Art House

by Charley Descoteaux

  “I don’t know what you want me to do, Gare.” They locked stares, and after a moment, Chase went to the closet. He pulled out his overnight bag and started packing.

  “What are you doing?” Garrett hadn’t been so afraid since the time one of his mother’s boyfriends had backhanded him across the room. That boyfriend had gotten the boot from their apartment, and been picked up by the cops besides, which had stopped Garrett from being afraid. Nobody was likely to swoop in and undo the damage he’d just done to his own life.

  Chase didn’t answer. He slowly and methodically packed two changes of clothes, sandals, a new sketchpad, and some assorted toiletries without saying a single word. He didn’t seem angry, and not particularly sad or hurt either.

  All of which scares the piss out of me.

  “Chase.” When he started to leave the room, Garrett stood in front of him. “Where are you going?”

  “Out to the coast for a few days. I have to think.” Chase kissed Garrett’s lips—a quick, chaste kiss, like you’d give to a friend—and then slipped past him.

  “To Buchanan House?”

  “Yeah.” Chase answered over his shoulder as he moved down the hall.

  Garrett jogged to catch up. “At least let me drive you out there.”

  “I think I can make it to the coast okay by myself.” Chase smiled, but his heart clearly wasn’t in it. “Thanks, though.”

  “Wait. Don’t leave. We can—I’ll go with you.”

  “I need a little time, that’s all. I’m not leaving you. I promise. I just need to think.” After another quick, excruciatingly platonic kiss, Chase said, “I’ll text you when I get there,” and opened the door.

  Before Garrett could think of anything else to say—anything that might keep Chase from leaving—he walked out the door and closed it with a soft click. Garrett grabbed the doorknob, his mind and heart racing frantically, but didn’t open the door. He wanted to, but only if Chase wanted to be convinced to stay.

  If he wanted that, he wouldn’t have left.

  GARRETT WAS still leaning against the door when Jess unlocked it a little while later. “Chase?” he practically shouted as he stumbled back a few steps.

  “No, but it’s nice to see you too, Garry.”

  “Oh.” Garrett dragged himself into the living room and sank onto the sofa. “I thought you were Chase.”

  “Yeah. I got that. What’s going on? Did you guys fight?”

  “No. Not exactly.” Garrett dropped his head into his hands and ran his fingers through his hair as he tilted his head up to look at her. “Sort of.”

  “Give me a second, okay?” She raced into the front bathroom and came back out in clean jeans. That’s when Garrett realized she had been wearing a dress. A nice little black dress.

  Jess went into the kitchen and came back out with a pitcher of water and two glasses. “Okay. So you guys didn’t fight, and then Chase left. What were you talking about?”

  Garrett groaned. “He went out to the coast. He—” Garrett’s phone chirped to tell him he had a call coming in and he fumbled it out of his pocket as fast as he could. “Chase?”

  “No, sorry.”

  Garrett pulled the phone away from his ear barely long enough to read the screen. When he put it back, Kyle was in the middle of a sentence. “Kyle?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “What? Why are you—oh, shit, is Chase okay? Did something happen?”

  “Nothing happened, he’s fine. Take it easy. Where are you?”

  “Condo.”

  “Really? Well, I just talked to Chase and convinced him I was planning to go out and see my dad and need his company on the drive back.”

  “What? How did you know—?”

  “He called Paulie and asked if room eight was free.”

  “Oh. Thanks.” Garrett checked the time, and Chase hadn’t even been gone an hour. It felt like a day at least. “He’s waiting for you?”

  “What’s going on?”

  Garrett wasn’t surprised that Kyle subtly refused to say where Chase was at that moment. Garrett sat up straighter on the couch and looked at Jess when he answered Kyle. “I said I wanted to get married.”

  She frowned and watched Garrett’s face closely.

  “Okay….” Kyle didn’t quite make that a question, but it obviously was. Traffic sounds came through when the silence stretched, but Garrett didn’t even wonder if Kyle was paying attention to the road. He was a careful driver and Bran’s car had a hands-free setup.

  “I was surprised at his reaction.”

  “Wait. He said no?”

  “Not exactly. He’ll do it. If I force him to.” Garrett reached out to Jess and she caught his hand in both of hers.

  “But you don’t want it like that.”

  “I’m glad he’s not driving himself out to the camp.”

  “Yeah, me too. Consider coming out, okay?”

  “Okay. Thanks for calling.”

  Jess’s expression had softened while she listened, and when Garrett hung up, she hugged him. She felt warmer than he’d expected, and he wondered what she’d been up to. He didn’t have the chance to ask, though.

  “So Kyle agrees Chase shouldn’t drive himself out to Buchanan House?”

  “I told you, he’s a horrible driver.”

  “How horrible? Does he drive drunk?”

  “No. His… attention lapses. Driving is boring, other things aren’t.”

  “I still don’t get it. He’s what, thirty? Thirty-five?”

  “Almost forty-four.”

  “Whoa. Why didn’t I know that already?”

  Garrett shrugged. “He has good genes. You should see his dad. In his midsixties but barely looks fifty. They look more like brothers than father and son.” A quick thought of Chase’s brother, the way he’d died and how guilty Chase still felt about the accident, made Garrett glad he hadn’t said that where Chase could have heard. He shuddered, and Jess pulled him into a hug. She squeezed him tightly.

  “So, when are you going to tell me about the whole driving thing?”

  “The only stories Chase has really told me from before we met were about him wrecking a car. I’ve heard more from the guys—more cars. And trucks. And a bike.” Garrett didn’t care that Jess probably knew he was leaving something out. He couldn’t even think about Chase feeling so low he’d steer off the road, not while he was out there somewhere alone.

  “Whoa. Overachiever.”

  “So I’m not overreacting.”

  “Okay. It’s okay even if you were. I just wanted to know the story.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You have to do something. I mean, I’m not trying to shame you or anything, but you can’t just let him go away angry.”

  “He wasn’t angry. That’s the problem. He was very calm about the whole thing.” Garrett tightened his arms around Jess and thought about taking a pill. Or visiting a dispensary and eating pot-laced cookies until he fell asleep for a good long time.

  “What are you leaving out?”

  Garrett untangled himself from her and went into the kitchen. He wasn’t hungry, not really, even though he had left most of his dinner behind. He wanted something sweet. And he wanted Chase. As he looked into the last cupboard, he realized he would have to do without both.

  “Well?”

  He turned, and Jess leaned her hip against the counter just inside the kitchen. She frowned and he frowned back.

  “You heard. I said I didn’t want him to unless he wanted to.”

  “But that you really want to.”

  Garrett groaned and sagged against the counter. “I didn’t mean for him to leave.”

  “I know. What, exactly, did he say?”

  “He’s going for a few days to think. Not leaving me. But it feels like that. Sort of.”

  “Was he yelling?”

  “No.” Garrett turned back to the fridge. Maybe there’s something sweet in the freezer. There wasn’t, and when he turned back around Jess
was giving him a well? look. “No. He didn’t yell at all.”

  “Good man.” Jess smiled and offered Garrett a candy bar. When he didn’t take it right away she asked, “Do you want a pill? Or a cookie?”

  “Will you be worried if I say both?”

  “No. It’s gonna be a long night, sweetness. You want both, you get both. Just don’t ask for a beer chaser.”

  “Deal.”

  He felt like a dumb little kid, but he took the candy bar and ate it. It helped. More than the anxiety pill—pills—she got for him. Or maybe it was the epic hug while he ate a whole chocolate chip cookie by himself.

  “Let’s watch movies in my room tonight.”

  “You don’t have plans?” Garrett squeezed his arms around her. Why do I encourage her to leave when I need her to stay?

  “Nothing more important than this.”

  “I feel like I should discourage you from spending your free time putting my pieces back together.”

  “But you know it’s futile to argue with me.”

  Garrett released her and looked into her eyes. Her smile softened a few rough edges. “Something like that.”

  Jess took him into her room, and they settled in with one of their favorite B movies playing. After the first few minutes, Garrett dared to ask her a question.

  “Am I being unfair to him?”

  “Are you being honest?”

  She didn’t even have to think about that.

  Even so, he’d started to feel the cookie, so he only nodded his reply.

  “Then you’re not being unfair. You have to be honest. Lies will only poison things.”

  He looked up into her eyes, and her smile might have been tinged with sadness. Only for a moment, and then she grinned and shoved his shoulder. “Good stuff, eh?”

  “Yeah. So tell me about the audition you went on today.”

  “Nothing too exciting.”

  “Tell me anyway?”

  “One line in a show a major network is shooting locally, and a commercial.”

  “Doubling up. Nice.” He gently elbowed her side, and she snickered.

  “I like that your mind went right there.”

  “Huh?”

  “When you saw the dress. You could’ve thought ‘court date’—or a hot date—” She cut herself off fast and hugged Garrett tightly, but she needn’t have worried; he wasn’t in any shape to grill her about Mystery Man.

  Spending the evening cuddling with Jess almost let him relax enough to tease her about Mystery Man, but he spared her. Just this once. Garret let Jess distract him with funny stories about the auditions she’d been on earlier in the week and didn’t bat an eye when she wouldn’t say anything more about that day’s.

  When he finally got Chase’s text—At BH. Love you G—Garrett was able to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  CHASE HADN’T even had one drink while he waited the three hours for Kyle to drive out from the coast. He knew Paulie was telling him a story when he said Kyle was in Portland visiting his dad and would bring Chase back with him, but he didn’t call bullshit. The last thing Chase wanted to do was drive. He hated driving. Mostly because he was spectacularly bad at it, but also because it was tedious. When his father wasn’t around to make him feel like everything he’d ever done was wrong, the thought of driving didn’t make Chase want to slither under a bed and curl into a ball, but he would still never choose to drive farther than the gallery in Southwest, the place farthest from the condo that still hung his paintings.

  Kyle didn’t press him for details—on the drive to Buchanan House, he talked about the camp and how much he enjoyed working there, told a few funny stories about guests. But mostly he talked about Bran and how happy they were. Chase would have thought that would feel like turning the knife, but it didn’t. And he couldn’t figure out why.

  Paulie met Chase on the porch and brought him inside with an arm around his shoulders. Kyle didn’t linger but that was just as well. Chase felt guilty putting him out as it was. Luckily, Paulie didn’t let him dwell on Kyle. He took Chase up to room eight. Chase was sure Paulie wanted to dive right in and was relieved when he only asked if he needed anything and left with a tight hug and a “sweet dreams.”

  The next morning, however, was a different story. Chase dragged himself down the hidden staircase and followed the aroma of coffee into the kitchen. If it had been a day when Buchanan House was open, the kitchen would have been bustling with activity even at eleven in the morning. On a Wednesday, not so much. Pretty much the only sound came from the laundry room, but the closed door kept it fairly quiet in the kitchen. Chase poured himself coffee, and Paulie gave him a peach scone. Paulie knew he wasn’t much of a breakfast eater, and the fact that he didn’t try to feed him a whole meal made Chase feel calm. Understood. Like he was with family.

  Paulie brought a cup of coffee to the island and sat on the stool beside Chase’s. “So, you came to think?”

  “Sounds unlikely, doesn’t it?”

  “No, honey. What are you thinking about?”

  “Marriage.”

  “Yours?”

  “Yeah. I thought I might have better luck if I talked to you about it instead of myself. If you have the time.”

  “Of course I do. Now is good.”

  Chase swallowed hard. He’d had all night to think but hadn’t. He’d turned down the bed closest to the bathroom, the one he and Garrett had slept in the last time they stayed in room eight, and flopped down on his back. He’d fully intended to think awhile and then get ready for bed but had been in the same position when the light of day woke him. He had promptly undressed and gone back to sleep.

  All without thinking about what he’d come to think about.

  “Come on. I know you’re missing Garrett already, so let’s get this cleared up.” Paulie patted his arm. “What’s the issue?”

  “The marriage thing.”

  Paulie sipped carefully, watching Chase over the rim of his coffee cup.

  “He won’t. Unless I honestly want to.”

  “And you don’t?”

  “Not exactly. I love him but don’t really get marriage.”

  After a long pause, Paulie gently prompted Chase. “Tell me more.”

  “I never thought I’d have to—or be able to, maybe that’s it? It’s just—I don’t think we need it. Sorry.”

  “No apologizing.” Paulie settled his gaze across the room and sipped his coffee thoughtfully. Like he planned on sitting there for a while and had nothing better to do, even though Chase suspected on any other week he would be very busy just then. “You feel what you feel. We just have to figure out why.”

  “You sound like you already know.”

  “Well, I have met your father.” Paulie glanced at him but decided to stick with the view across the room. “What happened with him and your mom?”

  “He was always a jerk, but after my brother… I guess she couldn’t handle him anymore.”

  “Where did you go?”

  “Go?” Chase froze with his coffee cup in the air and then slowly lowered it. He wouldn’t be drinking from it again for a few minutes, at least.

  “When she left.”

  “Nowhere. She didn’t go far—stayed in town with some other man—but I stayed with Dad.”

  “Oh honey. I’m so sorry.” Paulie gently wrapped Chase in a hug, as though he would break into a million shards if Paulie squeezed too hard. “It’s no wonder the idea of marriage isn’t very attractive to you.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “You were collateral damage in their divorce. Were visits hard?”

  Chase snorted and was glad for the hug all over again because it meant he didn’t have to face Paulie just then.

  “No visits? How long since you’ve seen your mother?”

  “I saw her in town sometimes, but that’s not what you’re asking. Haven’t had much to do with her since I was sixteen.”

  Paulie squeezed him tighter, and Chase wondered if it w
as for him or if Paulie just missed his own mother. And sister. He’d obviously been thinking about Chase’s problem—he’d probably called and talked to Garrett before Chase had met Kyle last night. Probably before he’d walked the few blocks to the bar and ordered his virgin drinks. Or maybe Kyle had talked to Garrett. Either way, Paulie wasn’t just pulling ideas out of the air. That wasn’t his style at all. But he had his own family issues to deal with—his mother had been gone for a long time, and his sister lived on the other side of the country. And Paulie had a very soft heart. When Paulie released him, his face was pink, his eyes a little moist.

  “I can tell you that you’ll do it differently but only you can allow yourself to believe it. Garrett brought it up, yes?”

  “Yes.”

  “He’s trying to make it more difficult for him to leave.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Isn’t that what you want?”

  Chase shrugged. He was ready for the conversation to be over, to have a drink or maybe a walk on the beach—or both. Both. But none of that would be happening until Paulie said what he had to say. Chase was grateful, for sure, but already had a lot to think about. Too much. More than he thought he could sort through before he missed Garrett so hard he wouldn’t be able to stay away any longer.

  And then we’ll be right back where we started, with an extra dose of disappointment on his side.

  “So stop doing things that keep you from getting what you want. I know, it’s not as easy as saying it.” Paulie squeezed Chase’s shoulder and took a moment to warm up his coffee. “Go for a nice long walk on the beach. Think of how happy you’ll be once this is resolved, when you’re with Garrett again. Your relationship will be revitalized—if you’re anything like Nathan and me you’ll feel like you did in the early years. You were so happy, and deserve to be that way again. Now that his anxiety is under control, this is all that’s coming between you and your heart’s desire.”

  “You know about that? Garrett’s anxiety?”

  “Yes. I’ve suspected it was a problem for him for a while. Jess told Nathan last time you were here, and he told me. I don’t plan on discussing it with anyone else. I know Garrett wouldn’t like that. I only mentioned it so you would see how close you are.”