by Claire Raye
“You have my heart, Lu. It’s been yours for fourteen years. She can’t take what was never hers to begin with.”
Again I nod, remembering what it’s like to lose something even when it was never yours. But this time, I’m certain this loss would destroy me.
The morning passes slowly and at our regularly scheduled time, Jack appears in the doorway to my office wearing his cheeky smile and holding two takeaway containers.
“You free for lunch?” he asks, teasingly holding up the containers.
“For you, I guess,” I reply back shrugging my shoulders and giving him a hard time, but making his smile grow. Any visitors?” I ask as Jack sits down.
“Nope and hopefully there won’t be.”
“I agree,” I say, this time adding a firmness to my voice that is my attempt at convincing myself to move on. Dwelling on this is getting me nowhere and Jack has never once shown me that he isn’t fully committed to what we have together.
I’m done being stupid.
Jack and I chat while we eat with Jack filling me in on how things are going with the crusher and his attempts at dragging out his time here. He’s still eluding at some big plan, but won’t give me all the details.
“Well, I gotta get back to work,” Jack says, collecting up our garbage as he leans over and kisses me.
“We should go out to dinner tonight,” I say, smiling at him and getting in another kiss before he walks away.
“Yes, let’s.”
Just as Jack is walking out Tommy is walking in. He greets Jack with a curt nod of his head but neither of them says anything.
If Jack’s going to stick around, this shit has got to end.
“Lauren, you got a minute?” Tommy asks, glancing over his shoulder to see if Jack has walked away.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“You know we’re like family, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So last night when Jack and I got back from picking up the tools a girl was waiting for him out front.”
“Yeah, I know,” I reply, trying ease Tommy’s mind that something isn’t going on behind my back.
“Oh good. I wasn’t trying to rat on Jack, but with what happened in the past, I didn’t want you to be left in the dark.”
“She came to the office looking for Jack, but you guys were gone. And then later on Jack and I talked about it. She’s his ex.”
“I think she’s pregnant,” Tommy says, catching me off guard and suddenly my legs feel like I’m standing in a stream of rushing water. They’re weak and struggling to keep my body upright.
“What?”
“I overheard a conversation between them, so I don’t have the full details.”
I’m now staring at Tommy. He’s never once done something to hurt me and right now I’m wondering what his motives are for sharing what he overheard.
“I don’t want you to make the same mistake you made before; putting everything you have into a person and have them turn out to be not what you expected.”
“That’s all this is?” I ask, my mind spinning with everything that is happening. “You’re not trying to get rid of Jack, because that’s what it feels like.”
“Lauren, I didn’t come here to argue with you or upset you. We both know that having Jack here has brought out all the good things in you again.”
“So why’d you tell me then?”
“Because I think there’s more to this ex-girlfriend story than Jack’s letting on.”
“Well, I’m going to go find out then,” I shoot back, my sudden rush of shock now replaced with anger as I push away from my desk and storm out of my office.
“Jack,” I call out, my voice echoing across the vineyard as I watch Jack walk back toward the sheds.
He doesn’t hear me so I shout again, my hands cupped around my mouth, but this time I hear someone call my name in return.
When I turn around I’m face to face with Nate in a well-tailored suit and an idiotic smile on his face.
He has got to be fucking kidding me!
Between Jack’s ex and now mine, this nightmare is never going to end.
“What do you want, Nate?” I hiss, my eyes darting away from him as I watch Jack make his way back over to us. He didn’t hear me the first time I called him, but obviously he did the second time, the time that I didn’t want him to.
“I want you, Lauren and I’m determined to win you back.”
I roll my eyes but watch as Nate drops to one knee and pulls a small box from his pocket.
“What the fuck are you doing? Seriously, Nate. Get up!”
It’s all happening in slow motion; Jack walking toward us, Nate down on his knee as he pulls the engagement ring from the box. I watch his lips move, but hear nothing he says. And as if the universe is trying to fuck with me, Jack’s ex Melissa appears out of nowhere too.
This is not happening to me.
“Lauren, Lauren,” Nate calls as if I’m standing miles away from him. “Will you marry me…again?” He thinks this whole thing is one big fucking joke, and he clearly can’t read the expression on my face.
At this point he’s now standing in front of me, reaching for my hand, but I pull it away.
I look to where Jack was and he has now stopped, taking in the scene as it unfolds in front of him. He’s far enough away that he can’t hear what’s being said and his eyes flick from me to Nate and then to Melissa who is walking over to him.
In my confusion, Nate takes my hand and that’s when Jack storms over with fury written all over his now redden face.
But he doesn’t stop, just walking right past the shit show of stupid Nate in his suit with my old engagement ring in his hand.
“Jack,” I call after him, jogging to catch up, but Melissa steps in between, setting herself up in my way like the seemingly immovable Amazon woman force that she is.
“Let him go. I think you’ve done enough, don’t you?” she says, her accent as apparent as the condescending tone in her voice.
“Me?” I hiss, my face only inches from hers as I push up on my toes. “You’re the one who showed up here unannounced and unwelcomed…”
I feel a hand grab the back of my arm and tug me away from her, but I pull away from it.
I whip around and this time shout, “And Nate, get the fuck out of here! I can’t say it again.”
This is my place of business, this is my relationship and I’m watching it all go down in flames with this embarrassing display of chaos.
I walk away from both of them, following in the direction that Jack went in hopes of finding him and salvaging this mess.
But after several hours of driving around looking for him, multiple text messages and non-stop calling, I come up short. A part of me even toyed with the idea of reporting the car Jack left in stolen just to get the police to track him down.
When I finally return to the vineyard Melissa is gone but Nate is sitting on the steps to my house.
I’m absolutely floored at his audacity and his ability to not read a situation for what it is.
“Nate, you need to go. This is over,” I say, making an attempt to step around him to get to my front door.
“At one point you were going to marry me, Lauren. It wasn’t that long ago,” he says, desperation dripping from his words.
“It was a long time ago. A year ago practically and there’s a reason it didn’t happen. It was never meant to happen, Nate.”
“I made a mistake,” he pleads.
“So did I. It was that I ever agreed to marry you in the first place.”
It’s with those words that I move past him and into my house, slamming the door behind me.
I can only hope that this is the last I see of Nate, because there’s no way Jack is going to stick around while I deal with my idiot of an ex-fiancé.
Hindsight is twenty-twenty; you hear it said all the time, but it’s so damn accurate. Even if Jack weren’t in the picture, I wouldn’t consider the idea of getting back toge
ther with Nate.
I see things for what they are now, and at the time, I think I knew Nate was cheating on me, that he would never be faithful. That he couldn’t understand my dedication to the vineyard or my relationship with Ellen or that above all, I just wanted to feel a completeness with someone else.
In the end it was all of those reasons why he didn’t show up to our wedding. And maybe he knew all along that I gave my heart away a long time ago. I was an easy target.
I walk into my bedroom, pulling the long white box from under my bed and staring at it as I wonder why I even kept it.
It’s the one thing I didn’t purge from my life.
But that’s about to change.
The bottom of the dress is still speckled with a pale shade of green from where the grass brushed along it. There was no point in getting it cleaned; I was never going to wear it again.
I step into it, sliding my arms in and taking a quick look in the mirror before the tears start.
It was stupid of me to even keep it, a strange attachment to the dress, but not to the event or the person, but the dress and only the dress.
And I’m sitting on the floor of my bedroom in my green stained wedding dress ugly crying when Jack walks in the door.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jack
Of all the ways I thought today could’ve gone down, this is not it. I’m not sure exactly what I expected when I woke up this morning, especially given my ex-girlfriend had decided to jump on a plane and inform me that she wanted another shot, despite the fact she was pregnant with another man’s child.
It was bad enough when Lu’s fuckhead ex had decided to make an appearance, dropping to one knee in what I’m assuming he thought would be some romantic display of his intentions. But to have Mel show up and once again fuck things up, well I thought that was going to be the icing on the fucking cake.
But as pissed off as I was with everything that had gone down today, when I’d disappeared this afternoon, it was so I could get my plans in order and finally prove to Lu that she was all I wanted and that here with her is exactly where I want to be.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that things could get any worse.
But no, they could. They could actually get a lot fucking worse.
“So not just an ex-boyfriend then?” I say, standing in the doorway as I stare down at Lu, sitting in a wedding dress on her bedroom floor, her cheeks wet with tears.
“Jack?” she says, her head shooting up.
I watch as she stands, furiously wiping under her eyes as she makes her way toward me, the look of hurt and confusion that crosses her face when I hold up a hand stopping her from coming any closer.
“Tell me, Lu,” I say, my words harsh as I feel a vice wrap itself around my chest. “Are you still married to him or have you actually gotten divorced? Because I’m not one for sleeping with married women.”
“Jack,” she says again, stepping closer me. “It isn’t like that,” she adds, tears still streaming down her cheeks.
“Oh,” I say, eyebrow raised. “What’s it like? You’re separated then?”
Lu nods, a small hiccup stopping whatever she was about to say.
“I see,” I reply, taking a deep breath as I scrub a hand down my face. “And when exactly did it all end?” I ask. “Because married or not, I’m not really into sleeping with women who are still involved with other men either. I thought after what I’d told you last night, you’d have understood that?”
Lu stares at me, anger flashing across her face as her hands go to her hips. “Seriously?” she asks, practically spitting the word out. “You seriously think that’s the kind of woman I am?”
I shake my head but say nothing.
Lu laughs, but the sound is harsh as she looks away. “Right,” she says. “Well, I guess I didn’t take you for the kind of guy who abandons his pregnant girlfriend either.”
“What?” I half yell, stepping toward her. My hand finds her chin and I turn her face so she’s forced to look at me. “What did you say?”
Lu stares defiantly back at me. “Your pregnant girlfriend,” she says, the words cold, devoid of emotion.
“How the fuck did you know that?” I ask.
Lu cocks an eyebrow at me, as though how she knew is the last thing I should be worried about. “Tommy told me,” she says, stepping back so my hand drops to my side.
“Fuck’s sake,” I mutter, both hands in my hair, gripping it tight. “That guy needs to mind his own fucking business when it comes to you and me, Lu.”
“Oh, really?” she says, hands on her hips. “Because Tommy is one of the few people who’s been here for me,” she says. “When everything went to shit, he was here for me, keeping things running when I could barely drag myself out of bed.”
I laugh, even as I shake my head in amazement. “Oh right, amazing wonderful Tommy,” I say sarcastically. “If he’s so damn amazing, why don’t you get him to fix your fucking crusher. Then maybe you could start a relationship with him too and all your dreams will come true.”
The smack is hard, the loud crack of skin against skin echoing in her room as she slaps me hard across the face.
“Fuck you, Jack,” she says, her words quiet and filled with hurt, before she turns and walks out of her room.
I storm after her, reaching for her arm as she walks into the kitchen. “You do not get to walk away from me,” I say, spinning her around to face me. “Not now, not after all this,” I add, waving a hand in front of me as though that explains everything.
“And what exactly is this?” Lu asks, hands on her hips again as we stare at each other. “The whole me in a wedding dress thing or the pregnant Aussie Barbie femme-bot that’s shown up here demanding you take her back?”
“The what?” I ask, unable to stop the smile, even as my cheek still stings with the reminder of what she just did.
Lu’s jaw tightens as she stares back at me, refusing to budge.
I exhale, exhaustion suddenly washing over me. “Look,” I say, hands out, palms up as though in surrender. “I have no idea what’s happening here,” I add. “But I do know that the child is not mine. I haven’t been with Mel in over six months, Lu and even though it’s been a long time since I studied biology, I’m pretty sure women are starting to show by the time the six-month mark rolls around.”
Lu continues to stare at me, still not saying anything.
“And besides,” I continue, walking over to her and closing the distance between us. “She told me who’s it is. Actually admitted it wasn’t mine.”
Lu swallows hard now as she takes in my words. I can see all of the questions and emotions battling it out in her eyes as she dares herself to believe what I’m telling her.
“She cheated on me, remember?” I say, needing her to understand, to know what happened between us and why I will never ever want her back. “She did it a lot, with my best friend for fuck’s sake. It’s why we broke up.”
Eventually Lu nods, her eyes softening a little as my explanation sinks in.
“I’m not that kind of guy, Lu,” I continue. “I don’t treat someone I care about like that and I sure as shit don’t walk out on my responsibilities.”
Lu’s shoulders drop now, her hands sliding from her hips and falling to her sides. “I know you’re not,” she eventually says. “I’m sorry I thought that about you.”
I nod, stepping a little closer and closing the gap between us. We aren’t touching, neither of us quite ready to do that yet, but at least the hostility has dropped.
“So, you gonna tell me what this is all about?” I ask, waving a hand over the dress she’s still wearing.
Lu looks down, her eyes moving over the white material. When she looks up at me, she bites her bottom lip, a move I now know means she’s either nervous as hell or trying hard not to laugh. In this instance, I know it’s the former.
“It’s my wedding dress,” she eventually says. “From when I was going to marry Nate.”
“No,” she says quickly, shaking her head as she steps near me.
“No?”
“No,” she repeats. “We never actually got married.”
“But you were going to?” I ask.
Lu nods now and I once again feel the blood pounding through my veins, an anger building not just at the idea she was ready to commit to someone else but that she couldn’t even tell me about it.
After everything we’ve been through, all the years we’ve spent apart, both of us wanting the other but neither of us knowing how to make that happen. When I’d finally come over here and told her exactly how I felt about her, I’d thought we were both on the same page with what we wanted and how we felt about each other.
Confessing all the things that Mel had done to me last night felt like we’d reached a new level of commitment, that by admitting our past mistakes and fuck ups to each other, we were truly saying we trusted each other.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.
Lu shrugs. “I don’t know,” she admits. “I guess a part of me was embarrassed about how it all went down,” she says. “And that it didn’t matter anymore because Nate was gone and you were here.”
I shake my head as a harsh laugh escapes. “What, so because you and Nate were over and you and I were now together, the fact that you were going to get married is of no consequence? Fuck, Lu, you don’t think I might have deserved to know that you were once engaged to someone else, were committed to spending the rest of your life with someone else!?”
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest again, my blood racing through my veins as my lungs fight to draw a breath. I can’t even work out what it is that pisses me off the most right now. All I know is that I need to leave before I say something I regret.
“I don’t think I can stay here right now,” I say, shoving a hand through my hair as I turn and walk to the back door.
“Jack, wait,” Lu cries, her hand on my arm.
I look back, shaking my head. “I need some space, Lu,” I say, peeling her fingers from my arm, even as the tears start to fall down her cheeks again. Then I turn and walk out the back door, my heart no longer pounding, but instead feeling like it’s cracking wide open inside my chest.