Champagne Toast

by Melissa Brown

  “Thanks. You’re a peach.” I shake my head at her while stuffing my things into my locker.

  “Sorry, I’ve just never seen you like this. You’re edgier than normal, and you seem depressed since he left. It’s just a business trip. And it sounds like it’s the first of many, so you should probably get used to it.”

  “It’s not just that, Bree. Things are different lately, and I don’t know if I can fix them. I think he might be slipping through my fingers.”

  “Look, he’s a good guy and I’m sure you two will work it out.” She says dismissively, opening up her locker door and slinging her purse over her shoulder.

  “You’re not working tonight?” I ask, surprised.

  “Nope, if you’d been paying any attention this week, you’d know that Jon is taking me to see Lady Antebellum at the Allstate Arena. It was my Christmas gift, remember? And I’ve been talking about it for days,” she snaps, her hand resting on her hip.

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry. I’ve been really wrapped up in myself lately, haven’t I?” She nods, her lips forming a straight line. I’m not going to get out of this one easily. I sit down on the bench, looking up at her, defeated. “I know how much you love them and I hope you have a great time, Bree. Seriously, I’m sorry. I promise I’m going to get my shit together and be a better friend.”

  “Stop being so dramatic, Kate,” she says, exasperated, sitting down beside me on the bench. “I know you and Evan aren’t doing well, I get it. But, you know what? Jon and I are hardly ever doing well,” she says with a sardonic laugh, “but right now, we’re good, like really, really good. And I haven’t been able to tell you about it.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, lightly touching her shoulder. “Things are good?” I smile, hopeful for my friend.

  “Yeah, they are. But, with my luck that just means he’s cheating on me on the side,” she laughs again.

  “Wow, look at the two of us,” I say, looking into Bree’s pained face.

  “I know, I know. The two damaged barmaids,” Bree mutters.

  “Yep. So pathetic,” I say, nudging her in the arm with mine. She puts her arms around me and gives me a gentle squeeze.

  “I love you, Kate,” she says softly, kissing the top of my head. “You deserve him, you know?”

  “I wish I could believe that,” I sigh.

  “I have to go, Jon’s waiting. Are you going to be okay?”

  “I think so,” I say, standing up and tying my apron around my waist. “Have fun.”

  Two hours later, I’m exhausted and irritated from the obnoxious Saturday night crowd. I’m in no mood to deal with the just-graduated assholes who’ve swarmed the bar tonight. They’re fall-down drunk already and it’s only 9 P.M. I’ve had my ass grabbed twice and have been hit on more times than I can count. Thoroughly annoyed and almost ready to hand my keys to Vince and walk out the door. But, I won’t. Instead, I stand behind the bar and continue to take drink orders with the best smile I can muster.

  One of my regulars takes a seat at the bar. Fred is in his late forties, a father of four and a really nice guy. He’s been a friend of Vince’s since they were five years old and loves to tell me stories of the trouble they stirred up ‘in the old days’. He sits at the bar when his wife is out of town on business (which happens pretty often) and reminisces with Vince as he nurses a beer. He’s a nice man and I always enjoy seeing him walk through the door of Molly’s. He’s one of our few regulars whom I genuinely like.

  “Hey there, Katie.” He smiles widely, raising his beer to me in a friendly gesture. For the record, I never allow anyone to call me Katie. It makes me feel like I’m about seven years old. But, for some reason, when Fred says it, it’s okay with me. I actually kind of like it. But, I pretend to be annoyed when he says it so Vince and the other employees don’t get any ideas.

  “How are you, Freddy Boy?” I ask, pouring him his favorite draft. He nods in appreciation as I slide the drink his way.

  “Same old, same old. Mrs. Fred is off traveling, the kids are all doing their own thing. So, here I am.”

  “Well, we’re happy to have you, as always. You know that.”

  “I don’t exactly fit in here, ya know. This place is crawling with college kids.” I look around in disgust. He’s so right. I nod in agreement as I wipe down the bar.

  “How’s Mr. Maxwell?” Fred asks, taking a small sip from his beer. He’ll make that beer last for hours at this rate.

  “He’s all right.” I shrug. “He’s traveling, just like Mrs. Fred.”

  “Business trip?”

  “Yep, I miss him.”

  “I’m sure you do, Katie.” I nod again, avoiding eye contact. “If you don’t mind my asking, you don’t seem yourself today. Maybe you’re just having an off day, but I’m used to you being sassy and kind of a spitfire. Today, you just seem sad,” Fred says in a compassionate tone. Normally, if someone was prying into my private life at a time like this, I’d blow up at them, storm away and avoid them until they left the bar. But, I can’t do that with Fred. He’s one of the kindest men I’ve ever met and I could never treat him like that.

  “It’s complicated, Fred,” I offer, trying to appease him with these simple words. But, I know he’ll push me to tell him more. Not because he’s dying for gossip, but because he genuinely cares. Why doesn’t my own father talk to me like this? Fred’s kids have no idea how lucky they are.

  “I’m not going anywhere for a while, tell me what’s going on.” His bright blue eyes pierce into mine and I don’t want to look away, I want to spill my guts to this acquaintance of mine. I need to talk to someone.

  “I think Evan might break up with me.”

  “Any particular reason or are you two just drifting apart?” Fred presses.

  “No, we’re not drifting. It’s, um . . . sorry, I’m not good at this,” I admit, looking away, scanning the crowd.

  “Talking?” Fred winks. He knows exactly what I mean.

  “Yeah, talking.” I smile. “I kind of have a track record with guys and it’s not a good one. I think it’s finally coming to bite me in the ass. And I don’t think Evan trusts me anymore.” In fact, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. And it kills me.

  “Hmm, that’s a tough one,” Fred says, placing his elbow on the bar and leaning his chin into his fist. “Would you like some advice? I’ll only give it if you want to hear it.” I stare at him for just a moment before nodding slowly.

  “The best thing you can do is talk to him, really talk things through. And if you’re right and he doesn’t trust you, then maybe it’s time to walk away.” I wince as Fred says these words.

  He takes a deep breath and continues. “There’s no way a relationship can make it without trust. And I have a feeling you’re a girl who deserves to be trusted. If he can’t see that, then, well, maybe it’s time to move on.”

  “I don’t want to move on from him, Fred,” I say, my brows knitted and my eyes betraying me again with goddamn tears. Thank God, I’m able to take a deep breath and keep them from spilling from my eyes.

  “I know. But Katie, all you can do is the best you can do, ya know?” Such simple words, but he’s right. I’m just not ready to admit it yet.

  “Enjoy your beer, I need to take some drink orders.” I smile warmly at Fred, trying so hard to hide the sadness in my eyes, but it’s impossible.

  Walking over to a group of four college guys, I want to groan. They have t-shirts that say, “Flanagan’s House Bar Crawl” and they already look smashed. From the looks of them, I’d say we’re one of their last stops on the crawl. Lucky us. Assholes on parade.

  “Oooh, boys, look at this sweet piece of ass,” the redheaded guy with tons of freckles says. I bet he’s Flanagan. He looks Irish.

  “Welcome to Molly’s, boys. But, if you talk to me like that again, I’ll have your asses thrown out of here so fast your fucking heads will spin.” I quickly form a giant fake smile. “Now, what can I getcha?” The boy I’ve deemed Flanagan looks stunned,
with his mouth hanging open like a moron. I pass him a napkin.

  “Darlin’, wipe your chin; drooling doesn’t suit you. Now, boys, what’ll it be?” I ask, tilting my head to the side and whipping out my notepad and favorite pen that says, “Don’t fuck with your waitress.”

  “Um, uh, four beers,” the tall skinny one replies, tilting his baseball cap further down to hide his eyes. He must be afraid I’ll release my venom on him next. But, instead of torturing them any further, I decide to let them off the hook. For now.

  “I’ll put that right in. Thanks, boys,” I say sarcastically and walk towards the bar. I look back at them and laugh. But, when I do, I bump directly into the man standing in front of me. Someone I’ve been avoiding for days. Shawn.

  “Ugh, go away, Shawn,” I say, rolling my eyes in disgust.

  “Oh come on, hot stuff. You know I can’t stay away,” he replies. I can smell the booze on his breath, which is saying a lot since we’re standing in a bar already filled with liquor and beer. He must be tanked. Fantastic. Because this night just couldn’t get any worse.

  “When are you gonna get this through your big, fat skull—I.Don’t.Want.You.” I brush past him, walking straight to the bar. Fred looks concerned, but I mouth, “I’m okay” to him since I know Shawn is nothing I can’t handle. Shawn’s right on my heels, following me to the bar.

  “I don’t buy it. There’s always been something here,” he slurs, motioning back and forth to the air between us. “You just don’t wanna admit it.”

  “Hardly,” I say, walking behind the bar and grabbing four beers for the bar crawl boys. Quickly, I deliver the beers, hoping Shawn will have left Molly’s by the time I get back. But, he’s still there, sitting at the bar, drinking a beer of his own. Damnit. I glare at Vince who shrugs. It’s my own fault for never telling him about the nuisance that is my ex-boyfriend.

  “Listen, baby—”

  “I’m not your baby, Shawn,” I say, hands on my hips and anger rising in my cheeks.

  “Whatever, you and I both know we had a good thing and I’m not ready to give up on you yet. So, when you’re ready, I’m here. Until then, get used to seeing this face,” he says, leaning back against the bar. He’s arrogant and smug; the exact type of guy that I used to be attracted to. Not anymore.

  Crossing my arms across my chest, it seems that the only way I’m going to get him to leave is to play along.

  “Fine, but it appears you’ve had quite a bit to drink, baby, so maybe it’s time you head home.” Just calling him that makes my blood boil and my stomach flip in the worst possible way. I’m disgusted at the thought of ever being with him again.

  Shawn stands up and grabs me tight, pulling me in for a hug. Not wanting to stir the pot, and hoping this is his goodbye to me, I hug him back. He hangs on tightly and I realize that if I don’t pull away, this hug is going to last a while, and could give Shawn the wrong impression. Slowly, I pull my body away. Shawn turns and wraps one arm around my shoulder. This is my opportunity to get his ass outta here.

  I wrap my arm around his waist and guide him towards the door. Turning back to Vince, I say, “Now, Vince will call you a cab, baby, don’t worry. Let’s get you outside for some fresh air.”

  “Oh, you’re the best, baby, what would I do without you?” he asks, tilting my head towards his. I can’t help but laugh as I turn my head towards the door.

  And in the blink of an eye, everything comes to a screeching halt. Evan is standing in front of me. His skin ashen, his eyes bulging and his mouth pursed in anger. His chest heaves in and out as his nostrils flair. I’m stunned into silence and the only thing I can think to do is to release the arm that was wrapped around Shawn’s waist. Shawn laughs as my world falls apart.

  “What.The.Fuck?” Evan shouts.

  “Ev, listen,” I attempt, my voice cracking. My brain is going a mile a minute, but my mouth won’t cooperate. I can’t form a coherent sentence. Shawn continues to laugh next to me and I want to punch him in the face. Turning back to face Evan, I see his fist fly through the air and make direct contact with Shawn’s jaw. Shawn topples backwards like a pile of wooden blocks and falls haphazardly on the floor.

  “Hey,” Vince yells as he pushes through the crowd. He looks at Shawn, Evan, me and then back down at Shawn’s crumpled heap. His eyes are confused and he’s pissed. Fights have broken out at Molly’s before and he has no tolerance for them. “Take this the hell outside.”

  Evan pushes his way towards the door and I follow close behind him, afraid that if I don’t, he’ll be gone. I look to Vince with pleading eyes, and he reluctantly nods his head for me to go after Evan. Vince looks down at the unconscious Shawn sprawled on the bar floor and rolls his eyes. “I’ll take care of the drunken idiot,” he mutters.

  “Why? Why, Kate?” Evan yells as soon as the door closes behind me. The spring air is harsh for the end of May and it runs a chill down my spine.

  “Ev, seriously listen to—”

  “Stop calling me that. You aren’t allowed to call me by that name. Not anymore, baby.” I cringe at that word. He heard me call Shawn ‘baby’ and now I doubt he’ll ever believe I was faithful. By trying to play along with Shawn, I’ve killed my relationship with Evan.

  “I was playing along! I was trying to get him to leave the bar!”

  “I don’t believe that, not for a fucking second!” Evan screams, throwing his arms up in the air. “How long?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “How long, Kate? How long have you been fucking him?” Evan yells, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

  “I haven’t,” I yell, my eyes pleading, but I can feel myself starting to shut down, starting to lock up. “It’s not at all what it looked like.”

  “Right,” he spits the word at me, and in this moment, I know he doesn’t trust me. Not at all.

  “Do you know how many guys hit on me every single goddamn night, Evan? And not once have I done anything with any of them. I’ve been yours, only yours. But, you don’t trust me, so what’s the fucking point?” My right hand instinctively starts to twist the unofficial promise ring on my left hand.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Evan says, staring directly at my busy hands.

  “Why the hell should I wear this, Ev-an? It’s nothing but a goddamn lie!”

  “It’s not a lie, Kate, and don’t turn this around on me. You’ve been fucking your ex behind my back! I’ve been nothing but faithful to you. I’ve worshiped you, built my entire world around you, and for what? I come home early to surprise you, to try to make things better between us, and you make me look like a fucking idiot?”

  “You think you’re so smart. You think you know everything, but you don’t. And you obviously don’t know me, not at all,” I say, the tears beginning to well as I see our demise coming at us like a freight train. I want to hit rewind on our lives, go back and tell Shawn to get the fuck out.

  “So, tell me! For the love of God, tell me why the fuck you had your arm around your ex, guiding him to the door and calling him ‘baby’?” His words are harsh as he steps closer and closer towards me until he’s only inches away. He looks down at me, glowering, his chest still heaving in and out. His anger has taken over, and I know nothing I can say is going to bring back my Evan. He’s gone.

  “I shouldn’t have to because you should know me well enough by now. You should know that I wouldn’t do that to you, to us.”

  “I know what I saw, Kate. And I can’t un-see that. I know you. I know your pattern. This is what you do. You use guys until you get restless and bored and then you throw us away and move on to the next. I guess it’s my turn to get off the fucking merry-go-round that is Kate, huh?”

  I can’t take it anymore. I turn and walk a few steps away from Evan, not wanting him to see my tears. They’re flowing now and I can’t stop them. I can’t make them disappear. And I’m so angry, so goddamn angry I want to scream. And so I do.

  Turning back at Evan, I rip the
ring from my hand and throw it in his face. His promise to me apparently means absolutely nothing.

  “There, take it! It’s not real. You don’t love me and you never did. And you sure as hell don’t trust me, not at all. So, take it and go to hell, Evan Maxwell. Go to fucking hell.”

  “I’m not fucking kidding this time, Kate. You walk away and we’re done. I’m not chasing after you. I’m not coming back. I’m not a fool so don’t treat me like one. Tell me how long this has been going on!”

  “Why does it even matter? I could tell you a week, a day, never, but the answer doesn’t matter. It’s the question that’s the problem with us. The fact that you have to ask that question. I’m done, Evan. Done.”

  “I loved you,” Evan says matter-of-factly, looking down at the ring in his hands.

  “No. You didn’t,” I snap, shaking my head violently. I glare at him, tears pouring from my eyes, as I hope he’ll snap out of this, that he’ll believe me, that he’ll promise to trust me from here on out. But, he doesn’t. Instead, he walks away, taking my damaged heart and soul with him.

  Chapter 15

  Evan

  January 29, 2011

  Eight months.

  Eight months of missing her.

  Eight months of falling asleep picturing her face.

  Eight months of wishing I hadn’t walked away.

  Eight months of knowing that I lost the only woman I’ve ever loved.

  I’m able to hide my agony pretty well; at least that’s what Patrick says. But, he’s the only one who gets to see both sides of me. He’s the only one who sees my fake facade when we’re out with friends, but who has to help my sorry ass into bed at the end of the night when I’ve had way too much to drink and won’t stop talking about Kate. Patrick’s a good friend. He puts up with a lot. But, he also wants me to forget her and I just can’t do that. I think I’m getting on his nerves. I may need to get my own place.

  Another Saturday night. Another evening surrounded by friends who are pushing me to move on. Patrick and I are meeting some other friends at a bar. Supposedly, there’s a girl he wants me to meet. Whatever. All I really want to do is show up at Molly’s, take a seat at the bar and watch Kate work. I want to watch her run her fingers through her hair and give the customers attitude. I want to watch her pour drinks and make smart-ass comments. I want to walk in that bar like nothing ever happened. But, I can’t.