"Buck up, Rhin. I've seen that look before. I have a feeling this flight may be a bit more of an education than you expect." She turned back to what she'd been working when we’d entered the ship.
I sighed, not certain I wanted to know what she meant, and headed below deck.
As it turned out, even though Captain Baeley was unable to take us all the way to the Northwestern Lands, the distance to the far mountain range even by airship was lengthy, so her assistance would cut days, if not weeks, off our journey. If I’d thought at one point making it from Cliffside to Sunglen was a challenge, once I'd sat down to examine our route on the maps aboard the ship, I realized how small an adventure our previous trip had been.
At least the book on dragon history was turning out to be extremely helpful, and I was determined to know everything I could about the land we were journeying to. Everything I found in the book led me to believe something had changed significantly, since they were written only a few hundred years earlier. The description of the region past the mountains of the Dragon Dominion was a fertile, bountiful paradise, which struck me as odd. Whenever I spoke with anyone who'd been there recently, it was far from the case.
I couldn't help but suspect Dag’draath had something to do with it and redoubled my efforts to find the resting place of the Heart Stone. Of course, this meant I was spending most of my time with my nose in a book, as I’d been accused of doing earlier.
Relations between Gwen and myself remained strained. I kept waiting for an opening, but she was monosyllabic and chose to spend a lot of her time with the wolves below deck.
For the most part I could tell she and the wolves had gotten over their initial fear of flying, so I knew she was avoiding me.
It crushed me in many ways. Firstly, because I'd wounded her so deeply, we couldn't even enjoy our previous friendship, and secondly, with the absence of her companionship, I truly realized how much I cared for her in return.
I knew fixing the rift could be as easy as telling her, but every time I worked up the courage, she left or someone else was around. It never seemed to be the right time and finding her was half the struggle.
On the third morning of our flight, I woke up early. When I found everyone else still sleeping in their bunks, I headed above deck with my satchel and books to get some fresh air and hopefully, some breakfast.
Above deck, there was only a skeleton crew at that hour of day, so when I spotted a large object off to the ship’s port-side, I was justifiably concerned.
Luckily, at the same moment, Captain Baeley appeared at her station.
"Captain Baeley, what's that, over there?"
She squinted to where I pointed, and her face tightened. Instead of answering, she strode across the deck, whispered something into the ear of the mizzen mate, who scrambled up the mid-mast as quickly as one of the small animals in the Low Forest climbed a tree.
My concern was quickly turning to alarm, even though I couldn't help but be impressed by the ease with which the D'ahvol man moved. It was a good argument for why elves and humans made good matches when it came to offspring, not the drivel I frequently heard back home.
She turned to me and smiled. "Good eye, Princess." She raised an eyebrow. "You'd make a good spotter. You ever been up top?"
I followed her gaze toward the lookout post, high above the ship, and felt a little dizzy. "No, I haven't."
She nodded, biting her lip as her eyes bored into me.
I began to feel self-conscious, my skin prickling as though she was trying to somehow look under it and read my inner thoughts. But her gaze softened, and I brushed the strange thought aside until she spoke.
"Well, it seems like something we should probably rectify."
I swallowed hard, gesturing in the direction I'd seen the dark object to deflect her. "I'd like that sometime. But what is that thing? What did I see?"
She rolled her eyes, her face resuming her usual, easy-going expression.
"Ah, just a few dragons. Don't worry. My crew know what to do about them. We shouldn't be bothered too much."
I turned to look for the dark object again, but whatever I'd seen was out of sight. I cocked my head to the side as I looked at her. "Dragons? Are they usually a problem?"
"From time to time they like to see our airships up close. They can be a nuisance, but we’re well equipped to deal with them. I haven't lost any passengers … yet." She winked.
I opened my mouth, ready to question her further when a crew member shouted from behind us. She turned on her heel and jogged over. The shipmate hadn't sounded frightened and as I no longer saw what I assumed was the dragon, I headed to my favorite reading spot to do more research.
"Hey, how's everything going?"
I blinked, realizing my neck was stiff, and my eyes were scratchy. I took a moment to stretch, before turning to smile at Will. He’d already assumed his usual nonchalant position of leaning against the deck railing, but he was looking at my book with interest.
"Good, I think." I flipped through the pages, holding up a picture of the area. "This is where we're going."
The picture I’d chosen was one which highlighted the lush greenery of the area. "Apparently, not long ago, this place used to be some sort of paradise. A place where edible harvests abounded, and hunting was rich. Sometime after this narrative was written, it turned into the desert we now know as the Northwestern Lands."
I narrowed my eyes, still trying to shape the ill-formed ideas running through my head.
"I think it has something to do with what happened during the Dark War. Perhaps it was all the battles they had tearing up the land, but I’m wondering if it happened when Suun trapped Dag’draath."
"Could be. I'd imagine a spell with enough juice to trap a god would take a great deal of energy, even for another god."
"Exactly what I was thinking. What if the reason it's a desert now is because of the energy cost? We all know magic takes a lot of energy from either the practitioner, Lynia, or both. Maybe the prison is breaking because the energy is almost used up."
"Hmmm, sounds logical." He winked at me and I looked away.
My cheeks felt warm. Was I was blushing? I wasn't used to people praising anything I did. I forced myself to ignore my self-consciousness and looked around. No one else was nearby, so I quickly changed the subject.
"Is anyone else awake?" I tried to keep my voice light, but his knowing look told me I hadn't fooled him.
"No, Gwen and the wolves are still sleeping, and I think Sel may have found a nest of hornets to snuggle, given the noises I can hear coming from him."
I chuckled, remembering the loud snoring which had woken me this morning. "Can I ask you something?"
He plopped down beside me on the bench before I could say another word. "About Gwen?" His voice was strangely soft.
I nodded, certain my frustration and sadness were as obvious as I thought they were. "Yeah, I don't know what to do."
"Well, the first step is to figure out what you want to do. How do you feel about the idea of having a relationship with her?"
"Honestly? I think it’s what I want. But I haven't had a chance to even speak with her since we boarded. Here we are, basically trapped on a ship together with neither of us able to escape, and every time I try to have a conversation with her, she runs away or makes sure somebody else is around." I could hear the petulant whine in my voice and winced. "I must sound childish to you."
He snorted. "Not at all. Look, I'm no expert on matters of the heart, but I think you need to keep trying. She’s a lot softer than she appears."
When I drew my eyebrows together, unsure where he was going with his line of thinking, he shook his head. I heard a trace of laughter in his voice now.
"Not physically softer. I mean, for all she comes across as tough, her heart is far more tender than yours. You have a toughness, a kind of single-mindedness about you I don't recognize in her. She may be prone to fits of anger or fighting when threatened…"
&nbs
p; I knew we were both thinking of the fight at the tavern before we departed. “She does like to fight.”
I smirked as he touched his nose before nodding.
"But a lot of the physical acting out she does is because she's not sure how to express her emotions, any more than you are. It took a great deal of courage for her to tell you she cared in the first place. I think she's probably used up her supply for now." He hesitated, as if debating whether to tell me, then spoke in a rush. "You may have to push her. And what I mean is you may have to take her aside and spell it out for her. Because I have a feeling she’s going to avoid you until the end of the trip, even if she sticks around to help."
My shoulders slumped under the heavy weight I’d been carrying since the tavern. It felt like it had been hovering and now was firmly on top of me, squeezing the air out of my chest.
He was right.
I would have to show her. I’d already known the next move would have to be mine, but it would have to be something impressive to get past the wall of brooding she’d erected between us.
"What should I do?" I hoped he had some ideas, because I was stumped. "What would you do if you needed to apologize to someone you had feelings for?"
"I've never really had that issue." He wiggled his eyebrows. "All I have to do is flash a smile and tell them they're attractive and I've had no problems."
At my look of disappointment, he relented.
"Really, I've never been in your position. I've either known from the start somebody was into me or been the one to end things."
I exhaled, wishing as I did the weight would fly away with it. I forced a smile I didn't feel. "Thanks anyway. I think I have some work to do. Who knows? Maybe I'll read something helpful."
He clapped me on the back and stood just as she came on deck, followed by Swift. He shot me a wink, turning toward Captain Baeley, who was standing at the stern.
When Gwen saw me, I watched her steps falter. She adjusted her trajectory just enough she headed away from me, giving me a slight wave of acknowledgment before heading to look over the side, as if she’d planned to go there all along.
Reluctantly, I picked my book up again. It didn't look like this morning was going to be my chance to make amends either.
I’d only managed to read a few pages when the soft warmth of fur against my leg caused me to look down. Swift was sitting beside me, looking at me with an expression I could only describe as curious.
I smiled, greeting him by burying my face in his fur with a wave of sadness. "Good morning, Swift. She’s still mad at me, isn't she?" I drew back like I thought he would respond. I knew he was just a wolf, but the look he gave me was so patient and sympathetic it made me feel he understood.
At first, I’d thought Gwen was with him, but I could now see he'd wandered over while she was speaking with one of the crew. She still stood in the same spot she’d been when I'd picked up my book.
I looked down again, keeping my voice low. "It would be wonderful if you could tell me how to apologize and tell her I care about her, too. I never meant to hurt her feelings. I was just so surprised I didn't have a chance to find the words before she ran away. And now she won't have anything to do with me."
Swift didn't answer, but pressed his head more firmly into my side, as though he was hugging me back. The warmth of his fur gave me hope. Even though she wasn't looking at me, I felt my resolve strengthen.
I knew I would do whatever it took to tell her how I felt. After all, if Will thought I was hardhearted, surely, I could handle a little bit of a bruise to that organ, if it meant a chance at achieving true love and getting my friend back.
Chapter 10
My resolve was tested almost immediately. Shortly after the realization I was willing to fight for her love, Swift trotted back to Gwen.
She’d patted him with a strange look on her face, glancing at me beneath her lashes. My cheeks flushed and I looked down at the book instead of meeting her eyes.
I realized I'd been staring at the page without turning it for far too long and shut the book. Steeling myself to meet her cold eyes, I looked up only to find she’d vanished. I scanned the deck, but she wasn’t anywhere. Disappointment bitter in my mouth, I stared at the last place I'd seen her and completely missed Captain Baeley coming up behind me.
"All right, I wasn't going to say anything." She spoke boldly and I looked up, surprised at her presence and the tone of her voice.
"Excuse me? About what?"
She sat next to me, gesturing at the emptiness beside me, where the ghost of Gwen still lingered.
"About her. Anyone can see you two are made for each other. So, I want to know what happened between you two in the time between you asking me for a ride and returning from the tavern. Something big must've gone down at the Barmy Badger to cause a rift as wide as the distance between Bruhier and the Low Forest." She watched me with an uncomfortable shrewdness.
My gaze slid away. I tried to compose something logical she’d believe, but when I looked back, I knew I wouldn't be able to pull anything over on her wise, experienced eyes. I got the feeling she could spot a lie from a mile away. Just like Will, she was obviously a far better judge of emotions and social behavior than I.
"I hurt Gwen's feelings." At her raised eyebrows, I hastened to clarify what I meant. "It wasn’t intentional. I wouldn't have hurt her, I don’t think, if I’d been prepared."
I exhaled, looking at my empty hands laying limp in my lap. I couldn't help but think if I hadn't screwed up, they might be holding Gwen’s right now.
Captain Baeley chuckled dryly. "So that's the way of it. I thought as much."
She sounded upbeat but I could tell she wasn't laughing at me, more at a remembered event from her own life. Her eyes were warm but had a wistful look, and hope grew in my chest. Maybe she’d know what to say to fix this. After all, she was a woman, too.
"Will told me what I’d done, even before we left the tavern, and I've been trying to find a way to apologize ever since. But she won't have anything to do with me. I'm not sure I can fix the damage before she has a chance to leave. I’ll never see her again." I sniffed, the hot prickle of tears of disappointment and sorrow desperately trying to punch their way out.
She put her arm around me and gave me a tight, motherly hug.
"It feels like that now, but these are the early days yet." She turned, moving so both of her strong hands gripped my shoulders. As she looked into my eyes, conviction shone clearly out. "If you want to get her back, you’re going to need to fight for her. It's not like in a book, where you learn about some glorious history of people long ago, or even a book people invent where everything has a happy ending. You're a Librarian. You need to be the hero of your own story if you hope to work this out."
I shook my head. It was hopeless. "It's not that easy. I've never had feelings for anyone before and I've never messed up someone else's declaration of love. If only I’d been quicker on my feet, or could go back in time and fix…" I trailed off, unable to find words to express my disappointment and despair.
Her face remained unchanged. "Look, you're a Librarian. That means something around these parts. Librarians are more than mere keepers of books and histories. You need to be more than someone who reads and stockpiles information. A Librarian protects knowledge. They decide who gets to have it, and more. They are warriors, explorers, and adventurers."
I shook my head, knowing she was talking about more than just a relationship, but not understanding. "What does my being a Librarian have to do with getting Gwen back? I mean, it's not why she loves me, or why she's upset. So how can being a Librarian help?"
To my surprise, she winked. “Look, Princess, I've had more than one Librarian aboard my ship over the years. Every single one of them had the kind of grit and steel you don't find around every corner. I know you have it in you, but I’m not sure you do. So, what are you going to do about your situation?"
I shrugged against her almost uncomfortably tight grip.
She removed her hands and sat back, leaning against the back of the bench as she observed me without speaking. The silence stretched out, becoming awkward by the time I realized she was waiting for me to come up with an idea.
"The only idea I have is to find her and tell her I'm sorry. But she won't even let me do that. I think I need a grand gesture, but what can I do on a ship? My options are limited, even if I can manage to get her alone."
Her face lit up, and a sly smile spread across her face. "You want to know what to do on a ship? Follow me. I've got something to show you." She stood up and began walking. When it looked like she had no intention of waiting, I shoved my books in my satchel and raced after her.
"Wow."
I felt as though I was in a whole new world. If being aboard an airship wasn’t magical enough, when she took me up to the crow's nest and I looked out, it was as though I was the only living creature in the world. I was floating in the clouds. Without being able to see any part of the ship around me as I looked out, I felt minuscule, yet simultaneously powerful. I turned to her; positive she could see how awed I was when she started chuckling.
"Exactly. Most people I've brought up here have been flabbergasted, much as you are right now. I know Gwen was frightened when she first boarded the ship, but she's a brave girl and it settled. I have a feeling this may be the trick. Here's what I propose.”
I leaned in closer, trying to catch every word. It was oddly loud so high up as the gulls shrieked over the water.
She continued. "Based on your own admission, pretty much everybody has more experience with matters of the heart than you do. So, if I was trying to impress someone, what I’d do is bring them up here and create a private picnic. Once you’re alone with your captive audience, you can pour your heart out and let her know how sorry you are."
I blinked for a moment as her words sank in, realizing once they had how perfect her idea was. Before I could stop myself, I'd thrown myself at her spontaneously, hugging a woman I hardly knew. I pulled back quickly, grateful she wasn’t upset based on her peals of laughter.
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