by Kahlen Aymes
“You are everything to me. My entire Goddamn life! I’ve missed you so much.”
Chapter 10
Julia~
Ryan’s strong arms were insistent and I clutched at the front of his shirt, pulling him closer as my mouth opened under his. Always closer.
“Uh, Ryan. God, finally.” The words sounded foreign, like they were coming out of someone else’s mouth. My voice was deep and needy as his fingers wound in my hair and our mouths were wild with each other. His hold tightened and he lifted me further up on the bed with one arm. “Finally…Babe, don’t stop,” I whispered against his mouth. “You’ll break my heart if you stop.”
His forehead rested on mine, his breathing ragged as he sucked in his breath. When he spoke, the warm moisture washed over my skin, my lips parted in anticipation. I couldn’t resist reaching toward his mouth. He licked my top lip gently, nudging it in between both of his.
“Julia…I’m not going to stop. I…fucking can’t.” The hands at both sides of my face laced through my hair possessively. “But…I want to go slow…slow, honey.”
“Ugh…no. No…I’ve waited for this forever, Ryan. God…please.” His mouth took mine roughly, each opening to the other deeply. He groaned my name and plunged his tongue against mine as together they began a slow, sensual dance. Heat spread through me like fire licking along my veins as the throbbing intensity grew. His mouth lifted and came back for more, hotter and hungrier, like he was starving. He tasted heavenly and I never wanted him to stop.
He suddenly stilled, his fingers moving gently against my cheek and I slid my arms around his waist. “Baby…this is like your first time again. Everything has to be perfect.”
Inwardly, I rejoiced at his tenderness yet moaned in frustration. He moved away slightly, but his hand slid down to mine and he pulled me with him. “I don’t want to stop touching you,” he explained as he dug in his desk drawer for a lighter and then placed my hand along his waist when he needed both of his to light the small candle he had on his nightstand and turned on the music. I moved forward and wrapped my arms around his middle, pressing my forehead into the strong muscles of his back. He turned in my arms, enfolding me with his, as his mouth came immediately back to mine.
The melody was soft, but I focused on Ryan and the way my body was reacting. I was lost as he kissed me over and over again, his hand moving to my breast, closing around it and squeezing gently. My heart was racing. Wetness pooled between my legs, my nipples strained against the fabric of my bra and shirt, the sensitive flesh aching…beyond aching. He’d only kissed me, yet I was helpless and wanton. Now I knew what he meant about physical pain. Only Ryan could ease this maddening quickening and I longed to do the same for him.
His erection was full and thick, straining against my hip, his pent-up frustration surging within him; the tension as his muscles coiled beneath the smooth skin of his shoulders as my hands pushed up the sleeves of his scrubs. “Take this off,” I begged between kisses. “I want to see you…to feel you against me.” I reached for the hem and pushed it higher. Ryan stopped and watched with passion-filled eyes. Beautiful and luminous, full of love and longing…I reveled that this perfect, amazing man could want me so much.
He raised his arms, pulling it over his head and flinging it aside. I stared at him in awe, he was sculpted and so beautiful to me. I felt his solid muscles working each time he’d held me, and finally, I could look upon him undaunted.
He swallowed, as his eyes fell to my mouth. His fingers began working on the buttons of my blouse, slowly exposing the black lace and creamy flesh as his lips left a hot path from my jaw down my neck to my collarbone.
“This is really going to happen,” he breathed as he bent and ran a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses to the curve of my shoulder. His fingers were soft, brushing over my skin and giving goose bumps as he pushed the blouse down my arms. “Dear God, babe. You’re gorgeous. I missed touching you like this.”
His fingers ghosted over the top swells of my breasts visible above the delicate edge of my bra. I closed my eyes and offered up my mouth, silently begging to end my torture, and my hand reached out to find the waistband of his pants. They were tied shut and I frantically worked the knot…he was still, except for his mouth running along my cheekbone and then back toward my mouth.
“I missed my mouth on yours, missed my hands on your body…missed being deep inside you.” He was making love to me with his words even though he was barely touching me, and my body came alive. Every inch of skin burned for his touch, my lower body hot and pulsing, breathing was shallow and rapid. His hands tangled in my hair, gently tugging my face closer to his.
“Ryan, please.” I flattened my hand against the large bulge in his pants…he groaned as my fingers closed around his hardness and started slowly stroking. He was so engorged that the head of his dick came out of his boxer briefs and to the top of the waistband. My hand found the silky smooth skin and I gasped at the bead of wetness I found there. My thumb moved the slick fluid around.
“Oh God, I can’t take it, Julia. You have to stop. It’s been so long…I don’t want to come too soon. This is for you.”
I shook my head. “No. I never want to stop. I want to see and feel how you want,” I said urgently as I began to push his pants and underwear down his hips just slightly.
“Ugh…Julia you can…” His arms enfolded me then, lifting me until our mouths were on the same level and he turned me to lay me on the bed. The deep kisses resumed and I wrapped my legs around him, urging him on. I could feel him straining against me through my jeans, thrusting into me.
“Can I?” My hands clawed at his shoulders and my pelvis arched toward his, trying to assuage the ache, seeking the pressure I needed.
“You know you can. Look at what you do to me and we’ve barely even started. Just thinking about you gets me hard as steel.” His voice was low and urgent, deep and rumbling…like hot silk settling all around me. He nuzzled against the side of my face and I clutched, pulling him closer but he moved out of my reach so that he could undo my jeans, not yet pulling them off. His fingers splayed out across the skin of my abdomen and moved up until both hands cupped the side of my breasts, his thumbs slowly teasing the taut peaks until I was writhing beneath him.
Eyes dark and passion glazed, he looked down upon me. “God, you’re beautiful.” The words tore from his throat in a low growl. “You leave me breathless. I’m…undone, Julia. There are no words to tell you how much I’ve missed you…how much I fucking love you.”
Tears welled in my eyes, both of us mesmerized by the other as he stood over me and pulled my jeans from my body and then stroked his hands gently down my legs and then back up to start kneading the flesh of my thighs. “Then show me,” I pleaded breathlessly.
Ryan stripped off the rest of his clothes and came back to lie next to me on the bed, his muscled thigh sliding between both of mine. I arched against him, gathering him to me and seeking his mouth once again. He didn’t hesitate. His kisses were urgent and hungry, his hands insistent as they roamed my flesh. When the heat from my center made contact with his groin, he closed his eyes and gasped. “Uhhh…God.” He hitched my leg up over his hip, then clasped my thigh and pulled my softness tighter against his steel hardness. I wound my fingers in his hair as he settled into the cradle of my body, rocking his hips into mine, creating that delicious friction we both craved. God, it felt so perfect.
“You feel so good, I want you, Ryan. Just do it.” I didn’t care if I was begging. This was the man I loved more than life and I wanted him more than anything. All that remained between us was the thin lace of my panties and bra. My hands raked the hard planes and smooth skin, gently kneading the solid muscles of his back.
“Uhnnnggg…Julia.” My name ground out as he moved against my slippery wetness, driving me wild with desire. Ryan continued his onslaught, deeply kissing my mouth and then further down, his tongue leaving a wet trail in its wake. The coolness of the air, in contrast, left
me shivering, but was quickly lost in our urgency. I moved with him, silently praying the panties to slip aside, so I would feel the heaven of Ryan pushing inside me. His hand moved up to the top of my bra and pulled the lace down, baring the swollen flesh.
His hand wrapped around my breast just as his mouth closed around the nipple, his tongue circling and laving before sucking the sensitive flesh. I thought I would die. “Ryan, please…please. Now.”
“Please…what?” he said against my flesh, taking his time and moving to give the other breast equal attention. “What is it you want? Tell me and I’ll give it to.” His voice was full of sex and I fell apart, my body aching in anticipation. “Is it my mouth on you here?” he asked huskily as his fingers slid beneath my panties, to the place I wanted him most, touching the sensitive flesh. “My fingers…here?” He kissed me deeply again as he slid two fingers inside. I cried out into his mouth at the ecstasy of it as he raised his head to look into my face.
“Uhhh, Julia. I want to rip this shit off and bury myself inside you. I don’t want anything between us ever again. I need to know you’re mine,” he breathed. “Just you and me. Forever.”
“Yes. Yes…Ryan,” I panted into his mouth as, finally, his fingers closed around the lace and ripped it away. I could feel him pressing in slightly, arching up but his hand on my hip stilled me.
“Look at me, my love.” He moved the bulbous head of his cock up and down my folds, the pressure driving me crazy. I felt my body opening, aching for him to fill me. “Julia.” The head pushed inside and I gasped in pleasure. His hand moved to my face, brushing back the hair at my temples and his hips surged into mine, stretching and filling me until I thought I would rip open. His eyes closed.
“You feel so good,” he breathed against my mouth. He started to move slowly. “Julia, uhhhh…uhhhh. I’ve missed you, babe,” he moaned before his mouth closed over mine and soon our tongues and lips were imitating the movements of our hips, surging and sucking, I clutched and tugged at his hair as our movements became deeper. With long, slow strokes, he dug into me deeply and still it wasn’t enough. We kissed and touched, moving together, worshiping each other, every touch growing more passionate as time stood still, our hearts and breathing getting faster with each passing minute. It felt amazing, exciting…desperate, brand new, yet familiar. My senses were on overdrive, I wanted him to feel every inch of me as my hands kneaded into his back, my heels pushing into the back of his thighs urging him on. I clenched around him in a rhythm of my own.
“Uh…that feels unbelievable…you’re…so…incredible,” he panted against my mouth. I sucked in his breath hungrily. I wanted every nuance of him inside me. My heart was so full of him I thought it would burst.
“Ryan, my God.” My throat swelled and my eyes burned even as my body began to tremble and quake around his.
“Kiss me…I want your mouth. I want all of you,” he moaned into me and took what he wanted. The more he needed, the more I gave. He was the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted, his mouth and tongue moving with mine in an intimate dance that only added to the wonder of the experience. I felt my body tighten more with each and every thrust. He was moving long and hard against me, deeper and deeper. It was more than I could take, yet somehow not enough. The velvet sounds coming from deep within his chest as he became more and more aroused were so erotic…he was so sensual and sexy, just beautiful in the way he worshiped my body with his.
We were both gasping and I reluctantly pulled my mouth from his to suck in a much needed breath. His hand brushed my hair back and his nose moved up my cheek, his panting breaths rushing over my skin in moist heat.
“That’s right baby, I can feel you getting close. Julia, it’s so beautiful the way you respond to me. . You’re mine…”
His mouth came back to mine as he moved deeper and harder, building, building…I didn’t want it to end, but he had me and I fell in an explosion of love and lust, quaking violently around him, my heart breaking at the strength of the love between us. “Uh, Uh…Ryan. I love you so much.” He continued to thrust and I clenched and milked around him and seconds later he stiffened and moaned into my mouth as he came, both of us struggling to breathe.
Tears fell as I turned my face so that I could kiss his temple, my arms and legs wrapping tighter around him. After a minute, he rose up on his elbows and kissed me softly on the lips. His eyes were glowing as he bent to kiss the tears from my cheeks. “Don’t cry, my love. I never want to be apart from you again. Do you feel how much I love you?” He nuzzled and kissed me gently, his body still embedded within mine.
“That was incredible.” My voice cracked on the words. “The love, Ryan. It hurts so much, but it’s so beautiful. I’m…overwhelmed. You’re amazing.”
“No, we’re amazing. Every time, it’s like this. It’s a miracle every time we touch,” he said softly. The emotion in his voice threatened to overflow. I held him close to me, stroking his hair and kissing his shoulder and neck. “If I died and went to heaven, it couldn’t be better than this,” he whispered brokenly.
I sobbed into him.
“Baby, don’t cry. I can’t bear to see your tears. Sweetie, please don’t cry.” He continued to brush my hair back over and over, nudging the side of my face and placing gentle kisses. “Are you sad?”
I shook my head. My throat was tight and my heart was pounding fast. “No. I’m just…sorry that I can’t remember all those miracles. This must have been so hard on you. I don’t ever want to see that pain in your eyes again. You’re so wonderful. You deserve…everything. I want to give you everything.”
He held me for a few moments until my tears were reduced to deep breaths and soft kisses. He finally moved to my side, withdrawing from my body. Instantly, I felt the loss. He pulled me close, arms going around me as he rubbed little circles on the skin of my back.
“I have everything,” he said seriously. “Right here in my arms. You’re safe and you love me. That’s more than I have the right to ask for.” His hand moved over my shoulder and up the side of my neck, his thumb brushing against my jaw. “You’re all I’ll ever want.”
RYAN~
Her deep green eyes were luminous, lashes still wet with tears. She was beautiful and my heart stopped at the intensity of the last two hours. The fighting, the pain, the immeasurable ecstasy…the incredible love…all reiterated how much I needed her. I couldn’t exist one minute without her. My brow furrowed as I looked at her. Her fingers running along my jaw stopped and moved to my mouth.
“Were you seriously going to leave?” I said against her fingertips and her eyes lifted to mine. I ran my hand across her bare back, needing to keep touching, her skin like silk sliding against me.
She pulled in a deep breath as she looked up at me. “Yes.”
I’d never considered that she’d really leave me. It would have gutted me.
“It was killing me…” she paused, “I felt you needed to be free of…all this.”
“If there is anything you should know for sure, it should be that I could never live without you,” I said softly, the truth of my words was like a living thing.
“Why?” Julia raised her eyes to mine again and I met them without resolve; those beautiful eyes that held my life within them.
“Julia, come on. You’re the absolute center of my universe, whether I like it or not.” Her mouth opened, but no words exited as her eyes widened. I brushed the contours of her cheek and neck, over and over. “I’m in orbit around you, can’t you see that? I can move around you, but never away,” I said softly as my eyes seared into hers. “I’d be worried sick and miserable all of the time.”
“You been so miserable now. I’m sorry.” She moved closer, her forehead resting in the curve of my neck and I turned and pressed my mouth to her hair. The need to ease her pain tore at my heart as I searched for the right words.
“I was miserable because you lost all those memories…the time we spent together was so precious. You lost us. It makes me sad,
a little.” I blinked at the stinging in my eyes and cleared my throat as it tightened. I turned on my side and nuzzled against the side of her face, kissing her temple with my open mouth. “I’ll get over it, honey. You don’t need to worry. This helps a lot.” I ran my hand down her arm and over her hip. “Did making love help?” She nodded against my chin and I held my breath.
“It evoked a lot of things, Ryan, but what I remembered was the love…some physical pain.”
“Uh huh…that would have been our first time. I’m sorry that’s the only part of it you remember. It was…the most incredible night of my entire life. Knowing no one else had touched you…it meant everything to me, Julia. I thought I loved you before, but that…wrecked me.”
“This wasn’t so bad.” She smiled softly.
“Incredible, but it only leaves me wanting more.” My finger touched the end of her nose and a smile spread across my face. She was glowing; so, so beautiful. Just stunning. My breath hitched.
“Even now…no one else has touched me, Ryan. I told you, I remember the love more than anything else. Even when I couldn’t remember you, I was burning for you to touch me.”
“I know, Julia. I can’t…express what I’m feeling.” I bent to kiss her, sucking her lower lip between mine. The kiss deepened and while soft and searching, it was hot, the saltiness of the remnant tears on my lips and tongue.
“Isn’t that what has worried you? That I wouldn’t feel the love behind the memories?”
“Yes.” And the loss of the baby. My heart ached at the thought, trying to hide the pain in my eyes.
“Do you believe that I love you now? Can’t you feel it when I touch you?” she whispered against my mouth when we broke the kiss, and I took her mouth again. Now that I’d started, I couldn’t seem to stop. She needed to understand why I’d fought it so long.