Meadow Perkins, Trusty Sidekick

by A. E. Snow

  Sidewalks are never wide enough. Someone always has to walk in the back. Then the back person can’t hear the two front people and the whole thing is pretty awkward. I was the one in the awkward position.

  “Right, M?” Isla turned to have me confirm something I couldn’t hear.

  “What?”

  We turned from the busy sidewalk covered in people going out for the night onto a quieter side street. It was a nice neighborhood; big houses with lots of windows. A few other people were headed in the same direction as us.

  Alejandro turned around. “We’re almost there.” He smiled. His whole face crinkled when he smiled. It was entirely disarming.

  Ahead, there were a bunch of kids outside of what was clearly the biggest house on the block. It also had the most windows of all the houses on the block. I almost turned and ran.

  “So what band are we seeing?” Isla asked.

  I had apparently gone mute. All I’d said was “what” since I’d said “hi” to Alejandro. Maybe I was dumb for thinking he could be into me at all when he could be into Isla. She could actually speak and had things to say. Emilia, I reminded myself.

  “The Cosmos,” he said. “A couple of them just graduated from HSA. I played in ensemble with a couple of them.”

  The mention of HSA caused me to freak out. The sound of my own heartbeat thumped in my ears. I’d known it was possible, but I’d sincerely hoped there weren’t any HSA kids there.

  We climbed up about a hundred steps to get to the house, a result of living in the hills. I tried not to get out of breath. Once inside, the sleek, modern house brimmed over with kids drinking beer out of Solo cups.

  Isla and I followed Alejandro through the crowd to the kitchen, where the beer was. He pulled $6 out of his pants and handed it to a guy wearing a black beanie and a flannel shirt. Isla tossed her hair. Everyone noticed.

  The music was loud and the band wasn’t even playing yet. He waved us closer and handed us cups. “This is Isla and this is Meadow,” he told the flannel shirt guy. He was extremely cute and music-y.

  I hadn’t seen any boys here that didn’t look like they belonged in a band.

  “Hi, I’m Tommy.” He didn’t smile while he handed us blue plastic cups.

  “Hi,” I said. So far so good.

  “The keg is back there,” Tommy said, pointing to the other side of the giant kitchen.

  Everything was stainless and bright white. We moved through the kitchen toward the keg and the line for the keg. I recognized a few people and my legs turned to jelly. It dawned on me that I was probably going to know a ton of people at this party and I’d been carefully avoiding people from school as much as possible because of my great shame at being a disappointment to the family name. I tried to slow my breathing. Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine sitting on the beach, but people kept bumping into me. I dug my fingernails into my palms. Nope. Not going to my happy place with all the commotion.

  “You okay?” Alejandra asked softly.

  I nodded and smiled. His genuine concern made me feel better. I stood next to him, our elbows touching while we waited.

  We inched toward the keg.

  “Is Emilia coming tonight?” I asked in my most nonchalant voice.

  “She left yesterday.”

  You know how sometimes you are talking to someone and when you look at them, the rest of the world just gets fuzzy? That’s how I felt. I could no longer deny that I had a ridiculous crush on him.

  “Oh, okay,” was all I could get out.

  The line moved suddenly and the keg appeared in front of us. Ever the gentleman, Alejandro filled my cup with only minimal foam.

  I turned to Isla, but she was gone. She leaned up against the counter talking to Tommy, the cup guy. She fiddled with her bracelets while listening to whatever he was saying and tossed her head back and laughed when he finished.

  “Wanna go outside?” Alejandro nodded toward the glass doors that led out to the patio.

  I nodded and followed him through the crowd, trying not to spill my beer before I’d had a chance to even take a sip. The patio was a lot less crowded.

  “Wow, there’s hella people here. The band won’t even start for a while probably.” Alejandro tipped his cup back and took a long drink.

  I tried to follow suit, but the beer, coldish and bubbly, tasted terrible. It didn’t taste anything like the microbrews that my dad’s fridge was stocked with.

  I coughed a little from the bubbles tickling my throat while I searched for something to say. Honestly, I needed cue cards. “Do you know all these people?” I wanted to throw myself into the pool.

  “Yeah, a few. I don’t know most of them. James probably doesn’t know most of them and it’s his house. Word tends to spread,” he said with a shrug.

  I nodded then took another big gulp of beer. It was liquid courage, after all, and I might need some courage to get through this party. Did everyone have anxiety about drinking? Maybe just me. Everyone seemed fine, but I’d barely ever done it.

  A rush of people came outside.

  “Hey, man!” A guy from the music department slapped Alejandro on the back. “This party is huge.”

  “Yeah, it’s great. You know Meadow?” Alejandro gestured toward me.

  “Yeah, sure,” he said, glancing in my direction.

  “Oh yeah.” I played it cool. “I’m sorry I don’t remember your name.” Ugh. Did I really say that?

  “Tanner.” He nodded and turned back to Alejandro.

  I glanced around. Why did every single girl appear to be super stylish and confident and thin? I felt more like Cinderella’s stepsister who went to the ball in her place, accidentally. I sipped my warm beer again.

  A sort of relief washed over me when my pocket vibrated. I stepped away from the group to the edge of the patio to answer the call. Alejandro didn’t turn around when I left the conversation.

  “Hi, Twist,” I said.

  “Are you really at a party?” she asked. I could hear the shock in her voice.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, are you okay? I mean you aren’t exactly a party animal, Meadow.”

  “I’m trying something new.” I put my hand on my hip. For the first time, I was at a social event as myself and not as Emilia’s chubby sidekick. I fervently hoped that I wasn’t Isla’s chubby sidekick either.

  “I can respect that.” Twist was pretty supportive. “Hey, but don’t drink too much since you’ve never done it before. Wasted, puking girls are not cute.”

  “Okay, I won’t.” I peered into my cup and decided that maybe I didn’t want any more beer. In the snobby part of my heart, I wished I was at a fancy party with nice drinks that taste nothing like alcohol with everyone in fancy dress. Here, the beer tasted like beer and the girls were, well not dressed in fancy dresses as much as short dresses.

  “Meadow, can I be perfectly honest with you?” Twist asked. I hate it when people say stuff like that. She didn’t wait for my permission. “You don’t sound like you are having any fun.”

  The infuriating thing about Twist is that she’s always right. Every single time.

  “I don’t think I know how to have fun.” This was turning into a therapy session. I spotted Alejandro going back inside without even glancing around for me causing me to clench my teeth. “I gotta go, Twist.”

  “Call me if you need me!” I heard her say as I hit ‘end.’

  Inside, a guitar broke through the noise of a hundred partygoers with one chord. As they warmed up, people filed into the house while I hung back. A sea of people was visible through the window. This party is certainly against fire code. It was very uncool of me to be worrying about fire code. Anxiety, in general, is pretty uncool.

  The thought of going inside made me sweat. Trapped in the q
uicksand of panic, I tried to decide what to do. The cup of amber-colored liquid courage called my name. Making a very un-Meadow-like decision, I drank it down, sputtering near the end. Then I stood planted to the concrete and waited for something to happen whether the reappearance of Alejandro or my own sudden combustion.

  When the band struck their first noisy notes, I rubbed the sweat from my palm onto my pants and went back inside filled with resolve. I will have fun, damn it. I hoped that two beers wouldn’t turn me into the star of Girls Gone Wild or land me in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.

  I made my way through the kitchen which appeared larger now that there weren’t so many bodies crammed into it. I threw my shoulders back and marched up to the keg. The nozzle was a mystery. Flipping it did nothing to force beer out of the keg and into my cup. I frowned. Crap. I can’t even work a keg.

  “You’ve gotta pump it,” a male voice said.

  I looked up as he pumped the keg, took the hose out of my hand, and filled my cup in one incredibly smooth move.

  “I don’t usually drink,” I explained with a shrug. I recognized him as Jack, a guy from school. His keg handling made me smile. He’s cute and tall. Very tall.

  “You go to HSA, right? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at a party.” He cocked an eyebrow.

  “Yes, I go there. I don’t usually go to parties, though.” Unsure of what to do with my hands, I jammed the empty one in my pocket and shifted from one foot to the other.

  “That explains why.” He gestured toward the keg. “What’s your concentration?” he asked and filled his own blue plastic cup.

  “Art. Painting.”

  “That’s cool,” he said.

  An awkward space fell between us. I tried to fill it up. “You’re from New York, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  A warm buzzy feeling started at my feet and traveled up. “I love, love, love New York. It’s so . . . glamorous!” Glamorous? I cringed at my own enthusiasm.

  He laughed one short laugh as though he was humoring me. “Not the city. I’m from Upstate. Want to watch the band?”

  “Sure.” I squeezed through the crowd after him. I followed him even though I wasn’t sure he actually wanted me to go, or if a) he wanted to get rid of me, or b) he genuinely wanted me to go with him, or c) he just wanted to hear the band. You might be overthinking this, as per usual.

  A few people from my class waved at me and/or looked surprised. I waved back and attempted to look casual. In the living room, Jack stopped in the middle of a throng of people. I landed in the only empty space, a little behind him. My dropped to about a two out of ten as I observed the throngs of people crammed into every square inch of available space.

  Right next to me, a couple of drunk girls giggled and wobbled in their platforms. My sister had a point about drunk girls not being cute. However, they appeared to be having fun. More fun than me anyway.

  A sudden intense longing for a friend came over me. I glanced around for Isla. My heart sunk when I scanned the crowd and saw no sign of Isla’s blond curls nor Alejandro’s black ones. Though I had no way of knowing if they were together. I glared at a houseplant, trying to whether or not I should crawl into it and die.

  Okay, self. Let’s try the fun part again. Take 45. Action.

  The band broke sound barriers. All around me, kids danced. Dancing? Ugh. No. Maybe a light sway.

  The light sway felt awkward so I settled on a subtle nod. I scrunched my eyebrows in an attempt to look serious. I am seriously into music, my expression hopefully announced. Depending on the moment, I felt alternately too old and too young to be in the room.

  The band crashed on. Each member had on black skinny jeans with their hair in their eyes. Mom would have an opinion on that. Stop thinking about Mom! OMG.

  I shook my hair out of my face and tried to loosen up. Without noticing, I’d started moving. The warm fuzzies made their way to my head.

  Jack’s shoulder brushed against me and he glanced behind him. I let my mouth curve into a smile. He moved over and I moved up next to him.

  I wondered how guys in bands learned the guitar playing dance. Sip, sip, sip. Although I was feeling what maybe could be considered tipsy, I was not going to reach the level that the girls next to me were on. And how could they dance like that and not die of embarrassment?

  Jack turned and held up his empty beer cup and shook it. “Want to get another?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, with the goal of looking fun and cool. I took stock of my situation as I followed him back to the kitchen.

  Things weren’t half bad. I looked pretty cute. My hair had been cooperative all evening. Isla had chosen a completely ratty pair of jeans and old Converse sneakers to pair with a delicate lace tank top that I’d never even worn before, but she’d found in the back of my closet. I definitely wouldn’t have worn ratty jeans with it but it worked.

  Jack was super cute from behind too. He might have been better looking from the back actually. I smiled into my cup. The beer made me brazen, if only in my own thoughts.

  It took forever to get from one room into the room next to it. Yikes.

  Jack apparently decided that we should have another conversation. “So what do you think of the band?”

  I bit my lip and considered the question. “I like them. Very loud. Lots of feedback.” I didn’t love the band. But just in case his brother was in the band, I went for a positive answer.

  Jack laughed. “They’re okay.”

  “Yeah. Maybe they should watch some YouTube videos of Mick Jagger in his younger days.” In case I wasn’t clear, I added, “Because their moves look kind of jerky . . .”

  Jack actually laughed.

  My cup magically filled up. I had to pee, but the thought of finding a bathroom was daunting. I decided to hold it as long as humanly possible. Twist had related to me that one should wait as long as they can when drinking alcohol for recreation before they pee because once one pees one will keep having to pee. We reached the kitchen.

  Jack turned to me with an expectant smile. Like he was waiting for an answer. He was.

  “I’m sorry. What?”

  “Who was that girl you came with?” he repeated.

  Ugh. Really? I’d been making an effort to be hilarious and he was only interested in Isla? My face fell. I felt it go. I finished the rest of my beer in one gulp instead of answering his question. “Beer me, please.” I thought I’d heard that on TV before. It was sad that I had to consult the television database in my brain to think of something to say to a fellow teenager at a party.

  Jack shrugged as he took my cup. I remembered to wonder where Alejandro was. I hadn’t seen him in ages and I thought maybe possibly I was sort of supposed to be here with him. Or not. Who knew?

  That yucky lonely feeling arrived as tension in my shoulders. I hate that feeling. All my friends who were barely my friends had abandoned me.

  The party raged around me. A tall redhead spiraled out right in front of me. She stood in front of the kitchen sink talking to two other girls who looked exactly like her and were dressed exactly like her. Tears poured down her face along with her eye makeup while her friends tried to comfort her.

  “I can’t believe he would cheat on me with her!”

  Her friend stumbled as she put her arm around her. “He is an asshole. They’re all assholes!”

  “Here you go.” Jack startled me when he materialized in front of me holding my beer.

  I smiled up at him. “Thanks.” He’s so tall. If I’m charming enough, maybe he’ll forget about her. Maybe. Why, this beer is positively delicious.

  “No problem.” He gave me a once-over. My face went hot. “Tell me about yourself.” He ran his hand through his hair.

  “There’s not much to tell.” The beer made me coy. “I�
��ll be 17 soon. I go to school. I think math was made up to torture people and I’m great at knitting.” All true thing and I managed not to bring up my cat, even if he is the cutest cat on the block. I poked him in the arm. “Now it’s your turn.”

  “I’m 17, too. I play guitar. I’m in a band but not the one that is playing. I have a really fat cat.” My heart swelled. I quickly assembled a fantasy that included us growing old together with our beloved fat cats.

  “I also have a fat cat. Hank,” I said, glad I had spent some time practicing my cute, quirky nerd girl in the mirror. Thank you goddess I’m not the girl crying by the sink.

  The band stopped playing and the kitchen bulged with people heading for refills. Isla appeared next to me as if by magic.

  “Meadow! Where have you been?” She acted like she hadn’t wandered off with a boy immediately upon arrival.

  “I’ve been around.” I glanced nervously at Jack, who’d been taken hostage by a short guy in glasses. He gesticulating wildly while he told a story.

  “Isn’t this fun?” Isla wiggled her hips to the music someone had turned on between sets.

  “Yeah, I’m having a pretty good time.”

  “He’s cute.” She nodded toward Jack and pursed her lips in approval.

  A guy from HSA, the very popular Cameron, sidled up to Isla and wrapped his arm around her. She leaned into him.

  “Looks like you made a friend!”

  Isla giggled. Eyeliner was smudged in her eyes in that drunk, but sultry, way.

  I bobbed my head to the music. The beer added a little hip action as well. That summery happy feeling rushed through me. So this is what it feels like.

  “Hey.” Jack was beside me again. He reached his hand out to Isla. “I’m Jack.” He had to shout to be heard over the noise.

  She shook his hand. “Isla.”