All My Love, Detrick

by Roberta Kagan

  “Oh, I don’t know. I...”

  “I guess I ought ta tell ya…I’m married. But it don’t mean nothing. She and I don’t live together.”

  “You have a wife?”

  “Yeah…in name only…but you, well, you’re my baby.”

  Dorothy was shocked, she’d never suspected. Tony had a wife.

  Well, she thought, in a way it was good. At least he would not expect to marry her. And she had wanted to shake her virginity. Who better to choose than a man who could not commit, a man who could never endanger her career? She looked at him. At least he’d been honest. And well, let’s face it, she didn’t love him, at least not in that way. Perhaps his age had something to do with her lack of desire. She found her feelings towards him to be platonic, as she would feel for a father-figure, rather than romantic. He always gave her anything she asked for, always proved more than generous and kind. So, what difference did it make?”

  “Tony?”

  “Yes?” He almost wished he hadn’t told her. If she left now he would surely lose her forever. A cold chill crept across his shoulders.

  “Let’s make love.” She took his hand and led him to the bed.

  Chapter 56

  Carol wiped her tears with an embroidered hanky when Dorothy told her she planned to leave, then gave Dorothy a big, lipstick-stained kiss on her cheek and wished her luck. Dorothy gave Carol a tiny gold heart she’d purchased with money Tony had given her.

  Although making love with Tony left much to be desired, Dorothy tolerated the moments of intimacy in exchange for all of the gifts she received.

  Life for Dorothy became a magical voyage through a fairy-tale land. Money, which had been denied her for such a long time, now flowed to her freely. She purchased whatever suited her fancy, and went to the beauty salon twice a week for a hairstyling and a manicure. The masseuse arrived every Monday evening when the ten-cents-a-dance club closed, and she and Tony both enjoyed one hour massages. Instead of cooking, they frequented the finest restaurants late at night following her performances. One evening, on Dorothy’s night off from the club, they sat in a large corner booth at a popular steak house.

  “Dorothy, why don’t you quit that joint? You don’t need that no more.”

  “Tony… I love to perform. I want to sing.”

  “But, doll, not there. Not at no ten-cents-a-dance joint.”

  “Those are my friends, Tony. They have been my friends since I left home. They stood by me when nobody else would.”

  “Yeah…well… How about I get you a job workin’ at a top night club? How about I get you a job at the Chez Paree?”

  “Really, Tony? You can do that?”

  “I can do whatever I want to.” He smiled at her; even after living with her for six months, she still managed to keep him fascinated.

  “I would love to sing at the Chez Paree.” She moved closer to him and threw her arms around his neck, embracing him tightly.

  Chapter 57

  “Fred, I need to talk with you.” Dorothy tugged on his sleeve when she arrived the following day.

  “A’right, come on.”

  They went into the tiny mess he called his office.

  “Sit…now, what is it?”

  “I am sorry, Fred. Please, I hope you won’t be angry. I know how good you and Carol have been to me. And…believe me…I will never forget it. But…I am giving you my notice. I’ll be leaving.”

  “Why? Are you goin’ home, kid?”

  “No, I am going to work as a singer at the Chez Paree.”

  “Holy cow! That’s somethin’…I sure can’t fault you fer that. Well, we sure are gonna miss you around here, but I wish you all the best.”

  “Thanks Fred. I’m going to tell Carol.”

  “She’ll be sad to see ya go, but she’ll be happy fer ya too.”

  And so, after two weeks, Dorothy left the dark ballroom where lonely men paid just a dime to hold a woman in their arms for just a few moments.

  Chapter 58

  The Chez Paree smelled like money. There were satin table linens, white gloved waiters, gold silverware surrounded by crystal chandeliers, and girls selling cigars, kewpie dolls and red roses. Coat-check girls waited in white gowns to take minks and sables for safekeeping, while their owners danced the night away. Dorothy looked around in awe as she waited for Tony to arrange her audition.

  The elegant women in their expensive gowns, with diamonds dripping from their necks and ears, the men in fine, tailored suits and custom-made tuxedos, the celebrities in music, sports and art, all gathered to enjoy dinner or a drink, but more importantly, to see and be seen at the hottest spot in Chicago.

  “Listen, she can sing….” Tony told his friend Mickey, who knew the owner of the club and owed him a favor.

  “For you Tony….I’ll get her an audition. And don’t you worry, she’s a sure thing. If not for a main act, at least to open. Would a couple of nights a week be enough?”

  “Yeah…I want her around more anyway. This is just to keep her happy. Ya know?”

  “Sure, Tony, sure - I’ll take care of it right away.”

  Tony smiled self-satisfied…it paid off to be a member of the Mafia.

  Chapter 59

  Dorothy drummed her red lacquered nails on the table cloth, wondering when Tony would return. It seemed he’d been gone for more than half an hour.

  Finally, he sauntered to her table, carrying a red rose and wearing a big open smile.

  “You got an audition. You ready?”

  “Yes, I hope so. Do I look all right?”

  “You, doll face? You look beautiful.”

  When Dorothy heard her name called over the microphone, she felt suddenly dizzy and out of breath. This club was a long, uphill climb from the one she’d come from. Her knees quivered as she stood in front of the audience. Then turning to the pianist she said, “Can you play 'Lover Man?'”

  “Of course…and don’t worry. You’ll do just fine. You’re so pretty that no matter what you sound like, you're gonna knock ‘em dead.” James winked at her then began with a short opening on the piano.

  And she did.

  When Dorothy finished to a wild round of enthusiastic applause, she turned to thank her young accompanist.

  “Thank you. I guess you know I am Dorothy Silver.”

  “I’m James Harrington. And you got some voice.” She thought him handsome with his dark blond hair slicked back from his forehead.

  “Thanks. You’re a very good pianist as well.”

  He bowed his head in appreciation, then winked and smiled.

  “You should see some of the big bands that play here. Why, we’ve had the Count and Benny, to name a few….”

  “You mean it?”

  “Sure…You’ll see. This is a real hip joint.” He laughed and she laughed too.

  Then Dorothy left the stage. She walked back to the table where Tony waited wearing a great big smile.

  “Well, you got it, kid. You’re an opening act here at the Chez Paree!”

  “Oh, Tony!” She reached up and embraced him. “I am so happy. I’m a real singer now.”

  Chapter 60

  Within minutes of the Chez Paree’s opening each night, the dressing rooms came alive. Dancing girls in extravagant costumes carefully lined their eyes and filled out their lips with dramatic flair. Dorothy no longer wore gold sequins; now, her gowns of black silk or satin fit her hourglass body like a second skin. She let her long red curls frame her lovely face, and used a delicate hand when applying makeup.

  Lately, Tony’s business consumed him. He rarely attended her performances and had begun to scowl with worry. When Dorothy asked him what bothered him, he became irritable and evasive. She knew something had gone wrong, yet she could not be sure what.

  But she couldn’t keep her focus on Tony; too much excitement kept her riveted within the confines of her own life. She enjoyed the pure pleasure of performing at Chicago’s top night spot. When she walked out onto the stage to h
eated applause, she felt the power of the entire universe spin as she lifted the microphone.

  Most evenings, Dorothy arrived early to find James practicing his piano in the empty dining room. She heard the scales as she entered and smiled at him. When he saw her, he began to play the numbers they would perform together that night, and she sang along. One night Dorothy came in to the club hungry. The kitchen had not yet opened, so she asked James if he would like to accompany her to the diner down the street and have some dinner before the evening began.

  During dinner, they discovered that they enjoyed the same music. They laughed at the same things, and found they had a great deal in common. From that day on it became a habit that Dorothy and James spent much of their time together. With Tony preoccupied with his business, Dorothy found James to be a wonderful substitute. Both Dorothy and James loved to swing dance. And when they opened for one of the big swing bands, instead of relaxing through their breaks, they danced through all of them. By the end of the night Dorothy and James were exhausted. When Tony’s driver picked her up, Dorothy fell asleep in the car on the way home.

  On a Friday evening, Dorothy and James sat at their usual booth at the diner.

  “Dorothy?” James asked as he cut a section of his pork chop. “Is Tony your husband?”

  “No…just a friend.”

  “A romantic friend?”

  “James? Why do you ask?”

  “I don’t know. It’s none of my business.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  “I don’t know how to tell you this. I don’t even know if it’s true…but you…well, you mean a lot to me, and I guess what I wanna say is, I think you deserve to know…” He looked at her as if he were about to deliver the most terrifying news.

  “Know what?” She studied him.

  “I heard that he’s married.”

  She burst out laughing.

  “Is that funny to you?’

  “I know already.”

  “And you still stay with him?’

  “You are asking far too many questions.”

  “Maybe so, but I thought better of you, Dorothy.” He stood up, and taking a wad of bills out of his pocket to cover the restaurant check, he threw them on the table and walked out.

  She sat at the window staring after him. Then Dorothy found she could not eat. After pushing the food around on her plate, she left.

  Back in the dressing room, the girls giggled and chattered as usual, but Dorothy felt a strange heaviness in her soul. Had she fallen so far beneath her own standards?

  That night, her performance lacked the spark that made her exciting to her audience. She could not look at James, nor could he look at her.

  For two days they did not speak. When Dorothy lay in her bed beside Tony, her heart ached at the realization of what she had become.

  On holidays, Tony went off to be with his wife and children. Dorothy spent the time alone. Until James brought it to her attention, she hadn’t given it much thought. Now she realized she had become what her mother had referred to as a backstreet woman. The thought hurt her deeply. And when she remembered the Jewish holidays she’d celebrated with her family when she was just a child, she thought she might cry. How Dorothy had loved hearing her father sing in the temple on the morning of Yom Kippur. And it had been a lifetime since she had last celebrated the Sabbath.

  Quietly, she rose from the bed and went into the bathroom. She turned the light on, and looked at her reflection in the mirror. The stain of lipstick remained smeared on her mouth, and a dark remainder of her mascara circled her eyes.

  “Who am I? I don’t even know anymore. Will I ever be married? Have children?” Her mind drifted back and she remembered Leah. She reminisced on all of the dreams they'd had, and how they had imagined their futures would be.

  Dorothy took off for the following three nights, too upset to work, but when she returned, she found James waiting for her.

  “I’m sorry. I had no business telling you how to live your life.” He stood staring at her.

  “I’m sorry, too.”

  “For what?”

  “I don’t know, James…for...? She shrugged her shoulders. They both laughed.

  “I missed you, Dorothy.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  She looked at the depth and sincerity in his eyes, and suddenly compelled, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him. Then…she kissed him again.

  Chapter 61

  What sufficed for coupling with Tony could never compare to the intense lovemaking Dorothy relished with James. He pleased and satisfied her in ways she never dreamed of. Her body harmonized with his the way her voice accompanied his piano. They made love on her dressing room floor, against the wall, in the alleyway, and everywhere and anywhere they could find a moment to be alone. The memory of the taste of his salty sweat filled her with desire and shame. She could not meet Tony’s eyes when he spoke to her, and when he touched her, she felt her body draw back with revulsion.

  From what she knew of Tony, she felt sure that if he discovered her affair with James, he would surely kill him and possibly her as well. Day after day, she wrestled with the idea of ending the affair, and as soon as James touched her or kissed her, she lost all sense of reality.

  “I love you Dot…I want you forever…every night…in my bed. You know we have something special.”

  “Yes. I do know that.” She touched his face.

  “Leave the old man. He’s too old for you anyway.”

  “I can’t. Where would we go? He would find us and kill you, James.”

  “I’ll take that risk. Let’s go to Canada. He’d never find us there.”

  One night, between sets, James came back to Dorothy’s dressing room to find her in tears.

  “I have to go the hospital. Tony has been shot. The doctors don’t think he will make it.”

  “Do you want me to go with you?”

  “Oh…no…please. That would be the worst thing you could do. Just stay here. I’ll be back.”

  Chapter 62

  The hospital smelled of alcohol and everything seemed to be white - the nurses uniforms, the walls, everything. Dorothy ran to the front desk, her high heels clacking obscenely on the floor, and was directed to Tony’s room. She raced upstairs to find him attached to tubes and needles on either side, but dimly conscious.

  “Hi, Doll.” His voice came as a raspy whisper.

  “Tony, what happened?”

  He laughed, “Just a minor injury…sorta let's just say it’s a little hazard of the job. But I’m gonna be just fine.” Speaking seemed to drain what little energy he had. Dorothy sat quietly beside him, holding his hand within both of hers. Tears streamed down her cheeks until the nurse came and said she must leave; visiting hours had ended.

  Chapter 63

  “You come to my hospital bed to tell me this? You stupid jackass,” Tony looked at his driver.

  “I thought you might wanna know, boss. Do you want me to kill ‘em both?”

  “Fuck, no. Did I tell you to do anything? Well, don’t do nothin’ till I tell you to, understand?”

  “She’s cheatin' on you, boss. And who the fuck does he think he is? Some lousy piana player and he’s gonna go up against the head of the mob?” Tony’s driver began pacing the floor.

  “Listen to me.” Tony motioned for him to come closer. “Go to this lousy piana player and offer him some money to get the hell outta town. When he is far away from Dorothy, knock him off. Understand? I want her to think he left on his own and I didn’t have no part in it. You got that?”

  “Yeah, boss.”

  Chapter 64

  “He’s bad, James. I’m worried.” Dorothy looked out the window.

  “This is your chance, Doll. You run get away with me now.” James smiled at her. His smile always made her want to sleep with him.

  “I don’t know. If I leave now it’ll kill him. He has always been so good to me. I can’t hurt him like that.”

  “You
are such a foolish gal. This is your chance, baby. Do it now, Dotty, honey, before it’s too late.”

  He sauntered over to her and took her into his arms. She felt herself weaken. All of the muscles in her body grew limp with desire. They kissed. His lips tasted like port wine. They kissed again, and again.

  Chapter 65

  As he walked towards the L train, James sensed someone behind him. When he turned, he saw nothing but a dark, empty street behind him. His head pounded and he felt dizzy. Nausea caused his stomach to whirl like a tornado, and he gripped the building in order to remain standing upright. An eerie sense of dread washed over him, and he wondered if someone had slipped a Mickey in his drink. Thinking back, James remembered that his vodka and tonic had tasted a bit off, but he had attributed it to the new bartender. Now he wondered. The streetlights reflected in round halos over the sidewalks, illuminating the streets only slightly. A chill ran up his spine, but he shook it off and continued toward the subway. When his stomach swished as if it had been filled with a pool of water, he gagged, expelling liquid vomit. Then a clang that sounded like someone dropping a pan alarmed him, and he jerked his body all the way around. Before he caught his breath, James felt himself being pulled into the alleyway. Four men stood in front of him with chains wrapped around their fists.

  “Hello, James.”

  A scream escaped his lips as he felt his face turn to mush under a fierce punch.

  “You been fuckin’ the boss's broad. That ain't too smart, ya know?”

  One of the men pushed James to his knees. A loud crack broke the silence of the night as James felt a pain shoot up his leg.

  In an unfamiliar voice, he heard himself begging, “Please…let me go.”

  “We ain’t gonna kill ya. Instead we're here to give you a chance. Understand?”