by Kahlen Aymes
"What’s it look like I’m doing? Eating," I grinned at her as I took back the knife. "This," I said as I pointed to the cake, "and not that." I nodded toward the pizza.
"No." She said sternly, trying to keep a straight face. "Can't you wait until the others are ready?"
"Um...no. I can't. What's your point?" She laughed and shook her head as I dug into the creamy dessert I'd just placed on my plate. I took a big bite and the sweet creaminess melted on my tongue. "God...Julia. This is incredible."
She smiled, taking the knife from my hand, and turned toward the beautiful cake decorated with cherries, whipped cream and chocolate shavings.
I shook my head at her as I realized her intentions. "No. That's mine.” I teased her. “First and last piece, at least.”
The corners of her mouth lifted in a smile that challenged me as she cut a slice from the cake and loaded it onto a plate.
"You mean, this first piece?" she goaded me.
"Yeah. That first piece.” I put down my half-eaten cheesecake, reaching for her plate.
She pulled it back and raised her eyebrows, digging a fork into it and raised it to her mouth. "Mmmm...damn! I amaze even myself sometimes!" She giggled, her face alight with laughter.
The others settled in the living room with their pizza while we bantered in the kitchen.
"Julia. I'm warning you. Not one more bite, I mean it," I growled at her, but with laughter in my voice.
"Oh... you want some?" Laughing as she licked the fork clean. "Why didn't you say so?" She set her fork down and dug her fingers into her cake and then smashed some of it into my face with a smirk.
I opened my mouth to try to take most of it in, but she smeared a little on my face and then licked her fingers. I laughed with her as her eyes widened. "Good, yes?"
I used my thumb to wipe some of the cake off my face and licked it off. More fell off my face onto the floor.
"Um...very. Delicious, thank you," My mouth was full and I had a big-ass grin on my face.
She picked up her fork and proceeded to calmly resume eating the cake on her plate as I watched; acting as if nothing was out of sorts, while I stood in front of her with my face a complete mess. Her eyes were daring me, teasing and sparkling as she pulled the fork upside down from her mouth.
Turnabout was fair play. Most of my cheesecake was gone, so I set my fork aside, picked up the remainder of it and smashed it in her face. "You really have to try this, too, Julia! Yummy...!"
She pushed me away. We struggled and giggled with each other, until both of us burst out laughing.
Mom's voice called from the other room. "What on earth is going on in there?" she said with a laugh.
"Oh...they're just being...them," Aaron shot out.
"It's good to hear Ryan laugh like that." Dad said. "He's been struggling. This is the first time I've heard him happy in months."
I turned to the sink after I got control of the laughing and began cleaning up my face with a damp paper towel. Julia had sobered too, watching me and standing still, her eyes burning into mine as I wiped the remnants of the cheesecake from the smooth skin of her cheeks and chin and then her lower lip. The tension between us was so thick it could’ve been cut with a knife.
I wanted to lick the delicious stuff off of her face, mostly as an excuse to kiss her, but I knew that I shouldn't. Ever since the almost kiss in the club, it was all I could think about.
"Will you go for a ride with me?" I asked as I took her hand. The time had come. We had to talk before I left.
"Um...what about helping?"
"They'll survive without us for an hour or so. I want to talk to you. Just us." She dropped her gaze and I rubbed my thumb over the top of her hand. "Come on, Julia. I know we've avoided it, but we need this, okay?"
She raised her eyes to mine and her face softened and she nodded. "Yeah."
I turned with her hand in mine and walked to the door.
"Save me at least one more piece of each of these cakes, Aaron Matthews, or I'll have your ass on a platter." I threw over my shoulder as I pulled Julia behind me out the door. The six people in the other room watched us leave without saying a word.
We drove silently until we reached the coffee shop where Julia and I spent every Sunday morning together. It was our thing to have breakfast, read the paper and talk without any of the others around. Even these past two months, we still spent Sunday morning together without fail.
I walked around and opened her door and as it closed behind her, I took her hand again. It felt like she was my girlfriend; the electricity at the briefest of touches setting me on edge.
I ordered our usual. "Double shot soy cappuccino, and iced coffee with sugar-free vanilla syrup and a splash of cream. Both large please." I paid for the drinks and brought them back to the table, and sat down opposite Julia so I could look at her unabashed.
She fiddled with her coffee, adding a packet of Splenda, and stirring it with her spoon. She was my Julia, no matter if she was dressed to kill or in cut-off jean shorts and that damned blue blouse.
She bit her lip and looked at me finally. I touched her hand across the table, my fingers tracing over hers.
"I know we've been trying to put some distance between us, but I'm going to miss you, Jules."
"I'll miss you, too. I didn't want distance necessarily, I just wanted to make it easier and it did help, didn't it?" she asked quietly.
"I won't know the answer until I get to Boston and I can’t see you."
She swallowed and took a shaky breath, her green eyes liquid as she stared into my face. "You’ll be an amazing doctor, Ryan; and you'll change so many lives."
"That's just great, Julia. I mean, I appreciate your support, but can you be a little less fucking philosophical, please?" I let go of her hand as I sat back in my chair angrily running a hand through my hair in frustration. "I understand your motives for pushing me away, but frankly it pisses me off!"
"What do you want me to say?" she asked quietly. "You've worked so hard, we both have, and I.."
"I want you to tell me that you’ll be as miserable as I will! That you're pissed at both of us for wasting so much time these past months when we could have been together...and..."
Her eyes widened as she waited for me to continue. "And...what, Ryan?" she finally said, impatiently.
"That you'll come with me," I said in a rush, not really meaning to say it out loud.
Julia looked at me for a moment. "I suppose I could. I have the time off because I was going to go to San Francisco. I'll have to tell my dad, but I don't have any interviews lined up for a week."
She thought I was asking her to drive out to Boston with me until I got settled in, and that was all.
"No, Julia. I mean, sure, I'd love to have you make the drive with me..." I leaned forward to take her hand in mine again, "but I mean move to Boston with me."
I'd finally said what I'd been fighting so hard against since the day I'd gotten my acceptance letter. All the voices in my head, telling me that it was unfair to ask this of her, could go straight to hell.
She gasped and the shock showed on her face.
"But...I'm applying at places like Glamour and Vogue magazines, Ryan. Ellie is trying to get a major fashion house and those are in New York and Los Angeles. Harris's band is moving to L.A." She stopped and sighed. "We talked about this so many times, why are you bringing this up now?"
I took a deep breath and looked away, my jaw setting in protest.
"Hell! I don't know, Julia! I was trying not to be selfish, I guess!"
"Ryan, Ellie is counting on me being with her and she wants L.A. so bad."
Anger welled inside of me and heat rushed under the surface of the skin on my face.
"So you will move anywhere Ellie wants, but you won't even consider being near me, is that it? Who the hell is your best friend, anyway?" My voice rose in volume and people at the next table looked at me. I wasn't fighting fair, but I felt like I was fighting for my fucking l
ife.
"That isn't how it is and you know it, you big ass! You know the damn answer to that! I'm going to move where I get the best job offer, regardless of who’s around, and you know it! Boston is not a city where I can land a gig at a major magazine." She was seething, her breathing getting faster as she glared at me.
My eyes met hers unflinchingly as I considered my next words carefully, my hand pulling on my lower lip.
"Julia, I know, okay?" I said finally.
"So what? If I were as selfish as you, I would’ve let you give up Harvard, but you mean more to me than that!"
I sighed; my chest expanding until I thought it would burst. I wanted to kiss her and yell at her all at the same time. She infuriated the shit out of me, but I loved her so damn much.
"So can you at least say that you'll be in New York instead of fucking L.A.?"
Her eyes welled up with tears. "You're asking a lot, Ryan. Ellie will be disappointed if I don't try to get to L.A."
I put both fists over my eyes and rubbed them both furiously, before lifting my head and looking at her.
"And I'll be devastated to be 3000 miles away from you, so just...do what you have to do, then," I said, defeated. She brushed a tear furiously from her cheek as her face crumpled. I instantly regretted putting her in this position. "Look, Julia, I'm sorry. Just forget it.”
"No, it's too late, Ryan," her voice trembled and she took a long drink of her coffee. "You're asking me to completely throw away all the resumes that I've sent out and start over, move to the largest city in the world alone, just so we can see each other maybe once a month on the weekend?!"
"Yes." I confirmed without flinching.
"Who does that?" she shook her head and shrugged.
I leaned toward her. "We do. We do, Julia."
She stared at me for a good two minutes as she struggled to control her emotions. Finally, she nodded.
"Okay, but I'm not hauling dessert on the train between New York and Boston all the damn time."
I jumped up from my chair and pulled her up and into my arms, crushing her to my chest. The familiar scent of her perfume flooded my senses and it felt so good to hold her little body next to mine.
"So... are you still driving to Boston with me tomorrow, or what?" I said into her neck and her arms tightened around my waist. We both burst out laughing and my heart soared.
"Yeah. Just try to stop me."
I closed my eyes as I breathed her in.
Thank you, God.
Julia~
After we loaded everything into the truck, filled Aaron's jeep to capacity and stuffed the back of Ryan's CRV as full as possible, I hugged Gabriel and Elyse goodbye. They were going to fly to Chicago and everyone else was taking off for Boston early the next morning.
I needed to talk with Ellie about my decision about New York. I was scared for more reasons than one, but my heart told me it was the right thing for me. The smile on Ryan's beautiful face had been worth the price of the decision.
My heart beat wildly in my chest and a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. The sadness at being so far away from him disappeared. I still couldn't be certain where I'd end up, but just the decision to try to get closer had settled me.
Ellie might be upset and I didn't look forward to that conversation, but L.A. had been more her goal than mine. She was aware of my feelings for Ryan, so hopefully she'd understand.
I hugged everyone goodbye and then Ryan ran me back to my apartment. Jenna was staying with the guys at their apartment in sleeping bags in their living room. Ellie and Harris had already left and would probably be at my apartment.
I took out my phone and dialed my dad.
"Hullo," my dad's gruff voice answered at the other end of the line.
"Hey, Dad."
"Jules! What have you been up to today?"
"I've been over at Ryan's and Aaron's helping them get packed up. They're leaving for Boston tomorrow."
"Yeah, that's great. Tell them both that I wish them the best at Harvard. You okay with Ryan leaving?"
I smiled, "Yeah. Dad, about that. I thought I’d drive to Boston with him and then he'll fly me back next week. I know it's last minute but I’d really like to."
"Oh. Well, what about next week?" I could hear his TV in the background.
"I can't. I have an interview in Los Angeles with Condé Nast. Maybe after that, but it's all up in the air. I may need to cancel my trip to Kansas City if I have interviews."
"What's Condé Nast?" he asked, but I wondered if he was really listening.
"A publishing house," I answered and I saw Ryan tense and glance my way. The wheels were turning in his over-intelligent frontal lobe.
"Listen, Julia, I have court tomorrow and need to prepare. Just let me know where you are a few times while you're on the road and when you get to Boston. Will Ellie be able to pick you up at the airport when you get back?"
"Yes, Dad. No worries. I'll call. Thanks for understanding. Love you."
I hung up and turned to face Ryan.
"Okay, what's that look on your face?" I asked as my finger pointed at him.
"Julia...nothing." I knew him so he wasn't getting by with this.
"Ryan, stop trying to bullshit me. I know you're pissed about my L.A. interview, but I already had it set up. I can't cancel."
He shrugged. "Ok, but what if..." I reached out and laid a hand on his arm.
"Hey, there are no promises here. I told you I'd try to concentrate on New York and I will, but I'm not going to blow off this commitment or ignore opportunities. It would be stupid anyway. Condé Nast has 20 or more different magazines and some of them are based in New York, okay?"
His mouth set. "Okay," he mumbled.
"Stop being such a moody ass and trust me."
He smiled and ran his hand through his gorgeous hair. "You love my moody ass."
"Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm enjoying it." I rolled my eyes as we pulled up to my apartment.
He reached out and touched my chin and I trembled, hoping he didn't sense my reaction. I had to remind myself that he was my best friend and not the man I was in love with.
Yeah, right.
"Julia, thank you. I know there are no guarantees, but I’m glad you're willing to try to be closer. I'll pick you up at 5 AM, okay?"
I'm already close to you. So close. That wasn't how he meant it, but I was closer to him than I'd ever been to anyone else in my life.
My head fell back as I groaned. "Ugh! 5 AM? You're gonna kill me." I opened the door to get out, followed by Ryan's velvet laughter. "Get that silly grin off of your face, and bring me a coffee in the morning." I smiled over my shoulder.
"Suddenly, I'm looking forward to this trip. I was dreading it, but now...it's different." Ryan was still chuckling as I closed the door of the car behind me. "Good luck with Ellie," he said through the open window before I turned to go inside.
Ellie was sitting on Harris's lap on the couch when I walked in.
"Hi, Julia. Are you okay?" she asked quietly, expecting that I’d be a mess, having just said goodbye to Ryan for the last time.
"Yeah. Hey, Harris." I said to Ellie's hot boyfriend. He was gorgeous; blonde wavy hair and light blue eyes. Our boys were all so incredibly handsome...Ryan the most beautiful of the three.
But I'm biased, right? Nah, he is the most beautiful.
I smiled as I kicked off my shoes and shoved them in the closet next to the door.
"Julia, don't take this wrong, but I thought you'd be crying. You're smiling...so what's up?" Ellie asked incredulously.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Is this serious?" she got up off of Harris's lap and came toward me to take both of my hands.
"It might be. Ryan has asked me to go to Boston."
Her face lit up. "That's great, Julia! You should spend some time with him. I mean, you guys love each other, right?"
I nodded. "Uh huh." I glanced at Harris.
"Oh, hey, do you need me to
leave?" he asked.
"Um..." I began.
"It’s okay to talk in front of Harris." Ellie returned to the couch next to him and I took a chair across from them.
"Ellie, you know how important you are to me, but Ryan is, too."
She flashed a beautiful smile and her face softened. "I know, sweetie. You and Ryan belong together."
My throat tightened, but I tried to swallow it and continue speaking.
"He asked me to concentrate my job search in New York. I am not ruling out L.A. completely but he…we need to be closer. Please don't be upset."
She was silent for a moment but she didn't appear upset. "Of course, I understand. You should have decided this a long time ago, but New York is still not Boston."
"But it's a lot closer. I'll be able see him more often and I need him, Ellie. I'm...scared to let him go completely. I'm just not ready for that."
She got up to hug me. "Julia, you'll never be ready to let go of Ryan. Does this mean you guys are finally a couple?" Ellie asked expectantly.
"Um...we're still friends. I'm not really sure what this means."
"It means he loves you and doesn't want to be without you. It will all work out, I promise."
"Yes." I said as my stomach fluttered at her words. "You'll be a famous designer soon and rich enough to fly to New York at least once a week for drinks." I hugged her again. "I really appreciate your understanding, Ellie. I love you."
RYAN~
The week had flown by and Julia was flying back to California tomorrow. Aaron and I had new student orientation in the morning, so I'd be forced to put Julia in a cab to take her to Logan International. I hated it, but I had no choice.
The three day trip to Boston left us exhausted and the next two days were spent unpacking and setting up the apartment. Aaron and Jenna moved into the larger of the two bedrooms and I was left with the smaller one. By the time I got my bed, desk and keyboard set up, it left only 5 square feet of open floor. It felt more like a closet.
Jenna groaned at the lack of closet space and Aaron told her that he liked her better without clothes anyway. Julia and I laughed and Jen blushed. "Shut the fuck up, Aaron, or you'll be missing what you like best about me."