Mad Mad Love ~ The Remembrance Trilogy: Complete Box Set Holiday Edition

by Kahlen Aymes

  Marin smiled and glanced between us. “You guys look very happy.”

  Julia rubbed her lower back, and instantly, I perked up. “Baby, are you hurting?”

  “My back’s a little achy, that’s all.”

  “What happened at the last doctor’s appointment?” My mom asked, getting juice from the refrigerator and pouring a glass.

  “She’s about thirty percent effaced but no dilation yet. This backache could be something, though.”

  “Pfft. It would be too much to hope for.” Julia began tearing pieces of foil off of the roll. “First babies are never on time.”

  “Make Aaron’s a little bigger, Julia,” Jenna said, taking a seat across from me. “I really love this house. Better than ours. I wish you would have been in town when I was decorating.” Their house was about twenty minutes away and was more modern. “Our place feels like the hospital.”

  “We have time,” Julia began, but then winced.

  I reached out and placed a hand on her stomach. The baby kicked hard. “He’s getting busy.”

  “Aaron!” Jenna called. “Come in here and tell me what you want to eat.”

  I studied Julia as she made my dinner and hers and helped with the others until they were all in the oven and the timer was set.

  “Have you decided on a name?” Marin asked hopefully.

  “Yes! Tell us! We’ve suffered long enough,” my mom added.

  My eyes met Julia’s and locked. We hadn’t talked about whether we’d share it, but I smiled at her. I knew what she was thinking.

  “Yep, we figured that out earlier today actually.”

  “Nothing like waiting until the last minute,” Aaron muttered, grabbing a beer and going back in the other room.

  “Well?”

  “What did you decide?”

  “Out with it!”

  All the women talked at once.

  “We’re not telling. I didn’t get my way about not knowing the baby’s sex, so, you’ll know when you’re introduced to the little man.”

  Julia waddled a little when she walked from the island to place the dishes in the sink, but other than her swollen stomach, you wouldn’t know she was pregnant. I thought she was cute. Her face was still so beautiful, but I noticed sharp pain in her eyes.

  I took her arm and pulled her a little closer. “Baby, are you having contractions?” My hand splayed out on her stomach again.

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so, but I am going to take a bath while dinner’s in the oven.”

  “Honey, are you okay?” Marin asked. “I bet the baby is ready. You are all belly.”

  “I’m fine, Mom. I’m glad you’re all here, though.” She kissed her mother’s cheek and went to hug my mom.

  “When I get pregnant, I bet I’ll gain a hundred pounds,” Jenna lamented. “Julia will probably be one of those who a week after the baby is born, you won’t be able to tell she was ever pregnant.”

  “I’m careful. Not too much sugar or white flour. Ryan keeps pretty good track of me.”

  “Yeah, easy for the dudes. They get to imbibe and dole out orders while we have to suffer,” Jenna retorted.

  “How is that different from everyday life?” my mother asked.

  “Ryan’s good. He doesn’t eat tempting things in front of me. I’ll be back,” Julia said, smiling and rubbing her tummy. She turned toward the stairs and I grabbed her hand.

  “I’m coming with you.” I stared into her green eyes and they softened. She touched my jaw and started to speak. “Don’t argue.”

  She nodded, and we left the others downstairs to watch the food. Jenna and Aaron were tangled together on the couch watching CSI, and our moms were in the kitchen, happily chatting about the baby.

  I soon had the water running but didn’t add any bubble bath or bath salts just in case. My fingers tested the water, making sure it was warm and not too hot.

  “Can I have it hot, honey?”

  Julia was undressing behind me. When we had the bathroom redone, we picked a wider tub with Jacuzzi jets, big enough for the two of us. I lit a candle and turned off the light.

  “Not too hot, baby. It’s not good for either of you.”

  “I know, but my back hurts so bad.” Dropping her dress, Julia grabbed the edge of the vanity and gasped, her whole body tensing.

  “Jules, honey, you’re having contractions.”

  “Does that mean I can’t have a bath? Labor will be long, right?”

  “Generally on first babies, it is.” I picked her up in my arms and gently lowered her into the tub. “Hold on.” I shot into the bedroom and pulled out the stopwatch I had hidden in my underwear drawer. Technology was great, but my iPhone would time-out in between contractions, and I didn’t want to mess with it. “It’s going to take some time, baby. I’ll start timing the next one. We don’t have to go into the hospital until they’re ten minutes apart.”

  She reached for my hand. “I trust you.”

  I sat on the floor next to the tub, holding her hand and cupping her face with the other. “It’s finally happening. You’re going to be the most amazing mother.”

  We sat there together, just gazing at each other, and her eyes began to water. “Don’t make me cry.”

  My own eyes started to burn and I blinked. “Nah, this is going to be an incredible experience. It’s going to be okay. I wish I could take the pain for you, my love.”

  We’d talked about the baby’s birth several times. Julia reiterated how she wanted me to deliver him alone with her, but I could tell she needed some reassurance. She told me she didn’t want an epidural or medications at all, but I’d seen women in labor and knew how much it hurt.

  “So, if you change your mind about the epidural, I’m on board.”

  “Ryan, no. Someone will have to come in then, and I don’t want that. We agreed; it’s only us from the minute we get me hooked up to the monitors until Aidan is out.”

  I smiled and my heart tightened. This was the first time she’d referred to him by name.

  “Please. Just us, okay?”

  “Unless something happens. But, that’s my call, and you have to trust me on that.” Our fingers moved and threaded together. I understood why she wanted us to be alone, and the thought of it filled me with emotions I couldn’t put into words, but there was no way I’d take any chances with her safety. She nodded. “Is the water helping at all?”

  “Maybe a little.”

  I reached in and tested it. It was a little cool so I turned on the hot faucet and moved the water around to blend it in.

  “This baby is going to be amazing.” I settled in to talk to her. The contractions would start slow and be short and most likely the baby wouldn’t be born until well into the next day. “Is it selfish to hope he looks like the picture you drew?”

  Her mouth curved in a loving smile. “No. I hope he does, too. There are worse things than looking like you.”

  My hand wound around hers again as I leaned against the side of the tub. “Have I told you how absolutely thankful I am for psych 101?”

  Julia swallowed, and tears flooded her eyes.

  “I have everything I could want, and it’s all because you love me.” I lifted the hand I held to my mouth and said the next words against it. “I’ll never find the words to tell you how much you have meant to my life. I love you more every single day. You’re so… precious to me. I never want to lose you.”

  Two tears tumbled down her face, and she sat up and opened her arms to me. I gathered her close, not caring if I’d get wet. “You’re never going to.”

  I turned my head and kissed her cheek, then her temple; my throat beginning to ache. She tensed again, and I quickly grabbed the stopwatch, clicking it on. “Tell me when it’s over.”

  “Okay. They’re not too bad yet. Like really painful period cramps.”

  Her fingers curled around the edge of the tub, and her face grimaced. It was hurting worse than she let on. “Ugh….” She let out a little mo
an.

  “Will it help to breathe?” We’d taken the natural childbirth classes three months prior, and I afterward, we’d joked about all the huffing and puffing.

  “It’s over now.”

  I stopped the watch. The contraction was 40 seconds. “They’re not too long yet, sweetheart. Do you want to get out of the tub? I want to keep an eye on you, and we won’t be able to tell if your water breaks in the tub.”

  She nodded, and after I noted the time and set the watch back down, I lifted her from the tub and wrapped her in a towel.

  By the time she was dressed in a pair of old sweats and one of my T-shirts, Marin was calling up the stairs that dinner was done.

  Jenna was putting the foil packets onto plates, and my mother was getting everyone drinks.

  My hand stayed on the curve of Julia’s lower back and rubbed back and forth.

  “Everyone hungry?” Mom asked, smiling all the way to her eyes.

  “I don’t feel like eating much.”

  “You need to eat, honey. This might be the last time you’ll get to for a while.”

  Jenna, Marin, and my mother stopped what they were doing and looked at us with wide eyes.

  “Oh, my God!” Marin gushed and moved forward to put both hands on Julia’s face. “Are you in labor?”

  “Just barely,” she answered with a smile.

  “What?” Aaron rushed in from the other room. “Jules, seriously?”

  She nodded. I was fucking jumping out of my skin, but I tried to appear calm. “Let’s just keep our wits about us. Call the grandpas and tell them to get their asses on a couple of planes.” I laughed. All three women went for their phones.

  Jenna called Ellie. “Ellie! Julia’s in labor!” They all scattered into other rooms for their respective calls.

  “Let’s eat!” Aaron picked up his plate, and I shook my head at him. “What? You said be normal.” He grabbed a fresh beer and went into the other room.

  I laughed happily and nodded. “I hope everyone makes it in time. Do you want to sit at the table or in the other room with everyone?”

  The evening was spent watching TV with Julia curled on my lap in our big chair, my feet propped on the ottoman. I had the stopwatch and was timing her contractions. Sometimes no one knew but the two of us when she had one, but when I felt her tense, I automatically started timing. Her forehead rested against my jaw.

  Every once in a while, one of the moms or Jenna would ask about Julia’s progress; all of them anxious and concerned. About midnight, when the contractions were about twenty minutes apart, a hot wetness seeped between us, saturating her sweats and my jeans. Her head popped up instantly, her lush mouth forming a silent ‘o’.

  “Either you just peed on me, or we need to go to the hospital.” My hand pushed her hair back from her surprised face. When her understanding dawned in her eyes, I leaned in and kissed her gently. “This is it. Ready to go have a baby, baby?” I asked. Her cheek was so soft under my fingers. I wanted to memorize every nuance of this moment.

  Listening, Jenna jumped up from the floor in front of the couch. Aaron was asleep behind her and she smacked him on his shoulder. “Wake your ass up, Uncle Aaron! We gotta go!”

  “Oh my God! Here we go!” Marin stood up at the same time as my mother, who put both hands to her mouth.

  I took Julia upstairs to change while the others scrambled around like the three stooges, only there were four. We both changed our pants, and when we went back downstairs, they all stood waiting by the door.

  “Jenna, can you drive our moms in your car?” I threw Aaron the keys to Julia’s Mazda. “Aaron, you’re with us.”

  Julia~

  Ryan was calm on the outside, but I could tell he was freaking out a little bit in the way he moved around the room, his eye always on the monitor, swiftly sitting beside me then jumping up again. After Jenna helped to hook me up on the monitor, everyone left Ryan and me alone. The pain was intense at times, and Ryan would hold my hand and help me concentrate on the breathing. I did it to give Ryan something to do, when I thought it was basically all bullshit. It didn’t ease the pain at all.

  We’d been here almost ten hours and the sun was up, but the window blinds were drawn and the lights low. Ryan had packed a portable stereo, and it played songs from our playlist softly in the background.

  The last time he checked me, I was nine centimeters dilated and about ninety percent effaced. Ryan sat next to me and held my hand, studying my face. I just couldn’t look away from him, even as the pain tore through me. I squeezed his hand tight and focused on his gorgeous eyes. I tried to think about us and not the pain, about holding the baby and not how my body would probably rip in half pushing him out.

  “You’re amazing. Why aren’t you screaming? I know it hurts like a motherfucker.” Ryan was in his scrubs, a gown sitting ready on the chair, the lower portion of the mask tied around his neck so he could tie it up easily. His hair was hidden beneath the blue surgical cap and a fine sheen of sweat beaded on his brow.

  We were in a birthing room and would be able to stay in here unless there were complications. Aaron and Jenna waited just outside the door, while our parents, Ellie and Harris waited down the hall in the waiting room. I might be writhing in pain, but joy had a hold on my heart.

  “He isn’t coming into this world hearing his mother screaming.” My body seized again, but I kept my eyes trained on my husband.

  “You’re so brave. Just breathe, baby. Just think of it as a little closer to having our son.” His fingers brushed my hair back and wiped my forehead with a damp cloth. “Why aren’t you cussing me out for getting you in this position?”

  “I love you and…” Another contraction ripped through me. They were longer now and much harder. “You… you didn’t… do it alone. I really want to push. Can I?”

  Ryan moved quickly, pulling on some gloves. I bent my knees up, and when he put two fingers inside me and one on top of my stomach, it hurt like hell. My face crumpled and I bit my lip. “Jesus, it hurts, Ryan.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. You’re dilated, and not quite a hundred percent effaced, but yes, we’ll get you ready to push.”

  Ryan propped me up on four pillows and dropped the lower portion of the bed, pulling a chair in between my bent knees, and wrapping his hands around my thighs he scooted me gently to the end of the bed. He ripped off the gloves, tied the gown in place, and grabbed another pair.

  “Honey, I want you to put your feet flat up against my shoulders and use me as leverage. I’m going to hold your hands and help you as much as I can. I’ll pull you into a curled position to push during the contractions.” I did as he asked and his hands wrapped around my wrists.

  I nodded and bit my lip. Ryan’s eyes were trained on the monitors. “Another one’s coming, baby. Take a deep breath and hold it. One, Two…” I pushed so hard I thought the blood vessels in my face would burst. “Three… four…” He continued to count to ten, and then I let my breath out and sucked in another one. “Good job. Wait until the next one.”

  “Fuck, it hurts, Ryan!”

  “I’m sorry, it’s too late for meds, honey. You’re doing amazing!”

  Three more pushes and minutes that felt like hours later, sweat was starting to soak the forehead of his surgical cap.

  “Agggggggg….” I grunted as Ryan counted off again, my fingers biting into his, and my feet pushed against his chest so hard he’d probably have bruises.

  “He’s crowning, Julia! I can see him!” The excitement in Ryan’s eyes distracted me from the burning I felt as my body opened. “Stop pushing, now. Stop, okay?” His pull on my hands relaxed and I gripped tighter, trying to pull my body up, but instead of pulling to help me, he reversed his pressure, making it difficult for me to continue. “Baby, I need you to stop!”

  “I don’t want to! I want him out! I want him out! I want him out!” I yelled at him.

  “Julia, stop or you’ll tear. Jesus!”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked
, panicked, and lay back trying not to push. I looked up at the ceiling.

  He unwound his hands from mine. “I can make this easier with an episiotomy, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to cut you.”

  I was panting for breath. “Just do it, Ryan. If that’s what we need to do… do it!”

  Ryan nodded. “You’ve been pushing about 35 minutes. As soon as the next contraction starts, I’ll do it, and you push through it. It will help you not feel it as much.”

  “Okay,” I licked my lips and nodded rapidly.

  “Jesus, Julia…” His eyes were tearing up. “I’m so sorry to put you through this.”

  “I wouldn’t go through this for anyone else. But it’s you and me, Matthews. He’ll be worth it. You’ll see.”

  A little cry broke from his chest. “I love you so fucking much!” His voice cracked just as my body contracted again.

  “Okay, here we go,” he said.

  I took a deep breath and tried to use my elbows as leverage. My feet were still against him, but I no longer had his hands to pull me forward. I pushed with all my might, concentrating on getting the baby out. The muscles in my thighs and arms started to shake.

  Ryan set the scalpel back on the metal tray. I vaguely registered the blood.

  “Push, baby, here he comes. His head is almost out. Stop when I tell you, okay?”

  “Ernnnnnn….” I pushed as hard as I could. My face felt like it was ready to explode with the effort.

  “Okay, stop.”

  “What’s happening?” I asked, panting.

  “I’m making sure the cord isn’t caught around his neck and clearing out his nose.” He reached for something and I heard this sucking sound as he sucked out the baby’s nose and mouth.

  “What’s he look like? Is he bald?”

  “My son is not bald.” Ryan’s brilliant blue eyes locked with mine for a second. They were all I could see of his face. “He has lots of dark hair.”

  I smiled and started to cry.

  “Okay, baby. One more big one.”

  I sniffed and sucked in my breath. It took just a second or two before the baby slid from my body, and Ryan was lifting him up to rest on my chest and stomach. I gazed at my baby. He wasn’t making a sound. Ryan grabbed a towel and started to briskly rub the blood and white gunk from his skin. The baby sucked in his first breath and started to wail.