All My Love, Detrick

by Roberta Kagan

While in the underground bunker discussing the situation and what to do to combat the lack of necessities, Karl heard a thunderous roar. Thick black smoke filled the area, catching in his throat as he coughed and gagged. Overwhelming heat engulfed him. He ran upstairs to catch his breath and see what had taken place. The entire Ghetto raged on fire with orange flames. People flung themselves out of windows, falling to their deaths in the streets as the Nazis maneuvered flame throwers, blowing up buildings in their wake.

  Sometime during the period when Karl had left the bunker, Mordechi was killed. When he returned to learn the news, Karl felt a pain in his heart for the young, idealistic Jew who longed only for a Jewish state, where he and his girlfriend could live in peace.

  The smoke grew thicker as the Nazis set fire to basements and sewers. It became apparent that the Jews would be defeated. Now each person must choose whether they would stay and fight, distracting the Nazis so their friends and families could escape, or run and hide, embracing life for another day. Earlier, they had built a tunnel that led out into the Michalin forest. The plan had been that when all seemed to be lost, as many as possible would flee the Ghetto, meeting in the woods to rebuild the resistance.

  To stay meant certain death.

  Karl decided to stay. He would be the distraction that would enable the others to escape. A handful of brave souls stood beside him.

  After the larger group headed out through the tunnel, Karl went off alone. There he sat down, exhausted, on the dirt floor of the bunker and spoke to Ada.

  “I don’t know if you can hear me. I hope so. I didn’t protect your babies…your students, like I promised you.” Tears mingled with the black soot that covered his face. “I failed you. I’m sorry. I love you… Your love was the greatest thing in my life. If there is a God, I will be coming to you soon, and I pray you’ll forgive me. But there is something I must tell you. Someday there will be a Jewish state. I am sure of it. You should have seen how strong our people were. We fought like the devil…just a few ragged, worn out, starving Jews… We held them off. Those goddamned Nazis were afraid of us, Ada. Now it’s ending. We knew we couldn’t win, but we wanted to show ‘em that they couldn’t treat us like we were cattle… We wanted to give them something to remember us by, and it was really something to see!” With his fists he rubbed the tears off of his face and set his jaw with determination. “I won’t go down without a fight. They’ll never take me to a camp. I’m going out there on to that street shooting, and I’m gonna take as many Nazis as I can with me when I go. So, if you can see me, watch this, Ada… This is for you.”

  He took the last automatic machine gun from the pile. It had a round left inside of it. Then he motioned with a tilt of his head to the remainder of the group.

  “Are you ready?”

  A loud chorus hoarse from the smoke, “Yes!”

  “Then let’s go kill some Nazis!”

  And before Karl Abdenstern took his last breath on the cobblestone street of the Warsaw Ghetto that day, he made sure a good number of Nazis would never kill another Jew.

  Chapter 123

  Berlin

  Inga Haswell knelt over the well-worn wooden washboard, wringing out white shirts for her new client, a member of the SS, when the doorbell rang. Slowly, she got to her feet, drying her hands on her apron. Then she opened the door. Dressed in the crisp brown uniform with the short pants of the Hitler Youth, the mail boy handed her an envelope and waited quietly while she took a coin from her glass jar and handed it to him.

  “Thank you, Frau Haswell.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Inga closed the door and stared at the familiar hand writing. “Could it be?” she asked herself. With shaky fingers she tore envelope open and read.

  Dear Mother, Father and Detrick,

  I know it’s been a long time since we last saw each other, but a day has not gone by that I have not thought of you. In life, we sometimes make mistakes that cost us dearly. This I have learned. But with the mistakes, often God forgives us and gives us a reason to go on. When I left, I was pregnant with Eric’s child. He abandoned me, and I had nowhere to turn. I was ashamed and afraid of causing you embarrassment, so I went to Heim Hockland, which is a home for the Lebensborn. The agreement when I entered was that I would surrender my child at birth to the Nazi cause. Early in the pregnancy, it did not seem like such a great feat. Before I carried the child within my body for nine months, it seemed to be little more than a burden to me. However, as the weeks passed and I felt the small movements within my womb, the child became real for me, and with that the pain of knowing I would never see it grow up tortured me. When the time came, giving up the baby proved to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. However, in the midst of all of this ache there was a small flicker of light. It was here in this terrible place that I met my husband Kurt. He is a good and kind man who truly loves me. We live a good and simple life here on his family’s farm in Munich. For years, he has begged me to write to you, but I have been afraid. Now, the time has come to bridge this gap. I miss my family, and I realize that until you are once again a part of my life, regardless of how happy I am, I will always be lacking something. So I want to invite you to come here and visit the farm, to meet my wonderful husband and his generous family. You will enjoy the fresh air and we will see each other again. It is my greatest hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me for all I have done and come here. From the deepest part of my heart, I most humbly regret any pain I have caused you. I will wait in eager anticipation for your reply.

  With much love, and missing you greatly, your daughter, and sister,

  Helga

  P.S I have a surprise for you that I will tell you when you are here.

  Inga carefully folded the letter and returned it to the envelope. Then she sat down at her kitchen table and took it out again to reread the words her daughter had written. Tears washed away years of fear that Helga had perished. Her daughter lived, somewhere on a farm in Munich. Helga was alive. Inga would talk to Hans and Detrick tonight. They must go to her. Inga began writing her response before confirming with the rest of the family. They would come to the farm, she told Helga. All of them would visit her in Munich.

  Chapter 124

  Surprisingly, Hans agreed quickly. He would do well with a holiday out of the city, he said. But to her dismay, Detrick, the son she adored more than anyone, seemed reluctant. As he sat at the kitchen table, Inga marveled at how, while so many of their friends and neighbors had grown gaunt and sickly during the war, Detrick’s lack of food had only served to carve out the strong features of his splendid face. His tall frame had shed any softness, leaving him lean, with hard, well-developed muscles.

  “You really should come with us, Detrick. Helga is your sister, and it’s been such a long time.”

  He agreed with his mother. Detrick missed Helga, but what he could not tell his mother was that to leave meant to be away from Leah and his friends. Should any problems arise, he would be unable to step in from miles away. “Why don’t you and Father go, for now? I am not sure I can get away from my work. I will arrange to go later in the year.”

  “Perhaps we can all arrange to go in late spring. I’ve heard that strawberry season in Munich is lovely. If you speak to Konrad and explain that you plan to visit your sister, I am sure he will make arrangements to allow you to do so.”

  “I’ll speak to him. Late spring is only a few months from now. I will let you know if I can leave.”

  “Tell him it would only be for a week or so. We would not stay long.”

  Inga knew Detrick’s concern had little to do with his work, but rather than confront him at the table with Hans, she decided to wait for his final decision.

  “Would you like to see the letter?”

  “Of course.” Detrick read his sisters words. Childhood memories came back to him, and he realized how much he’d missed her.

  Chapter 125

  That night, as he walked through streets, Det
rick took notice that the winter had already begun to break. Frigid temperatures had been slowly rising, a few degrees at a time. The blossoms that had taken the place of icicles began to offer their faint fragrance to the air. Where only a few months earlier the snow had covered the grass, it now remained in sporadic patches, while tiny, new green shoots rose from the ground. Illuminated by the streetlights, Berlin appeared as it once had when Detrick was just a child, but he knew it had changed forever.

  Always attentive, always watching, Detrick entered the Mueller home. Then, slipping through the trap door to the attic, he took a small block of cheese from inside of his uniform jacket and placed it on the table.

  “Thank you and God bless you, Detrick. Again, you didn’t eat your lunch.” Jacob hugged Detrick.

  “I’m doing fine. I have plenty. Please share this with everyone, Jacob.”

  “God bless you.” The rabbi nodded to Detrick as he took the slice of cheese Jacob gave him.

  Then Jacob cut another for Leah, one for Detrick, and a small sliver for himself.

  Detrick turned to Leah, “Take mine too. I have plenty to eat.”

  “No.” She laughed. “This is more than enough.”

  “What is the news out there in the world? How is the war effort going?” the rabbi asked.

  “From what I can see, it looks like the allies are closing in on Germany. There is a lot of whispering that Hitler is losing the war.”

  “We can only hope.” Jacob smiled.

  “I believe it’s true. When he divided his army, fighting at two fronts, he weakened himself.” Detrick looked into Jacob’s eyes. “I believe that soon Stalin will march his troops into Germany, and the war will be over.”

  “Then what happens to you?” the rabbi asked with genuine concern.

  “Then all of you will be hiding me.”

  “We will explain. We will tell them how you’ve helped us.”

  “I hope they will believe you, Jacob. Can you imagine what they will think of me in my uniform? It will be better for me if the Americans come first; I have heard that they are more compassionate. Perhaps they will understand my plight.”

  “We can only wait and see,” the rabbi observed.

  Leah took Detrick’s hand and gripped it tightly.

  “I will stand up for you. No matter what, Detrick, I will make them understand.” Jacob’s eyes met Detrick’s as he offered reassurance. “Then we will leave Germany, all of us, together.”

  “Yes, Papa. All of us, together.” Leah smiled as she gazed into Detrick’s eyes.

  Chapter 126

  That night as they lay quietly, gazing at the stars, their hands clasped together, Leah’s head on Detrick’s chest, their hearts beat in perfect harmony. Tenderly, Detrick ran his hand over her soft hair and marveled at how it resembled silk.

  “Sweetheart, a letter came today from my sister, Helga.”

  “Helga! Oh, Detrick, that’s wonderful. Is she all right? Where is she?”

  “Yes, she’s fine. In fact, she’s living on a farm in Munich with her husband.”

  “She married that man she was keeping company with?”

  “No, according to the letter it is someone else.”

  Then he went on to explain what Helga had written.

  “You must go. Your mother is right.”

  “More than anything, I wish I could take you with me. I wish I could tell my family that we are married. Sometimes I am so tired of this uphill climb. It’s a constant fight to keep our love hidden. And it isn’t fair, Leah. Why should something as beautiful as what we have be against the law?”

  She could not answer, so she did not. Instead she squeezed his hand. “Go with your family. See your sister. I will be here when you return.”

  A cold chill descended upon him, although the temperature of the room had not changed. I am so afraid to leave that I’m getting goose bumps, but she is right, I must go.

  He bent down and softly kissed her. She met his kiss with a passionate one, and the tiny flame she sparked exploded into a massive fire. His heart beat wildly with love for her. Turning her over on to her back, he covered her face and breasts with kisses. Their bodies molded together, fitting as perfectly as two puzzle pieces. With his blue eyes, deep as the ocean, locked on hers, he whispered.

  “I love you, Leah. God, how I love you.”

  Chapter 127

  Konrad encouraged Detrick’s trip to the country. It would be good for Detrick to get out of Berlin for a week or so and spend time with his family. In a show of generosity, Konrad even offered the use of an automobile, which Detrick gratefully accepted. The six-hour trip from Berlin to the outskirts of Munich in a private vehicle would afford the Haswells comfort they’d never experienced during train travel.

  With excitement, Inga washed and packed enough clothing for the trip. For months prior to their leaving, she took in extra work in order to purchase small gifts to bring to her daughter.

  As the date grew closer, even Hans seemed excited. Only Detrick grew more anxious, which he managed to hide from everyone except Jacob, who had a way of looking into his soul.

  One evening, a few days before Detrick’s trip, Jacob put his hand on Detrick’s shoulder. “Sit with me a minute, Detrick.”

  They sat at the table. The rabbi tried to busy himself in order to give the two the privacy they seemed to need. When Leah came out of her room, seeing her father and Detrick engaged in a whispered conversation, she quickly turned back, closing the door.

  “Jacob, you’ve always been more of a father to me than my own father. Watch her for me. I will be back as soon as I can.”

  “I love her, too, Detrick; she is my daughter. But you must stay safe, as well. I love you, too, Detrick. Don’t take any foolish chances. We will be fine.”

  “I was planning to return early.”

  “You mustn’t. You must return with your family. You must do nothing to draw attention.”

  “Yes, I suppose you are right.”

  “Every day when you go to that office, I worry. I am always afraid for you.”

  “I know, but don’t be. I am careful, and I will continue to be. We will make it through this…all of us. You’ll see.” Detrick winked at Jacob with a confidence he did not feel.

  Chapter 128

  The outskirts of Munich

  The open countryside of Munich, adorned with its lush, green, rolling hills and ruby-red, blooming strawberry patches, made a strong contrast to the congestion of Berlin. The air smelled pure, embraced by sunshine, instead of the usual smell of exhaust.

  When the Haswells drove up the dirt road to the white farmhouse with it’s large red barn, Inga gasped. Surrounded by neatly fenced and planted fields, cows stood grazing under the shade of lazy green trees in an open pasture. A brown and white plow horse accompanied them.

  An air of calm surrounded the homestead. Detrick carried his mother’s suitcase, as well as his own, up the path to the house. Before they could knock, a healthier, more robust Helga burst through the door. Her body had filled out, bearing womanly curves she’d not had as a girl. Wrapping her arms around her mother, she laughed and cried tears of joy, mingled with the pain of such a long separation. Inga cried too as she embraced the daughter she’d thought she lost.

  Kurt came to the door, smiling. “Welcome, please come in.” When at last Helga released her mother, Kurt turned to hug Inga.

  “I’m so glad all of you could come. I’m Kurt, your son-in-law.” Then he extended his hand to Hans, who received it uncomfortably.

  “Thank you, thank you for inviting us.” Inga smiled as she wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand.

  “You must be hungry. Come into the kitchen. I would love for you to meet my family.” Kurt patted Detrick’s shoulder in welcome.

  Introductions followed. Detrick could not help but feel isolated as he watched the easy exchange of laughter between Kurt’s sister, Hermina, and Helga. The secret he kept of his pale and painfully thin wife grew
bitter within his soul, as a jealousy he’d never known before brewed like a strong pot of morning coffee. To his dismay, he found himself angry that he and Leah could not live an open and honest life. Instead, the woman he loved sat in the darkness of an attic, denied the God-given right of sunshine, fresh fruit and vegetables, and wholesome, clean air. As the rest of the family dined on the food picked that morning, the finest they’d ever tasted, Detrick, unable to swallow, excused himself.

  Alone, he walked through the fields. Would he ever again stand outside with his wife enjoying the summer breeze, unafraid? Would their children ever be permitted to attend school? Would they ever watch their children run free through the grass or ride a bicycle? All these questions…without answers. His thoughts brought on a dark, brooding mood, so foreign to his nature that, when he returned, his mother asked if he felt ill.

  The days that followed brought him more unrest. Try as he might, he could not assimilate himself into the family gatherings. Mostly, he sat gazing out the window, absently watching the horse or the cows, while the open wound in his heart grew larger. Kurt attempted conversation and offered friendship. Detrick liked him. It was immediately apparent that he held no Nazi sympathies. But Detrick could not enjoy good food and drink, breathe fresh air and flourish in the joy of family, while he knew Leah and Jacob’s predicament.

  He watched as Hans sat outside, talking with Kurt’s father. Even he seemed to be enjoying the trip.

  Chapter 129

  Berlin

  Rebekka Mueller couldn’t fall asleep. Far too excited, she lay awake, her mind drifting, sorting through fantasies. Tomorrow evening she would attend her first dance. From her bed she could see the dress she would wear illuminated in the moonlight. It had taken her over a week of shopping to choose the perfect frock, a pale pink lace over satin, belted with a matching satin sash. When she’d tried it on, she’d whirled around in the dressing room as the skirts circled her, deciding that for the first time she was truly lovely.