The Half-Truth (Drowning Book 2)

by Claire Svendsen

  Only Noah doesn’t come the next morning or the morning after that.

  6.

  "I want to go to the house and check on him," I say.

  It's been three days since I've heard from Noah and I’m getting worried. Norma looks at me like I’m crazy, clay smeared half way up her arms. I'm fiddling with tiny pieces, molding them into intricate leaves for my nursery tree but my heart just isn't in it.

  "Why?" Norma asks. "He obviously doesn't give a shit about you."

  My face falls before I can hide it.

  "Oh God Ana, I'm sorry. It's just I'm pissed at him. I mean really pissed. You’re pregnant and he tells you to get out like that? It's ridiculous. Who does he think he is?"

  "I know. But I've got a bad feeling. I need to make sure he's okay."

  "Look," she rubs a clay smeared towel over her arm which only succeeds in spreading the mess around more. "The only thing that has the potential to hurt him is trapped inside your belly so what are you worried about?"

  "I don't know. I just am. Please."

  "All right, fine. We'll go after class but just so you know, if he's still in a pissed off mood I'm going to punch him in the face. Okay?"

  "Okay," I laugh. The thought of Norma ever actually punching someone enough to bring a smile to my face.

  But I'm really worried. It's not like Noah, none of this is. He put all that time and effort into the nursery, gave up his chance to go to school so that I could. Works like a dog to put food on our table and a roof over our heads. I've never seen him snap like this before and it scares me.

  I meet Norma in the parking lot after my oil painting class. She has metal work so we don't get to spend the rest of the day together. I spend all afternoon drizzling black paint over my canvas. It feels like Julia has started to infect everything around me again and I don't like it. I have to get to Noah.

  "Can't you drive any faster?" I say as cars stream past us on the highway.

  "Yeah, if you want the engine to fall out."

  I bite my tongue and let Norma take her time, trying to figure out what I'll say to Noah when I see him. Are you okay? What happened? Why are you so mad at me? I love you? No. All I want to do is run up and punch him so I guess I'm not that different from Norma. I want to punch him and then I want to hug him and swear I'll never walk out again because part of me feels like this has been some kind of perverse standoff. Or a test. I've been waiting for him to come and apologize but maybe he's been doing the same. Both of us as stubborn as mules, acting like an old married couple before we even are.

  "You need to be nice to your Daddy," I whisper to Julia. "He's the only one you have left."

  She responds by lodging a foot under my rib cage. I try and ignore it. Just as in her previous life, paying attention to Julia usually only makes things worse.

  We make it to the house in one piece, thanks to Norma’s old lady driving.

  "Well he's here," she says, pointing to his truck.

  "Yeah, I guess," I say but something feels wrong.

  Out of the car I can't hear Charlie and usually he barks up a storm as soon as he sees me. Desperate to get out and run around the fields searching for squirrels after being shut in all day. But there is no Charlie because the door to the trailer is open. I dash up the steps and inside, Norma close behind me.

  "Noah?" I shout.

  I'm no longer mad at him, I'm afraid for him. The house is dark, the blinds all shut tight and the lights off. A horrible smell wafts out to greet us.

  "Ugh," Norma says, pulling her shirt up to cover her nose. "What's that God awful smell?"

  "I don't know," I pull up the blinds and push open the windows, hoping that the breeze will get rid of the smell.

  "Noah?" I call again.

  "I don't think he's here." Norma hovers in the doorway. "Maybe we should call the cops or something."

  "Noah?" I scream louder. He doesn't answer.

  I run through the house, looking for him. Perhaps passed out in the bedroom from drinking or slumped in the bathroom having slipped in the shower but the house is empty.

  "I don't get it," I say. "His truck’s here."

  "Maybe he took Charlie for a walk?"

  "No," I shake my head. "I knew something was wrong. Why didn't I come back sooner?"

  "Because the asshole told you to fuck off, remember?"

  I sink onto the couch that still smells of the scruffy dog I love so much.

  "No. I should have stayed."

  "Well you didn't so now what. Call his friends? Look for him? What do you want to do?"

  Norma finally comes and sits beside me. I know she's trying to shrug it off but she looks worried. Last year we all saw too much to ever forget that the world is full of evil. Evil that comes in all shapes and sizes.

  "I wouldn't even know where to start looking," I say.

  I stare into the kitchen. There is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and the beer bottles spill onto the floor from the overflowing trash can. Noah was always so neat and tidy. What could have turned him into this monster?

  "Well if you want to find him I guess we could start at the construction site. Talk to his boss, figure out why he got fired."

  I look out the window at the setting sun, heart sinking in my chest. Another night without the only person left in the whole world who loves me. It doesn't seem fair.

  "We'll have to go tomorrow," I say. "They shut down at dusk."

  "If we hurry, we might still catch them."

  "No, never mind."

  I start picking up the beer bottles from the floor and as I do, I suddenly remember.

  "Wait, Benton's Bar. They sometimes go there after work."

  "It's worth a shot," Norma stands and rubs her hands on her legs. "Besides, I could do with getting wasted right about now."

  "Me too," I whisper.

  But baby on board means no drinking and absolutely no drugs. I kind of wish I hadn’t fired my shrink.

  7.

  Norma drives to the bar while I stare despondently out the window. The sun has set and the first stars twinkle on the horizon. The sky is velvet blue, hung with the scent of dampness in the air. I don't expect to find Noah at the bar. He's not a bar kind of guy. Then again I didn't think he was any of the things he's become over the last few days so I guess there is a chance he might be there.

  "Do you think he's having an affair?" I ask Norma.

  "You sound hopeful," she says. "You want him to be having an affair with some skanky hoe?"

  "It's better than the alternative."

  "What alternative?"

  "That he's dead."

  Norma puts her hand on my knee and squeezes.

  "He's not dead," she says. "He can't be."

  But deep down I know that's not true. Over the summer Mark died because Julia pushed him out a window and Emily died because Julia made her strike a match and light herself on fire. Who’s to say that Noah isn't dead because baby Julia sent out some signal to the universe that made Noah step in front of a bus or something?

  "You mustn’t think like that," Norma says. "Think happy thoughts instead."

  I try but nothing comes to mind. Then before I even realize it, the image of Mark reflected in the abortion clinic window flashes through my head. I feel that pull in the bottom of my stomach, the one I used to get before he made love to me and I hold on tight to the feeling. It feels wrong since we're looking for Noah, the man I'm living with and who thinks he's the father of my baby. But I have to hold onto something. I can’t help the fact that the thought of seeing my dead lover makes me happier than the thought of finding my boyfriend. I guess this time I am well and truly fucked.

  "Happy thought?” I smile at Norma. “Got it."

  8.

  When I say Benton's is a bar, I mean it in the loosest sense of the word. Let’s just say it’s a far cry from the shiny places the college kids hang out where drinks have exotic names and lights flash and pulse in time to the music. You won't find any pretty girls looking
to hook up here at Benton's, though you might find a few middle aged hookers looking to hook you up with something a little more unsavory, like gonorrhea.

  "I'm afraid to leave my piece of shit car here in case someone actually thinks it's worth stealing," Norma says, pulling in between a truck with no hubcaps and a car with no hood.

  "We won’t be long. I promise."

  I lead the way and Norma follows. She may not know it but I feel safer with her than I would alone. Safety in numbers. What with the morning sickness and the growing baby stealing all my strength, I'm weak as shit and barely top a hundred pounds. If we get into trouble the best I can hope to do is spit in the guy’s eye and then kick him in the balls. If that doesn’t give me enough time to run screaming from the building then I'm screwed.

  Inside it is dark but not in a sexy intimate way, rather a ‘we can't afford a very big electric bill so we don't turn on more lights than we have to’ way. There isn't a speaker system, just an old juke box in the corner warbling out a country tune. Three guys sitting up at the bar turn and look at us for a second before returning their hazy gazes to the television bolted to the wall.

  "It smells like piss in here," Norma whispers.

  "Suck it up buttercup," I say. "It was your idea to come."

  "I think actually it was your idea,” she glares at me in the darkness.

  "Well it was your idea to go to the construction site tonight and that's where I got the idea to come here from so really your idea started it."

  While we're arguing technicalities a fat middle aged man sidles up to Norma.

  "Buy you a drink sweetheart?" he leers.

  "No thanks," Norma practically jumps on top of me.

  The man rubs his scraggly beard and eyes us up and down.

  "No need to get all defensive," he says. "I was just asking. No law against that."

  I push Norma off me and smile at the guy.

  "Don't mind her," I say. "She's a little gun shy.

  "And you're not?"

  He abandons his conquest of Norma and comes to stand next to me. He reeks of beer and stale sweat. The thought of him actually touching me turns my stomach but Julia doesn't seem to mind. For once she's still.

  "So. What'll it be? Beer or one of them fancy drinks with the umbrellas?"

  I lean on the bar and turn sideways, sticking my belly out more than I normally would.

  "Can't," I say, pointing to the nonexistent bump. "Pregnant. But I'd be ever so grateful if you'd help me out."

  "Sure honey, whatever you want."

  I pull out my wallet and show him a picture of Noah. He's smiling, mouth half open and eyes wide. I can't remember what I said to make him laugh like that. All I remember is the anger burning inside him the day I left. That Noah is a million miles away from the one I know and love.

  "Have you seen this guy around?" I ask.

  He looks, then shrugs. "Maybe. What, is he your husband or something?"

  "Yes," I lie. "He is and I'm very worried about him. Have you seen him?"

  He looks at a table in the back where five guys are drinking beer. They’re deep in conversation, hunched over the table. Every now and then they glance in my direction and the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I can’t be sure but I think they might be some of the guys Noah works with and they have guilt plastered all over their drunk faces.

  "Maybe you'd better sit down," he says.

  "No. I'm fine," I pull away from his outstretched hand and back into Norma.

  "You might think you're fine now but you won't be. Come on."

  He walks over to the table, not looking to see if we're following.

  Norma tugs on my shirt. "We should leave," she whispers.

  But I follow the man because I have to know what he knows.

  9.

  Norma stands behind me like she's some kind of bodyguard but it doesn't help that I can feel her shaking. I'm starting to regret bringing some kind of weapon with me. Even a knife would be better protection than my swift kick to the balls which, while they are all sitting down, I can’t deliver to any of them.

  "Fella's," beer belly says. "These ladies need information about Noah."

  At the mention of his name, the faces around the table look away from me and Norma and back down to their drinks.

  "So you do know him then?" Norma says. "Because we didn't tell you his name."

  "Sure we do. We work with him. Or we did work with him."

  "I know,” I say. "He got fired. But why? What happened?"

  The guy to my right grunts under his breath. "We ain't no snitches," he says.

  "Please," I say. "I have to find him. He could be in trouble."

  "Oh, he's in trouble all right," the guy says.

  The others laugh.

  "Look," I say, louder this time. "I need to know where he is. I'm not asking anyone to snitch and I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble but I'm worried about him and if you think of him as a friend then I’m sure you're worried about him too. All I want is to bring him home to me and my unborn child."

  Playing the baby card is something I never do. I like to keep Julia locked tight in her little box where she can't hurt anyone but for now I think it might be working. The guys look at my belly, some of them turn red and the rest just stare at the table.

  "We don't know where he is," one skinny guy says. "But we know what happened. He flipped out. Could have killed us all. Do you know how dangerous it is at a construction site? We have to watch our own backs and each other’s. Noah didn't watch no one's back that day."

  "What did he do that was so bad?" Norma asks.

  "He smashed the wrecking ball into the fucking building," the guy next to me says. "And not just one time either. He did it over and over again. Guys were scrambling, trying to get out. Bleeding, screaming at him to stop. But he just kept on smashing that fucker until it was nothing but a pile of rubble."

  I look at the guys, noticing bandages and cuts for the first time.

  "He hurt you?" I ask.

  They nod solemnly in unison.

  "But why?"

  "Fuck if I know. Dude just lost his brain."

  "I'm sorry," I say. "I don't know why he did that but I'm sure he had a good reason."

  "Whatever," they say.

  Noah hurt them, actually tried to kill them. They may not know why but I sure as hell do. The sleeping baby inside me has figured out how to cast her evil net wider than my vomiting stomach. She's managed to infect Noah, made him do things to hurt other people. It's the only explanation. The Noah I know wouldn't hurt a fly but Julia would.

  "I'm sorry that happened to you," I say. "I'm sure when Noah's feeling better he'll make it up to you. He's obviously very sick."

  "He won't make it up to us," the guy says. "Because next time I see that fucker, he's dead."

  "He's dead already," someone else says.

  Norma pulls me to my feet. "Come on," she says. "Time to go."

  I stumble to the door, following Norma’s broad back like a life line. If Julia is controlling Noah then there is no telling what he’ll do next and the guys could be right. There is a very real possibility that Noah could be dead. Dead like Mark. Only I still believe I saw him and if Noah is dead and Mark is alive then my whole world is about to shift on its axis. Or maybe I’m just stuck in a nightmare and I can’t wake up.

  10.

  "Are you okay?"

  Norma has bundled me into the car and she's driving in the slow lane, glancing at me with a worried look on her face.

  "I'm fine. Just watch the road."

  "Do you need me to pull over? Do you want to throw up or something?"

  "No."

  And I don't, which is weird because all I usually ever want to do is throw up. But Julia is still and for once I'm not even close to hurling up whatever I ate last.

  "I'm sure Noah is fine," she says. "He's strong, I mean look how he made it through the summer. He got everyone out of a burning building and never once flipped out. T
hat's saying a lot."

  I know that Norma is right but the only thing that proves is that he's a target for Julia. A conquest. The one person she wasn't able to influence the last time around, now her primary target.

  "I should have seen this coming," I say.

  "How could you? You didn't know."

  But deep down I think maybe I did know. I had a bad feeling about the baby from the start. I knew who she was and what she was going to turn into and I let her live anyway.

  "I just thought I'd have more time."

  "More time for what?"

  "More time to plan everything out but it's too late. She's already stronger than I ever thought she'd be. What the hell am I going to do now?"

  Norma pulls off onto the side of the road.

  "Maybe we should stop looking for him. It's just going to make things worse. Isn't it?"

  I bury my face in my hands. "I don't know."

  "Well she wants to hurt you, right? And she's doing that by controlling Noah but if you're not looking for him and you don't know where he is then you can't be hurt by whatever it is she's doing to him."

  "But don't you see?" I say. "I am hurt. By not knowing where he is or what's happening to him. Worrying that he's hurting other people or worse, himself."

  "So what are we going to do? Even if you find him, you can't stop the baby from hurting him."

  "I know. I don't know."

  I get out of the car. It's dark and cold. Cars flash by and leave streams of light in my vision. Norma stays in her seat. She probably thinks I've lost it. I don't have the tightest grasp on sanity. I've been to shrinks my whole life and not one of them has ever really helped me. None of them knew about Julia and even then I still ended up in the psych ward on more than one occasion. So you see I can't just go around blurting out the fact that my unborn child is a killer or I'll just end up back there.

  "Why are you doing this to me?" I whisper to my belly. "Couldn't you just start fresh with a new life? Be a good person, a different person? Why can't you let this go?"

  She answers me with a cramp that drops me to my knees. I cry out in pain as I fall to the ground and Norma is beside me in a flash.