Unhinged

by Amanda Deed

‘He was very friendly. I told him all about you in that great house with that odious Mr King acting so strangely toward you, and how terrifying it must be for you. Of course, little did I know that we would manage quite well without you in the end, so it seems a little unnecessary now. Not for you to be away from that terrible place, I mean, for us needing you. Oh, dear, I am not explaining myself well at all, am I?’

  Serena groaned. ‘Do you recall the man’s name, Julianne? The man with whom you discussed me?’

  ‘Um, yes. I think so. He gave me his card, if I ever needed to talk again.’ She hopped up from the table and almost-skipped to her room, returning moments later with the promised card.

  Serena covered her eyes with her hands. She didn’t want to recognise the name she knew was inscribed there in printer’s ink. If only she could cover her ears as well, and never hear what she knew was coming.

  ‘It was Mr Caleb Moncrief.’

  Serena tried to focus on a book, one of those—what did Mr King call them—three volume travesties. She bit back a guilty smile, but seconds later remembered why she was reading. The dewy-eyed actions of her impetuous sister. Serena wanted distraction from her tumbling emotions. Serena had excused herself from the dinner table within moments of hearing the name of Caleb Moncrief. She felt she might explode at Julianne and say something regrettable. As an older sister, she had failed miserably. Serena had not taught them the ways of the world, and now she was paying a hefty price.

  She let out a long sigh as she paused at the end of a page—one which she didn’t remember reading anyway—and slammed the book shut.

  ‘What is bothering you, pet?’ Papa’s voice interrupted her thoughts. Serena hadn’t even noticed him enter the parlour.

  How could she tell him that Julianne had caused the trouble at Aleron? That Serena didn’t know whether to be angry with her sister or thankful for the intentions to bring her home? It had only been a few hours, but since Julianne mentioned Caleb Moncrief, Serena fought the urge to run back to Aleron and apologise to the family. After all, it was practically her fault that report had appeared in the paper.

  If Serena hadn’t written everything in her letters, Papa would not have read it to her sisters and Julianne would not have gone near the newspaper. And now she may have inadvertently brought the ruin to Edward and his family that they had desperately tried to avoid. Society was unforgiving toward brain-sick folk, vindictive even, treating them and their families as outcasts. Therein, perhaps lay the reason the Jones family had moved to Australia in the first place. But, Serena couldn’t tell her father any of this and she worried her lip, searching for a response.

  ‘Nothing important, Papa. There are moments I miss Aleron House, that’s all.’ It was true, although not the complete truth.

  ‘You miss that awful place? But I thought you hated it there.’ Confusion, understandably, marked his brow.

  Serena traced the title of the book with her finger, feeling the imprint of the words in the leather binding. ‘At first I did, but although Mr King was a trifle strange, he was rather engaging most of the time.’

  ‘Engaging, you say?’ Surprise widened Papa’s eyes.

  ‘Yes, Papa.’ And extremely handsome, talented beyond words and romantic. If she allowed herself, she would gush about Edward for hours. Oh, but she couldn’t tell Papa about the proposal. Serena bit back the wonderful words she wanted to say about him.

  Papa fiddled with a loose thread on the sofa, silent for a time. ‘I feel I ought to apologise, my dear girl.’

  Serena shook her head. ‘Papa, there is no need. I forgive you for trying to steal from Mr King and all that followed. There is no need to revisit that day.’ If Papa had never entered Aleron House and touched those paintings, she might never have met Edward.

  ‘That’s not what I’m talking about, lass. You should be free. You might have been married with your own family by now, if not for my selfishness.’

  Ah, that night in the study with James. Yes, life may have been very different now had Papa given his consent to their marriage back then.

  ‘The proposal came too soon after your mother’s passing and I could not bear losing you at the time. But, I fear I ruined your happiness. We’ve turned you into a drudge when you’re made for finer things.’

  ‘Do you really think so?’ Tears stung Serena’s eyes. Papa’s words meant so much.

  ‘Yes, I do. You’ve always been so selfless and thoughtful. You deserve better and I’m sorry we caused you pain. I believe you ought to be free to choose your future now.’

  Serena patted her father’s hand and offered a grateful smile, blinking away tears. ‘One day, perhaps. But for now, I am happy to stay here.’

  ‘You are a good girl. I am fortunate to be the father of such wonderful young lasses.’

  There was no use remaining angry with her father or sisters. Serena was the fortunate one, surrounded by family who loved and appreciated her, even if they showed it in odd ways.

  Two days later, as Serena was putting bread in the oven, a knock came at the front door. The door creaked as it opened and the low murmur of voices met her ears.

  Serena closed the oven door quietly, straining to hear who the visitor might be, and wiped the traces of flour from her hands. That loaf promised to be mouth-watering.

  Moments later, Papa called her name. Who would visit me?

  After tucking stray tresses of hair into her chignon, she made her way to the front, pressing her skirts and twisting her bodice so she did not appear too dishevelled. To her surprise, Mr Xavier Jones stood in the open doorway, fidgeting with a hat in his hands.

  ‘Mr Xavier!’ Serena could not hide her astonishment. After being sent away, he was the last person she expected to visit.

  Mr Xavier’s mouth stretched into what she assumed was an attempt at a smile, but he only succeeded at a nervous grimace. ‘Good afternoon, Miss Bellingham.’ He dipped his head. ‘I wondered if you might accompany me on a short walk. Just to the corner and back.’

  Mr Xavier must have something of import to discuss, for the corner was mere minutes away. Certainly not enough time for a social call, and even less for courtship.

  Serena shifted her gaze to Papa who nodded. ‘I shall keep an eye on the bread, lass.’

  Serena turned back to Mr Xavier and bobbed a curtsey. ‘Let me collect a shawl and hat.’

  With the thin garment draped around her shoulders and her golden locks under the charge of a bonnet, Serena strolled along the street with Mr Xavier. The familiar sounds of wheels grinding on the earthy street, and the ever-present scent of brine on the air, kept her grounded as she walked. Sneaking a sideways glance at him, she noted he appeared solemn, making him almost identical in looks to his uncle. This revelation sent a tingle up and down Serena’s spine as memories of Edward flashed through her mind.

  Mr Xavier seemed reluctant to talk, so Serena tried to start a conversation. ‘How are things at Aleron?’

  ‘All is well,’ he said. But then his face twisted into a grimace. ‘That is, all is not well, to be honest.’

  Serena stopped walking and turned to face him. ‘What has happened?’

  ‘It’s not so much as what has happened, but what has not happened.’ After uttering this obscure reply, Mr Xavier continued walking, forcing Serena to follow.

  ‘My uncle has not improved.’

  ‘Mr King?’

  ‘Of course. We thought ... believed ...’ He let out a frustrated sigh. ‘May I be candid with you, Miss Bellingham?’

  ‘I don’t see why you shouldn’t.’

  ‘You may not appreciate what I have to say.’

  Serena pressed her lips together, remembering other things this family had said that had not pleased her. ‘I am sure I shall survive. Be as candid as you wish.’ Mr Xavier clasped his hands together behind his back and slowed his strides. ‘We hoped your a
bsence might help Uncle Ed’s mind settle. After all, we—they—were convinced your presence made him overwrought in the beginning.’

  ‘But you don’t agree?’ Serena realised he’d used the word ‘they’.

  Mr Xavier dropped his gaze for a moment. ‘I have always considered you good for Uncle Ed; you have a way with him. I suppose that is why they chose me to come and visit today.’

  ‘Oh. I see.’

  Suddenly stopping, he turned and gripped her forearms with an impassioned plea in his eyes. ‘Please believe me when I say everything we do we are sure is for my uncle’s best, but sometimes we make mistakes. And, it seems, sending you away was one of those mistakes.’

  ‘So, what is it you want from me? To return with you?’ Serena’s heart rate leapt to double its normal pace, gently wrenching her arms from his grip.

  ‘He is begging for you. Uncle Ed flew into a rage when he discovered your absence—never mind that Mother told him it was her fault—and since then has fallen into a deep melancholy. He refuses to eat or get out of his bed and he swears he would rather die if you do not come back. So, you see, he has left us with little choice. Mother is beside herself, although she is the only one who doesn’t want you to return, and Simon is ...’ he left the sentence unfinished, but his eyes spoke volumes. ‘You know how Simon is.’

  Serena knew all too well. What would the atmosphere be like if she returned? Could she, in fact, help Edward’s state of mind? Or would her presence make him even worse?

  For some strange reason, her heart pounded for Edward. He was sick and he needed her and now, she was surprised to realise, his needs outweighed those of her family. And, hadn’t they done well while she was gone before?

  Breathless, she looked up into Mr Xavier’s eyes. ‘I will do it. I will come back with you. Are you willing to wait for me to gather provisions and say goodbye to my family again?’

  ‘I will wait as long as you need.’ He lowered his head in an attitude of thanks and respect.

  ‘Let us hurry back to the house then.’

  They turned immediately and walked at a faster pace than before.

  ‘I had a thought yesterday, Mr Xavier, and I wonder if I can ask you about it.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Did your family come to Australia because of what happened with your grandfather.’

  Mr Xavier turned his face away, but answered her anyway.

  ‘I cannot deny it. Grandpapa’s title and property became forfeit to the crown. Mother could not abide the stain his illness brought, and so they decided to start afresh here. That is why she has tried so hard to keep Uncle Ed’s illness quiet since it became obvious he suffered in the same way.’

  What a tragedy the family had suffered. It all began to make sense to Serena and she pondered his words as they finished their walk back to the house.

  The fine china and silver on the tea-tray chattered as Serena approached Edward’s rooms, a clear announcement of her jitters. The family had suggested she present herself with food as the troubled man had not eaten for some time. Mrs Jones had placed Serena back in the same room as before, her mood somewhat restrained. Mr Jones had welcomed her as affably as a man could be expected to in the circumstances, and she had yet to see Mr Simon whom, she suspected, would be sulky and disapproving of her return to Aleron. Serena braced herself for the inevitable meeting where no doubt he would subject her to a list of her faults and transgressions.

  For now, though, she must face Edward, and a jumble of emotions left her quite anxious. Part of her was glad to see him again, and if she dared to admit it, even ached to see him. But then the uncertainty of his current mood turned her wanting upside down, making her stomach swirl with apprehension. Pushing down her queasiness, Serena set the tray on the hall table and tapped on the door with a hesitant knock.

  A muffled groan came from within the suite of rooms. ‘I have told you before, Judy, don’t bother me unless Serena is back.’

  Serena’s breath caught in her throat, nerves kicking up a notch. ‘It is me.’ The words had little volume.

  ‘I can’t hear you. Whatever excuse you are trying to make now, I don’t want to hear it. Leave me alone!’

  Serena cleared her throat and drew in a deep breath to steady her nerves and voice. ‘It is Serena, Mr King. I have returned.’

  Silence then, for several heart beats at least, followed by scrambling, tumbling, hurried noises. And suddenly the door whooshed open to reveal Edward, wearing no shirt at all. There was only a robe hanging in a haphazard fashion from his shoulders. Serena’s eyes could not help but lock onto his bare chest, the curves of his breast bone and sunken stomach, her breath suspended. In the same way, her mind had jolted to a stop, sensible thoughts flown, replaced by—by nothing she cared to admit. Somehow, she forced her gaze up to meet his face. ‘I’m here.’

  She grimaced at this statement of the obvious, but there was no way to redeem it.

  ‘You’re here.’

  Edward appeared no less speechless and countless, wordless breaths passed before he shook his tousled hair and stepped back from the doorway. ‘Come in.’

  In a fumbling movement, Serena gathered the tray and, averting her eyes, stepped by him. Mercifully, by the time she had set the tea-tray on a side table and turned, Edward had drawn the robe closed.

  ‘Your family worry, Mr King. I brought some food. Will you please eat?’ And please refrain from looking so handsome.

  ‘For you, anything.’ He at once sat and nibbled at a thick slice of buttered bread. Not the actions of a man starving for sustenance. But his words made her stomach flip. Perhaps it would be better if he did not speak.

  ‘Would you like tea?’

  Serena nodded. ‘Please.’

  Was there any chance the tea would calm her nerves? Maybe, if it was one of those herbal teas. But this was not. A sigh escaped as she watched Edward pour the brown liquid into a china cup. Serena studied his face as he added milk and two lumps of sugar. Dark rings still shadowed his eyes and the smile that briefly curved his mouth had vanished. He looked tired. And not just lack-of-sleep tired. Drained-and-weary-of-soul tired. What could weigh him down so? He handed her the cup, his fingers lingering on hers during the exchange. Why was it so hard to breathe in here? She should open a window or two.

  ‘What made you return, Serena?’ Although he addressed her, his eyes focused on the small repast in front of him.

  Serena drew in a deep breath and held it. Should she explain by way of Mr Xavier’s visit?

  ‘Did you finally realise you belong with me?’ Now his eyes lifted, pinning her, almost accusing in their forcefulness.

  Did she? It was a question even she couldn’t answer. How much of Edward’s attraction was real, and how much of it was fevered illness? Her own attraction was real enough it scared her. For what future might she have with someone of his nature? Serena drank half the lukewarm tea in one big gulp, the teacup rattling against the saucer as she set it on the table.

  ‘I missed you.’ That admission might cost her. But was it enough to appease him? ‘I thought about you often.’

  ‘You thought of me,’ he repeated in a hushed voice, and the corner of his mouth twitched.

  Was that gratitude, or relief, or mockery? Serena could not be sure, and he had lowered his gaze again. She finished the rest of the tea and set the cup and saucer on the table, glad to have it out of her hands.

  ‘Judy was wrong to send you away. She had no authority.’ He pushed the words out through gritted teeth. He was angry with his sister. Furious, in fact.

  ‘Edward. She loves you.’

  ‘No. She controls me,’ he growled.

  Serena was startled by his vehemence and she opened and closed her mouth several times before finding the right words.

  ‘She won’t always make the right decisions, but she does love you. As d
oes the rest of your family.’ Serena tried to add gravity to her words by reaching out to touch his hand. Big mistake. He responded by grasping her outstretched fingers and once again, those wild, intense eyes met hers.

  ‘But do you love me, Serena?’

  She was powerless beneath such profound fixation. ‘Yes.’ The word escaped before wisdom held her back.

  As much as her answer surprised her, it seemed to surprise Edward twice so. His deep brown eyes widened, his eyebrows went up and his voice caught. ‘You do?’

  In the next moment, he knelt before her, his hand cupped around her jawline, fingers roaming into her hair. Oh, the warmth that spread through her, starting from where his hand rested on her cheek, right to her toes. Serena closed her eyes, unable and unwilling to resist this feeling. His lips caressed her hands and wrists, ever so gently at first, adding tingles to the heat that already consumed her. Until she realised that if she didn’t put a stop to this, she would end up compromising herself beyond remedy.

  Sensibility surfaced and she tugged her hand back, even as her heart cried for more.

  Edward was still close enough to catch the scent of lavender in his hair. He whispered as he stroked the hair at her temple. ‘Marry me.’

  Reality crashed around her. What was she doing? She had led him to believe, what, that she loved him? Yes, it was true. But to him, that meant marriage. Of course it should. Of course it should. How dare she break his heart? Again.

  ‘I ... I cannot. Edward, please do not ask.’

  He jerked backwards as though she had punched him in the face. ‘You cannot?’

  How could she explain this? The uncertainty of marriage to a man who might be insane. She was a fool. This exchange would not end well. ‘You are unwell. Perhaps you should wait to ask when you are feeling better.’

  His face became dark, insulted. ‘You think I don’t know my own mind? My own heart?’

  When she didn’t answer, his scowl grew.

  ‘I thought you were better than that, Serena. I thought you knew me better. So, you are just like the rest of them? Ready to lock me up in the asylum where you can forget about me?’