by Bella Jewel
“Then you decide how to handle it. It’s not that it can’t work, but it’s messy, and sometimes messy just isn’t worth it. You need to get to know him and decide if messy is a risk you’re willing to take.”
“Would you do Lucas all over again?”
“In a heartbeat.”
I sigh. “Why can’t I just meet a nice man?”
She giggles. “On the plus side, a nice man would probably run a mile when he met your father. At least Diesel has a chance.”
I laugh weakly. “This is true. Thanks for talking to me. I really miss you guys.”
“We miss you too. It isn’t the same without you. We’re going to come visit soon, okay?”
“All right. Bye Ava. Love you.”
“Love you too, chicky.”
I hang up and let the phone fall from my hands as I stare at my fan spinning around and around.
Is Diesel worth the messy?
God. Yes.
So much yes.
~*~*~*~
“How’d the zombie party go?” Shay calls, catching up to me as I rush towards English.
“It was fine,” I lie. “Not the same without you there.”
“Of course.” She laughs. “Nothing ever is.”
I grin, and we both rush into the classroom, late. Our teacher, Mrs. Ross, turns when we enter and scowls at both of us. “Better things to do, ladies?”
“No, Miss.” Shay smiles.
“Sit down,” she orders.
I glance around the room. There are no seats together because we’re late, and the class is full. Shay sighs and sits in the front, and I take in the few other spots, but my eyes stop when I see Diesel in the back, staring at his phone. He has an empty seat beside him. Do I do it? Do I take the risk? Deciding yes, I do, I suck in a deep breath and walk up the stairs, plonking down right next to him.
A few gasps can be heard throughout the classroom.
Diesel looks up, and his eyes flash a second before he hisses, “What’re you doin’?”
I turn and face the front. “Learning English. You?”
I can practically feel his scowl burning holes into the side of my head, but I force myself to keep my eyes at the front of the classroom. Mrs. Ross starts her lecture, and I take notes as I barely listen.
“Mercedes,” Diesel says.
I look to him. “Yeah?”
“What’re you doin’?”
I meet his eyes. “You never said we couldn’t be friends.”
“Never said we could, either.”
“Have you got a problem with being my friend?”
He studies my face. “What game are you playing?”
I put the pen to my lips and stare at the front again, shrugging. “I’m friendly. I like you.”
“Did you hear me last night?”
“I heard you. I’m not throwing myself onto your lap and ripping your clothes off, Diesel—I’m just being your friend. You know you want me, too.”
He grunts.
I look to him again, a slight smile on my lips. “Admit it; I’m addictive.”
“Pain in the ass is what you are.”
“So, will you be my friend? Surely we can have a conversation without you being a dick.”
He makes a wheezing sound, like he nearly burst out laughing. “You’re already drivin’ me nuts.”
“So long as it’s the good kind.” I grin at him.
“Got a girl; she don’t like you. How do you figure that’s going to work?”
“You don’t come across as the type who lets a woman choose who you talk to.”
His eyes flash. “No, you’re right. I don’t.”
“Then is it really a problem?”
“We kissed, Mercedes.”
“Yep, we did. It was very nice. You made your side of things clear. You said we can’t do it again. You never said we couldn’t get along, or maybe hang out sometime.”
He sighs. “Whatever, Killer.”
“Is that a yes?”
He shrugs.
I grin. “You’re not going to regret it.”
He snatches my pen from my hand and starts writing on a piece of paper.
My grin gets bigger.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I stare at myself in the mirror as I wash my hands after lunch. I see my father when I look at my reflection, and that isn’t a bad thing. My blond hair is thick and slightly curled; I get that from my mom. The rest is all Dad. I reach into my purse and pull out my mascara, touching it up. My face looks bright, happy even. I’m glad that Diesel and I are friends. It’s a step in the right direction. I haven’t quite figured out what that is, but it’s a good step all the same.
The door swings open just as I finish up my touch-up and Maxine comes in, followed by her posse. My chest clenches, and I ball my hands into fists.
“Listen to me, slut,” she growls, storming up to me. “Diesel is mine; he’s fucking mine. You need to get that through your ugly head and move on.”
I glance at her in the mirror. “For someone who’s so sure he’s yours, you seem awfully worried that I have the power to take him.”
“You have no power!” she screams. “You’re a desperate, pathetic idiot that’s crushing on someone you can’t have. You’re pretty, I get that, but you’re nothing to him, and you’re getting in my way. Didn’t you learn anything from being locked in that shed?” She steps closer. “I can do so much worse.”
“If he’s so into you, why worry about me?” I spit, spinning around.
“Because you’re a fucking thorn in my side. He doesn’t even like you—God, can’t you see that? He thinks you’re prissy and rude.”
My anger bubbles over, and I say my next words without thought. “Funny, he didn’t think that when he kissed me. Twice.”
The second I realize what I’ve done, I clamp my mouth shut.
“You’re lying.”
I say nothing. I’ve already dug myself a grave.
“You’re lying!” she screams.
I move to the side and rush past her friends, whose mouths are hanging open. I have to get out of here. I’m making a bigger mess with every breath I take.
I’m an idiot for saying what I just said. I just got him as a friend, and I’ve ruined it before we even had a chance.
~*~*~*~
I don’t go to college or work for the next two days, unable to face the wrath that I have no doubt is waiting for me.
I know Maxine would have gone to Diesel, and I know he would have reacted. I wonder if he told her the truth, or if he made it worse for me by saying I lied. God, I just convinced him to let me be his friend and then I shoved it in his face by telling his girlfriend we kissed.
I’m a shitty, shitty friend.
Pounding on my door jerks me from my thoughts, and I push to my feet, worried Diesel might have given up waiting for me and come looking. I carefully croak, “Who is it?”
“Open up, kiddo.”
I blink. Danny.
I swing the door open and see my brother, Max, Skye and Ava standing on my doorstep, pizza and beer in hand. I squeal happily and launch myself into Danny’s arms, hugging him as tight as I can. He’s big, just like Dad, so he scoops me up as if I weigh nothing. “Good to see you, little sis.”
“I’ve missed you,” I say when my feet hit the floor again.
I spin and hug Ava, who is next. “Ah, it’s so good to see you!” she says, squeezing me tighter.
I move onto Skye, and she laughs as we do a happy dance around in a circle while hanging onto each other. Then I get to Max, who does what he always does. He lifts me into his arms and shakes me from side to side. “Good to see you again, Mouse.”
“I can’t believe you’re all here. Come in!”
I let them into my apartment and close the door before turning to them.
“Honey, what are you wearing?” Ava asks.
I glance down at my baggy sweats and tee. “Oh, I had the day off and didn’t feel like doing anything,” I lie.
“Well, get dressed. We’re having this and going out!” Skye announces. “I’m so glad to be out of that town and in the city!”
“Out?” I squeak.
“It’s Friday night!” she cries. “You’re in college. I want to meet all these hot honeys. So yes, out.”
Danny scowls at her words, and I can’t help but smile.
“Okay, let me get changed.”
“We’ll come with,” Ava says, hooking her arm through Skye’s and following me down the hall. We reach my room and hustle in.
“So, what happened to your hands?” Skye asks.
“Ah, long story,” I mumble.
“Tell.”
I look to Ava, who shrugs and pretends to be fascinated with something out the window. I sigh and tell Skye everything I told Ava, except the part about Diesel being in a club.
“Oh my God! Are you serious?” she cries. “What the fuck? I hope we find this girl tonight, because I will lay her out!”
I giggle and shake my head. “I’ll make sure we don’t find her, then.”
“And Diesel,” she goes on. “That guy needs to pull his head out of his ass.”
“Probably. What am I going to wear?”
I spend the next hour laughing with the girls and eating pizza as we get ready. Ava curls my hair and Skye picks out a dress. When we’re done, we gather the guys and head down to a local bar for some drinks.
“I am so jealous of you,” Skye says, sighing as we walk down the street towards the bar. “I’d do anything to live here.”
“Why don’t you?” I ask.
Her gaze flickers to Danny. He’s watching her, intensely. “I don’t know. College isn’t really what I wanted to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
She shrugs. “I honestly don’t know right now. My mind is a mess.”
“You have time to work it out.”
“Yeah, I do. Anyway, let’s get our drink on.”
We get our stamps and head into the bar. The music isn’t ridiculously loud, which is nice. I want the chance to catch up with them all. Danny comes in beside me and throws an arm around my shoulder as we line up for drinks. “What happened to your hands?” he asks.
“It’s nothing, D.”
“Mercedes,” he warns, stopping me at the bar. “It isn’t nothing. What happened?”
I sigh and give him a look. “I got into a situation with some of the girls from college. It’s fine.”
“A situation like being pushed into the pool and splitting your head open?”
I groan. “Danny, come on. We came here to have fun. I’m fine. I’m handling it.”
“You being bullied?”
I shake my head. “No, of course not.”
“Dad know this happened?”
My shoulders stiffen. “No, and he’s not going to. I’m living on my own, working my own job, and going to college. It’s no longer any of his business.”
“You and I both know everything is his business.”
“You’re too much like him. Can we get a drink?”
He frowns at me but nods, and we get a round for everyone before retreating to the booth the others picked.
“Hey, there’s a band playing!” Skye cries. “I love bands.”
I spin around to glance at the stage, and my skin prickles as I see the sign behind the stage that says Wrath.
Oh boy.
Not good.
“Is that his band?” Ava leans over, whispering in my ear.
I nod.
“Uh-oh,” she says.
That’s putting it mildly.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Oh my God,” Skye cries. “That dude is fine!”
My cheeks are burning as I stare at Diesel on the stage, his hands wrapped around the microphone stand. He’s singing, and melting every pair of panties in the room.
Ava tugs my arm, and I move closer. “Holy shit, honey, he is fine.”
“That dude is a fuckin’ biker kid,” Danny mutters, studying Diesel.
“What?” I squeak.
He looks to me. “Son of Miakoda—adopted brother to the Joker’s Wrath President, Maddox.”
Oh. Boy.
“And you know this how?” I manage.
He raises his brows. “I know every member of the Joker’s Wrath MC. You have a club that close to yours, you make it your mission to know what they’re doing.”
My heart skitters. “Right,” I say to my hands.
Ava leans over and squeezes my knee. “It’s okay. Breathe.”
I take a few staggering breaths, but I need air. I can’t do this. I can’t be in here. I stand and manage to get out enough words to tell them I’m going to use the bathroom, then I rush through the crowd. I notice the music stops when I exit through the back door, but I don’t look behind me. My shoulders hits the brick wall and I press my hands over my face, trying to get my shit together. My brother knows who Diesel is. Diesel is here and probably ready to kill me.
My life sucks.
“I’ve been lookin’ for you.”
At the sound of Diesels voice, I look up and start rambling before he can say anymore. “I’ve been hiding,” I blurt out. “I am such a shit friend. I didn’t mean to, I swear.”
“Mercedes—”
“It’s just, she was in my face, and she wouldn’t get the hell out of it. It came out before I knew what was happening.”
“Mercedes—”
“I can’t believe I was such a shit friend. Our first day in, and I ruin your relationship.”
“Killer—”
“I really am sorry, Diesel. God, I understand if you want to kick me in the fanny right now. I understand if you don’t want to be—”
He cuts me off by slamming a hand over my mouth. I stop talking and blink. He doesn’t move his hand.
“I’m not angry at you. Maxine lost her shit, but she had no right to lose her shit. We’re not exclusive. She kisses other people whenever the hell she feels like it. She keeps me around purely for status, same as I do for her. I couldn’t give a shit if she knows.”
I blink again.
He removes his hand.
“You don’t care she knows?”
He shrugs. “She’s only shocked because I’ve never done it to her, and somewhere in her twisted mind she thought it was okay for her and not me.”
“You kissed me before I came here,” I point out.
“Yeah, and I wasn’t with her then.”
“You have a really strange relationship. It’s not normal. You know that, right?”
“It’s normal enough.”
I shake my head. “So you’re a cheater?”
“If I was with a girl I cared about, fuck no.”
“So you don’t care about her?”
“Fuck no.”
“You just fuck her, keep her around . . . because . . .”
“Don’t have a straight answer for that, but she works for me.”
He’s still not telling me the whole truth, but I let it go.
“You, my friend, have serious issues.”
He shrugs. “Never denied it.”
“So . . .” I hesitate. “We’re still friends?”
“Are you going to stalk me if I say no?”
I pretend to think about that for a second. “One hundred percent yes.”
He shakes his head, his face slightly amused. “Then yeah.”
“Yippee!”
He grunts. “Give me your phone.”
“What for?”
“So I can put my number in, so next time you go missing for a few days after doing stupid shit, I can find you.”
“Aw,” I say, digging my phone out and tossing it at him. “You do care about me.”
Another grunt as he punches his number in.
“Does this mean I get to text you?”
He looks to me. “No.”
“It means I can text you.” I grin.
“Killer, no.”
“You’l
l love it.”
“No.”
“You really will.”
He sighs.
“Are you playing anymore?”
He nods. “Yep.”
“I’ll watch.”
“Figured as much.”
I laugh, and we disappear back inside.
Thank God that turned out well. I’m not sure I would have liked losing Diesel.
He definitely wouldn’t like losing me, even if he doesn’t admit it.
~*~*~*~
“Are you friends with that dude?” Danny asks, the second I sit back at the table.
“Yeah. So?”
He shoots me daggers. “You’re shitting me, right?”
“No, D. I’m not. We’re friends. We share a college. It’s not even a serious friendship.”
“He’s from another club.”
I glare at him. “Does that club have beef with Jack’s?”
“No.”
“Then what the hell does it matter?”
He looks horrified. “It matters; you know it matters. He know where you’re from?”
“No.”
“You know he’s in line to take over the Joker’s?”
“I don’t know, I barely speak to him,” I lie.
“You need to stop, Merc.”
“Danny, seriously, chill out. I go to college with the guy, we’re friendly if we pass each other; it’s nothing major.”
Danny grunts.
I give Ava and Skye a look; they both smile.
“Let’s go up and dance!” I call to them.
We spend the next hour dancing to Wrath and by the time they’ve finished their set, I’m sweating and exhausted.
“Let’s go find something to eat!” Ava yells over the music that’s now being played through the speakers. “I’m starved.”
“You ate before!” I yell back.
She shrugs. “I need more.”
We find the guys and head out. I glance around to find Diesel to say goodbye, but I don’t see him until I hit the door. He’s standing with Maxine, who is possessively clinging to his arm. My heart skitters, and I look away before he notices me.
Friends.
I said friends.
I pull out my phone when we hit the street and text him.
M – I couldn’t find you to say goodbye! But you rocked it tonight!
I tuck my cell into my pocket and catch up with everyone.
“So,” Ava says, when Danny and Max walk ahead of us, “what happened out there?”