Wild is the Blue

by Cecilia Randell

  “All right.” A pause. “Is your shopa stirring up trouble in other places?”

  Was that a hint of mockery in the other man’s tone? Mo’ata rolled his shoulders and leaned back in the booth. “Can we just talk for a moment? Not handler to agent, but man to man?”

  Demil’s expression softened. He raised a hand and flicked his fingers. In moments a waitress stood at the end of the table. “Two whiskies.”

  Mo’ata’s eyes widened at the order. “Colci’s carries contraband now?” Theo tended to keep away from smuggled goods.

  “It’s my private stash, and I’m thinking you could use something stronger than foka, if you’re asking to talk.”

  Silence fell as they waited for the waitress to return. The whiskey burned going down, but it did bring a comforting warmth to his middle. Mo’ata stared past Demil, his gaze unfocused, as he attempted to sort through his thoughts, searched for where to begin. “Have you ever been in love, ever wanted to see someone happy above anything else?” he asked.

  Demil did not reply. Mo’ata waited. Finally, “Yes.”

  “Was she another agent?”

  “In a manner of speaking.”

  “How did you balance everything? Your love, the job, needing to see her safe, needing her to be happy…?”

  Demil gave him a mocking smile. “I didn’t.”

  “Huh?” That was not the answer Mo’ata expected. Although, he wasn’t sure he’d expected any sort of answer.

  “I didn’t balance it. And I made a mess of things.” Demil’s grey eyes darkened. “She got her happy ending, though, if that’s what you mean. I made sure of it.”

  “Where…?”

  “Not with me.”

  “Oh.”

  Demil sighed. “Look. If you want advice on your love life, that’s not me. Getting a woman in bed, dealing with trainees, those I can help you with. The rest of it? Not so much.”

  Taking another sip of the burning golden liquor, Mo’ata studied the man he called friend, mentor, and boss. “It’s not only her I need to worry about, you know.”

  “Felix.”

  “Yes.” And Forrest, but that’s a different set of problems.

  Demil huffed. “That boy needs to start facing his problems.”

  “That boy is older than me.”

  “You’re not still running away from home.”

  “Well…”

  “You know what I mean.” Demil knocked back the remainder of his drink. “This could be good, force him to put all that strontu to rest.”

  “Possibly. Or it could force him into a corner and I lose any chance of fully bringing him into my family.”

  Demil’s lips pursed. He opened his mouth then closed it, as though he’d rethought was he was about to say. “It’s a risk,” he finally said.

  “That’s one way to put it,” Mo’ata gritted out. A risk. It would be a disaster for Mo’ata’s family if Felix wasn’t ready to face his own family and past.

  “Look, I understand this is not an ideal situation, but is anything the Order deals with ideal?” Demil’s tone turned cold. They were back to being Boss and agent. “Your Blue and the rest of your family is my best bet for flushing out the players in this drama. You and Felix both have obligations, and oaths, to uphold.” Demil slid out of the booth and stood. “Figure it out. Both of you. Culan’s bones, you convince Blue, and Felix will no doubt fall in line.”

  Mo’ata bit the inside of his cheek to hold in a retort. Demil was an ass, but he was correct. “You meet her,” Mo’ata said, the demand clear in his tone. He didn’t care. “Right now, I am not the one to convince her of taking on anything new.” Not after the family meeting we just had. “Show her the data. Let her sort it through. Give her your reasons.” Mo’ata exited the booth as well and stood. “If she accepts the assignment, so will we.”

  “It’s not up to her, Mo’ata. This is an order.”

  “Not this time, Boss. Not this time.” A self deprecating smile rode his lips as he borrowed Forrest’s words. “This is different from the other times.”

  Demil ran a hand through his hair. “Bring them tomorrow night.” He spun on his heel and retreated through the back doorway.

  Anticipation sped Mo’ata’s blood. This assignment had the potential to bring them all fully together, or to tear them apart.

  Chapter 5

  BLUE

  Felix stopped outside his bedroom door. Blue reached out and opened it. Her mercenary’s hands were full, after all.

  They were two steps into the room when Felix halted. His arms tightened around her. Heat curled in her belly at the sight of the bed and what was to come. Or what she hoped was to come.

  Maybe I’ll come?

  And there was wicked Blue, come to play. She poked her head out at the most, well, appropriate times, really.

  It took Blue a moment to realize the arm tightening was not a prelude to her being tossed onto the bed and kissed breathless. It took her two more moments to figure out what was wrong.

  The fuck-topus was sitting in plain sight on Felix’s pillow.

  Well, she had suspected that’s where it had gone.

  She swung her legs, asking to be let down. Being held like this was not particularly comfortable, and it was downright awkward for the conversation she was sure was coming.

  Felix eased her down, her back sliding along his front. When her feet met the floor she didn’t pull away. “You’re in trouble,” she said in a teasing tone.

  “I’m the one who had his territory invaded.” His deep voice rumbled from his chest and through her.

  The heat curled tighter in her belly and she pressed deeper into him. She wrapped one of her own arms over his, then pointed to the figurine on his pillow with the other. “But you are the one with the fuck-topus on his pillow.”

  “Well, fuck,” he said.

  She laughed. “What do we do now? The fuck-topus has been given the fuck-topus, so who is to act as my fuck-topus now?”

  He groaned. “I want to know who’s doing this.”

  Blue nodded. “Yeah. I think it’s actually a conspiracy. My money is on the Forrest-Garfield-Vivi team.”

  He walked forward, taking her with him, until they stood beside the bed. “My money is on the criminal.” His words were harsh, but there was no real heat behind them.

  Trevon—the criminal—had continued his courting efforts. Slowly, he was winning over each of Blue’s men. While he and Felix would never be best friends, the king hooligan had managed to wear Felix down to the state of friendly adversary, the kind you had way too much fun trying to best, and missed when they weren’t around.

  “Well,” her mercenary continued. “My money would be on him, except he’s not around lately.”

  Yup, friendly adversary that you miss way more than you would ever admit. “He sent a package just a few days ago,” she pointed out as Felix deposited her on his bed.

  He grunted. His gaze bounced between the fuck-topus on his pillow and Blue on his bed.

  “So, wanna make out?” she asked. “Or should I go get my pajamas and we’ll cuddle?” Say you’re finally going to make wild, passionate love to me, say you’re going to ravish me. An image came to her, of her throwing her arms and legs wide and shouting those very things at him. Heat filled her cheeks. Not that she would actually do that. Wicked Blue still lived mostly in her head.

  Felix held out a hand then let it drop back to his side. “Blue?”

  She looked into his green eyes, and shadows moved there.

  “Why is the fuck-topus on my pillow?” he asked.

  She shrugged. Was she ready to tackle this? Tonight? No. The courage she’d gained during the family meeting deserted her. It disappeared, practically screaming run away, run away! as it went. “So, cuddles then?”

  “Tell me.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I have noticed that the fuck-topus does not move for no reason.”

  Blue bit her lip. She did not want to get into this now. Maybe later t
onight, after some kissing. Or maybe tomorrow. No, that was the exhibit. They could tackle it next week during the break. That would be the perfect time, really, and—

  “Blue. Do I need to call ‘coconut?’”

  Her cheeks heated and her gaze slid away. “Ummm, maybe after I go change?” Why was she being such a coward about this? She knew it was better to talk things out than let them sit there…

  Something loomed over them. This moment had been coming for a while now. Unlike Mo’ata, Forrest, and even Levi, Felix did not easily reveal what lay under his playful facade.

  Felix, her cheerful mercenary, frowned down at her.

  She was messing this up. Crap. “Okay, maybe not later. Right. So…” She sucked in a breath. Time to woman up. “It’s like this. We’ve been together for three months. Well, a little longer. Technically I guess we’ve been together since I came back, but not like together-together. That’s only been for… fourteen w— ten-days. Fourteen ten-days. So, like, one-hundred and forty days, give or take a few. That’s a lot of days, you know? And in that time we haven’t… umm… I mean, you don’t even take off your pants when we’re… together at night. I know I have trouble getting the words out, but I’ve seen a few of those” —she waved her hand toward his groin, which was now at her eye level— “and I’m sure you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean, not that I mind either way, it’s not like I’m with you because you’re hot. Which you are. It’s just…” We haven’t taken that last step and had sex. She couldn’t say the words out loud. He’d just have to figure it out from the manic-squirrel clues she’d just spewed out.

  Felix’s eyes had gone wide and his cheeks flushed. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, and it was his turn to shift his gaze away.

  It was so damn cute when he got flustered. But she wasn’t done, not quite. They’d opened the can of worms, time to let them wriggle all over everything. “I know you said you wanted to take it slow. But this is…” Shit, how did she say this? Forget her words, even her thoughts weren’t particularly coherent.

  She didn’t mind that they were taking their time. She really didn’t. It was just… She sighed. “Sometimes I wonder if you want me.”

  There, she said it. The damn, stupid, gut-twisting, make-her-want-to-stuff-her-head-in-a-barrel insecurity that only plagued her at odd moments yet wouldn’t leave her alone. She finally said it out loud.

  He didn’t say anything.

  “Seems silly, right?” Blue continued. Deep down, though, it wasn’t silly, not to her. Not in the slightest. No, she didn’t mind slow, she didn’t mind the make-out sessions, or him bringing her to climax but not letting her return the favor. She loved the cuddles afterward, and falling asleep using him as a mattress. “I mean, I know that’s not right, or you wouldn’t be living with us, wouldn’t let me in your bed, wouldn’t be in on our family meetings or be wearing that ring—“

  He knelt in front of her and placed the tips of his fingers over her mouth. His eyes glistened and he swallowed.

  Shit. She knew she should have waited. He wasn’t ready, not yet. “We don’t have to do this now,” she said, or tried to. It came out more like “w dn hab ch da dis nah.”

  “Shhh.” He drew his fingers away with a light caress over the sensitive skin of her lips. “It’s… probably past time. Do you know why I said I wanted to take this slow?”

  “Because you used to date a bitch and you wanted to be sure about us?”

  A grin flashed across his face. “The more proper term would be ichi. If you add a ‘ka’ to the end of it, then it will exactly describe Portia.”

  Blue knew ichi—it meant a clever and ambitious woman. “What does the ‘ka’ mean?”

  “It’s an… intensifier? With a bit of a derogatory connotation.”

  “So, if I ever meet her, and call her an ichika, I’m basically calling her the queen bitch?”

  His cheeks flushed. “Yes?”

  She frowned. “Not sure I want her to be the queen of anything.”

  His wide grin was back. “She is royalty.”

  “What?”

  “Seventy… seventh in line for the throne, I think. A fourth cousin to the current king.”

  That’s right, Cularna was a monarchy. Sort of. The royal family had less actual power than the parliament made up of representatives from the various guilds and regions, but they did retain veto power for any laws and statutes passed through parliament, and in certain situations could declare martial law and seize full control.

  Which had happened once in all of recorded Cularnian history, during the Nemico Wars.

  From what she had gathered, the Mercenary Guild liked to maintain very close ties to the royal family.

  “That… makes a little more sense now. Let me guess, your family loved her.”

  He grimaced. “My mother liked her, because I liked her. The rest approved, which is all too often more important in our society.” His gaze fell from hers on the last.

  “What aren’t you saying?” Something that might have been dread curled through her and threatened to send the stew back up.

  He leaned forward until his forehead met hers.

  She’d never seen him like this. Not when he’d shared his mother’s story, not when he’d told her about Portia.

  “Felix? You’re scaring me.”

  “I’m not ready to lose you,” he breathed out.

  Pressure built behind her eyes. She blinked to clear it away. “Why do you think you’ll lose me? You won’t lose me. Have I ever said you’d lose me? Where would I go? Where would you go? They can’t make you go home now, right? I mean, that’s why you transferred to the Boss’s unit here on Karran.”

  Then, it hit her. The things she’d heard from Elaina about Cularna’s courting practices. Trevon’s extremely veiled remarks about how he wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of what he wanted. Felix’s averted gaze any time Blue asked about his family, and his father in particular.

  “Felix?” If her voice trembled, she couldn’t be blamed, not when she was suddenly afraid he’d someday walk out the door and never come back—and not because he’d been kidnapped by a megalomaniac. Which, as the universe had proven, was always a possibility.

  Why does it seem worse that it could be his family ripping him away?

  “I want us to stay like this, always,” he whispered. “I want what I’ve found with you, with all of you.” His hands found her thighs and his fingers clutched at her. “I wanted to take it slow, because I wanted to savor this. I wanted to experience this… life with you. It’s so peaceful.”

  Despite the seriousness of the moment, she couldn’t hold in her snort at that last.

  He returned it with a soft chuckle of his own. “It is, pet. I wanted to treasure every smile you gave me, every kiss. I wanted to be able to store them away in my mind like perfect little moments that I could pull out…”

  When it was all over. He didn’t finish his sentence, but he may as well have. The thought was clear in his tone.

  “So your… reluctance, it’s not because of Portia?”

  “Maybe at first. But she’s nothing compared to you. It hasn’t been about her in quite a while now.”

  She nodded, her forehead rubbing against his. “Why do you think you’ll lose me?” she asked again. “Could they prevent us from formally joining together? I know what we’re doing now is considered a trial period, but I’ve always thought that in the end we’d, well, we’d be together, just like this.” She slid her hands around his neck to hold him to her. “I’m not letting you go anywhere. If I can take on a maniac or two, one pretentious and over ambitious father is nothing.” She tilted her head and closed the last of the distance between their lips.

  It was a sweet kiss. She tried to inject everything she was feeling in that moment into it. Then she pulled away. “I don’t mind savoring.” She twisted her head to stare at the fuck-topus. “As we all now know, I’ve been maybe overextending myself a little bit.”

&nb
sp; Felix held up his hand with his thumb and index finger an inch apart. “Maybe a little,” he teased. Then he spread his arms out. “Maybe this much.”

  She slapped his chest. Her hand stung. “Hush. But, this has been worrying at me. It says something when the fuck-topus goes missing and I’m ninety percent sure where it ended up.”

  He sobered. “You are that upset with me?”

  “More frustrated than anything else.” She bit her lip. “Do you really think they will try to force us apart? I mean, you’ve been living your own life for a while now.”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I… don’t know how to explain it. I could say that my father is an ambitious chuka and leave it at that, or that my siblings are ignorant and narrow-minded. Or that my mother lives in the past. But none of that is right.”

  “Is this like them wanting you to be a general?”

  He stood, bent over, and picked up the fuck-topus, rolling the figurine in his fingers. Sitting next to her, he never took his gaze from the delicate carving.

  FELIX

  How did he explain to this woman, who looked at their world with joy even when chukas like Blaine Friate harassed her? Oh, sure, she was anxious and had overextended herself, but all it took was a hour-long meeting, a few kisses, and reassurance from the men of her prida to get her back to her usual lively self.

  What had Forrest once called her? A cheerful bulldozer?

  It fit her.

  Felix was afraid he—and by extension his family—could be the ones to finally strip that from her. He had personal experience with that, after all.

  "What if..." He swallowed. He was a grown man, had faced down dozens of opponents both in Challenges and while conducting his duties, could wrestle a grimal and live, and had once out drunk the Boss himself. But before this petite girl he was a quivering mess. Be honest, it's not her you are afraid to face. "We could stay like this the rest of our lives. We could remain in an informal trial period. We could have our family meetings, and go to Forrest's exhibits, and hang out at Colci's. You could write your stories maybe? Didn't you tell me once that was what you'd wanted to do back on Earth? You could do that here. It would allow you more freedom to do your exploring than joining the Order units like Levi.” She had been correct earlier when she said that wasn’t the place for her. She was not correct about the reasons, though. Felix couldn't imagine her tied down to such a regimented life.