Besides, I still needed to get Gwen alone and talk to her, which his presence got in the way of. Hopefully, I’d get a chance tonight, before we returned to the ship.
“Ladies first." He held the door of a nearby building open.
I looked up to see a sign, the Barmy Badger.
"I'm not sure the name of this establishment is promising when it comes to food quality," I muttered.
Gwen snickered as he looked down, affronted.
"I'll have you know they only serve the best barmy badgers." His voice rang with mock indignity.
I still had my doubts, but from the size of the patrons, it would likely be filling, if nothing else. The first thing I noticed as I stepped over the threshold was a clean establishment smelling of delicious food. It wasn't fancy, but it was packed. Always a good sign.
We snagged a table along an unoccupied wall. We didn’t have to wait long before a tavern maid came to take our order.
She was a matronly woman who reminded me a little of Marthe, just lacking her warmth and about twenty years younger.
"What'll you have?" She crossed her arms, a bored but pleasant expression on her lined face.
I looked at my friends before turning back to the woman. "Do you have any specials tonight, ma'am? It smells delicious in here and we’re quite hungry."
The woman quickly rattled off the day’s special.
I held a hand up for one, and Will and Gwen seconded my order.
We added on a pitcher of the house ale and waited for the food without speaking.
I was too busy looking around to feel like chatting, impressed by how similar one tavern could look to another. Considering this was only the second such place I’d been in, I’d expected it to look different. But other than a slightly different location for the bar along a wall instead of in the center, it was almost identical.
Once the food arrived, we dug in, a hearty, companionable silence continuing until the fervor of eating had calmed.
Will leaned back in his chair, placing his mug on the table, and let out a satisfied burp.
Gwen and I glared disapprovingly until he apologized, albeit without any real remorse.
He leaned forward again, resting both elbows on the table and his chin on his fists. "Any idea what you'd like to get up to tonight?" His eyes sparkled. "Want to see if we can stir up trouble?"
Gwen scoffed. "Hardly! Supper and a relaxing drink are pretty much what I'm in the mood for. The last few weeks have been … challenging, to say the least."
He agreed. "True. I'm not even sure I'll have a job to go back to after this. Although my sergeant was okay with the idea of allowing me to go along with you guys for protection, I'm not sure he anticipated I’d be gone this long."
"I'm sorry, I hope you do." I grimaced at the thought he’d lose his job, but he waved an airy hand.
"Don't worry about it. With the way things are shaping up in Lynia, it's either go with you and see if I can keep you from injuring yourselves, or get sent to the front, where ur’gel are taking out men by the score."
Just like that, the mood shifted from giddy to solemn.
Gwen turned to me. "Have you heard anything about the Cliffs?"
I shook my head, shoulders slumping as I considered my family. "No, no word. I'm not even sure anyone is alive."
Will’s normally mocking, slightly irritating expression became unexpectedly sympathetic. "I’m sure everyone's okay. I don't know the area well but from what I understand, the Cliffs are very well fortified. It’s unlikely even an attack by a full army of ur’gel would be able to completely decimate them. In Sunglen, within the human military, elves are respected as some of the toughest and most tenacious fighters in Lynia."
I smiled, touched he cared enough about my feelings to try to reassure me. "Thanks. I worry about them, but I know the best way to ensure everyone is safe, and no one else's family's subjected to attack the way mine was, is to trap Dag’draath back in his kennel. Or put him in a better kennel, one sturdy enough to last longer than a few centuries."
Gwen took a swig of her ale, slamming the mug down on the table. "Hear, hear!” She cheered, slightly louder than necessary.
I looked around, but no one was paying us any attention. The tavern had emptied since we’d arrived and was now only half full, and the other patrons didn't even look up.
I returned to the conversation. “Hopefully, if we find the Heart Stone where it was last seen this will all be over, and we can be home before the next high holidays.” I half-heartedly raised my glass, taking a sip, wishing I believed my own words.
Will joined my toast, holding up his mug as well. "From your mouth to Suun’s ears."
We raised our glasses again, but once Will had taken a sip, he looked at us and wiggled his eyebrows.
"I'll be back in a few minutes. Nature calls."
I bit back a laugh at her raised eyebrow, but as he left, I realized this was my chance. Now was the perfect moment to ask about the mysterious look on her face back at the docks. But before I could speak, she cleared her throat and turned to me.
Her eyes were wide, cheeks flushed, and the same look on her face again. "There's something I've been trying to find a way to tell you, but I'm not sure how to begin."
I moved closer, eager to know what was making her look so conflicted. "What? You can tell me anything. Don't worry, I'm sure there's nothing you can say that would ever make me think less of you."
Her flush deepened, traveling from her face down her throat. "I'm glad. That's just it, you… Well, you're the first loyal friend I’ve ever had who wasn't a wolf. I never fit in with other elves, even as a kid. What I feel for you goes deeper than friendship, but I don't want to mess that up, either, because I really value it. I mean…"
She stopped, letting out a frustrated growl as she tugged on a lock of her long golden hair as if it had suddenly made her mad. Her mouth worked for a few moments, and I placed a hand on top of hers in concern.
She looked at me, instantly still.
"It's okay. I mean, you're my best friend, too." I shrugged, giving her a rueful smile. "You know I've never fit in with the Cliff Elves, either. We're two outcasts, making a family in our own way."
Her eyes softened and she moved closer. My eyes widened as I looked at her, unable to pull away from the mesmerizing expression I still couldn't quite read.
"I think… I mean, I know… I'm sure I'm falling in love with you." Her words left in a rush and I froze, able only to stare.
I realized I was close enough to feel her sweetly scented breath on my cheek. She leaned in, and for the first time, our lips met. It was soft and light, barely more than the brush of her warm mouth against mine.
In my shock and bewilderment, I neither responded nor pulled away. I was unsure what to do next and before I could react, she had already broken the kiss.
Her eyes sparkled over cheeks flushed a fiery red. She lowered her eyes and pushed back her chair. It scraped loudly against the scarred wooden floor like an attack alarm, and without a word, she bolted from the table.
Chapter 8
“What just happened?" The sound of Will’s confused voice penetrated my fog.
I looked at him, blinking for a moment before I shrugged. I was helpless to describe the swirl of emotions and put the situation into words for someone else.
"I'm not sure. I think I just ruined everything. She just told me she…” My words trailed off as I tried to process her words before the kiss.
He sat down, his smirking and all-knowing expression firmly back in place. "I see. So, Gwen of the Wolves finally took the plunge and told you how she feels? I'm gathering from the fact she just took off out the back, probably looking for a fight, your answer wasn't all she’d hoped."
I looked at him, stunned. "You knew she liked me?"
He sat down, raising a shoulder nonchalantly, taking a sip of his beer. "Oh yeah, don't get me wrong, it's not because I'm insightful or anything. I think it's probably obvious to ever
ybody, but you, she’s been carrying a torch for you."
I shook my head in disbelief. "How is this possible? I mean, I thought we were just friends. She's my best friend, but I had no idea she … loved me.”
"What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants." He gave me a commiserating smile, holding his glass up in a salute as what happened finally sank in.
"I just… I mean, I thought she, you, well, you know. When you guys left me in Starside…" I flinched as he burst into laughter.
"Okay, really? How could you think she was interested in me? You don't remember the time she punched me in the nose and made it bleed everywhere?" He mimed blood flying out of his nose, "I mean, yeah, of course, I'm attractive, and who wouldn't want to be with me? But believe me when I say, if anyone out there could resist my charms it's her."
Out of nowhere, a bubble of hysterical laughter spilled out of me.
His eyebrows raised, "Are you okay? Was that odd squeak the final thread of your sanity snapping?"
I swatted blindly at him, not actually trying to make contact, but delaying a response until I was able to respond in a semi-intelligent manner.
"It never crossed my mind she felt like that. I don't think anyone's ever cared about me before. Male or female."
I sighed, staring into my half-empty glass as I remembered the look on her face as she’d rushed off.
It had been hurt.
I had deeply hurt her without even trying. Which was the very last thing I ever wanted to do.
Will leaned over the table, patting my hand. "Cheer up. It's not like you've done anything irreparable. I don't think." He added, grimacing when I looked up. "I mean, it's pretty natural to be confused when you're as clueless to the emotions of others as you’ve always seemed to be."
"Hey!" I pulled my hand back and glared at him.
He assumed a sleepy look. "Let's face it. You're a great gal, but you spend all your time with your nose in a book. It’s not surprising you didn't realize your friend wanted to be more. Besides, there's nothing wrong with it. Lots of people are clueless. And don't try to tell me you don't feel anything for her. I’ve watched you two together. Sickeningly sweet."
"I don't understand. We're just friends. Well, I thought we were." I dropped my head to my hands, trying to puzzle out how everything had gotten messed up so fast.
He shook his head, taking my chin and tilting it up to see a patient, bittersweet look on his face. "No, Rhin, you aren’t just friends. I don't know how long you’ve known each other, but from the first time I met you in Sunglen I could see you’d die to keep each other safe. I've got a lot of friends, and I’d do my best for them, but I don't think I’m willing to die for them. My mother, yes. But not my friends. Sacrificing yourself, especially for people who appreciate logic over emotion, is something you only do for family, or someone you love."
I swallowed and leaned back in my chair as I considered his words. Was he right? Did I have feelings for Gwen? I thought back over the time since I'd met her, and how every time I’d been outside the castle, I'd sought her out.
I'd always thought it was because we were friends, but looking back, I realized I’d always felt a tingle of excitement and warmth and looked forward to seeing her in a way I didn't with any other friend. Or family, for that matter. Maybe he knew something I didn't.
Will waved a hand in front of my face. "Hello? Is Rhin home? You’ve been practically catatonic for the last few minutes. Either the ale is finally hitting you, or my first assumption was correct."
I let out a weak chuckle. "No, I'm just thinking about your words. It's possible you're right. But as the idea never crossed my mind before, it’s taking some time to process." I shrugged, feeling the need to apologize. "I always thought I liked the male gender until now."
"No, you’re drawn to someone who's competent and brave. You appreciate someone who doesn't care about what other people think or let others make their decisions for them. Someone who’s smart, funny, and kind. There's a reason you wanted her to travel with you, even though from what I understand, before the journey you mostly had an intermittent, long-distance friendship."
It made so much sense to me now. I didn’t know how I hadn’t seen it before. "You're right. I told myself I wanted her to come with me because she was capable and probably knew how to get to Sunglen better than I did. But if I’d been looking for a guide, I could have asked my brother, or even one of the older elves."
He lifted a hand, palm-up. "See? Now you're thinking."
“I asked her to come because I wanted to be with her, didn't I?" I sighed, unable to comprehend how blind I'd been.
He leaned back, taking another sip out of his mug. Giving me a satisfied smile, he nodded. "Now you're onto the truth, Princess. So, what are you gonna do about it?"
Chapter 9
I polished off my drink and headed out the way I'd seen Gwen leave. Buoyed by Will’s surprisingly sensible advice, I knew I needed to make sure she wasn’t dealing with her emotions by getting into a fight.
She was everything Will said she was; brave, tough, kind, and funny, but I was worried because in a fit of emotion, she may have bitten off more than she could chew.
When we found her leaning over, resting her hands on her knees as she caught her breath near a refuse pile, I knew he’d been correct. Apparently, even though I had more education, Will was far more adept in the art of reading others. Then again, who wasn't?
"Gwen?"
We approached slowly, like she was a wild animal who could lash out any second.
I was nervous around her in a way I'd never been before. I couldn't believe I'd been so blind and hurt her feelings so badly or been so unaware of my own feelings. I knew whatever conversation happened next would need to be initiated by me, I just wasn't sure what the best thing to say was.
She flipped her hair back, looking stoic and tough. I winced when I saw the abrasion on one high cheekbone, a small trickle of blood leaking from her nose. Her eyes widened as they met mine, then narrowed into an expressionless pool, betraying nothing of her emotions.
I exhaled, disappointed she wasn’t in the mood to talk, but relieved she was mostly in one piece. "Are you okay?"
I stopped a few yards away, glancing back to see Will had paused as well.
He stood just to my left, with his hands loosely clasped behind his back while he rocked on his heels, as though waiting in line for a show, but wisely out of range of her fist. I guess once was enough for him and he wasn’t taking any chances.
She lifted her chin, sniffed once as she wiped away another small trickle of blood, and stood up. "Yup. Everything's fine."
I searched her face, her eyes, looking for a sign of any sort that would tell me what I needed to do next. But she wore the face of a stranger. As much as it pained me to drop it, now clearly wasn't the time to press. The sun had been down for a few hours, and with the excitement and confusion of the evening decreasing to a smolder, I was fatigued from the long day of hiking and unexpected emotional turmoil.
"Oh." I cleared my throat and tried again. "Well, I guess we should head back to the ship." I bit my lip, turning to Will, silently pleading for him to do something.
He merely unclasped his hands. "Sounds good. You'll be pleased to know I paid on our way out, so no one from the tavern should be following us." He arched an eyebrow as he looked her up and down, "As long as whatever caused your sudden change in appearance has been taken care of?"
She abruptly finished brushing herself off and turned away. "Let's go."
The trip back to the ship was silent, but not the same companionable silence I’d always enjoyed when traveling with her in the past. This was a silence that stretched between two continents, yawning wide with an ocean of unvoiced apologies and unspoken emotions. It was treacherous to traverse, but necessary to bridge if those continents would ever be at home beside each other again.
Captain Baeley was on deck as we climbed the gangplank. She gave us a cheery nod. "
Well here’s an earlier evening than I expected. After speaking with young Sel over there, I assumed you’d be out carousing all night."
She gestured toward the mid-mast, where he was listening to a deckhand beside the mid-mast with a rapt expression on his face.
Will shrugged but didn't divulge any details about what had been the most important, as well as troublesome, part of our night.
"We’re tired is all. We just had a nice meal at the Barmy Badger, a pint of ale, and felt it best to head back and sleep in the bunks. A good night's sleep prior to liftoff and all. Unless, of course, there's something you’d like us to do prior to turning in for the night?" He waited politely, earning a smile and shake of the head from her in return.
"No, go on to bed. Perhaps these two young elves have been a good influence on you after all, my young soldier–friend. The boy I knew a few weeks ago would likely have missed the ship." She spoke mildly, but I could hear the amusement in her voice.
He brushed off the mild censure, giving her a broad smile as he slouched past her. "People change, captain, people change."
He sauntered by without a care in the world, but Gwen and I paused at her assessing look.
"Is everything all right?" Her eyes had narrowed as she took in Gwen's injuries, but she shook her head.
"Everything's perfect." Gwen’s voice was flat and gave away nothing.
The captain nodded without comment as Gwen brushed past, leaving me behind to follow her with my eyes. When I focused back on Captain Baeley, she’d raised her eyebrows and was watching me with interest. "How about you, Princess?"
I bristled, feeling defensive but kept my reply simple. "Yeah, we're fine. Gwen got into a scuffle, I guess. But she assured us no one's coming after her, so everything should be fine."
I could hear the glumness in my tone and tried to camouflage it with a smile. Before I could catch up to the others, she gave me a light slap on the shoulder.
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