by Claire Adams
“That was amazing,” I told him, wanting to assure him I wasn’t actually upset.
He nodded, and kissed the tip of my nose. “It was. You’re beautiful, Tessa, absolutely fucking gorgeous.”
I felt foolish. “I’m sorry. The tears, I don’t know. It wasn’t you or anything—I don’t know,” I blurted out, not able to explain what happened.
“It’s okay, I get it. I do, really,” he said, gently kissing my lips.
I stood there, letting him wash me before he attended to himself. The water went from hot to warm to an icy cold.
“Go!” he yelled, laughing as the water hit him on the backside.
I started giggling and pushed the door open. I stood there, naked, dripping water on his bathroom floor. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me before grabbing another one for himself. He quickly dried his hair and then wrapped it around his body.
“Hungry?” he asked, leading the way out of the bathroom.
“I am, but I would be more interested in a cup of coffee. Please tell me you have coffee?”
He rolled his eyes. “Duh. Who doesn’t have coffee?”
We walked into his bedroom, where he picked up my thong and handed it to me before going to his chest of drawers and pulling out another one of his t-shirts.
“Here,” he said, handing it to me. “Put this on, and I’ll get the coffee started.”
I did as he asked and met him in the kitchen, taking a seat at the small bar that divided the kitchen and dining room. Something was wrong. I could tell by the way he was moving—and not meeting my eyes.
Had I freaked him out with my post-coital crying?
He sat down next to me. I could feel something big coming and did what I could to brace myself. It was over. It was over before it ever got started.
“I need to tell you something,” he started, and I cringed.
Nodding, my throat was closing up, knowing what was coming. I refused to cry. I swallowed the lump that felt as big as a golf ball in my throat.
He put a hand on my knee. “Not that. No. Definitely not that.”
“Okay, then what? Do you have a terminal disease? Are you really still married? What?” My mind whirred trying to guess what had him so visibly upset.
“It’s about Miriam.” When I flinched, leaning back and away from him, he squeezed my knee. “Please, I need to get this out.”
“I’m sorry, go ahead, just tell me.”
He exhaled a long breath. “I asked her to marry me because she got pregnant after we had a brief fling. I was young, barely out of college and a little wild at the time. She got pregnant and threatened to keep the baby from me if I didn’t marry her. So, we got married. It wasn’t a happy marriage, but I tried. She tried.”
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, feeling a little bad for him.
He gave a wan smile. “That wasn’t the worst of it. About six months after Ally was born, Miriam and I got into a horrible fight. She told me that Ally wasn’t mine. I thought she was lying but did a DNA test. Ally wasn’t mine. By the time I found out this baby girl I had loved with every fiber of my being wasn’t mine, I was too attached. I couldn’t divorce Miriam then because I would never see Ally again, so we stayed married.”
“Wow,” I muttered, not sure what else to say.
He nodded. “When they died, I was mired in guilt. I didn’t dislike Miriam and would never wish her dead, but I didn’t love her, and our marriage was awful. I grieved for Ally. Even though she wasn’t my biological daughter—she truly was mine.”
I took his hand and brought it to my cheek, before turning to kiss his palm. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “Thank you. I needed you to understand what drove me to give up on everything. I became a shut-in, quit my job and wallowed in self-pity and guilt. I loathed myself and who I was. I couldn’t face anyone. I have carried around this, this hate for what I allowed to happen. I never got a chance to make it right. I have always wondered if I loved Ally enough. Did she know I wasn’t her biological dad?” He groaned and shook his head. “I pray she didn’t. No one else knew. You’re the only person I’ve ever told. Jake doesn’t even know.”
I scooted off my stool and wrapped my arms around him. As I held him tight, I could feel his burden slipping away the longer I held on. His confession explained the self-loathing I had first noticed in him, and I wanted more than ever to make it all go away.
I couldn’t, so I just held him tighter. It was all I could do for him.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ian
I was completely irritated.
Stupid! Ridiculous! Who thought it was a good idea to reopen the school?
I had really wanted to spend the day with Tessa. After my confession, she hugged me. She didn’t tell me what a piece of shit I was or run out the door. We’d spent two glorious days together, and she made sure I was smiling the entire time. Miriam was forgotten, and as for Ally, well, the pain was dulled.
When the alert came in last night that the school would open for regular classes on Friday, we were both bummed. The past forty-eight hours had been absolutely the best of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
The rain wasn’t the kind that made me want to stand outside and spin around while trying to catch raindrops on my tongue. It pissed me off. It made me cranky. It was soggy, gray, and wet. Why bother having school on a Friday? It was dumb as far as I was concerned. I could have thought of a hundred other things to do, but here I was, headed towards class. The campus was fairly quiet, and I was guessing a lot of the students probably chose to enjoy their very long weekend and would skip regardless. That was fine with me.
I rounded the corner and froze. Everything suddenly went into slow motion. Dean Scribbs was sitting at my desk, and she didn’t look happy. She knew. I knew she knew and I didn’t know what to say. I stood in the doorway, coffee in one hand and briefcase in the other. She looked at me with a mixture of disgust and self-righteousness.
“Did you need something?” I asked, not even trying to be all that nice. She was about to fire me. No point in kissing her ass now.
“We need to talk. Now. In my office,” she said, standing and walking towards me. She narrowed her eyes and somehow managed to look down her pointed nose at me, even though I was much taller than she.
I nodded, turned, and followed her out the door. I wasn’t going to argue. This job had been great, but what I had with Tessa was far more important. As we made our way down the empty hall, outside, and across campus, she never spoke. I didn’t bother asking what was happening.
We entered her very large, though sparsely decorated office.
“Sit, please,” she said, gesturing to a chair.
She walked around the large cherry wood desk, sat and then scooted forward to rest her elbows on the surface, assuming a praying pose while looking at me.
“There are some serious charges being leveled against you, Professor Dunlap. We have a problem,” she started.
I nodded, pretending to care. “What kind of charges are we talking about?”
The word was purposeful. We both knew I had done nothing illegal. She was hoping to intimidate me by using such a loaded word. It wasn’t working.
“A student has brought it to my attention that you have been spending time outside of the classroom with another student, engaged in activities of a sexual nature.”
I nodded but said nothing.
She cleared her throat. My nonchalance was making her uneasy. Good.
“Tessa McShane is your assistant and a student here at the school. A romantic relationship with her is against school policy. She will be immediately expelled, and you, Mr. Dunlap, will likely be asked to leave after next semester.”
I grinned. It was a ‘fuck you’ grin, and she knew it. “Tessa will be expelled, and I keep my job. Double standard, isn’t it? Do you actually think that is an acceptable solution?”
Her response was nothing more than a blinking of her eyes.
The dean leaned back in her chair. I watched her debate whether she should tell me or not, “Another student. Jennie is her name. You needn’t know anything more than that.”
I smiled. Of course. My favorite student, Jennie, who couldn’t bully me into giving her an easy A. Jennie who wanted all of my attention, and when I refused to fall for her silly nonsense, she was trying to get back at me by hurting Tessa. It still didn’t answer all of my questions. How did Jennie guess?
“An immature, spoiled student who is angry because I wouldn’t let her skip an assignment she felt was too hard has made these accusations.” I stopped. “They are only accusations, you realize. There are no charges here, let’s get that cleared up.” The dean looked uncomfortable. “You are telling me, that you have already made decisions about my future and the future of another student because of one young girl’s accusations? Is this correct?”
At first, it looked as if Dean Scribbs would back down, and then she leaned forward. “Are you admitting to having a sexual relationship with Miss McShane?”
I shrugged. “I don’t think who I have sex with is any of your business. I asked you a question. Can you or will you answer?”
Spots of red bloomed on each of her cheeks. She was getting pissed. Good. I was already very pissed. “I don’t need to ask you anything. It is quite clear the accusation was dead on. You are a professional, Mr. Dunlap. We hold our professors to a much higher standard. I’m quite disappointed in your behavior,” she said, in a haughty tone.
I guffawed. “Are you? I’m quite disappointed with the way you handle yourself and your student body. Where’s the investigation? Who’s verifying what Jennie told you? We haven’t had class for two days, so when was this accusation made? I have a lot of questions that I expect answers to.”
She glared at me. “This meeting is over. You have the day off. Your classes have been canceled.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Professor Dunlap. Your students have been alerted that there will be no class today. I need time to handle the mess you have created. I suggest you go home and get your head on straight. Sleeping with a student is despicable.”
I stood, and narrowed my gaze at her. “You can’t expel Tessa; you know that.”
“Yes, I can. Quite easily, really.”
“No. That is completely unfair.”
An evil smile spread her lips to the point they were an ugly white. “I should think this will be an excellent life lesson for the young lady. You can’t sleep your way to the top and not expect there to be consequences. Tessa is expelled. There is nothing you can do or say that will change that.”
I turned to leave. I wanted to knock the bitch out. I wasn’t prone to violence, but in this one instant, I really want to slap that grotesque smile off her face.
“Professor Dunlap?”
I stopped and turned to look at her. “Keep your dick in your pants and out of my students if you will. Thank you.”
My eyes widened with shock at her vulgarity. I considered telling her to go fuck herself but thought better of it. I didn’t want to make anything worse for Tessa. I had already cost her too much.
I took a deep breath and made my way outside. I needed to call Tessa and let her know what was coming. How was I going to tell her? This was going to crush her. I loved her. I knew I loved her and I was more than willing to sacrifice my job, but she needed this degree.
I fished my phone out of the pocket of my slacks and quickly pulled up her number. She didn’t answer. I couldn’t bring myself to leave her a voicemail. I sent her a quick text instead.
We need to talk. Call me ASAP.
I held the phone in my hand, waiting for her to call or at the very least, text me back. By the time I reached my car, she still hadn’t done either. Maybe she already knew. She was probably pissed and wanted nothing to do with me.
I got in my car and sat there, processing everything. What the fuck! After the best two days of my life, how could everything blow up in a matter of minutes? It wasn’t right.
Still holding my phone, I called Jake.
“Dude, I fucked up,” I said, the second he answered.
“What? What did you do? Do you need a lawyer?”
I had to laugh at his instant response to come bail me out of jail.
“No. At least I don’t think so. Tessa and I got busted. She’s going to be expelled, or maybe she already got expelled. I don’t know; she isn’t answering my calls.”
“What about you?” he asked.
“The dean sent me home and said I won’t be needed after next semester. Can you believe that shit? She wants me to keep teaching, but expelled Tessa!”
“How did she find out?”
I shook my head, getting more pissed by the second. “One of the sniveling little brats in my Monday class turned us in. I don’t know how she could have known. Tessa and I never left the house!”
Jake let out a long sigh. “I don’t know. Sounds like your little brat has a major crush on you and got jealous. Or she really hates Tessa. Girls are pretty vindictive.”
“No, it’s me she hates. She’s pissed I wouldn’t let her out of an assignment she claimed not to understand. She’s lazy, wants the ‘A’ but doesn’t want to do the work, so she ran to the dean with some bullshit story.”
I took a moment to process it all. “Tessa is going to be crushed,” I said in a soft voice.
“I’m sorry. Really, I am. Maybe I can help. I am a lawyer after all.”
“I wish, but I don’t think a lawyer can do anything in this situation. I fucked up, and Tessa is going to pay the price. Are you at work?” I suddenly had an idea.
“Yep, had to come in early,” he said, crushing my excitement.
“Damn, I was hoping Maria was with you. Okay, I better go and see if I can track down Tessa. She may not want anything to do with me. I’m sure she is going to blame me.”
“Relax. Maybe she’s in the shower or driving to school. Don’t freak out yet. If she hasn’t called you or texted you by the end of the day, then I think it’s safe to say she is pissed. Go home, chill, and I’ll check in with you later,” he ordered.
“Thanks.”
I sat in the car, hitting the call button on Tessa’s number and waited. It went straight to voicemail.
Shit! She had to know and was mad as hell at me. I started the car and drove home. Once inside, I looked at the dishes in the sink and the past two days came rushing back. It had been absolutely amazing being holed up here with Tessa. I never wanted it to end. I should have known the real world was out there, waiting to crush the happiness we had managed to create for ourselves. Fate hated us. That was evident by the loss we had each endured in our lives.
I picked up my phone and sent her another text.
I’m sorry. Please, call me.
I vowed to leave it at that. If she didn’t want to talk to me or see me ever again, I wasn’t going to bother her. She had every right to be angry and hurt. I shouldn’t have pursued the relationship. I was the older one. I should have known better.
I plopped down on the couch. Dexter came to sit beside me. I had no energy. I felt as if my world had been tipped over. Where do I go from here?
Chapter Thirty-Six
Tessa
My morning went from fabulous to completely fucked in a matter of seconds. I had left Ian’s house early to go home, shower, and change before heading to school. I had hoped the storm would turn around and force the school to close another day, but luck was not on my side.
When I got out of the shower, I had missed a call from Ian and the administrator’s office. I checked my voicemail, heart racing, and fearing the worst, only to have it confirmed. I had to meet Dean Scribbs in thirty minutes.
Shit!
I scrambled to find something that looked professional and was not in the least bit promiscuous. I was
sure she was going to ask me if there was anything going on between Ian and me, which I would promptly deny. Problem solved.
When I strolled into the admin office about thirty seconds before nine, I knew something was up. The secretary and her student assistant were staring at me with strange but knowing looks. I hadn’t had time to call Ian back. I had barely managed to get here on time. I would call him as soon as I was done and apologize for missing his class this morning.
“Hi,” I said, walking up to the tall desk. “I’m here to see Dean Scribbs. I have an appointment at nine.”
The woman made a big show of looking at the clock before smirking. “She’s expecting you. Go right in.”
I considered saying something rude but held my tongue. I didn’t need to make my situation any worse than it was.
I knocked on the door. “Dean Scribbs, its Tessa McShane,” I said pushing it open.
“Good morning,” she said, standing, but not smiling. “Take a seat, please.”
I closed the door. I knew what was coming and wasn’t eager to have my shame and humiliation broadcast to the entire administration office.
I sat down, waiting to hear the words that would paint that giant scarlet A on my chest.
“Miss McShane,” she started, pulling out a file from under a stack of papers, “this is to inform you that you have been expelled from our institution, effective immediately.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t play coy, Miss McShane. Your relationship with a certain professor is not only inappropriate, but it violates our code of conduct rules. Expulsion is the consequence for openly and willingly going against a very basic rule,” she explained, in a high-pitched voice that felt like nails on a chalkboard.
“I don’t believe I did anything of the sort.”
She handed me the file. I opened it to see my expulsion paperwork. For reason, it listed a sexual relationship with one of my teachers.
“I’m sorry, but where is your proof?” I asked, not quite ready to admit to anything.