Secrets or Surrender

by Mary Tribbey

  Chapter 9

  Joan parked her car in front of a beige two-story house. She walked up the sidewalk leading to the front door. The front of the house was a mass of snow white star jasmine plants and rose geraniums. Joan smiled when she smelled the sweet fragrance that surrounded her. When she knocked on the door, Cindy opened it and grabbed Joan’s hand. “I'm so glad you got here. Did you have any trouble finding it? The boys are still taking their naps so that will give us time to get better acquainted. Come on into the family room. Lyle’s been working hard remodeling it. He paneled the wall by the fireplace and added the shelves and the new mantelpiece,” she pointed out as she led Joan over to the couch. Sinking down next to Joan, she took Joan’s hand again. “I've been looking forward to this all week. It isn't often that I get to have a gab session with another woman. So how was work this week? Tell me all about yourself. I'll even try to be quiet long enough for you to answer,” she giggled. “Lyle always kids me about talking too much, but I really think he likes it.” Joan laughed as Cindy continued to chatter on.

  “Well I definitely like your talking. I prefer to listen, so we should get along fine,” Joan added.

  “Do you want to go peek in on the boys? They look so sweet and peaceful when they're asleep. Davey is a live wire when he's awake. You won't believe the difference once you see it,” she added, leading Joan down the hallway. She quietly opened the door and led her inside. A towheaded boy of about four was sprawled on top of his crumpled blanket in a twin bed. The room was decorated with football posters and pennants. Joan looked at Cindy then at Davey’s sleeping form. He definitely had her hair coloring, but she wasn't sure about his eyes yet. She did agree that he looked like an angel sleeping there.

  They tiptoed across the hallway to the baby's room. “This precious little boy is named Billy. He’s still pretty quiet, but then he's only nine months old. He's trying to stand up, but he’s not quite ready. I don’t know what I’m going to do when he is walking, too. I'm exhausted already with one toddler,” she sighed, gently kissing his forehead.

  Joan looked down at Billy and tears formed in her eyes. She turned away quickly hoping Cindy had not noticed her distress. After they were seated in the family room, they began drinking a glass of iced tea. Cindy looked at Joan seriously. “Why did you start to cry in Billy's room? I thought it might be fun to see them sleeping,” she asked softly.

  Joan looked startled and began to lie, and then she stopped. “He is so beautiful. Babies have that effect on me. There is something so delicate and precious about them,” she whispered.

  Cindy looked deep in her eyes. “Joan, that's not the whole truth, is it”?

  Joan stammered and looked guilty. “No. How did you know?”

  “Just instinct, I guess. What made you so sad in there?” Cindy asked gently.

  “As a child I always dreamed about having a family like yours, but it didn't work out for me. I guess some dreams die hard even after you’re grown up,” Joan admitted.

  “Why didn't you get married and have a family? You're so pretty, I am sure you had the opportunity,” Cindy prodded gently.

  “I was married a long time ago. My baby died when I was seven months along. Seeing a baby reminds me of what I lost. I'm rarely around babies, but it still hurts, even after all these years,” Joan admitted.

  Cindy put her arm around Joan’s shoulder and handed her a tissue. Joan wiped her eyes and tried to smile. Cindy squeezed her shoulder. “Why didn’t you and your husband try again?” she asked sympathetically.

  Cindy felt a shudder run through Joan. She was silent for a minute and appeared to be struggling for control. Finally she answered very softly, “He died, too.”

  “How terrible, Joan. My sister lost a baby, too. It was very hard on her. That must have been awful for you to lose both. I can see how much it still upsets you. If you ever need someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on, I can be a good listener,” Cindy offered.

  “Thanks, Cindy, but I still don't talk about it, not to anyone, but if I ever did, it would be to someone like you. Thanks for being so caring, but the past is best left buried. Nothing in it can be changed, no matter how much I wish it could,” Joan sighed. Joan looked at Cindy and tried to smile. “I love your house. You and Lyle have done wonderful things with it,” she said trying to change the subject.

  Cindy took her and showed her the rest of the house. By the time the tour was finished, Davey was awake. He caught up to them in the kitchen. For one minute, he clung shyly to Cindy's leg and peeked out at Joan. After a quick introduction and a small dish of the ice cream that Joan had brought, they were on their way to becoming best buddies. Back in the family room, Davey dumped out his set of wooden blocks. He sat on the floor and asked Joan to help him build a ‘really tall tower’. Cindy laughed and told Joan that she didn't have to crawl around on the floor with Davey, but Joan sat down next to Billy and handed him his blocks. He put one on top of the other until the tower got so wobbly, it toppled over. Joan laughed when they fell, and Davey joined her laughter.

  “I've got to go feed Billy and check on dinner. Lyle should be home soon. Will you keep an eye on Davey?” she asked.

  “Sure. That’s fine we’ll build the biggest tower in the whole world, won’t we, Davey?” Joan asked.

  Cindy left to go feed Billy, while Davey and Joan continued playing on the floor. They were so absorbed in their construction work that neither of them noticed the tall man standing in the doorway watching them. When the tower was nearly as tall as Davey, he gave it a push and howled with laughter while the blocks scattered around the room. A deep masculine chuckle blended with their laughter causing both of them to look up. Davey jumped up and down and dashed across the room. He tackled the two legs and shouted, “Uncle Dave.” Dave bent down, scooped him up and tossed him high into the air. Davey squealed with delight and came down giggling. He gave him a big hug and a loud kiss before wiggling out of his arms and dashing off to find his daddy. Dave looked down at Joan surrounded by the blocks.

  He laughed, “You look like you just survived an earthquake of at least a nine on the ‘Davey’ scale from the destruction I see. Do you need any help rebuilding?”

  Joan laughed and answered, “No, just help me get up from here. I think my legs have gone to sleep.”

  He reached down, took her outstretched hand, and pulled her up. His arms naturally went around her waist and pulled her close in a gentle hug. He looked into her eyes and started to kiss her until Davey dashed back into the room. He pushed his way in between them. Dave scooped Davey up still keeping one arm around Joan’s shoulder.

  “Uncle Dave, help Joan and me build a giant tower. Please, please, please!” he begged.

  “Sure thing, Davey, if Joan feels like another close encounter with the floor.” he agreed, looking intently at her.

  “That's the best offer I've had in the last 20 minutes. First we’d better get the blocks gathered up so we have lots of room to work,” Joan suggested. They sat together on the floor playing with Davey and laughing together at his pleasure in knocking the towers over. Sometimes they both reached for the same block and their hands touched. When that happened, their eyes met and the tension between them grew nearly unbearable. Joan felt a sense of relief when Cindy and Lyle walked in and announced that dinner was ready.

  Lyle reached down and pulled Joan to her feet. After eating, they all returned to the family room. Davey rushed off to take his bath and get ready for bed, because Dave promised to read him a story before he left. Since there was a game the next day, the evening had to end very early. Cindy left to change Billy and get him ready for bed. Lyle disappeared after Billy to be sure he washed behind his ears and didn't flood the bathroom again.

  Joan and Dave sat on a couch and sipped a glass of wine. He put his arm around her shoulders. “Those are two great kids. Every time I see them, I feel a little jealous of Lyle and Cind
y. They have everything that is important-- their kids and their love. I want the same things. How about you?” Dave asked.

  Joan looked down with a blush rising on her cheeks. “They do seem to have it all. It would be wonderful, but sometimes it just doesn't work out the same way for everyone.”

  Dave started to speak, but stopped when Cindy entered the room carrying Billy. Davey came rushing in all scrubbed and clean-smelling in his Rams pajamas. He climbed up on Dave’s lap and asked for a story. “Do you want to hear a story?” Dave asked Joan as he lifted Davey up into his arms.”

  “No. You go up. I’ll peek in later and say goodnight to both of you. Is that okay, Davey?” Joan asked softly.

  Davey nodded yes. He asked his Uncle Dave, “Give me a piggyback ride to bed.” Dave hoisted him up onto his shoulders and trotted out of the room.

  Joan watched him leave and sighed, “He’s very good with children, isn’t he? He'll make a good father someday.”

  Cindy observed, “You aren't too bad with the kids, either. It's not too late for you to have children of your own. You could get married and have a family in no time at all,” she hinted softly.

  Joan shook her head sadly, “That may be true for other people, but it just isn't in my future, no matter how much I’d like it.” When Lyle walked in, Joan quickly changed the subject to the game on the next day.

  Joan looked at her watch and announced, “It’s getting late and I’d better be leaving soon.”

  “Don’t forget your promise to look in on Davey before you go home,” Cindy reminded her.

  “Of course, I’ll sneak in and say goodnight to both guys at once.” When she got to the bedroom door, she stood quietly listening to Dave finish reading the Little Engine that Could. Davey gave him a big hug and a noisy kiss.

  Joan entered quietly and walked over to Davey's bed. Dave caught her hand and pulled her down onto his lap. “Look what I caught sneaking in here to listen to our story,” he joked. “What shall we do with her?”

  “Let's keep her and make her tell us a story,’ Davey squealed.

  “Not tonight, Davey. I have to leave soon. I just came to say goodnight to both of you,” she confessed, trying in vain to wiggle out of Dave’s arms

  “ Davey’s right. I say we keep you here forever, unless you promise to tell us a story next time,” Dave suggested, giving Joan a playful wink.

  “You drive a hard bargain. I promise next time I'll tell you a story, but tonight I have to leave,” Joan giggled.

  “You’d better get to bed now, Tiger. We’ve got a big game tomorrow, and all of us big boys need to get to sleep. Davey, go right to sleep now so you can be wide awake at the game tomorrow.” Dave finally released Joan. She scrambled to her feet, but Dave was just a step behind her.

  At the door, Joan turned and said, “Sleep tight, Davey, I’ll see you at the game tomorrow.”

  Cindy and Lyle walked them to the door. “Now remember, I'll meet you tomorrow at the game. I'll have the boys with me, but we can still have lots of fun. Thanks for coming over today. I really enjoyed talking to you. I hope you’ll come and visit again soon,” Cindy exclaimed, giving Joan a big hug.

  “Thanks to you and Lyle for inviting me. The food was delicious. Your boys are beautiful, and I had a wonderful time. I'll see you tomorrow,” Joan added.

  Joan gave Lyle a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Good luck at the game tomorrow,” she said, hugging him again.

  “Thanks, sweet lady. I'll do my best,” he answered back.

  Dave and Joan walked down the sidewalk together. At the curb, Dave took her hand, “May I drive you home?” he asked.

  “No thanks. I have my car here,” she nodded, indicating the small blue Volkswagen across the street. He took her arm and escorted her across the road.

  “You know, I should be mad at you. You play favorites,” Dave said pouting like a little kid.

  Joan laughed. “What are you talking about?”

  “You hugged and kisseded Lyle and wish him ‘good luck’, but you didn't do that to me,” he complained continuing his pouting act,

  With a soft giggle, Joan put her arms quickly around Dave. She gave him a hurried hug and a peck on the cheek. “Good luck at the game tomorrow,” she repeated sweetly. “Well, Dave, are you satisfied now?”

  Dave pulled Joan into his arms in a tight hug and kissed her tenderly with increasing passion. “With you, sweet Joan, one kiss and one hug would never be enough to satisfy me. Another kiss like this, and I know I'd never want to stop. But I must for now,” he added gently. Joan trembled in his arms and felt desire beginning to surge through her body.

  Dave slowly released her and opened her car door. He helped her into her car and shut the door. He reached through the window and lightly caressed her face. “Goodbye, until we meet again,” he whispered.

  Joan started her car and drove away from the curb. She kept looking in the rearview mirror until she turned the corner and Dave disappeared from view. As she drove to her apartment, she was shaken to realize if he had not let her go she wanted to stay in his arms all night. With a vague sense of disappointment and loneliness, she drove home in silence.