano. We had some good times, didn’t we?

  Please write to me soon, I am dying to hear from you. Let me know how things are going with Lewis. I don’t have a boyfriend yet and if I don’t learn this language I might never find one! And alas, I will be an old maid…

  Goodbye for now, my dear friend.

  Love to you,

&
nbsp; Dorothy

  Leah refolded the letter, put it back in the envelope, wiped a tear from her eye, and laid it beneath her pillow. Then she got up and went to help her mother with Michael before preparing the evening meal.

  Chapter 15

  Walking around the school with Lewis beside her, Leah couldn’t help but notice the envy on the faces of her female classmates. Handsome and poised, Lewis exuded an air of confidence. He, unlike any of the other boys his age, had an automobile. He had received it for Hanukah. The following day, after school, he’d taken Leah for a ride. She felt uncomfortable when they drove by the front stairs of the school where all of their friends congregated. It made her cringe when everyone turned to stare. Lewis enjoyed showing off and made a point of honking and waving. The motion of the vehicle made her ill, so the following day she told Lewis that she still preferred to walk after sitting in class all afternoon. Although he showed disappointment, in order to be in her company, he joined her.

  As they passed the main street in town, Lewis suggested that they share a soda, and Leah agreed. He held the door as they entered the candy store. The decedent aroma of fudge filled the air. A group of students from the Gentile school on the other side of town sat at the counter staring in disgust when they noticed Lewis was wearing a yarmulke.

  Lewis tried to ignore them as he led Leah to a table and pulled out her chair. She sat, but not without taking notice that Lewis’ hand trembled. His face had turned crimson as he took his seat beside Leah. From across the room the boys taunted him.

  “I smell pig, Ralph. Do you smell it?”

  “I smell the stink of Jew pig.”

  The girls at the table laughed as one of the boys stood up and putting his fingers behind his ears he made loud oinking sounds.

  Lewis felt shame at his fear and hoped Leah did not detect it. He looked away, avoiding her eyes. His own weakness disgusted him. When he spoke, his voice came out high pitched and cracked, so he grew silent. His usual self-assurance had been shattered. It bothered him. But knowing if he’d been challenged, he would have backed down, bothered him even more.

  After they left, Lewis and Leah walked silently for several blocks. When he felt sure that they had gone far enough away from the Gentile group, his confidence returned.

  “If you hadn’t been with me I would have beat the daylights out of those creeps.” Lewis pushed his chest out.

  “Yes, I’m sure you would have.”

  “I didn’t want you to get upset, so I restrained myself.”

  Leah just smiled, relieved to be far away from the dangerous situation.

  Lewis and Leah continued to see each other throughout the school year. But, although she had never done so before, she found herself searching for reasons to show up at her father’s shop. She brought him cookies that she’d baked or an umbrella when it rained. Until the night she met Detrick, Leah had rarely gone to the shop.

  Jacob took notice.

  Whenever Leah came by, Jacob saw Detrick peek over at her from across the room. Although Detrick never spoke to Leah, except to say hello, the attraction between the two lingered in the air, so thick that it covered them all like a blanket.

  One Friday evening, when Detrick arrived at the Abdenstern home to extinguish the lights, he saw Lewis sitting beside Leah at the piano in the living room. Her face lit up as if a candle flickered softly behind her eyes. With slender fingers she moved about the keys filling the room with glorious music.

  “Your Shabbas goy is here. I guess it’s time for lights out and for me to go.” Leah stopped playing when Lewis interrupted.

  “Goodnight then, Lewis.” She spoke to Lewis, but her eyes fixed on Detrick. His golden blond hair had fallen over his forehead. Returning her intent look, he pushed the locks from his face. Detrick tried to look away, but he could not control his desire. He was bound as if by imaginary rope winding itself tenderly around his soul.

  Watching Lewis sitting so close to Leah that his thigh brushed against hers made Detrick miserable. His heart broke. He knew that, because of the difference in their faiths, he could never be with her. Religion meant nothing to him. Detrick had never been convinced of the anti-Semitic propaganda and would gladly fight anyone who challenged him. The problem, in his mind, was with Jacob. The man had been too good to Detrick for Detrick to risk hurting him. There was no doubt in his mind that Jacob cared for him, but the challenges a mixed couple would face might be more than the older man could endure. Not to mention the laws that had been put into effect severely forbidding such behavior. A marriage between a Jew and a Gentile was now considered a criminal offense by the Nazi decree.

  Detrick speculated whether Jacob wanted Leah and Lewis to marry. Lewis Shapiro. Detrick considered him for a moment. A Jew, who came from a family of wealth and stature in the community. It seemed to Detrick that he offered everything Jacob would want in a son-in-law. Nothing would give Detrick more joy than to see Jacob happy. Detrick knew he should forget her, forget this crazy fascination. Yet, even knowing all of the obstacles, Detrick could not avert his eyes from the lovely face that silently called out to him, haunting his sleepless nights.

  On September 15, 1935, the Nuremburg Race Laws pertaining to the Jews came into being. Now, all Germans of Jewish decent lost their rights as citizens. Later, they would lose their rights as human beings. Aryan women could no longer be employed as household help by Jewish families. And the law clearly stated that marriage or sexual relations between a Jew and an Aryan were strictly forbidden and constituted a criminal act.

  Chapter 16

  Detrick continued his training in track and field in hopes of being chosen for the Olympic Games that would take place in 1936. His coach encouraged him, but did not feel that he would reach his full potential until the following Olympics, in 1940. It had come as a disappointment at first, but rather than quit, Detrick worked harder. Because of the Nuremburg laws, Jacob could no longer enter the park to watch Detrick practice, so he stood outside the gate to offer his support. When Detrick saw his friend standing outside the metal bars, he felt a mix of emotions. It warmed him to know that Jacob cared enough to be there supporting him in his efforts. But seeing Jacob forbidden entrance to the park filled him with anger and discomfort. No one from Detrick’s biological family felt it important enough to find the time to watch him practice. He believed Inga would have come had she not been burdened by the heavy work load she carried. Helga had developed a fascination with the SS. The uniforms they wore and the way they walked through the streets exuding power held her captive to the idea of a lifestyle she saw to be one of excitement and glamour. She’d become distant as she fell deeper into her dream of a different life.

  Hans, on the other hand, would not have come regardless of time. In fact, Hans usually had free time in the evening when Detrick practiced. But his resentment towards his son had grown into an ugly hatred that separated father and son like an iron gate. And instead of facing his feelings of inadequacy, Hans poured another shot of whiskey.

  But, since that fateful day when Detrick had met Jacob, his need for a father had been fulfilled.

  Once, in Detrick’s youth, Jacob had taken him to see a live play as a gift for his birthday. The two shared a special camaraderie as their laughter filled the auditorium. Detrick had never forgotten that night. The memories remained branded upon his heart. And Detrick believed that, because of his surrogate father, he grew to be a better man. Now Jacob, by order of the law, could no longer attend the theater.

  Chapter 17

  In February of 1936, the German Gestapo was declared above the law! Outward persecution of homosexuals and others considered “undesirables,” as well as the Jews, began to be commonplace all around Germany. The more the harrying continued, the more it came to be accepted as normal behavior amongst many of the population. And so, the violence that took place right in the streets became an everyday activity. Some were afraid to stand up, and others just stopped paying attention. But…amongst all this danger and
turmoil there did remain a few unsung heroes...

  Lewis finally invited Leah to his home to meet his family. The power behind the desire he felt for her had forced him to seek acceptance from his family. If he could only reach them, he could propose and Leah would be his.

  His mother planned to host a party in celebration of the opening of a new wing of the hospital. It took courage on Lewis’ part to arrive with Leah as his guest. The potential of this bold act to bring great disfavor and consequences that could prove to be grave weighed heavy on his mind. Lewis’ failed attempts at sexual advances towards Leah infuriated him and his desires grew more obsessive. Because of this he came to the conclusion that he must marry her. So, since his parents would be busy with their guests, he felt that they would have little time to question Leah as to her background, making this the perfect time for an introduction. Later, after they had recognized her loveliness and refinement, he was optimistic that they might be willing to look beyond her humble station.

  After Lewis had invited her and she agreed to attend, Leah rushed home to decide what she would wear.

  She searched her closet frantically. A frown came to her face as she studied her wardrobe; it clearly consisted of nothing suitable for a ball. Agonized, she asked Jacob what to do. He suggested that she go into town and buy something new. Although his funds had decreased greatly since he’d been forced to stop serving Aryan clients, he reached into his pocket and held out a small wad of bills.

  “Are you sure, Papa? I know how hard this is to come by right now.”

  “Of course I am sure, my princess. What is money for if not for your family? So let me see that beautiful smile…eh?”

  Leah smiled and reached for her coat. She would head into town right away. That way, if the dress needed alterations, there would be time.