Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  My hand was on fire and starting to bleed, but I pulled her back and easily lifted her feet off the ground. “Not happening, Jules. You’re coming with me.”

  “What’s going on here?” The bouncer was big and burly, his head shaved. He had tattoos on his huge arms and neck, and several piercings in his face.

  “You’ll find drugs on him.” I pointed as I began to drag Julia backwards toward the door. “He drugged my friend without her knowledge. I’m getting her out of here before she gets sick. He tried to sell to me at the bar, also. I’m not going to apologize for knocking him on his ass. Nothing was broken, and I don’t want any trouble; I just want to take her home.”

  An astonished Ellie watched it all go down and followed me out. My hand was wrapped around Julia’s wrist like a vice, dragging her out through the door as she fought against me. “Stop! Leave me alone!”

  I didn’t acknowledge her and continued through the dark parking lot toward my black CRV.

  “Ryan, I have my car here. I can take her.”

  “Not a chance, Ellie. I’m taking her back to my place. Aaron’s at Jen’s tonight, and this shit is going to make things weird. Do you feel okay? Did they drug you, too?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Ryan, I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to go with you.”

  “Why not?” I ignored the implications but the look on her face spoke volumes. “Bye, Ellie.” I called over my shoulder after I turned Julia and started walking.

  Ellie stopped to get into her car as Julia and I continued toward mine. Julia started struggling against my hand, her nails biting into my skin as she tried to pry my fingers from around her wrist. “Why won’t you let me go be with Collin?” She was starting to get angry now. “Why do you care, anyway? I’m surprised you aren’t already balls deep in that skinny skank you were with! Let go, Ryan!”

  Without a word, I bent and hoisted her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “No, Julia. Enough!” Her dress was short, barely covering her ass that was level with my face. She kicked her feet and pummeled my back with her fists. “I’m not going to let you get used by that bastard. You can do what you want when you’re lucid, but it’s not happening when you’re hopped up on that shit. You’ll thank me tomorrow.”

  “You’re supposed to be my best friend!” Julia cried as she bounced a little on my shoulder as I took steady strides to the far end of the lot.

  “Exactly.”

  “I want to go back and be with Collin!”

  “Quiet,” I commanded without breaking my stride. “You don’t know what you want right now. That fucker’s lucky he’s still breathing.”

  It was a winter night, as cold as I’d ever seen it in Northern California, other than that one freak storm Valentine’s Day of sophomore year. It was maybe thirty or forty degrees, and Julia started to shiver as I deposited her onto the front seat of my CRV and buckled her in. She’d settled down like the flip of a light switch and lightly touched my jaw. I paused to look at her face. Her fingers lingered, and I wanted to lean in to her touch but resisted the urge.

  I knew it was the drug that put that longing look on her face, but damn if I didn’t wish it were real. “I love you, Ryan.”

  “Ten seconds ago, you hated me, Jules. That asshole drugged you. You love everybody right now. That’s the problem.” I shut the door, went around to the driver’s side, and climbed in.

  It took ten minutes to get to my apartment, and in that time, she was pulling at her dress, saying she was hot, then screaming and yanking at her hair, sure that cockroaches were crawling all over her.

  I’d tried Ecstasy once in high school, and it made me feel fucking great, but not until after I thought I was being eaten alive by red ants, and then everything turned into a psychedelic blur. Later, I’d just felt warm and energized and very, very horny. I would have fucked a hole in the wall if that were all I could find, and I hoped to hell Julia didn’t go in that direction. Given my recent and on-going struggle with my reaction to Julia, I knew I wasn’t the best person to be with Julia right now. Ellie had been right, but I didn’t trust anyone else to take care of her. Ellie wouldn’t be strong enough to stop her if she needed to be stopped from doing anything dumb.

  After I parked, Julia was still screaming. I rushed around and pulled her out of the car, grabbing both of her wrists in a frantic effort to keep her from ripping her hair out. “Honey! Julia! Julia, there are no bugs on you!”

  She stopped struggling and moaned, bending over at the waist. She heaved violently at both of our feet, the liquid contents of her stomach splattering sickeningly on the cold concrete, the temperature contrast causing steam to rise. I held her propped up against my body with one arm and pulled her hair back with the other. Julia jerked violently against me for three more heaves. “Gross,” she moaned. “Oh, God.” Her hand pushed her hair back on the side opposite where I was holding

  My nose wrinkled at the foul stench, and my own stomach protested. “Are you done?”

  She nodded weakly and straightened. “I don’t feel good.”

  I wondered if the X had fully entered her system or if she’d managed to purge some of it. At least some of the alcohol was out.

  “I know. Come on.” I bent to lift her into my arms bridal style. This was the first time I’d carried her this close to me. I’d given her piggyback rides, and we’d leaned in to each other often enough, I’d hugged her several times, but this was the first time I had her fully in my arms. She was so small and snuggled into my chest like a child. It felt amazing and right, as if she trusted me more than anyone in the world. Despite the vomiting, her hair smelled like shampoo, and her perfume wafted up gently.

  “What did he give me?” She didn’t accuse me of lying about the prick drugging her.

  “X. You’ll be okay.”

  “What will it do to me?”

  “Some of it’s happened already. The light show and the illusion of the bugs, though not everyone gets affected the same way. It’s supposed to make you feel good, but it has side effects.”

  Aaron and I had the basement apartment in a big, old house close to campus, and I had to set Julia down to unlock the door. She leaned up against the wall of the house, gazing at me as if she’d never seen me before, her eyes wide and wondrous.

  I pushed the door open and waited for her to precede me in, but she didn’t. She just kept staring at me. I waved her in.

  “God, you’re beautiful, Ryan.” Her green eyes were soft and full of love. My heart stopped.

  It was cold, and she should be freezing. “Nah.” I took her hand and pulled her over the threshold. The last thing I needed was for Julia to go all lovey-dovey, touchy-feely on me. I just didn’t know how well I’d be able to resist. She was the beautiful one, so beautiful; even after she’d just puked her guts out, she made my heart stop. I wanted to tell her how breathless I’d been the first time I’d seen her tonight, but clamped my mouth shut. Anything that happened now was due to the drug, and I wouldn’t put either one of us in that position. Julia was the most important person to me, and I couldn’t trust that we’d be okay on the other side if something physical happened. I suddenly realized I wanted that look on her face to be real, not the result of a drug-induced haze.

  “You are.” Her voice was filled with something that sounded like wonder, and her hand came to rest on my chest as she gazed up into my face. She moved in close enough for her nose to brush my jaw. “Everyone thinks so. Every girl I know says so. They all want you.” I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t stand there one more second without touching her or turning my head the fraction of an inch necessary to make our lips touch. I closed my eyes for a beat.

  “Wait here, sweetheart.” I moved her to the couch and pushed her gently down, then went into my room and grabbed a pair of my sweats, socks, and long sleeve T-shirt off the stack of clean clothes sitting on the dresser.

  Shit. My heart was pounding a mile
a minute. I ran my hand through my hair before leaving the room and offering Julia the clothes.

  “Ryan…” Her voice was soft, imploring, her hand ran up my forearm, and electricity skittered across my skin. “You’re so strong.”

  “Jesus, Julia, you gotta change, okay? I’ll give you my bed, and I’ll stay in Aaron’s room. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

  “I feel good now. Different; but really good. It’s like all my senses are in overdrive. I don’t feel like sleeping. I want to touch… to be touched.”

  I wondered how the drug would interact with the alcohol and was thankful she’d purged so much out by the car.

  “Well, I feel like hell. My head is killing me, and I’d really like to lie down.” I knew my voice sounded irritated, but I didn’t know how else to handle her and make her do what I needed her to do. And that was to get ready for bed and get behind a closed door.

  Her expression fell and I felt like an asshole, but it had the desired result. Julia rose and walked away, stumbling slightly, into the bathroom. “Fine,” she muttered shortly, disappearing into the bathroom, the door closing with unneeded force behind her.

  I went back into my room, past the bathroom, and quickly changed into my own pair of sweats and an old gray T-shirt. I wondered briefly whether Leah got home all right, but it was beyond me to try to make two unwilling women bend to my will. It was hard enough with Julia.

  I glanced at the digital clock by my bed. It was almost two in the morning. I ran both hands through my hair. I was worried about what to expect when she emerged. She seemed more relaxed than I felt when I’d done the drug that one time. Shit, it would help if I knew more about it. Maybe puking got rid of some of it, though that seemed unlikely since some of the effect had started before we left the bar.

  “Ryan?” Julia’s voice behind me made me jump.

  “Jesus!” My hand flew to my chest. “You scared me.” She was only dressed in the shirt and the socks, and both were way too large for her. Her legs were still bare above the slouchy socks, and her hair was wet. I could see her puckered nipples and the full, round contours of her breasts beneath the thin material. I closed my eyes, shaking my head to try to clear the vision from my brain before my dick got any ideas. I wasn’t one hundred percent successful. “Um… did you take a shower?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why aren’t you wearing those sweats I gave you?”

  “I’m hot. Too hot.”

  Yeah. She could say that again.

  My room was a mess. Sheet music had been knocked off the keyboard and was strewn around carelessly, mixed in with the clothes I’d just discarded and three pairs of shoes. I bent, trying to distract myself, and began picking everything up; stacking the music on the bench and shoving the dirty clothes into my now empty hamper. I threw the shoes haphazardly into the closet and turned on the bedside lamp, switching off the overhead light.

  Her fingers slid down my forearm from behind to clasp around my hand. She gently tugged to turn me around, and inched closer to the bed.

  “Don’t do that now. Come lie down with me.”

  I knew it was the best and worst idea ever. My chest rose and fell as I breathed in and out. I sucked in one of those deep breaths that pushes your lungs to capacity. Julia’s eyes were wide and dark, the pupils dilated—a sign of the drug—but, her expression was serene and relaxed.

  “Julia…” I hesitated. “You should just go to sleep.”

  “I told you I don’t want to sleep.”

  “I know.” I sat on the bed and used our joined hands to pull her down to sit beside me. My other hand came out to the side of her cheek. “But I can’t lie with you tonight.”

  Her brows furrowed and her lower lip jutted out in a slight pout. “Why? We’ve slept together before.”

  Because I want you so bad and the drug will make you willing; maybe even aggressive. I shouldn’t say what I was thinking, but a version of it spilled out. “Because… I’ve had too much to drink and we might do something we’ll regret in the light of day. Because… you’re my best friend.”

  Her eyes shimmered and became luminous as they glassed over. My thumb rubbed along her jaw, and I leaned in to place a lingering kiss on her cheek. I let myself breathe her in, memorizing the way her skin felt under my mouth, the way she smelled, and the rhythm of her breath.

  “I don’t want you to be my best friend,” she whispered and I knew it was honest. I felt the same way. “Sometimes.”

  “I know. But I am.”

  When I pulled back, she nodded, unspoken understanding passing between us. I stood and pulled back the covers, careful not to watch too closely as she crawled underneath.

  “Will you play for me? I bet it will sound really amazing right now.”

  “Okay. Just a couple songs.” I moved away and sat down, running my hands over the keys playing a song I knew she loved. The melody was soft, lilting, and soothing.

  I played for over an hour without saying a word. When the notes faded, I glanced to the bed. Julia’s eyes were closed, the covers pulled up to her chin as she curled on her side. She was so gorgeous. My heart squeezed inside my chest as I moved to the bed, my eyes never leaving her face. I wanted to kiss her but shut the light off instead, using the soft ray of light filtering in from the other room to see as I left.

  “Ryan?”

  I stopped without turning around. “Yeah?” I said over my shoulder.

  “Coffee tomorrow, right?”

  “Sure. It’s Sunday, isn’t it?”

  Chapter 11

  The Morning After

  ~Julia

  I rolled over when the sun shone in my eyes. I felt like hell as I willed my eyes open. They resisted. My head hurt, and my stomach still hated me. I wanted to barf. The only pleasant thing going for me was that I was surrounded by Ryan’s scent. I must be dreaming, I thought. But who felt like crap in their dreams?

  “Ugh,” I moaned softly and rolled over, my face squishing more fully into the pillow. After a couple more deep breaths, I was able to open my eyes. At first they were blurry, and I rubbed them and blinked a couple of times. I sat straight up in bed when I realized I was in Ryan’s room. What was I doing in Ryan’s room? My heart dropped as panic washed over me.

  My stomach lurched, and I jumped from the bed and scrambled into the bathroom, but I felt dizzy and I stumbled. Somehow, I managed to make it to the toilet and threw up violently. My head felt like the top would fly off with each heave of my stomach. I was on my bare knees on the cold linoleum floor; dry heaves racking my body, when Ryan appeared in the doorway. I didn’t see his face because of my position bent over the toilet, but I heard his voice, and his bare feet and gray sweats appeared in my peripheral vision.

  “Julia, are you okay?”

  I couldn’t talk as another heave burst forth. Ryan crouched down on his haunches, pulled back my hair, and held it behind me until the misery subsided. My eyes started to tear with the efforts of my stomach. Not only did I feel like death, but also Ryan was seeing me at my absolute worst. Ryan, of all people.

  “No,” I finally managed when the heaving subsided. I sat back on the cold floor and leaned on the wall opposite the stool. “I think I’m dying.”

  Ryan wiped at my mouth with a warm washcloth and tears rolled down my face. He sat next to me, put his arm right around me, and pulled me close against his side. I leaned into him helplessly as the fingers of his hand rubbed my right arm. “You’re okay.”

  I shook my head and buried my face into his neck. “No I’m not. I’m sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry for. You’ll feel better after you eat something.”

  “Gross!” I felt his chin rest on the top of my head and I wanted to cry. Finally I was in his arms and it was because I was puking my guts up. “I’m sorry!” I said again, finally letting the tears flow and a sob break free. “You sh—shouldn’t have to see me like this.”

  “Hey,” he said softly, his arm tightening around me. “Stop. I
t’s okay. What are friends for?”

  I reached up and put my arm around his neck. “Ryan.” My eyes were closed and tears squeezed out. “You’re too good to me.”

  “It’s mutual, Jules, don’t worry about it.”

  “Nuh uh. I don’t have to hold your hair back while you puke your guts out wearing just your underwear.”

  “You’re not just in your underwear.” He smiled gently, wiping a tear off my cheek with his thumb. He was so gentle I wanted to cry; literally wail at how perfect he was. “You’re also wearing my shirt.”

  All I could do was nod and breathe as he held me and continued to massage the flesh of my arm. He sat with me on the floor for at least ten minutes, just holding me, until finally, I pulled back and reached for a piece of toilet paper to wipe my nose with. My head still felt like it would explode, but my stomach did feel a little better.

  “You’re not going to make me drink tomato juice with raw egg in it, are you?” I asked weakly. “I think I’ll barf some more if you do.”

  “Nah.” He stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet, using my momentum to bring me into a hug. “You’ll be fine. I think you should drink some water, take some aspirin and maybe have some dry toast, if you’re up to it.” My hands closed around his biceps and they flexed as he pulled me closer. It felt like heaven. He released me gently and reached up to push my hair behind my ear on one side of my face. “Are you?”

  “Just the water and aspirin for now.”

  “The aspirin might make your stomach hurt, if it’s empty.” He took my hand and led me out of the bathroom and down the hall to the kitchen.

  “Okay, Dr. Ryan.” I smiled secretly. He couldn’t see my face as we made our way to the kitchen because I was behind him, but I was enjoying every second of his hand holding mine. It was as if an electric current ran between our hands. It made my heart beat wildly in my chest though I knew I looked like hell. Maybe I smelled like vomit, even. The thought horrified me since I’d just spent several minutes in his arms.