All My Love, Detrick

by Roberta Kagan

  Leah and Detrick tried desperately to close their eyes to the world changing. Blinded, the two spent their days lost in the pure joy of having found true love. They continued to break the law and walk through the park together, although now they dared not hold hands. One morning as the sun rose, they sat outside, in the back of the bicycle shop.

  “I used to think I couldn’t live without my best friend Dorothy. Her family moved to the United States when things started getting bad for Jews here. But now that I have you…” Leah squeezed Detrick’s hand.

  “You mean more to me than any friend I’ve ever had. Konrad and I used to be friends, but he’s joined the party and we’ve gone our separate ways.”

  “My father had to register the bike shop as a Jewish business yesterday. I am not sure what that will mean in the future, but it can’t be good. We must all go and apply for identity cards. Detrick, I hope this all blows over soon.”

  He took her in his arms and held her. She sighed and looked up into his eyes.

  “I am worried, too.” He hugged her tighter. Their hearts beat as one.

  “Karl is gone. We have no idea what happened to him. My father is distraught. We hear that the Gestapo might be looking for him. Apparently, he had something to do with killing a boy in the Hitler Youth.”

  Detrick trembled. He would not lie to her. “The night your brother disappeared, something happened between him and me.” Detrick took a deep breath, then continued, “I had gone to the candy store to buy something for your father. After I left the store, I passed Karl on the street. I tried to befriend him, but he knew that you and I had been seeing each other, and he rejected any attempts I made at offering friendship. He was hostile and he demanded that I leave you alone. I told him that would never happen. He hit me several times. I refused to fight back. I guess it made him angrier because he walked away in a huff. My purpose that night had been to unite us, not to divide. I hope I didn’t have anything to do with the trouble he may have gotten into.”

  Leah gazed into Detrick’s eyes and saw that they had glassed over with potential tears. “It’s not your fault, Detrick. Karl is filled with so much anger. Rightfully so. He has suffered the hatred of anti-Semitism…and…Karl is a fighter. I don’t know what happened after he left you, but I would venture to say somehow that boy provoked him.”

  “Then you forgive me?”

  “Forgive you for what?”

  “For… I don’t know, actually. But all I do know is that I would never purposely want to hurt you or Jacob.” He took her hand. Leah?”

  “Yes?”

  “I love you.”

  He looked into her eyes and she felt her body melt, like an ice cream cone surrenders to the warmth of the summer sun.

  “I loved you the first time I saw you. And don’t think it doesn’t bother me that I can’t tell the world. That I can’t walk with you, holding hands. I am ashamed of my German blood. If it were up to me, I would stand up to all of them and say, "This is Leah Abdenstern. She is a Jew…and she is the woman I love.”

  They embraced, and she held him tight as she pressed her face into his chest so he would not see the tears that fell upon her soft cheeks.

  “I love you too, Detrick. I don’t know what kind of punishment we might face for having these feelings, but I can’t help it. I love you.”

  Chapter 29

  “I want to take you to the movies….to dinner… I want to show you off.” Detrick looked at Leah in her new dress with admiration shining in his eyes.

  “Detrick, it is unsafe. Jews and Gentiles are forbidden to see each other romantically. It is best we meet here.”

  “In the back of the bicycle shop? Leah, you deserve so much better, so much more. No one will know you are Jewish. Let me take you to dinner and dancing. I have some money put away. I want to spend all of it on you.” He longed to make her happy, to give her everything he had.

  “Detrick.” She touched his face. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head.

  “I’m sorry, Leah. I am sorry and ashamed for what has been done to your people. I want to give you so much.”

  They embraced and he kissed her, determined to show her how much he loved her.

  When he left Leah that night, Detrick took a long walk, lost in thought. How different things might have been had Hitler never have gotten into power. His friendship with Konrad seemed to have gone stale. The two boys who’d been such good friends now stood on opposite sides of the fence. Helga ran away from home, disappearing without even a note. His mother was distraught with worry, but Detrick felt sure she had run away with her Nazi officer. Detrick had no idea where she had gone or why, but he felt somehow that the Third Reich was responsible. Jacob lived in humiliation, under constant scrutiny and that tortured Detrick. But most of all…Leah. How he hated to see the effect of the Nazi Party on Leah. His love for Leah had taken precedence over everything else in his life. Keeping their love a secret seemed like a betrayal to all that he found beautiful and holy. In his life, Detrick had never imagined he would be so blessed with love. She answered every prayer and dream he’d ever had, and he had no doubt he would marry her if he could. As things stood, he could not even take her to a café without fear of being arrested. If the punishment were sure to fall on him only, he would gladly have faced it. But not Leah. When Detrick thought of what the SS might do to Leah, he kept his anger and rebellion in check, but to see her hurt in any way tore him to pieces. If word got out about the relationship between the two of them, Leah might be sent to a concentration camp. Detrick had heard horror stories of the goings-on in those terrible places, and he knew he would fight them all to the death before he would allow them to torture her.

  The walk did him good; it gave him time to sort out his feelings. The farther he traveled away from the city, the better he felt.

  At the end of a sparsely populated dirt road, he passed an empty house. Most of the windows had been cracked and the grass grew wild with weeds. He walked to the door, which he found ajar. When he entered, he found the rooms ransacked. Everything of value had been taken or torn apart. In the middle of the floor he saw a menorah. He picked up the silver candle holder with Stars of David for each of the days. From Jacob, he knew that this piece had sacred meaning for the holiday of Hanukah. With his fingers he tenderly touched the candle holder, feeling the cool metal in his hand.

  Without any warning, his stomach lurched with nausea. The room spun as Detrick sunk to the ground and sat on the hardwood floor. The reality hit him with such force that his head began to pound. Once, a family had lived in these rooms. Perhaps it had been a family like Jacob’s. Maybe even a girl like Leah. Tears came to his eyes and this house brought out all of his innermost fears. Why had he been born now, during such a dark period in history, and why was he faced with such impossible choices? Where were the people who had once laughed, loved and cried in these rooms? Had they run away? If so, would they have left their precious menorah? More realistically they were dead or in camps. My God, he thought, how many others had suffered and would suffer the same fate before this all ended? And how could it be that, just like that - in an instant and for no reason at all - these lives had been erased, obliterated from the face of the earth?

  What could he do to protect Leah and Jacob? His heart felt heavy, and for the first time in his life, Detrick felt weak and helpless.

  Before he left, he thought about taking the menorah to Jacob, but decided it might upset him. Instead, he placed it high on a shelf and left.

  That night, as he lay in his bed, an idea came to him. Perhaps the old house would be the shelter for joy and love again. The following day, he dressed quickly and went back to the house, carrying with him a broom, a mop, a bucket, and some rags. All day he cleaned and polished the dusty rooms. After Detrick completed his task to his satisfaction, he returned home to bathe and dress. He owned only one black suit, but when he put it on, he could have easily been on par with Errol Flynn or Clark Gable. Then, he went in to town and purcha
sed flowers in a bubble bowl, bread, cheese, a sweet, red wine, and a bunch of grapes the color of amethyst. In another store, he found candles and holders. Detrick wanted to make things special, so he invested in a phonograph and a black vinyl record that played a waltz by Strauss. After he arranged all of these things in the abandoned house, he went to see Leah.

  “I have a surprise for you." He winked at her.

  “Oh? You look nice.”

  “Thanks, Come with me.”

  “Detrick, where are we going?”

  The twinkle in his eyes intrigued her. Night had fallen, hiding them in the safety of darkness as they walked along side streets, away from the main road.

  When they got to the old, abandoned house, he opened the door for her. A breeze gusted in after them. She stood at the threshold, in the shadows. First, he lit an array of white candles, then Detrick wound the crank and placed the needle carefully on the record. Music filled the room as the candlelight transformed the empty house into a ballroom. Stretching out his right hand, he bowed, requesting a dance. Leah giggled slightly as she placed her hand in his. Together they glided across the floor as one. Detrick held her tightly. She found him an excellent dancer. He moved with the confidence and precision of an athlete. Once the music ended, Detrick removed his suit jacket and placed it on the ground.

  “Please, sit.” He took out the wine, cheese and bread, then smiled at her. She returned his smile as she sat beside him.

  For several moments, Leah stared down at the wine bottle. Then she looked up. The seriousness of her gaze caught Detrick by surprise.

  “Is everything alright, Leah? You look upset.”

  “I’m not upset. I’ve made a decision.” Her eyes still fixed upon his “I want you to make love to me, Detrick.”

  His voice grew hoarse. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, very. I have thought about it for a long time.”

  “Leah…I’m unprepared… What if you get pregnant?”

  “Then I do.”

  “I would never leave you. But the law will not allow us to marry. It’s far too dangerous.”

  “I know, but I also believe that you will not turn me away.” She lay back on his coat. “Please, Detrick. Don’t be practical for once. Just follow your heart.” He stood up and removed his shirt, balling it up to make a pillow. Then he gently placed it under her head. With care, he kissed her and studied her eyes to reassure himself that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. When he saw what he needed to see, he kissed her again. She reached up and put her arms around his neck.

  “I love you, Leah. You are my every wish granted. I promise to spend the rest of my life taking care of you. Until the day that I die, I will put you before me. I will love you with my whole heart and soul, and if need be, I will die for you.”

  She sighed. “Don’t talk about dying. Not now.” She touched his cheek, and their lips met again and again as he unbuttoned her blouse. The taste and smell of peppermint, so distinctly Detrick, lingered on her tongue. His warm breath covered her breasts as his lips caressed them. Leah had always wondered if she would be afraid the first time she lay beneath a man, but she had no fear, only a desire so powerful that her mind had gone blank. Detrick touched her slowly and with a tenderness she had never known. When he entered her, her body arched up to receive him. Almost instantly the spark of pain turned to an ocean of pleasure that surged through her like a massive tidal wave.

  Detrick, humbled by the intensity of his love, moved his body slowly and with care. Passion consumed him, and still, he would not surge forward until she had finished. Once positive she had reached her climax, he followed. Then he lay beside her stroking her hair.

  “You are so beautiful, Leah. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

  “Then I should blind you right now before you find some one who is more alluring.”

  “That will never happen, sweetheart. There is no one for me but you. I knew that the first time I saw you. But I never believed you would love me too.”

  For a long time, they lay on the floor, she with her head on his chest, looking out the window at the stars which burnt through the night sky.

  Then, as she ran her fingers over the skin on his chest, Leah spoke. “I never thought I would get over my friend Dorothy leaving Germany. We had been best friends since we were little children. Her family left after Hitler came into power. Until I found you, I thought I would be lonely forever.”

  “You will never be lonely again, not as long as I live. Remember the first time we met?”

  “I remember…Lewis had come to Sabbath dinner and father had invited you as well.”

  “When he touched your hand, I thought I might go crazy with jealousy. But I felt I did not deserve you. He being so rich…”

  “You want to know a secret?”

  “Of course… If they are your secrets, I want to know and share all of them.”

  “I think I loved you that first time I saw you, as well.”

  Their lips met, and the warmth of their feelings spread like magical butter over their entire beings…soft and sweet and tender.

  Chapter 30

  That summer the sun cast such a bright glow upon the lovers that it served to block out the reality all around them, which grew more threatening daily.

  By late October, the cold wind had sent an invisible, but bone-chilling message announcing winter's arrival.

  Leah and Detrick met at the abandoned house as often as time would permit. And love spread through their hearts like a rosebud opening into a full flower.

  Occasionally they took risks, as young lovers do. Once, while walking past an arcade, they dropped in to take a picture. The photographer caught a shot of the two looking into each other's eyes, laughing at a man who’d passed by with a monkey carrying a tin cup.

  Once, Detrick left Leah alone in the house while he rode his bicycle to the ice cream shop. He purchased a pint of rich vanilla, then, as fast as he could, he pedaled back to the old house. Once he arrived, he realized he’d only been given a single wooden spoon. The lovers shared the spoon, feeding each other the melted ice cream and thanking God for the precious gift of their love.

  On the evening of November 9th, Inga said she did not feel well, and asked Detrick to see the druggist and bring back her prescription. When he returned, she asked that he stay with her. He agreed to do so, but first rode his black bicycle to the Abdenstern’s home to inform Leah that he would be unavailable for the rest of the evening. Then he returned to find his mother curled up on her bed hugging her belly. She complained of fierce stomach cramps.

  All evening, Detrick remained at her bedside. As usual, Hans did not come home. While Inga cried in pain, Detrick held her hand, offering comfort. Then she became nostalgic, telling Detrick how she missed Helga, and the worry that followed her every minute of every day. Detrick listened. With a cool washcloth, he sponged the sweat from his mother’s forehead, until morning, when miraculously, she began to recover. The pains slowed at first, and then ceased altogether. Relieved, Detrick left the house to walk to the bakery, where he planned to purchase some fresh bread, in hope Inga might eat. As of yet, he had no idea what had happened the night before.

  On November 9th, as Detrick had been nursing his mother, a black mark had been stamped on the calendar of history. It will be remembered forever in the hearts and minds of those who lived through it.

  At the Abdenstern home on that night, Leah prepared a simple dinner for the family. As each of the Abdensterns prepared to retire for the night, they were frozen in terror by a thunderous crash…

  Chapter 31

  KRISTALNACHT

  The night of broken glass…

  A shattering sound broke through the stillness of the darkness, as if the world was coming to an end. The sky lit up with orange and red fire, following a booming, thunderous roar, as the synagogue that the Abdensterns had attended for years burst into flames. Then came the crashing of clubs, as the windows of the local shops fell in sh
ards upon the streets. Cries of terror from the women and children filled the Jewish sector of town. Men who’d been ripped from their homes lay upon the ground, beaten and bleeding. Wild mobs ran in every direction, looting and destroying, forgetting all respect for human life. For the Jews who lived and worked in peace for centuries in this tiny community, Armageddon had begun.

  Miriam screamed for Jacob as she covered Michael with her own body. He came running in to the room, followed by Leah. Together, the three helped to carry Michael to the closet, where they propped him up on several pieces of clothing. Miriam crowded in beside him as Jacob closed the door.

  “Stay here… Don’t move… When it is over, I will come for you. Leah, come with me.” Jacob turned to his daughter.

  Leah, her face as pale as parchment, gave Jacob her hand and, together, the two climbed into the closet in Jacob’s room. There they sat waiting and listening as the destruction continued throughout the night. Jacob’s hands shook and his heart pounded as he prayed for the safety of his family.

  The angry horde of rabble-rousers never came as far as the Abdenstern home, but the smell of the smoke from the burning buildings wafted through the air, choking Leah. She coughed and gagged as she huddled beside her father in the closet. Sweat from the stiffening heat caused their clothing to stick to their bodies as they waited, gripped with terror.

  Chapter 32

  It was not until he entered the bakery the morning following Krisalnacht that Detrick learned what had happened the night before. He heard the other patrons discussing the situation all around him as they nibbled upon cookies and breads. The attack on the Jewish community left him stunned. He ran from the shop, dropping his purchase, and pedaled his bike with fervor, as if Satan himself rode upon his tail. His legs could not move as fast as he willed them to. Dread filled his heart, for he did not know what he would find, until finally, after what seemed like a long time, he entered the Jewish sector.