by Claire Raye
I don’t go back to my place, but instead head over to the sheds, looking for something, anything to do that can distract me from the shit fight my day has turned into.
I’m relieved to see that Mel is not around and I can only hope she’s finally gotten the message and pissed off back to Australia. What I really hope is that I never have to see her again.
It takes a second for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but when they do, I see Tommy, standing beside the crusher as he attempts to install one of the parts.
“Fuck’s sake,” I say, walking over to him. “Can you not?” I ask, yanking the wrench from his hand.
“What the hell’s your problem?” he asks, turning to face me.
I shake my head. “Jesus, really?” I ask in mock surprise. “Because you think sticking your nose into other people’s business and telling Lu half-truths about shit you know nothing about, isn’t bad enough?” I ask.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asks, hands on his hips.
I throw the wrench on the ground as I step toward him, mirroring his stance. “Telling her about Mel being pregnant,” I bite out through gritted teeth.
“She deserves to know,” Tommy spits back at me.
“It’s not my fucking kid!” I shout back at him. “Did you ever stop to consider that before you decided to open your big fucking mouth?”
A look of genuine shock crosses Tommy’s face. “What?”
I stare back at him, breathing heavily. “Yeah,” I eventually say.
“But I heard, I…”
“You heard half a story, Tommy,” I tell him. “From a woman who is well versed in spinning epic amounts of bullshit.”
“Fuck,” Tommy says, half turning away as he scrubs a hand down his face. “Shit, Jack, I’m sorry, really, I am.”
I shake my head, unsure if I can really believe him. “Why’d you do it?” I ask. “Does me being with Lu really piss you off that much?”
Now it’s Tommy shaking his head. “No,” he says, turning back to face me. “The opposite,” he admits.
“Then why?” I ask, confused.
Tommy exhales, hands sliding into his pockets as he meets my stare. “That guy, Nate,” he starts, head nodding outside. “He and Lu were engaged once,” he says, even as I nod in acknowledgement. “He left her at the altar, Jack. Couldn’t even show up and admit what a spineless fucking shithead he was,” he adds. “Just texted his mom and then fucked off, breaking Lauren’s heart in the process.”
“Shit,” I mutter, my body sagging a little as his words sink in.
“Yeah,” Tommy says. “She was a wreck for months after it happened,” he says. “Even more so when she found out he’d been cheating on her too.”
All of the anger I’ve been directing at Lu disappears in an instant, replaced by a burning rage that is directed squarely at that fucking arsehole of a man she used to call a fiancé. “I’m gonna fucking killing him,” I say.
Tommy chuckles a little. “Yeah, join the line buddy.”
I find myself pacing the shed a little as Tommy’s words and the events of today all start to sink in. I can feel him watching me, saying no more as he gives me the space to try and make sense of it all.
Eventually I stop. “So why has he shown up here again?” I ask, confused about this last part, about what I saw today. “Why the fuck was he proposing to her?”
Tommy shakes his head. “Because he’s a shithead,” he says. “And he can’t stand the thought of Lauren being happy, especially if it’s not with him.”
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter, as I start my pacing again.
“She is, you know,” he says.
“What?”
“Happy,” he says. “With you,” he adds, gesturing toward me. “She’s different with you, Jack, we can all see it.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
Tommy exhales. “With Nate, it was always just going through the motions, you know. As though she was settling for something that never quite fit. But with you, it’s like, I don’t know, you’re just so in sync, it’s impossible to imagine her with anyone else.”
“Oh, fuck,” I mumble, as I realize just how epically I might have fucked this all up. “I gotta go,” I say, practically running to the shed doors. “Thank you,” I add. “And stay away from my crusher!”
When I get back to Lu’s house, the place is quiet, empty, with no sign of Lu or where she might have gone. Grabbing a sheet of paper, I scrawl out a note for her, telling her where to find me and begging her to give me a chance to explain everything to her. To apologize for being a dick about this whole thing with Nate.
Then, I walk out the door, hoping like hell she sees it and comes and finds me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lauren
Like being caught crying in my wedding dress wasn’t embarrassing enough; I’ve misconstrued why Jack’s ex is here, lied to him and now I’ve pushed him away. I did the one thing I didn’t want to do, but a part of me wonders if this was my way of making him leave on my terms.
He didn’t leave me.
I made him leave.
After I flung off my wedding dress, leaving it in a heap at my front door, I desperately chased after Jack. But in my haste to remove the toxic relationship-ruining dress, I gave Jack enough time to lose me.
I searched the vineyard for what felt like forever, but with a place this massive, it’s easy to find a place to hide, and I wasn’t about to go asking around to see if anyone had seen him.
With my red-rimmed eyes and swollen lips, it’s obvious that I’d been crying and I didn’t need any of my employees delving too deeply into my personal life. That’s already happened once before; no need to make a habit of it.
I left in my car shortly after, driving to all the places I thought Jack might be, trying to remember what he loved when he was here all those years ago. But in the end, I come up short and eventually find myself pulling back into the vineyard on the verge of another breakdown.
When I reach my front door and open it, a gust of wind blows through, ruffling the white silk and tulle that lies crumpled on the floor. I kick at it with a rage that burns inside me.
I hate this fucking dress and everything it once symbolized.
I yank it from the floor, taking everything I feel inside me out on the dress, but damn this well-made piece of shit, because when I try to tear through the fabric with my bare hands, it doesn’t budge.
“What the fuck!” I scream out loud, shaking the dress in front of me like a ragdoll.
Turns out it’s far easier to destroy a wedding than it is the dress, but that doesn’t stop me.
Dragging the dress behind me in a blind rage over how majorly I fucked up with Jack, and with how angry I am at myself for lying to him, for keeping this stupid dress in the first place; I heave it out the back door.
I return to the house paying attention to nothing but the fury I have and my need to rid my life of this fucking dress.
I grab a shitty bottle of red wine from the rack, knowing I’ll never drink it, not even remembering where it came from, and I twist off the top as I widely stride to the open door that leads to my backyard.
Dragging the old metal garbage can from behind the shed, I shove the wedding dress into it as I hold the bottle of wine in my other hand, careful not to spill a drop.
Once the dress stuffed in, I take one long pull from the bottle of wine and pour the rest over the dress, watching the deep red color saturate the bright white.
Taking it in, symbolic of the death of everything I’ve grown to hate, I light the match and toss it in.
The wine is an unnecessary accelerant, because the tulle goes up like a field of hay after a ten-year drought, and the flames practically reach the height of the small cottage’s roof.
I chuckle to myself as I watch it burn, finally feeling lighter and freer than I have in years.
But all of this is at the expense of my relationship with Jack, and while I feel
like I have finally rid Nate from my life, a weight still presses down on me; the guilt and enormity of losing Jack.
I feel the tears fall through the laughter that still comes from my lips and when I turn around, I find Ellen watching me from the doorway.
Shaking her head, she says nothing, just walks over to me, her eyes closing in a slow blink as she embraces me.
“Jesus fucking christ, Lauren. What the hell is going on?” she asks as we separate and both take in the raging makeshift bonfire.
“What does it look like? I’m burning my wedding dress,” I state matter of factly. My hands now on my hips as the tears spill from my eyes, noiselessly and cathartic.
“Who would’ve thought it would burn like that?” she says, giving me a little smile as she pokes my side.
“It wasn’t even made in China,” I say in all seriousness, but my voice still has a playful tone to it. It’s not like Ellen or me to take anything seriously, and maybe that’s how I got myself into this whole mess in the first place.
“Do I even want to know what this is about?” Ellen asks after a few seconds of silence, both of us mesmerized by the flames that dance in front of us.
“I fucked up so badly, Ellen. Like the worst I’ve ever done,” I start and the tears return, falling hard and fast as I unload everything on her.
After listening to me ramble on about everything that has happened in the past week since she’s been gone, she smiles at me, but nothing about it is remotely comforting.
I know what I’ve done. I was given a once in a lifetime chance with Jack after all these years and I went and fucked it up.
“He’s not gone,” Ellen says, pulling a slip of paper from her pocket and handing it to me. “This was on the floor by your front door when I came in.”
It’s wrinkled from being shoved in her pocket and as much as I’m pissed at her for keeping it from me, she somehow knew I had to let it all out before I’d be ready to handle what now needs to be said to Jack.
I look down at the note, my eyes welling with tears, tears that I feel should have long since run out, but I let out a deep sigh when I see what Jack has written.
He’s in the one place I should have known to look, the one place I skipped over so quickly because it was far too easy.
And in my frame of mind just a short time ago, thinking he had long since left me, I would never have believed he had made this about me. I looked for him in all the places he loved, all the places I thought he would go. I never once stopped to think he’d be waiting for me in the place I loved.
“I have to go,” I tell Ellen, thanking her for finding the note and being here while I fell apart.
“I know you do and it would be great if you could stop being such a hot mess for just a second.” She shrugs her shoulders and laughs a little at her own joke, making it hard not to laugh along with her.
I practically sprint across the vineyard with everything in me willing Jack to still be where his note said he would be. I have no idea how much time has passed since he left the note, but I’m holding out more hope than I ever have.
I make it there in record time, winded but with my heart racing, and when I round the last row of grapevines and the open field with the rose-covered trellis comes into view, Jack isn’t there.
I practically collapse; barely making it to the swing that hangs from the willow tree. My ass hits the seat and for a split second I laugh out loud. I feel like my life is one of those never-ending TV series where the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to me just to keep the show going long after it should have ended.
I bury my face in my hands knowing that at some point all my stupid decisions were bound to come back and bite me in the ass.
I guess this is that moment.
I push my feet off the ground sending the swing swaying slightly under my weight, my eyes now closed. And as I rock back and forth shakily on the swing, I swear I hear Jack whistling.
I drag my feet on the ground, stopping the swing along with my breathing, I call out, “Jack!”
And what comes next makes my heart come to a screeching halt in my chest.
“Come find me, Lu!” he yells back and I’m smiling through the tears that fill my eyes.
Fourteen years ago, I chased him through these vines, fourteen years ago he hid from me in a game of tag that left both of us breathless as he raced to the swing.
I leap from the swing, racing down the first row of vines, a smile plastered on my face making my cheeks hurt and as I reach the end of the row, Jack steps out.
I nearly crash into him, our bodies colliding hard as I throw my arms around his neck, jumping to wrap my legs around his waist.
His arms instinctively move to hold me against him, and when our lips connect it’s hard and needy and desperate.
Our kiss saying all the things we should’ve said to each other all those weeks ago, hell all those years ago.
“Jack, I’m so sorry,” I murmur, my forehead resting against his as he slowly releases me from his arms. “I should have told you about Nate, about the wedding, but I was…”
“You don’t need to say anything more,” Jack whispers against my mouth, his lips lightly brushing mine. “I’m so sorry too, Lu. I never meant to keep anything from you either.”
I stand clinging to him, never wanting to let go because it’s taken me fourteen long years to realize this is where I was always supposed to be.
“I gave my heart to you a long time ago and I never got it back. I’ve spent the last fourteen years of my life pretending I didn’t, but nothing compares to what I have with you, Jack.”
“I never wanted to leave you, and I never did. We may have been in different places, but everything in me belonged to you, Lu. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about you,” Jack says, his lips once again covering mine in a needy kiss, a kiss that means more than either of us can ever express. “And it doesn’t matter who came before or after, you have always been mine, and you always will be.”
Despite the fact that it has only been a couple of months, it’s hard to imagine my life without Jack in it. I can’t imagine waking up without him next to me or seeing him as I work through my day at the vineyard, but more than any of this, I can’t even fathom what it will be like without his unwavering support in all that I do.
I never had this with Nate. He didn’t understand my attachment to this place or all the happiness it brings me despite its struggles. He wanted me to leave the only thing that I ever felt understood me. But now I have Jack, and even if we live on different continents and this whole thing might be totally crazy, it somehow works.
“Lu?” Jack says, a shakiness to his voice, a questioning tone that draws my eyes to his. I feel his heartbeat quicken and a moment of silence hangs between us as I slide my hand to his chest, feeling his beating heart.
His tongue slips between his lips, running it along his bottom lip as he bites down on it and draws in a long slow breath.
“I love you, Lauren,” he murmurs, his voice catching as he says my name and his eyes shining with tears.
“Oh Jack, I love you too,” I reply back as the tears fall quickly through the smile that stretches across my face.
I’ve waiting for this moment for as long as I can remember and it far exceeds my wildest dreams.
As we make our way back to my house, Jack’s hand interwoven with mine, he says, “By the way, what was with the wedding dress?”
“Don’t worry about that,” I say, flicking my other hand into the air. “I doused it with a bottle of cheap red wine and lit it on fire.”
Jack stops, an eyebrow raised as he looks at me, “You’ve always been crazy, but fuck if I don’t love it.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Jack
By the time we get back to Lu’s place, my heart is pounding, my hands itching to rip her clothes off and have my way with her.
Like I said, when I woke up this morning, this is not how I expected my day to go, but fuck
me if it hasn’t taken a huge turn for the better.
I love her.
I fucking love her and it’s something I should have told her weeks ago, hell, years ago if I’m being honest.
“What are you smiling at?” Lu asks as we take the steps to her front door.
Grinning, I spin her around, backing her up against the door as my hands slide to her waist. “You,” I tell her, my fingers slipping under her top. “You, me, this, US!” I practically shout.
Lu laughs and it’s the greatest sound in the world.
“I really do love you, Lulu,” I say, leaning down to kiss her. “I wish I’d told you that sooner.”
She grins, her mouth against mine. “We should’ve done a lot of things sooner,” she whispers. “But we’re here now, exactly where we’re supposed to be.”
I pull back a little, eyebrow cocked as I look down at her. “Almost,” I say, biting my bottom lip.
“Almost?”
My smile widens. “Well, you do have far too many clothes on for my liking,” I add, letting go of her waist as I open the door behind her and we both tumble inside.
Lu’s hands grab my arms as I walk us inside and down the hall to her room, the smell of burnt synthetic fabric wafting in the window.
“Jesus, you weren’t kidding about setting the dress on fire.”
She shakes her head, even as her hands are pulling my t-shirt off. “That dress, that man, that whole relationship are all dead to me,” she says, throwing my shirt on the floor and moving to my belt buckle.
I grin, pulling off her top as I back us up to the bed. “Same for me with Mel,” I say. “I don’t want her back,” I continue, unbuttoning her shorts as she shoves my jeans down. “I will never, ever want her back,” I add, unhooking her bra. “Because you,” I say, pausing as I slip my fingers into the edge of her panties, “are the only woman I want.”