Chase drew his fingertips down Garrett’s arm and shivered when he leaned into the touch. “She just said she wasn’t interested in our dicks. I think that’s clear.”
“Thank you.” Jess turned and looked them over as she slowly licked mole sauce from her fingers. It did nothing for Chase, but he felt Garrett shiver under his fingers.
“Gare? If you’re not okay with this….”
“I’m fine.” He turned and glared at Jess. A little. “Fine. When do we get to meet your mystery man?”
“You’ve already met him. Technically.”
For some reason that made Chase more interested in the whole thing. “Oh really?”
“Stop trying to figure out who it is.” Jess seemed a little self-conscious, and that only tweaked Chase’s curiosity. Before he could ask more questions, though, Garrett jumped in.
“I’m not sure I want to know anymore. He was here the other night.” Garrett glanced at Chase and seemed to see—and like—his surprise at that information. “And then he snuck out early. What kind of guy won’t even stick around to meet your friends?”
Jess quirked an eyebrow and might have been trying not to laugh out loud. “He didn’t sneak. He left at eight for his day job. Not everyone sleeps until noon on a weekday, you know.”
Chase ran the backs of his fingers up Garrett’s arm, hoping to counter the sting of Jess’s words, but when he looked at his face, Garrett actually seemed calmer than he’d been a moment before. There’s a story there. “Where does he work?”
“Stop trying to figure out who he is. You wanted to know where I was, and that’s the answer you get. I was at a callback, and I got the part.” Her smile seemed as afraid as it was proud and happy.
Garrett tensed, and Chase thought he might be thinking about jumping up and giving her a hug.
“I’d hug you,” Chase said, “but I’m not decent. Congratulations.”
“What is it?” Garrett asked.
“It’s an indie film. Not a lead, not technically, but it’s a good part.” She came to Garrett’s side of the bed, kissed both of their cheeks, said good night, and took some food with her before closing the door behind her.
Garrett had kissed her cheek when she kissed his, and the look they shared right before she turned away probably said even more than Chase saw, which was quite a bit. So it was a shock when he turned to Chase and looked upset.
“Are you okay?” Chase asked.
“Yes. No. I don’t want her thinking about you that way.”
“She has someone. Maybe it’s the real thing.” Chase ran his fingertips down Garrett’s arm again, and the way he shivered didn’t stoke his lust, it made his stomach ache. “I hope it is.”
“I don’t want anyone thinking about you that way. Now that she’s seen you nude, I know she will.”
“Try not to worry about it. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”
Garrett’s breathing turned ragged, but not in the way it had been before Jess interrupted. He sounded like someone was strangling him or like he was having an asthma attack.
“You’re winding up a little.”
“I know. I can’t help it.” Garrett’s voice sounded thin and watery.
Chase struggled to think of what he could do to help. “I know. It’s okay. What can I do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to leave.” Garrett clung to him so hard his arms shook.
Chase started to have trouble breathing himself, but at least he had the presence of mind not to try and loosen Garrett’s hold on him. “But you feel like you have to.”
“Yes.”
“Do you know why?”
Garrett shrugged and held on tighter.
“Tell me? It’s okay if you don’t want to, or if you can’t. But maybe I can help.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Chase started a slow, soft stroking of Garrett’s back. He had no idea whether it would help but couldn’t think of anything else to do. “It’s not you. It’s like you said, your anxiety is an illness. If it’s flaring up right now, that’s not your fault. If you had asthma or… or Crohn’s disease, you wouldn’t feel guilty when it got worse, so try not to about this.”
“Jess says my anxiety is a lying liar that lies.”
“What’s it saying?”
Garrett shrugged and snuggled closer. “That if I can’t be normal—about everything, sex, anxiety, everything—you’ll find someone who can.”
Chase wrapped his leg around Garrett’s and pulled him closer still. “Anything else?”
“I don’t—I….”
“It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But you shouldn’t have to—I mean—shit.”
Garrett’s chest rose and fell faster and faster, pushing him away from Chase at the same time his arms tightened around him.
What if he really can’t breathe? Will I know if it gets bad enough and he needs a doctor?
“Do you need a pill? Or maybe we could go for a walk together.”
That seemed to help, to get Garrett’s attention in a good way. “To where?”
“Um… along the waterfront?”
“It’s kind of late.” Garrett’s shiver might have had to do with the nightlife on the waterfront or with a lack of oxygen in his system, for all Chase knew.
I wish Kyle or Bran were here. Between a retired cop and a certified massage therapist, one of them would know about the medical side of this.
“We could go say hi to Kel. Maybe have a cup of coffee and leave him a big tip to make up for me getting drunk and stupid the last time I was there.”
“Maybe not coffee.” Garrett laughed. It sounded more like a squeaky hinge than his usual laugh, but it was something.
“But not alcohol. We don’t need to go out drinking. Just go out. Get some fresh air.”
“That sounds good. Thank you.”
They didn’t move for a few minutes, just stayed on the bed holding each other while Garrett slowly wound down. Not all the way, but enough so that when he untangled his limbs from Chase’s, his smile didn’t send shivers of fear through Chase’s body anymore.
Kel wasn’t exactly glad to see them—to see me—but he didn’t let it show very much. By the time they left he’d relaxed enough to joke a little.
Barely an hour later, they returned to the condo. Jess’s door was closed, so they went straight through to the master bedroom. Garrett still seemed a little tense, but nothing like when they’d left. Chase let himself feel some pride that he was able to help, even if he hadn’t been the magic cure-all he wanted to be. He watched as Garrett emptied his pockets onto the dresser. He was a little shocked to note that the watch had disappeared already. Chase’s chest got tight and warm.
Even when he’s not feeling well, he still takes care of me.
Garrett sent a quick text, and Chase hardly had a moment to think to himself that it was probably to Jess before the phone rang. Garrett laughed as he scooped up his phone and dropped onto the bed beside Chase. He swiped the screen to accept the call and went to speaker before Chase even had a chance to see who was calling.
“Nathan, you could have just answered my text.”
Nathan’s voice cut through the happy sound of Garrett’s laughter. “Chase?”
“Hi, Nathan.” Chase wrapped an arm around Garrett’s shoulders and sighed when he leaned against him.
“Garrett, is everything okay?”
“Yes. I just wanted to know when we’re getting married.”
“Aww, that’s adorable. I’m sorry, darlings. It’s been busy or I would’ve been in touch before now.”
Garrett said, “That’s okay,” at the same time Chase said, “When is it?”
Nathan sighed. Chase pictured him with a hand to his chest and his eyes closed, in Buchanan House’s dining room.
“The week of the screening is still the best time, and we haven’t opened up the next week just in case. The film crew is having a party on….” Nathan’s vo
ice trailed off, and Chase realized he had leaned closer, hoping to hear the date.
When Nathan didn’t continue, Garrett prompted him. “When is the screening?”
“Really? Now you’re talking to each other but not to Jess? Portland is just falling apart without the proper guidance.”
Garrett’s nervous laughter had Chase wondering if Nathan had just undone all their efforts to help him unwind.
“She’s been doing a lot of classified things lately. It’s established that I wait for her to decide when to hold the debriefing.” Garrett leaned his head on Chase’s shoulder and rested the hand holding his phone on Chase’s thigh.
“I see.” Obviously Nathan saw more than either Chase or Garrett did. Which Chase thought should have been a clue, but he still came up empty.
I’d make a terrible detective if I can’t even figure out who Jess is boning when people are practically shouting it at me.
“Can we at least know the date?”
“Of course, darlings. How does Thursday, September 21st sound? I thought since you met on a Thursday, it would be appropriate.”
Garrett turned his face up and smiled. Chase smiled back, loving the happy flush on his cheeks.
Chase said, “Sounds perfect,” as Garrett said, “Thanks, Nathan.”
“Good. You have appointments with a tailor next week. I’ll text you the deets. Now I have to run. Kyle is cooking tonight.”
Hurt spiked through Chase’s chest, and he didn’t even try to keep it out of his voice. “We weren’t invited to a Guest Chef Night?”
“No, no, it’s nothing like that. Do you even know what day it is?”
Chase had to laugh, even if Garrett looked upset. “Not really.”
“You two are precious. It’s Wednesday. He’s cooking for us at their house. The four of us are about to sit down now.”
“Oh. Have a good time.” Chase buried his face in Garrett’s soft hair. So happy he’s letting it grow again.
“Give everyone our love.” Garrett’s voice had taken on a slightly breathless quality that sped Chase’s heart rate.
“I will. Love and kisses, darlings.”
Chase turned to Garrett without loosening his embrace. “Is all this okay with you?”
“I wish it were sooner. But yes. I trust Nathan. And I wouldn’t have any idea what to do anyway.”
“We could go to—never mind. I don’t know how to throw a wedding. But I want one. I can’t wait to see you in a tux.” Chase hummed into Garrett’s hair and tried to keep a handle on his lust. Garrett was obviously still a little tense, and he didn’t want to put any pressure on him.
“You’re—”
“I’m sure.” Chase pulled him into his arms and held on tightly. “I couldn’t be any more sure if I were two people.”
Even though it was still early, they stripped off their clothes and lay on the cool sheets. After a few minutes of soft kisses and gentle caresses, Chase knew he couldn’t just let Garrett pretend he was fine. He traced the line of Garrett’s jaw with his fingertips, gently turning his face up.
“How are you feeling?”
“Okay. I mean, not perfect but….” Garrett’s hand moved from Chase’s chest to his stomach.
“Why don’t we get some sleep. We can wake up and make love later.”
“Are you sure?” Garrett’s voice shook, as did his hand when he slid it back up Chase’s chest and around his side.
“I’m sure, babe. I’ll always get turned on when you press your nude body against mine, but your peace of mind is more important than getting off.”
Garrett huffed like he did when he was insulted.
“And it’s also more important than making love.”
“Okay.” Garrett snuggled into the pillow until he was comfortable. He yawned, and his voice sounded fuzzy when he asked, “What are you doing tomorrow?”
“If I’m not being fitted for a suit, I’m working on the big canvas. Now I have a deadline.”
“You’re bringing it out when we go for the wedding?”
“That’s the plan.”
“It’s going to be so awesome.”
They traded “I love yous,” and Garrett fell into an uneasy sleep. Chase couldn’t drop off, not until Garrett had truly relaxed—what if he woke up and needed to talk more?
What if I wake up alone after all?
Chase pushed that thought away and spent the next few hours thinking about his current project. It wouldn’t be putting any food in their mouths but might make everyone he loved happy.
I could live on that.
Chapter Twenty-Four
GARRETT WOKE but didn’t move. Light shone through his closed eyelids brightly enough to show that it was morning. He’d done it. He’d come through an anxiety attack and stayed. The time out at Buchanan House hardly counted—what was he going to do, accept Chase’s proposal and then run? If he was even able to drive during a full-blown anxiety attack. An anxiety attack in which the pills did very little—he’d taken two and still felt like he was coming apart, like he had to run or it would obliterate him once and for all. And he and Chase had woken up in the same bed the next morning.
They hadn’t had a drop of alcohol, but Garrett felt a little hungover, tired and bleary and just unmotivated to do so much as open his eyes.
It’s not a lie to pretend to sleep, not really.
He’d woken when Chase was trying to soothe him, to make a nightmare go away without waking him. He’d done the first, but not the second. Which was more than Garrett expected but less than Chase wanted for himself. At first Garrett thought he might go back to sleep. That was his MO when he had a real hangover, to sleep it off. But he didn’t. Couldn’t. He stayed in bed with his back to Chase’s easel and listened to him work. Chase walked around a lot when he worked, and a drop cloth had been spread to keep the carpet safe, so even though it was thick canvas and not plastic, his footsteps were easy to track. His work space took up about a quarter of the master suite, and it was a good-sized bedroom, but Garrett felt guilty having the whole den for himself.
Before long Garrett felt too restless to stay in bed, so he got up and showered and cooked breakfast. Chase didn’t react when asked if he wanted some eggs. He had obviously eaten earlier—a plate holding crumbs and a smear of mustard sat on the dresser nearest his easel, so Garrett let him keep painting.
For now.
Chase was working on the big canvas that would be a present for Paulie. It was set at Buchanan House—unlike the ruined one, the canvas with the fist-shaped hole in the center; that one had been set in a park—but he couldn’t tell exactly what Chase was going for. Yet.
After watching for a while, Garrett came up behind Chase and gathered his hair in both fists, twisted it up and stuck a fan brush through it to hold it in place. Chase smiled over his shoulder but didn’t stop painting. Or smiling.
“You were getting paint in your hair. Or hair on your painting.”
As Garrett watched, the wheelchair ramp off Buchanan House’s back porch slowly appeared. The wood grain was obviously comprised of a tall, ripped man with curly hair and a shorter, slimmer man with wild red sex-hair. He loved the big canvas. It was truly Chase’s work—surreal and as naughty as any of his early works. Probably more so, since the couples were meant to represent real people—their family, in flagrante delicto. Or at least that’s how he saw it so far. Garrett hoped Eric wouldn’t be too embarrassed to be painted fucking his husband—he never had been one to discuss his sex life, even after a few drinks.
“When you get to a good place, stop long enough to eat again.”
Chase glanced over his shoulder, wearing a distracted grin, and went right back to painting the curve of Eric’s ass as part of the structure supporting the ramp.
Garrett stood at the edge of the drop cloth and made sure he would be within Chase’s peripheral vision so he wouldn’t be startled. It was all he could do to keep from molesting him, or at least grabbing him for a kiss. “Not a questio
n.”
GARRETT WAS working in the den late in the afternoon when the front door opened. He was halfway down the hall when he saw them: Jess and her mystery man. He stood an inch or so shorter than her, about Chase’s height, short brown hair with some curl, and dark eyes, on the pretty side. Shockingly normal vibe. And he seemed familiar.
“Gare, you’re home.” She approached him carefully and gave him a quick hug. “Is Chase here?”
“Yes, but he’s working.”
She started to pass him, but Garrett took her arm and stopped her. He didn’t want to shift his attention from the guy until he’d figured out where he knew him from—yeah, that’s the reason—but one peek at Chase’s cock was all Jess was getting if Garrett had anything to say about it, and she’d already had that. “You can’t go in there while he’s working.”
“But….”
“Sorry. He’ll be out when he reaches a good stopping point.”
“What if that takes hours? Have you guys eaten today?”
“Yes. Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll make sure he doesn’t go too much longer.” He couldn’t keep the grin from his face after saying that. The “Mom” crack was a holdover from their high school years, when he’d occasionally rebelled and not followed her orders. Garrett turned to the guy, and it dawned on him, even though his hair was shorter and he wore faded jeans and a black T-shirt instead of a blue button-down shirt. “You’re the actor.”
“Rik.” He extended a hand, and Garrett shook it.
Garrett looked between Jess and Rik, frowning. He was going to ask how this had happened, but Jess didn’t give him the chance.
“Why can’t I just go and let Chase know Rik’s here? He—”
“Because he works nude. Jeez, Jess, trust me, why don’t you?”
He turned back to Rik and thought he might have been picturing Chase nude. Jess’s grin said she saw that, and that she had been doing the same. Garrett’s face heated, but he had no room to judge. He’d planned to milk it after Bran saw him nude but hadn’t been able to follow through the evening they all went dancing—even after a few drinks. Garrett had given up that fantasy when the dizziness snapped him out of it. He hadn’t even told Chase about it yet. If he was being honest, the incident had made him uncomfortable as hell, but he wasn’t in that forthright a mood.
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