Art House

by Charley Descoteaux

  “No. Think I’ve got it covered. Thanks, though.”

  Hope that doesn’t turn out to be just more bullshit, or famous last words….

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  GARRETT WOULD have been pacing during the whole drive out to the coast if he could have. He felt like a caged animal, like he was being smothered in a sleeping bag, like—

  “Stop that,” Jess said and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

  “Stop what?”

  “You’re brooding. He asked you to come out, so you know what’s going to happen.”

  “Do I? How can I be sure? I’m—”

  Jess interrupted before he could say he wasn’t sure, which would have been a lie, but Garrett didn’t want to jinx anything. “Because you know him. Would he have asked you to come if he wasn’t going to—?”

  “Don’t say it!” Garrett’s hands shot out to brace himself against the dashboard even though Jess hadn’t slowed at all.

  “Okay, I won’t. But you know it’s true.”

  After a moment, Garrett swung his attention from the view out the front windshield firmly onto Jess. “Do you know something? Did you talk to Chase?”

  “No.” Her tone said she wanted that to be the last word on the subject.

  “You texted! I can tell. What did he say?”

  “You’re nosy. You know that, right?” She shot a frown in his direction and stopped at a light.

  Garrett wished the route to Lincoln City was more like the one between Portland and Long Sands Beach. He longed for wide expanses of highway, which he knew Jess would drive well above the speed limit, not the small intrastates with traffic signals. The only upside was that the small highways came with drive-through opportunities. Normally he would suggest at least one detour, but at the moment he didn’t feel like he could keep anything down if he tried to eat.

  “If you must know,” Jess said, “I was thinking that you two are a good match. I mean, after almost ten years, you still get limp and swoony when you see a text from him. You did good, Garry.”

  “Will you please stop calling me that? I’m not twelve anymore.”

  “I know. I’d apologize but that’s beginning to sound a little hollow.” The light changed, and she eased the rental car back into motion. “I mean, I understand why—”

  “I know what you’re doing. I asked what you guys talked about.”

  “And I didn’t answer. For a smart guy, you fail to take so many hints.”

  “Jess….”

  “I told him he’d better be convincing.”

  Garrett groaned. “You’re impossible.”

  “How am I impossible? Because I want you two to stop fighting about something you both want to do? How is that impossible?”

  “Maybe Chase doesn’t want to be convincing.”

  “Garrett. Stop that, or I’ll punch you for real.”

  “No you won’t.”

  “Okay, no, I won’t. But I’ll really want to. That’s not safe for you either.”

  Garrett couldn’t help himself; he groaned again. Which was followed by another sock in the shoulder. “If you keep that up, you’re going to bruise me.”

  After a moment of silence, Jess started laughing. She laughed so hard she had to pull over. Or maybe she was just hungry. She pulled into a Taco Bell with a drive-through but parked in the lot. She folded her arms on the steering wheel and rested her forehead on them, still laughing.

  “If you need me to drive—”

  “Oh, stop that.” She struggled to regain her composure, and when she finally had, she twisted at the waist and faced him. “Try and relax, sweetness. You’re getting all wound up for nothing. It’s going to happen.”

  “Just like you and what’s-his-name?”

  “Silly rabbit. I’m not telling you like this. And I don’t know. Don’t say things like that, you’ll jinx it.” She stared him down and then asked, in a more gentle tone of voice, “What do you want from the drive-through?”

  JESS PULLED into the parking lot at Buchanan House and headed for the front steps as though she planned to drive right up them. The front row was almost full, which was strange until Garrett paid attention to the vehicles: Tim’s truck, the three cars belonging to Nathan, Paulie, and Bran, and a couple of battered pickups that might have been familiar, but Garrett’s attention span had reached its limit. She pulled into the last space in the row and killed the engine. “Where is he?”

  “Inside, I suppose.”

  “You didn’t text and say we were almost here? What’s—you’re hopeless. It’s a good thing you’re adorkable, because you’re absolutely hopeless, Frisch.”

  “Good thing you decided to focus on acting, because your stand-up is absolutely hopeless.”

  Jess chuckled and pushed her door open. “Aren’t you coming?”

  “Maybe I’ll wait here for a few minutes.”

  “Like hell. Get your ass out of this car, and go find him. I can’t take any more of your mooning.”

  “You’re mean.” Garrett got out of the car, and almost immediately the front doors of Buchanan House both opened. Garrett hadn’t made it farther than the back end of the car before Chase caught up to him. After barely a moment to look him over, Chase embraced him.

  “I’m so glad to see you.”

  “I missed you.” Garrett squeezed his arms around Chase, but only a handful of seconds later Chase separated himself.

  Before Garrett could react, Chase dropped to one knee. He reached for Garrett’s hand, and even though Garrett’s mind said to snatch it away, his hand didn’t listen fast enough and was caught.

  “Marry me? I—you should really be the one doing this. You would have some beautiful words to use. I’m sorry, but I really don’t. All I have is those two—three. Please marry me?”

  “Are you sure?” Garrett’s throat constricted. He heard crunching footsteps on the gravel but couldn’t—wouldn’t—look away from Chase.

  “Look at me. Really look, babe. Do you see any doubts? Because I don’t have any. I want to be married to you, to stand up in front of everyone and say the words, to have the piece of paper. To have you, forever.”

  Garrett looked deep into Chase’s warm brown eyes. After a moment, he smiled and plopped down onto Chase’s raised thigh, held his cheek in the palm of his hand, and said, as he moved in for a kiss, “You’ve got yourself a husband.”

  The kiss started out bruising, almost violent, as Garrett poured all his relief and, yes, possessiveness into it. Before long, though, that initial flood of emotion played itself out, and he kissed Chase with all the tenderness and love left in its wake. He kissed him like that until Chase broke away and hugged him tightly, his cheek pressed against Garrett’s chest.

  “I love you, Garrett.”

  “I love you too.”

  “Can I get up off this gravel now?”

  Garrett jumped up, a bit startled to realize they were still in the parking lot in front of Buchanan House. Less startled to find they had an audience consisting of all of their closest friends. Family. “Shit. You—get up.” Garrett brushed gravel from Chase’s knee, moaning softly at the pieces that had become embedded in his skin. “You didn’t have to prove your love with pain, babe.”

  Before Chase found his voice, Garrett grabbed him with both hands around his waist and pulled him close. He found it with his lips lightly pressed against Garrett’s.

  “You said yes. That’s all I care about.”

  The collected audience made soft aww and sighing sounds, and Garrett joined them when Chase broke the kiss to turn to their friends.

  “Who’s legal to perform a wedding?”

  Garrett said, “We’re not doing that” at the same time three hands went up: Nathan’s, Paulie’s, and Bran’s.

  Everyone turned their surprise toward Bran.

  Kyle looked like he might even be a little hurt. “You can do that?”

  “I can. I enjoyed ours so much I wanted to do it again.”

  “That�
��s the only way you’ll get the chance.” Kyle grabbed Bran, and the kiss that followed looked slightly violent.

  Garrett couldn’t help but wonder if they were okay, but before he could worry too much, he and Chase were herded into the camp building for champagne toasts, which lasted until dinner prep couldn’t be put off any longer. Garrett followed Eric and Paulie into the kitchen, pulling Chase by the hand.

  “Are you making something portable for dinner tonight?” Garrett almost couldn’t finish that sentence when Chase wrapped his body around him from behind.

  Derek held out a small insulated cooler, and as soon as Garrett took it, he embraced them both together. “I thought you guys might not want to hang out and wait for it, and neither of you can afford to skip a meal. Not with the workout you’ll be getting.”

  After another round of hugs and kisses, Garrett led Chase up the hidden staircase and into room eight. He left the cooler beside the bed Chase had obviously been using and sat on the rumpled sheets. Chase dropped his clothes on the floor and moved to stand between Garrett’s knees, the intensity of his gaze making it difficult for Garrett to breathe, so he just sat and waited.

  “Everything okay, babe?” Chase slid his fingers through Garrett’s hair and gently held his cheek in the other hand.

  Garrett nodded, even though he felt like he did during an anxiety attack—his heart pounded, his muscles clenched, and his skin had heated to an uncomfortable level, prickling with sweat. It was all he could do not to jump up and pace the room.

  Chase didn’t call him on the lie. He helped Garrett out of his clothes and brought him into bed. Garrett didn’t understand what was happening—I’m happy, for fuck’s sake!—but by then he’d realized that fighting the feelings wasn’t helping. He tried to relax, and after a few minutes, in which Chase held him close but not too tightly, it started to work.

  Maybe.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. It’s not you. It’s the anxiety. We can wait it out together.”

  “I love you so much, Chase.” Garrett hated the whine in his voice even more than the tremors. Just hearing how awful he sounded wound him back up.

  “I love you more than everything else put together.” Chase just held him, and it should have helped, but it didn’t. “Do you want me to get you a pill?”

  “They’re down in the car.” His voice came out in a shrill flood of panic and started his body shaking.

  “It’s okay. I’ll text Jess and ask her to bring your bag up.”

  Between the time Chase had to release him to grab his phone and when Jess knocked on the main door to room eight, Garrett had almost started to hyperventilate. He felt a little light-headed and a lot ridiculous and wanted nothing more than to ride it out in Chase’s arms. Or for it to be over already.

  Chase got out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts on his way across the room. He didn’t open the door wide enough for Jess to see inside, but Garrett’s panic spiked anyway.

  Jess started to talk, but Chase spoke over her. He sounded calm and rational, and Jess stopped talking almost immediately.

  “Thanks for bringing this up.”

  “Is he okay?”

  “He will be. Don’t worry, okay? I got this.”

  After a short pause, Jess said, “Text if you guys need anything else,” and the door started to close. Chase thanked her and was sitting on the bed at almost the same time the door clicked shut. He held Garrett’s bag on his lap and after a quick glance, opened it.

  “I-in the zipper pocket.” Garrett hated it when he stuttered and stammered. It reminded him of being a scared little kid in speech therapy. He’d gotten so frustrated that the therapist didn’t have a guaranteed and fast cure for his problem that it had probably taken much longer than it should have for him to learn how to avoid getting his tongue tied into knots along with his thoughts.

  Chase handed him a pill, and Garrett said, “One more,” as soon as he’d gulped it down. “Please.”

  “Do you want me to get you some water?”

  “I guess.”

  “It’s okay, Gare. I’ll be right back.”

  And he was. Chase held the glass so Garrett’s shaking hands wouldn’t spill it all over them both, and after he put it on the bedside table Chase stretched out beside Garrett again and held him loosely.

  CHASE SLOWLY felt Garrett’s body relax against his. It took a long time to get there, but he would have waited no matter how long it took. Relief washed through him, and he could stop fighting the helplessness it had replaced. Whenever Garrett had trouble with his anxiety, Chase always felt… not responsible, not anymore, but like he should be able to help. What good am I to him if I can’t?

  Garrett slipped his arms around Chase, and Chase took that as a sign he could tighten his embrace without making Garrett feel worse. Trapped. Anything other than loved. He caressed Garrett’s back and shoulders, rubbed his cheek in Garrett’s soft hair, not concerned in the least that he didn’t have any wood.

  That’s a first.

  The not-concerned part.

  Pride that he’d done what Garrett had needed, that he’d helped him through an anxiety attack, occupied so much space in Chase’s mind that he startled when Garrett spoke.

  “Sometime, when you’re ready, can we talk about this? Not the anxiety, the rest of it.”

  “Yeah.”

  “We can talk about that too if you want.”

  “Either way.” If he were to be completely honest, Chase didn’t want to talk about any of it, but he knew he had to. Kyle was right—if they didn’t talk about things, those things would stay between them, and all Chase wanted between himself and Garrett was love and a thin sheen of sweat.

  “Sorry I made the marriage question sound like an ultimatum. I didn’t mean that.”

  “I know. It’s okay.” Chase reminded himself not to hold on too tightly. “I’m sorry it was hard on you when I came out here.”

  “Why did you?”

  “It’s not your job to figure out my shit for me.”

  “I would have helped.”

  “I know. It was so frustrating. I knew something was in the way of me and marriage—because all I want is you—but it wouldn’t have been okay to work it out in your lap.”

  “Oh.” Garrett lay still and silent for a long time before answering further. “Not sure I agree, but it’s okay. And the guys have known you longer than I have.”

  “They did a full-on intervention.”

  “Eric said they noticed we had something new going on and to be prepared. I forgot to tell you.”

  “I only got through Paulie, Kyle, and Nathan before we figured it out.” Chase wondered if Eric would have taken a turn if his session with Nathan hadn’t gone so well. They had never been close—Eric had obviously not appreciated him taking Nathan’s attention away from him and Paulie, way back when—but he probably would have given it a shot. Chase wondered what that would have sounded like, but only for a few moments.

  “Tell me?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure.” Garrett took a slow, deep breath, and when he went on, he actually sounded sure. “If we’re going to keep on talking about the important things… I think this qualifies.”

  “Okay. You’re right. I just….”

  “Just what?”

  “Don’t want to upset you.”

  “Now I really want to know.” Garrett’s voice sounded normal—almost amused—but Chase heard the tiniest bit of anxiety.

  “It had as much to do with my parents as with my moldy old ideas about how to be a good queer.”

  Garrett groaned softly. “Not that again. I’m sorry. I know it was different when you were figuring things out, but for a guy who’s so naturally unconventional, you can really be rigid and… opinionated.”

  Chase thought about that for a few minutes, in reverse order.

  Opinionated? Maybe.

  Rigid? Not as often as I used to be.

  Nat
urally unconventional?

  “I like that. Naturally unconventional.”

  “It’s true. You have to work at it when you want to appear normal.”

  “I appear normal?”

  Garrett laughed. His usual, swoonworthy laugh. “That wasn’t an insult.”

  “If you say so.” Chase tightened his embrace and kissed Garrett’s hair, his forehead.

  “I’m sorry you had to wait so long for me.”

  “Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault.”

  “Not that. I mean, that you were alone for so long.”

  “Worth it.”

  “Really? I mean—no. Never mind. It doesn’t have to be now.” Garrett snuggled against him and kissed Chase’s neck.

  “Yeah. I think it does, babe.” Chase kissed Garrett’s hair and wished he could see his face without releasing him. Just to see how he really felt. He hadn’t heard a lie, so Garrett was probably okay, but seeing it would have been nice too. “I won’t lie. It wasn’t easy, waiting so long to meet you, to have you. But you are worth every day of those years.”

  “You’re getting much better at the whole talking thing.” Chase thought he heard a smile in Garrett’s voice. The last of Chase’s fear he wasn’t doing all he should for Garrett disappeared with it.

  “Thanks. You too.”

  “Hmmm, thanks.”

  “The guys, they’re my family, but you’re my heart. Before I met you, I wasn’t sure I even had one.”

  Garrett shook his head but didn’t speak. He might have tensed up again. “Shit.”

  “What’s behind that?” Chase surprised himself by asking, but he sincerely wanted to know, even if the thought scared him. How did we go off the rails so fast?

  “I hope you’ll always be okay with that trade-off.”

  “What trade-off?”

  “Finding your heart but losing your career trajectory.”

  “You—” Chase stopped himself before saying, you lost me. He’d seen the way Garrett reacted to that phrase—like he’d been slapped—enough times to file it alongside yelling with the things he never wanted to do again. “I don’t follow.”