by Claire Adams
“Well, that would have been a lot easier,” she said, sticking her hands in her pockets and staring at me.
We stood there for several moments, our eyes latched. Alissa smiled and looked down shyly as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. She was so beautiful, and I was regretting not kissing her when I had the chance. The thought of going for it cruised through my mind briefly, but I was interrupted when Kayla came around the corner.
“Hey,” she said, happier than normal and looking around the room. “Wow, I like this. Now maybe we can have guests over.”
“Like who?” I laughed nervously.
“I don’t know, maybe you’ll make some friends or something,” she said smartly.
“Very funny,” I replied. “How was school?”
“Good,” she said, turning from the room. “I’m going to get a snack and start homework.”
“And I’m going to get out of your hair,” Alissa said, walking to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“I’ll be here.” I smiled big.
I may have completely missed my chance, but there was no denying that Alissa felt the heat, too.
Chapter Twelve
Alissa
When I got home, I let out a deep breath and collapsed on the couch. Being around Ryan was almost exhausting because I had to keep control of myself, even though I was incredibly attracted to him. I wanted to kick myself for not just kissing him when I had the chance. I could tell he was just as into it as I was, not to mention the fact that he had been staring at my legs and ass all day long. To be honest, I purposely wore those shorts and that tank top because I knew they accentuated my assets, and I felt like showing off to Ryan just a little bit. I knew that it made me a bad person, flaunting my goods around a man that I didn’t even know whether a relationship was possible with or not, but for the first time in my life, I desperately wanted a man’s attention. I reached over and grabbed my phone, shaking my head. It was time I talked to Bella about all of this. I couldn’t keep it all in anymore.
“Hey, little sis,” she said happily.
“Hey,” I replied with a sigh.
“Uh oh, what’s wrong?” she asked. “Tell me all about it.”
“Nothing is wrong per se,” I said. “I just got back from starting the job on Ryan and Kayla’s house.”
“Oh, yeah, how is that going?”
“Good,” I replied. “Okay, I have to just get it out. I am so damn attracted to Ryan, it isn’t even funny. Today, it was like you could cut through the tension between us with a knife. Then, I was hanging curtains, and the ladder went out from under me. He caught me in his arms, and we were two seconds from locking lips when Kayla walked in downstairs.”
“I knew it,” Bella screamed excitedly. “I just had this gut feeling that you were interested in him in some way. Have you told him?”
“You know how I am,” I said, sighing. “I have always been super shy when it comes to men. I skipped my Junior Prom because I couldn’t get enough guts up to be around the guy I liked long enough to let him ask me to the prom, and I knew for sure he was going to ask me. Talking to guys has always been extremely difficult for me. You know that.”
“Girl,” Bella responded. “You need to get over that shit, or you are going to end up the old spinster with cats, hanging paintings in other happy couple’s homes for the rest of your life. Start by telling me what appeals to you about Ryan.”
“Everything,” I gushed. “I mean, to start with, he has the most amazing fucking body. Like, rock solid arms, solid chest, tanned skin, strong legs, and the hottest ass I have seen in a long time.”
“Mhmm, tell me more,” she said.
“The way he looks at me drives me nuts,” I replied. “He makes me feel like I am the most desirable woman on the planet, just from a glance across the room. And that freaking smile of his is like a damn toothbrush ad. He is like that hot, charming, rich guy, except when you talk to him, he is so incredibly humble and down to earth. We can have conversations about anything, and it is not weird at all.”
“That’s amazing,” Bella said. “How is he with his daughter? That is a serious indicator for future family events.”
“He is amazing with her, like straight amazing,” I said. “He reads her perfectly, knows what to respond with when she is struggling, and puts her before anything else in his life. He loves his career, but it does not come before his little girl in any way.”
“So, I don’t get it,” Bella replied. “Why are you telling me this and not screwing his brains out right now?”
“I can’t,” I sighed. “It’s just so complicated.”
“How is it complicated? Christina has been gone for six months. Their divorce was finalized a few months ago. It’s the perfect time for you to start dating him. He has probably gone out and gotten the rebound screws over with, so you won’t be one of those, and he has been away from his ex long enough to be ready to start moving forward. Am I missing something here? It’s not like you would be a homewrecker.”
“Of course I wouldn’t be,” I said. “But it’s not about that. He seems just as interested in me as I am in him.”
“So, what is it?”
“Have you forgotten that Ryan’s father married our mother? He is technically my stepbrother, and the last time I looked, that kind of stuff happened on Jerry Springer, not in Arizona. What would Mom say? What would the family say? He is family, Bella.”
“Whatever,” she scoffed. “That is just so damn ridiculous. Since when did you start to worry about what society would say?”
“I don’t,” I said softly. “It just bothers me, that’s all.”
“Look,” she said sternly. “Ryan is not related to you. You are not blood-related, and you didn’t grow up together as brother and sister. You are two adults whose parents happened to get married, but as adults, that does not seep down into your personal lives. You need to get the hell over that because you haven’t talked about a guy like this in a really long time. In fact, I don’t think you’ve ever talked about a guy like this. Seriously, Alissa, you need to let it go. He is not your brother in any way.”
“I know,” I said.
“Then what’s the problem?” she asked. “I think I know exactly what the problem is. You are too scared to make a move, so you are coming up with every excuse you can to make this something you don’t think you’re capable of doing. Alissa, seriously, you need to break free from that fear. I know it’s easier said than done, but the next time you have that crazy urge to grab him and kiss him, you need to just do it. You need to take in a deep breath, tell yourself that you are worth it, and just jump in headfirst. Screw the testing of the waters like we discussed before. You are too scared for that shit. You need to just go with it and deal with your embarrassment later.”
“But what if I read his signs wrong?”
“You know just as well as I do that you did not read the signs wrong,” she said, sighing. “Did he lean in to kiss you?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“Did he stare longingly in your eyes and look bewildered when the two of you were interrupted by Kayla?”
“Yes,” I said, smiling to myself at the thought of it.
I was hearing every single word my sister was saying, and I wanted to be that girl that could just run straight into love and danger and not think twice about it, but I didn’t know if that was possible. I was shy when it came to men, very shy, and I didn’t want to mess up something in the family if I was wrong about how he felt about me. Not to mention how mortifying it would be to try to kiss him and have him push me away or look at me like I was crazy. Just the thought of it made me flinch and feel sick to my stomach. That was exactly the fear that Bella was lecturing me about, and it was almost blinding.
“So, I don’t see how you could possibly have misread anything,” she said, softening her voice. “Look, I am not trying to push you into something that you don’t feel like you’re ready for. I know that Ryan has a lot g
oing on in his life, and that might not be the easiest relationship to get off the ground. But having said that, I know someone who is crazy about a guy when I see one, and you fit that bill. I want you to be happy, and if it’s with a guy who had his heart broken, then that’s fine. You will be hard-pressed to find someone in this world that hasn’t had their heart broken before. It’s all about how willing he is to push past it, and how positive and patient you are. What is the worst that could happen?”
“He is completely disgusted by his sister trying to kiss him and makes family gatherings miserable for the rest of my life,” I replied. “Not to mention cripple my self-esteem.”
“Come on, does he really seem like the kind of guy who would do something like that? I think that if he wasn’t interested, he would let you down easily, crack a joke, and after a little while, you both would forget it ever happened.”
“You’re right,” I said, taking a minute to think about it. “He isn’t the kind of guy to purposely embarrass someone on an ongoing basis, except for Christina.”
“Yeah, well, that bitch deserves it,” Bella said, laughing. “I’d embarrass the hell out of her, too, if I were him.”
“From the looks of her decorating, she has done a good enough job embarrassing herself on her own.” I laughed. “Like seriously, thousands of dollars in art, and not one piece was good. The place looked like a toned-down Beetlejuice house.”
“Oh my God,” Bella said, laughing loudly. “Poor Ryan. He must have been terrified, like it was Halloween every day.”
We laughed and talked about Christina for a while, allowing ourselves to be catty, something we didn’t do very often. It felt good to get it out since I didn’t feel comfortable talking trash about her in front of Ryan, and especially not in front of Kayla. I was definitely feeling a lot better about pursuing something with Ryan, and I felt like I had found my courage again.
“So, okay,” I said. “I think I feel braver now.”
“The only thing I would caution you on is letting Ryan make the first move,” she replied.
“Why?”
“Whether we want to admit it or not, Ryan has some seriously heavy stuff going on in his life,” Bella replied. “It’s not like Christina left, and he could just move on. He has to deal with his daughter missing her and being heartbroken almost every single day. That is definitely something that can weigh on a man’s mind. I think you should let him make the first move so that you know that he is genuinely interested in you and not just willing to take an easily presented option.”
“True,” I said. “But what if he doesn’t make a move?”
“Then we will revisit this conversation and try to decide where to go from there,” she said. “I mean, in a way, he already has made a move by asking you to do this work on his house and taking days off from work to do it with you. At the same time, though, we don’t want to be those girls that read into everything. He could simply be trying to make things easier and less costly.”
“True,” I sighed.
We kept talking about it, and although I knew she was right on letting him make the first move, it didn’t dampen the spirits she had already risen for me. The biggest problem with the whole thing that I could see was the fact that I didn’t know how I was going to get through the next couple of days working with him without jumping his bones. All I could hope was that he made a move sooner rather than later, or I might find myself in a sticky situation. I definitely didn’t want to be a rebound girl or just someone for him to sleep with, but I really had the feeling that he wouldn’t do that sort of thing. At least, that was what I was hoping.
Chapter Thirteen
Ryan
“Kayla,” I yelled up the stairs. “Hurry up. You’re going to miss the bus.”
I walked back into the kitchen and closed up her lunch box, walking around the counter as she barreled down the stairs and into the kitchen. I swore that no matter how early I woke her up, she would still barely make it to the bus stop on time. I handed her a bagel and juice box, put her lunch box in her book bag, and shoved her toward the door. As we walked out onto the driveway, the bus pulled up, and she turned around and kissed me goodbye before running down and climbing on board. I shook my head and laughed at my daughter, ignoring the mothers that were gossiping down the street. I didn’t know what had changed in a couple of days, but I felt lighter, almost approaching my old self again, and I liked it.
When I went back inside, I cleaned up from breakfast, put away the trash, and started a pot of coffee. Alissa would be here any minute, and I wanted to jump right into the day to avoid any awkwardness from the day before. No matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to get her, or that kiss, off of my mind. In reality, there wasn’t a kiss, but there damn well should have been: something I needed to remedy very soon.
Her skin was so soft in my hands as I held her body close to mine, and her scent was more than intoxicating. I could still feel her soft, supple curves in my hands and the attraction pulling at us to move closer and closer to one another. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, no matter what I did. It had kept me up all night, but it was a much better reason to be lying awake in bed than thinking about Christina and wallowing in my own self-pity. I’d take lust for Alissa over pretty much anything else any day.
All the fears and all of the questions had just melted away when she was in my arms, and to my surprise, they never resurfaced. I was completely okay with everything, from our parents being married to it being tricky because of Kayla. There was no reason I needed to tell my daughter right away, and it would be easier to introduce someone new in my life if I knew that Kayla was already comfortable with her, and we were comfortable with each other. But all that seemed light years away at that point, since I still hadn’t gotten up enough courage to make the first move. I had never been shy, but I had never really had a girl that I was interested in beyond sex, besides Christina. Being married for so long, I kind of had forgotten how to even step forward and make that first move. Either way, whether it turned out sloppy or embarrassing, I had convinced myself that it was time that I go for it. There was no more time to lose.
Sure, at the beginning, I guessed I had a good time going out and just picking up women and going back to her place. But it was never satisfying in the end. First-time sex was always awkward, and that was basically what a string of one-night stands was: a bunch of first-time sex sessions with different women. Unless I was drunk, nothing seemed to want to go smoothly, and I had a hard time letting loose and enjoying myself. Not to mention that I hated when the sex was over, and it was time for me to leave. That was incredibly awkward in a way that I did not want to relive again. In reality, I was lonely, but not just lonely for anyone, but lonely without Alissa. I was ready to try my hand at another relationship, and I knew that this girl was the one I wanted. There was really no question about it. I had obsessed for months over this choice, and I was hoping that I had read all the signs the day before correctly, and she felt the same way about me. Either way, I wasn’t going to let fear stand in my way and not allow me to make that move and take that chance.
I pulled down a mug and poured a cup of coffee, smelling the aroma and smiling as I moved over to the table and took a seat. The cabinets were coming down in a few hours to make room for the new ones, and they were planning on removing the counters, too. They promised to have everything back up in two days so that we weren’t disrupted too much. Alissa took great care in explaining that this was a rush order because a little girl lived there and she couldn’t be functioning in a construction zone. It cost me a pretty penny to get them moving that fast, but in reality, I didn’t want to wait any longer than that anyway. It was definitely money well-spent.
My attention was pulled away from the renovations and to my phone ringing on the counter. It was either Alissa running late, which never happened, or work was calling with some sort of issue. I sighed and walked over, picking up the phone and looking down. I froze, my stomach sinking and a pain ru
nning through my chest. This was the last thing I needed. It was Christina calling. I sat there with my finger on the ignore button but decided it was better that I just answered or she would keep calling.
“Christina,” I said with a deep breath. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Hey, Ryan,” she said calmly. “I wanted to call and check up on Kayla.”
“She’s doing the best she can,” I said. “Finally smiling and playing again, but she has her days, I guess.”
“Good,” she said. “I’m glad to hear it. How are you?”
“Christina, I have an appointment to get to. What is it that you want?”
“Well,” she said with a slight attitude. “I have some time free, and I was thinking about coming into town and visiting. I want to see Kayla and surprise her. I know she would love that.”
“Yeah, sure, okay,” I said, scoffing.
“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”
I could tell I was starting to get on her nerves.
“I don’t know, just that you promised to come into town a couple months ago,” I reminded her. “I spent all this time pumping Kayla up, letting her know it was just a visit, but she was so damn excited. Then you never showed up. Seriously, it was heartbreaking, staring at my daughter sitting there after she had picked out her favorite outfit, had me curl her hair, and waited with her jacket and shoes on by the door. She sat there for two hours after the time you were supposed to get there before sulking away quietly to her room.”
The fact that my ex-wife was ruining my early morning cup of coffee was infuriating, but add in the fact that she just felt like she could walk in and out of Kayla’s life like that, and it was heating me up quickly. I had been so nice and caring the last few times she had contacted me, but that was all over now. Christina didn’t deserve for me to be kind and caring to her anymore. What she deserved was to be told to go to hell and have her daughter completely taken away from her. I knew that I could do it if I really wanted to, but I knew how hard that would be on Kayla, and she would be angry at me forever for it. She just was too young to really understand what was best for her.