Breathe

by Hazel Robinson

  “I told my brother what I wanted him to know, everything else is just memories, ones I would happily forget but unfortunately I have to carry them alone.”

  “Never alone.” He takes my hand, entwining his fingers in mine. “You don’t have to carry them alone, neither of us do.”

  The journey is long and quiet. We’re both emotionally exhausted, neither able to find the right words to say. Some relationships start like a thunderstorm crashing through the sky, others burn slowly like a candle flickering away in the night. I don’t know if Marcus and I have any kind of future together. Once the flame burns out and the storm passes – what’s left?

  When you step out of the cage, and away from danger, do you stick around to watch the ocean, or do you pack up and leave until next time?

  After leaving the apartment earlier, we stopped at my place to pick up some clothes for the weekend. Justin tried to question us, I could see in his eyes he knew we were hiding something, but Marcus understood why I didn’t want him to know. Promised me he could keep it a secret. Both Justin and I seem to keep putting all this pressure on him and the strain visible on his face – it’s written in his eyes. I have to plan my next move, try to figure out what Daniel said last night about someone close to me. Only Justin knows where we are going and as long as it stays that way, I know we have a few days to figure everything out, not just Drake but each other; to spend a few precious moments together.

  It’s not running away and hiding, it’s preparing….

  I should be excited about spending the entire weekend alone with him, locked away in the middle of nowhere together, but instead it’s like a ticking time bomb hangs over both our heads. We’re counting down until the monster strikes.

  I’m woken from my trance when his hand gently rests on my thigh, the touch warming and honestly a gesture I desperately needed right now. I turn and look at him. One hand controls the steering wheel while the other reassures me. “We’re nearly here.” He smiles at me.

  I look back to the window at the beauty outside. Trees and fields replace the busy streets and tall buildings, the silence soothing. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Yeah, I love it here.” He turns the car around a corner and up a winding hill. “It’s just up here.” He points up ahead.

  I watch in excitement as the small house comes into view, a picket fence surrounds the overgrown garden – wildflowers growing everywhere. Winding the window down, I can smell the fresh grass.

  Pulling the car up to the gate, he unclips his belt and rushes out of the car to open the passenger side for me.

  I look around, noticing a few other's houses scattered further up the road. “So not completely alone in the middle of nowhere.” I laugh.

  “Well, most of them are holiday homes like this. The local shop is a ten-minute drive back down the road, so alone enough.” He curls his arm around my waist, pulling me to his side. “No one is going to bother us here.” I laugh, watching him unlock the door, pushing it open.

  Inside we are met with a stunning staircase that leads up to the first floor. He wanders through a door at the side and I follow his lead.

  “This is the living room, through there is the kitchen/ dinner and upstairs the bathroom and bedroom. It’s not much.” He digs his hand into his pockets nervously.

  I stand in the middle of the room looking round at the cosy space. A huge chesterfield settee sits facing an open log fire, and in one of the alcoves a bookcase is filled with books, and in the other an old-fashioned writing desk. A coffee table sits in front of the settee. All the furniture is a dark wood and perfectly fits the style of the décor.

  I envision myself curled up on that settee in front of the roaring fire reading one of those dusty books and my heart dances. Marcus creeps up behind me and his arms wrap around my middle. “It’s perfect, Marcus.”

  He releases his hold, kissing me on the cheek. “I’ll go and grab the bags, good job I packed some supplies.”

  I give him a small smile, watching him leave out the front door. Venturing into the kitchen my hand trails over the dusty wooden worktop, I fasten my hair on the top of my head and check the cupboards and drawers for cleaning supplies.

  ‘Yes’ I thank God, finding a bunch of cleaning sprays and cloths. Filling the sink, I skip around the kitchen humming away to myself as I wipe down all the top and then the table. Placing all the dusty plates and cups in the now hot bubbly sink I give them all a quick clean, my hips swaying to the beat in my head, I close my eyes to the tune echoing from my lips.

  I sense his presence; feel him walk in the room standing in the doorway with his hand across his chest watching me. I knew he was there before I turned around.

  “What are you looking at?” I throw the cloth back in the water, happy with myself and the kitchen.

  He takes a long breath. “Just admiring the view and the song.” He grins at me. I really love his smile. It gives me butterflies. “I’ve never heard that song before. What is it?” He gives me an inquisitive look.

  “It’s a Jensen original. We’ve sung it together a few times.” I smile, remembering the first time I sang it with him. My heart ached from the pain in the words. He poured his heart and soul into it – every hidden emotion he had was written in the song.

  Marcus looks at his watch and turns his attention back to me. “You know; I haven’t shown you upstairs yet.” He gives me another cheeky grin before sauntering over to me.

  “Oh really? Well, I guess we could have a quick look before we prepare some food.” I take his hand as he pulls me into his arms.

  “I’m suddenly not that hungry.” His lips caress my neck. Teasing me. “What do you say we skip the food?”

  I lean into his kisses, my hands around his neck. “We could have a late supper in front of the fire later…”

  “And a bottle of wine.” His hands grab my hips, tight. He walks me back against the wall, trapping me. One hand digs into my hip, hard, while the other trails up my top, cupping my breast. His hot kisses burn my collarbone. There’s a burning ache in the pit of my stomach and suddenly I only have an appetite for one thing.

  I pull the t-shirt over his head, dropping it on the kitchen floor, running my hands up his toned smooth back, his hand pulls my thigh up and I wrap it around his leg, holding on. While his hand pushes under my bra, circling my breast.

  I tip my head back, welcoming his lips on my neck. My hands trail over his bare chest and around his neck. If we don’t move upstairs now, then we will end up naked on the kitchen floor.

  I put my leg back down on the floor and he takes my hand, silently leading me up the huge staircase. Two doors wait at the top, one to the left and one to the right. My stomach knots with excitement as he opens the one on the left.

  He smiles as I follow him in and my jaw almost drops to the floor. A four-poster bed sits against a dark wooden wall, the furniture mirroring that downstairs. I stand watching him remove his shoes, and then his socks. I bite my lip watching his jeans hang on his hips and his bare feet walk towards me. It starts a fire inside me once more.

  “You know; I’m really starting to like that image,” I tease him.

  He stops in front of me. “And what image would that be?”

  I take a step forward, my hand on his chest, leading him backwards to the bed. “You wearing nothing but a pair of jeans.” The back of his legs hit the bed, and he falls back, pulling me with him. He flips me over so I’m under him. His hands slowly unfasten my hair from the bobble, my messy curls falling free around me.

  His hot hand moves down my neck, skimming over my collarbone, slowly, my body crumbling with each agonising movement. His beautiful green eyes glaze over with burning desire. A look that I’ve grown to love.

  “Beautiful.” His faint tone in my ear sends a shiver up my spine. He hovers over me, leaning up on one hand while the other grazes over the scar on my hip.

  I welcome the touch.

  There isn’t a sound around us, only the sweet silence b
etween us. My hand lightly touches his cheek. His hair falls over his eyes, only a little but enough for me to run my fingers through, pulling his lips to meet mine.

  He tugs at the bottom of my top, pulling it higher up my body. I arch my back, giving more room to remove it. Wrapping my hands around his neck, I draw his lips close to mine. Smiling, I roll us over sitting up fully in his lap, my legs wrapped around his waist.

  He sits up, one hand around my neck as the other brushes down my body, cupping my breast. I hear the harsh breath escape his lungs, and my chest sets on fire; the deep throbbing pounds hard. I need his touch – crave it.

  It’s like a volcano waiting to erupt.

  Draping my arms around his neck, one hand settles on my back, holding me close while his other hand massages slowly against my breast, I can feel him harden against my sex, setting the flames higher. I kiss his neck, teasing him as my tongue trails to his ear, nibbling a little. His hold on my back tightens.

  “Evvie.” His tone begs against my ear and in a swift movement he pushes me back to the bed now at the bottom on the bed he hovers over me pulling away he unbuttons my jeans teasing them down my hips, caressing my thighs in the process. His gaze not leaving mine, the slight sparkle in his eyes makes my head float up in the clouds.

  Before I have a chance to blink my black lace panties are the next to be thrown across the room as he stands up and unbuttons his own jeans, standing in nothing but his black boxer briefs, sitting tight on his hips. I bite my lip, staring at his bulge begging to escape…. It leaves my breath excited and erratic.

  Nestling himself back between my legs, his hand reaches around my back and in one sharp move, he unclasps the matching bra and discards it slowly.

  “You are too fucking beautiful, Evvie!” His body towers over mine and I press my hand against his chest, feeling his wild heart racing against my touch.

  I relish in the feeling of his teeth seducing my nipple, tugging and grazing over the skin. His other hand creeps down my side, stopping at my hip for a moment, his fingers feathering along the inside of my thigh, teasing the spot I want him so badly to touch. I shift my hips under him.

  I throw my head back, pushing against the soft pillows as his fingers circle my sex.

  Pushing me.

  Possessing me. I try to catch my breath against his touch, but it can’t…

  “Look at me, Evvie.” He pulls his hand away…. I open my eyes, watching him slowly kiss down my stomach…. he pauses at the scar… trailing his tongue along it.

  He sets himself between my legs. One hand presses against my stomach, while the other grips my thigh tight.

  I gasp when his lips press against my already sensitive skin…. Soft butterfly kisses pushing me closer to the edge, I clutch the bed sheet.

  His tongue trails hot and wet against my skin, my body melting. I never knew something could feel so good.

  “Marcus…” I beg, my voice croaky. I feel my body exploding from the inside… but he stops. My eyes are hazy from the almost heavenly moment, and a cold breeze washes over my hot body.

  I watch as he searches in his pocket. Smiling, he pulls out a condom. Sliding his boxers off, he rips the packet open with his teeth. He sits on the edge of the bed with his back to me and pushes the latex over his length before hovering back on top of me.

  “Say my name again…” The back of his hand gently strokes my cheek.

  I look into his eyes for a moment. “Marcus…” echoes from my lips as I wrap my legs around his hips tight, raising them to meet his. Begging him to finish what he started.

  My head swirls with desire, as his hands work my body, I wriggle and rife under his burning touch. He sinks deep inside me and I cry out with pleasure as he slowly pushes deeper and deeper.

  I can’t think straight….my mind drifts above the clouds with his slow seductive movement.

  It’s slow and deep…. meaningful… not just sex.

  I cling onto his butt, digging my nails deep into his skin, trying to catch my breath, gasping for air.

  My legs quiver, shaking with each slow movement…carrying my body to the edge. “Marcus…” I stare deep into his eyes.

  I don’t know how, but suddenly in the blink of an eye I’m sitting in his lap, my legs now at his side…his hands holding my back.

  I cry out as he goes deeper…. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on…it’s taking everything I have not to tip over the edge. Our bodies rock in time with each other…

  Slower.

  Deeper.

  Carrying us both to ecstasy.

  “Evvie…” His fingers dig into my burning skin and I lean back a little as the pleasure takes over, he throbs against my inside with one last thrust…. A long harsh breath escapes both of us.

  We slow to nothing.

  Clinging on to reality and each other.

  His head leans against my sweat dripping chest.

  Hitched breaths leave both our lungs.

  Looking up, he cups my cheek with a shaky hand, his thumb trailing my lip. “I love you Evvie…”

  The words make my lip quiver.

  I want to say them back…

  I feel them…. I feel everything.

  He pulls my head closer, resting my forehead on his. Our breathing slower now.

  I beg my lips to echo the words to him… to admit every Goddamn feeling that runs through my body…. My brain says not to, not to fall for another.

  It’s too late. I do love him.

  With every fucking bone in my body, I love him.

  Marcus will never be Drake….

  I close my eyes, trying to find those three words I so desperately want to say to him… to tell him how I feel… my hand rests on his cheek.

  I’m too scared to say it, too damaged to trust my own heart could love again.

  Too broken to believe I deserve it.

  Love shouldn’t be given out so easily. A heart is a fragile thing. I don’t think mine could survive another break. Deep inside I know how I feel for him, but if I say it out loud, I know neither of us would ever be able to survive what’s coming.

  He saved me from the darkness.

  Gave me life again.

  I don’t want to be the one that destroys him.

  We lay in each other’s arms for a long time. His soft hands trail up and down my back, soothing me. Each time I look into his eyes, I can see a hint of disappointment glistening.

  Had he only said those words because of the earthshattering moment we had just shared, like a knee jerk reaction, or had he meant them?

  Slowly unhooking his arm from around my waist, he stretches out beside me. “You hungry?” he asks, looking down at me.

  My stomach instantly responds to his question. “Starving.”

  He checks his watch for a moment and throws the cover off our naked tangled bodies. “Come on, let’s go raid the food supplies.” He swings his legs over the edge of the bed, pulls his boxers back on, and runs his hands through his sex tangled hair. I can hear his feet tiptoeing along the hardwood floor, stopping at the door and giving me a cheeky smile before he leaves the room.

  Grabbing the blanket off the end of the bed, I wrap myself up in it before rummaging around in the bag for my shorts and vest top. I try to tame my hair back into the scrunchie, but instead I decide to leave it on the dresser, tucking the hair behind my ears and wrap myself back up in the blanket.

  Taking each step slow I make my way down the stairs, listening to him rummage around the kitchen – huffing and puffing to himself. I can’t help but laugh as I stand in the doorways watching him.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, making him jump at my presence.

  He spins around with a huge metal bowl in one hand and a pack of eggs in the other, two broken eggs splattered all over the floor at his feet. I press my hand against my lips, trying to hide my amusement.

  A childish frown sprays across his face. “I was going to make an omelette.”

  “Ok.” I step into the kitchen
, “And the mess is because?” I smirk at him, taking the pack of eggs out his hand and place them on the side.

  Mirroring my move, he puts the bowl on the table and shrugs his shoulder. “I got flustered….” He looks down at his feet, now covered in raw eggs. “I was trying to find the recipe on my phone and dropped the box of eggs.

  I remove the blanket from around me and drape it over the chair. “Go get cleaned up and sort the fire, I’ll see what I can rustle up.” I rummage through the bag of food he had packed; looking for ingredients to make a decent omelette.

  Smiling to myself I whisk the eggs, cheese, and parsley together in a bowl, while he tries to clean up the mess on the floor.

  “Go jump in the shower, I’ll sort that.” I scold him for being under my feet while I’m trying to sort the tomatoes.

  Kissing me on the forehead, he throws the towel on the table. “I’ll be really quick.”

  I shake my head, watching him run out the door and up the stairs.

  The water begins running upstairs and I dig out the frying pan from in the cupboard, struggling to light the gas stove. I eventually manage cheering to myself.

  The water stops running and I can hear his footsteps on the staircase, getting closer with each step. Instead of entering the kitchen, I listen as he walks into the living room.

  I toss the tomatoes in a bowl with some oil and parsley while the omelette cooks away in the pan. Searching the cupboard for some glasses, I place them on the table with the bottle of wine Marcus brought with us.

  Stepping back, I smile to myself and pour the wine into each glass, before making my way to the living room. The curtains are drawn and the lighting in the room dimmed to almost darkness. The only thing shining any kind of light is coming from the red glow of the fire and the candles lit on the table which I notice Marcus has moved to the side of the room and pushed the settee back a bit to allow enough room for the cream fluffy rug to sit in front of the open fire. My toes curl and my stomach knots with a peaceful feeling from how romantically blissful the room looks. It’s perfect.