“I never wanted to get in the way of your career.”
“You didn’t get in the way of anything. It just took a while to figure out how to give a shit about anything else once I found you.”
“That sounds… it’s not quite true, but it sounds good.”
“Hey—”
“If not for me you wouldn’t have had to worry so much about money. You could’ve stuck to your own work.”
“Nope. That’s not true, not even a little bit. I was behind on my share of the rent before that show. The roomies were patient, but they were also starting to wonder if they were being played. And I wasn’t going to let you drop out of high school to be with me. I’m not that kind of asshole.”
“You’re not any kind of asshole.” Garrett squeezed his arms tightly around Chase, and when he eased off, began a slow caress of his body above the waist.
Those soft touches meant more than a lifetime of getting off. Even if he could have ended the conversation by refocusing on sex, Chase didn’t want to. So much had gone unsaid in their relationship, and he wanted Garrett to hear it, to know for sure how he felt.
Chase buried his hand in Garrett’s hair and let it slide down his neck—not so stealthily checking for tension. “Before I met you, I was always alone. Even when I was with someone else—even the guys. But when I’m with you I feel… whole? I’m not saying this right.”
“Yes, you are.” Garrett pulled his head back far enough to meet Chase’s eyes. “You really are.” Garrett caressed his cheek as he slowly moved in. After a long, luxuriously soft and sweet kiss, he settled back with his head against Chase’s chest. “For the record, our age difference doesn’t bother me, it never has. I love you—your sweetness and talent and your faults and—everything that makes you, you.”
Before he could think in circles, wondering if he would say it right and doubting that he could, Chase let himself say it. “I’ve worried about that. As much as the fact that you’re bi. But I know neither one of those things is as big as my worry about them. I don’t really think you’ll dump me when my hair goes gray any more than I think you’ll dump me for the next woman who notices you. It wasn’t really about the next woman anyway, it was about a younger woman… or a younger man.” Chase turned Garrett’s face up enough to kiss him and then held his gaze. “For the record.”
“Damn. You’re getting really good at this.”
“Remember that the next time I piss you off?”
“I’ll do my best.”
THE NEXT morning they stayed in bed late. Chase woke first and had been surprised to find Garrett deeply asleep. He didn’t have the heart to so much as move for fear he’d wake him, so they were very late for breakfast. Garrett still looked pale and fragile even after his shower, and when Chase took his hand at the top of the hidden staircase, it trembled. I hope it’s an anxiety hangover and not second thoughts.
When they reached the kitchen, everyone stopped what they were doing and focused on them. Chase thought they’d been ready to cheer and start a group hug, until they saw Garrett and did the crowd equivalent of stepping back, outside his personal space. Before long, Chase and Garrett were seated at the island in the kitchen and had steaming mugs of gourmet coffee in their hands.
Eric and Paulie were busy cooking, and Derek and Alex bustled around with a clear purpose Chase couldn’t quite pin down. Nathan leaned his hip against the counter near Paulie, sipping thoughtfully from his own mug and watching the activity.
Paulie turned and gazed around the room like he was memorizing it, and Chase wondered if he was emotional about their engagement or something else. Chase didn’t get far down that path before Nathan’s attention homed in on Paulie.
“Is something wrong? Darling….” Nathan set his coffee down and gathered Paulie into a hug.
“I’m just so happy we’re all together.” Paulie sounded even more emotional than he’d looked, but when he moved away from Nathan, he seemed to have pulled himself together.
Garrett sat up a little straighter. The coffee must be doing him good. “Me too, Paulie. I miss you guys.”
Nathan sat on the other side of Garrett and kissed his cheek. He looked as relieved as Chase felt at the change in Garrett since they’d made it to the kitchen. “So, have you picked a date?”
Garrett laughed. “It’s only been a few hours.”
“Well, if I may be so bold—”
“Aren’t you always?” Garrett laughed again, and Chase didn’t hear one bit of tension lurking in his voice anymore.
“Are you complaining?” Nathan drawled, and when he hugged Garrett, he patted Chase’s shoulder.
“No. What days do you have free? It’s going to be here.” Garrett leaned against Chase and reached for his hand. “I’m not picky about the date.” Garrett turned his face up to look at Chase. “Are you?”
“Not even a little.” Chase laced their fingers together and leaned toward Garrett, inviting him to rest his weight against him.
“Good. Because we’ve blocked out the weekend of the film premier—no guests at all—but the screening will be that Saturday. Any other day, or even that morning, is yours.”
Chase kissed the side of Garrett’s head and then looked past him to Nathan. “Just let us know when it gets close, so we’re not late for our own wedding.”
“You don’t even know when the film will be released, do you?”
“No.” Chase didn’t even feel the slightest twinge of embarrassment about it, either.
“Why would you be concerned about that date, it’s only your art that’s the face of the picture. Really, darlings, I—”
“Oh.” Garrett sat up and turned to Chase. When their eyes locked, Garrett’s face softened, and he placed a soft kiss on Chase’s lips before going on. “That reminds me. We need to see the St. Clouds a week from Friday.”
“Already?” Chase took a moment to think about how close the painting for the poster was to being finished and relaxed before he could get too worked up.
“It’s been over a month.” Garrett didn’t sound sure of himself, but Chase wasn’t in any mood to call him on it. “Don’t worry. It’s almost ready.”
“Okay.” Chase pulled Garrett back against him, almost into his lap. He didn’t look away from Garrett when he spoke. “Nathan, choose any day that works for you guys.”
“Can I choose everything else too?”
Paulie made a surprised sound, but when Chase glanced at him, he was smiling fondly at his husband. “Nathan. It’s their wedding.”
“What? I like planning weddings. Who knows when the next one will be?”
Chase chuckled and nuzzled the side of Garrett’s head. “You just want to dress us.”
“And people say you’re nothing but a pretty face.”
Garrett huffed as though he were insulted, but his smile didn’t falter. “Nobody says that.”
Jess came in, bleary-eyed and yawning, and everyone took a turn catching her up on what she’d missed. She hung around long enough to eat breakfast and then said she was going out to walk on the beach and completely disappeared until after dinner that night. Chase expected Garrett to grill her on where she’d been and with whom, but he just pulled a chair up to the table for her and slid his half-full dirty Coke float—with scrumptious homemade vanilla ice cream—in front of her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
CHASE HAD practically floated through the week after the engagement, smiling every moment he was awake and maybe even while he slept, and had the sore cheeks to prove it. They’d worked on the movie poster and spent a lot of time in bed and hadn’t locked horns once. If being married is anything like this, I see where they got the term wedded bliss.
He’d also been working on the big canvas—the gift for Paulie that was turning out even better than he’d imagined. Doing his own work—especially without the pressure to churn out a few “for sale” paintings every couple of days—felt like the fountain of youth. Chase hadn’t been so mellow and energetic at
the same time since… well, he wasn’t sure if or when he ever had been. He went into the bathroom to wash his hands so they could dig into the lunch Garrett had brought from the new Mexican cart that just opened on First Street. That cart was becoming a favorite. When he returned to the bedroom, for a heartbeat he was glad he’d just taken a leak—if not, he would have pissed himself. Garrett stood by the dresser, leaning his hip against the short side and admiring a clunky old watch with a stretchy metal band that sat on his wrist.
“Take that off.” Chase strode across the room and stopped short. He couldn’t touch Garrett from where he stood, which was a good thing, because he wanted to grab him and yank that foul thing—“Take it off.”
“Whose is it?” Garrett looked up, and his expression sobered. A moment later he slowly drew the watch from his wrist and held it in the palm of his hand, like it was a silver snake he’d found.
“Why—where did you get that?”
“I found it when we were cleaning the bedroom.”
Chase winced and turned toward the door, but he didn’t want to leave the bedroom he just wanted to erase the memories of trashing it and then watching Garrett help him clean it up.
“Hey. What’s the deal with this watch? Why did you look at it like you expected it to take my hand off?”
Garrett touched his shoulder, and Chase practically jumped out of his skin. He dared a glance, and the watch sat on the dresser as though it were just a random object that didn’t stand for anything and could never hurt anyone.
“Hey.” Garrett stepped between Chase and the watch and smiled when Chase looked at him.
“It was my father’s. I stole it when I left.” Chase laughed, completely without humor, and the sound made him a little sick. “I thought if I needed to, I could sell it. But it’s not worth anything. I forgot I even had it. Can you throw it out?”
“I’ll get rid of it.”
“Thanks. Why were you wearing it?”
Garrett visibly relaxed, and Chase wondered if he looked like he’d done the same. Not even close.
“I’ve never worn a watch before. It was so strange. Heavy. And not in a good way. I can’t believe men used to wear metal around their wrists like that.” He shuddered, and it was so adorable, Chase felt his smile become real.
“Seriously? You’ve worn all kinds of wrist cuffs and wristbands and—”
“But not metal. That doesn’t seem natural.” He rolled his eyes at himself before Chase had a chance to do it. “It just felt weird.”
Garrett moved closer and rubbed Chase’s shoulder. It felt like an apology even if he had nothing to apologize for.
“I’m sorry I yelled.”
“You didn’t yell. You snapped, but you didn’t yell.” Garrett draped his arms around Chase’s neck and embraced him loosely, resting his head on his shoulder. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”
Chase took a moment to drink in the scent of Garrett’s hair, to cherish the way he leaned his body against him, before returning his embrace. “It did feel like that… like it was, or could, hurt you. I know, that’s stupid.”
“No, it really isn’t. Your dad could hurt me. By hurting you. And I heard what you really meant there, so stop.”
“I don’t think—”
“Maybe not, but I think we should talk about it.”
“You’re right.” Chase didn’t expect to feel relief. He expected to panic, to feel terror at the prospect of discussing what that watch represented. Maybe I’m finally growing a pair.
Garrett moved toward the bed, but Chase didn’t want to let him go. After a short moment in which they discussed it with subtle movements of their bodies, Garrett relaxed against him and kissed the side of his neck.
“It was stupid to take it in the first place. You don’t take things that make you remember people you want to forget.”
“You were just a kid. Not stupid. A kid.”
“You wouldn’t have done that.”
“Which part are you talking about? Taking the watch or trying to sell it? Because I don’t see anything wrong with selling your abuser’s belongings to put food in your mouth.”
Chase closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He let it out slowly and at the same time tightened his arms around Garrett.
“I don’t know how you can think you’re stupid, Chase. School, standardized tests, they’re designed with the ‘average student’ in mind, to satisfy some administrator’s idea of what learning looks like for the most possible kids at the same time. I didn’t know you then, but I know you weren’t average. If you were in school right now, they’d probably slap an ADD label on you. Maybe that would make school easier, but maybe they’d pump you so full of meds you couldn’t paint.”
Chase shuddered at the thought of eating pills every day. At not being able to paint. He almost told Garrett that when he had been forced to take a small cupful of pills every day in the hospital after his brother’s death, he’d still painted. But it didn’t seem relevant, given the point Garrett was trying to make. Sometimes Chase drank too much, and he was developing a serious love for edibles, but he didn’t plan on medicating with anything stronger unless he found himself an inpatient. Again.
“But you don’t need that.” Garrett squeezed his arms around Chase’s shoulders and snuggled against his body. “You’re just fine the way you are. You’re making a living selling paintings, and pretty soon you’ll be doing that with your own work again. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I think you’ve lost sight of how awesome you are.”
“Gare, you’re biased.” Chase chuckled and felt tension draining away.
“Maybe. But anyone who can work on art all day and not be literally starving is doing something right. If Jess got a big part in a play or an indie film and quit her job, you’d think that was awesome.”
Chase could almost hear Garrett think, not a question.
“Yeah.”
“So why don’t you get to be awesome for doing the same thing?”
“Okay. I’ll stop arguing if you promise to never joke about anything taking your hand off.” Chase shivered, but was too happy and relaxed to get upset about it.
“Ha, we could live without one of our hands.”
“We?”
“You’d be right there with me. It’s like that meme about friends—anything that… earth-shattering, and you wouldn’t be picking up the pieces, you’d be in pieces right beside me. But don’t worry, we’d figure something out. Our talent isn’t in our hands, it’s in our souls.”
“That’s fucking heavy, Gare.”
Garrett laughed, and when he did, he also vibrated against Chase’s body. When he moaned Garrett laughed some more, but the tone was slightly different, a little breathless. Chase wanted to fool around—he always wanted to fool around with Garrett—but just then he wanted to talk a little more first.
“What other retro things do you want to try?”
“Talking on a dialing phone.”
That was fast. “You mean a rotary phone?”
“Is that what they’re called? Say, did you have other people on your phone line when you were a kid?”
“You mean a party line? Yes, for a little while.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“Yeah… not really. Almost every time we picked up the phone, someone would already be talking, so we’d have to wait until they were finished. It sounds like more fun than it was.”
“Aww, don’t burst my bubble. You didn’t hear any secrets? Bust anyone cheating or talking about committing a crime?”
“Not once. Sorry, babe.”
Garrett kissed Chase’s neck and slid one leg between his—he didn’t rub, just let it sit there driving Chase mad. “You’re way better than history class.”
Chase groaned, equal parts horny and mortified.
“Hey. You remember that whole adorable conversation we had?”
“Yeah….”
“Your youthful good looks are only a small part of what makes you ad
orable to me. So don’t worry about the age difference. I’ll always get turned on when you rub your hard-on against my belly or kiss that spot on my neck.”
Surprising though it was, Chase found himself smiling as he dipped his head toward Garrett’s neck. He means it. I can believe it.
“Hmmm… that’s the one. I’m serious, though.”
“I know you are.” After another moment’s attention on Garrett’s hot spot, Chase leaned back and looked into his eyes. “I love you. And I know you love me back. So can we stop talking and go roll around on the bed awhile?”
“I’d love to.”
They hadn’t gotten very far—out of their shirts and down to Garrett’s boxer briefs and a thin sheen of sweat—when Jess cleared her throat theatrically from the doorway. It took a moment for the sound to penetrate Chase’s lust and the sounds Garrett was making—it must have taken Garrett the same moment, because as soon as Chase realized they weren’t alone, Garrett sat up and turned to the door.
“Jess! We’re not—we—Jess, you can’t just walk in here.”
“Then you should maybe close the door when you want privacy.” Jess turned to Chase, and he rose up on one elbow, trying not to smile too wide. “Do you mind if I steal some of your dinner?”
“Not at all.” Chase waited until she had entered the room before he went on. “As long as you tell us where you went dressed like that. Nice dress.”
“Thank you.”
“Jess, you can’t—” Garrett was still sputtering incoherent syllables.
So adorable.
“Jeez, Gar—Garrett. I have my own cock to play with, I don’t need to mess with either of yours. All I want is some of that… whatever it is that smells so good.”
Jess pointedly turned her back on them and dug into the top container. The aroma of chiles and melted cheese filled up the room.
Chase flipped the sheet over himself. “Is this better?”
“Yes.” Garrett looked at Chase and seemed to be relaxing, leaning toward Chase, his eyes slightly unfocused with lust. Until Jess made a sound, and then he bolted upright again. “No. Jess. We need to establish some clear boundaries here.”
Art House Page 23